Safe at home

My body feels heavy as I open my eyes and realize I am lying in a bed... a bed?

I straighten up as if I have been stung and turn to study my surroundings... big mistake, I did this way too fast and now my neck hurts a lot.

I raise my hand to massage the sore spot and see bandages on my forearm.

Someone has taken care of me.

So I decided to find out where I am, and when my mind finally calms down, I recognize the room. A small drawer, a window with the dimensions of an A4 format, a work table with some books and notebooks... exactly as I left it this morning, and a dressing room with no more than twenty clothes.

Yes, it's my room, I am in my room on my bed and its gray sheets... as gray as my life.

I hear footsteps and turn around as the door creaks open. There she appears, my big sister Jeanne, who, by the way, is my legal guardian.

She looks at me with watery eyes and I know she must have cried a lot because her eyes are red... red and swollen.

I feel guilty for doing this to her, she has done so much for me.

I was not born yet when my father, a policeman, was gunned down while patrolling the seedy alleys of this city, my sister was only eleven years old and my mother, a housewife, had reason to worry. with a child to come and one to feed.

My sister told me that she died in childbirth, but since she said it with a cold and dry tone, I rather think she left... but that's what I believe for sure, that we are orphans of father and mother.

She was only eleven years old when she became my mother... at that age, I do not know if it's possible, even me who is 16, I do not think I could take care of a baby if that happened... but my sister did it and she made it... she is my hero.

I will not ask her what she had to do to raise me either. She sacrificed her life to raise me and I think she did it! I do not want her to deal with my problems.

Mostly because I know she feels guilty. The reason is simple.

When I was 4 years old and got sick... very sick. She was only 15 and did not know how to react and even the neighbors did not know.

They had thought it was a fever and a stomach ache because I was vomiting and losing my appetite. They used some medicines they had with them. My sister did not have the money yet to take me to the hospital, we did not have health insurance.

We had thought it was fine, but I was having a crisis, and the neighbors who had helped get me to the hospital...by then it was too late.

Hib meningitis (Haemophilus influenzae type B) is a form of bacterial meningitis in children under 5 years of age.

There were vaccines to prevent it, but I had never gotten vaccinated...although the Hib vaccine does not protect against other diseases.

Given the severity of my disease, I should have been deaf or had neurological sequelae, but not even the doctor can explain it... I have become rather mute, or almost because I can make some sounds and say a few simple words, even if they are so ugly to hear that I had to stop speaking and just wave.

It is also because those who harass me will be more eager when they hear me growl like an animal... their own words.

I learned to speak only with sign language and so, never again did a sound come out of my mouth.

My sister has always blamed herself for this... she does not say it, but I know it.

She often sits in her room and starts crying and blames herself for my misfortune... but I do not blame her, she was just a child and always treated me well.

If I had not been there, I am sure she would have been happier and achieved so many great things, so no, I am glad to have her as a sister.

It's not her fault that fate has not been kind to me and that the people around me are so backward.

"Why did not you tell me? Why did you hide that you were bullied at school? "

I remain silent. Why? I do not know, maybe because I did not want her to bend for me again. And why? Because I did not want her to worry and feel guilty about me... no, I did not want that anymore, so I preferred to keep it to myself.

That's stupid, isn't it? Maybe it was because of the condition I was in after those girls hit me so hard, but I also thought it would be like usual. That they would just beat me lightly without leaving any marks, but they had decided to take it up a notch and ruin me... to kill me because I was almost dead.

I sigh and talk to her on my way.

** How did you know what was happening to me? Did the school call you?**

There is a pause because my sister has trouble understanding sign language, so it gives her a moment before she recognizes and understands the signs to answer me.

"No... actually, I gave a friend of yours who lives across the street $10 to call me if you had a problem at school"

Faced with my rather forlorn look, she sighs and continues speaking.

"When you came home a week ago and I asked you if you wanted to talk about anything, you said no... I had seen the bruises on your belly, and since you would not talk to me, there was nothing I could do, so I decided to go see this boy and tell me if he had noticed something.

I lowered my head guiltily... my sister still has to take care of me while she wastes her life savings on me. And could not this boy just call for help? My sister had to give him money to encourage him to help someone in need. Man is running away from his loss.

** It's nothing **

It's stupid to say that when she almost found me dead, is not it? But I do not want her to go to those girls and get into trouble unnecessarily.

She looks down at the floor as she sits down next to me on the bed and strokes my head.

"I am with you no matter who is in front of you. I will defend you, I just want you to trust me with your safety"

I nod and she smiles at me before putting her serious face back on.

"I have been thinking about it for a while and I guess I will change schools "

I quickly straightened up, no that's not good, she certainly has to protect me but changing schools would be too complicated and besides, there are only two schools in our small town, the one I went to and the other one that is a bit more elite and therefore more expensive.

** No, it can be good, you do not have to worry, I'll be fine **

"It's not fine, on the opposite, everything is a disaster, I have to protect you...I know you are reacting this way because of school fees, but I have savings, you know your big sister is not that poor...nothing is more important to me than for you to be safe, no matter what I have to do for that."

The tears flow on their own as my sister hugs me.

"Starting next week, you will go to the high school near City Hall...I promise you that you will be happier there. "

I just nod and hope that will be the case. After a while, my sister gets up and goes to cook me something.

Tomorrow she will try for a transfer letter and hopes that I will be taken. I do not know about my disability, but I have always had very good grades, so I am not worried about that case.

The rest of the evening flies by, my sister taking care of me as night quickly falls over our small town and a new day dawns.

A day that passes quickly and when it's 2 pm, my sister comes back with the transfer letter... I feel guilty because she did not go to work again because of me and tomorrow too. She is also paid by the hour, which means she lost a lot today and will again tomorrow.

"Do not make such a face that people can see your thoughts so well..."

She giggles and that relaxes me.

"Okay, honey, I am going and get some rest. If you need me, come get me, okay?" And most importantly, do not go out yet if you want something...there are those goons out there"

The thugs...they are young people who take passersby's belongings, little pickpockets that is. Anyway, I was not planning on going out, so it's not bad.

I nod and go back to bed because my body is broken and needs rest.