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INCONCLUSIVENESS
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2024-10-29 19:42:56
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HIM ALL ALONG HEART BEATS TO BREAK
GREG: ‘Relax…’ The word invaded the fragile part of my heart, pierced and shattered it to pieces. He aimed to serialise my tensed body. Nicholas urged me to relax to mellow my density. Except it worsened it. Hearing the word brought me fear. I wasn’t afraid of Nicholas. I wasn’t sure what ignited the fear. I was merely taken back to the day of my abduction — the stranger taking my innocence, his whispers and making me feel pleasured most painfully. “I can have my gift another time,” Nicholas said. He was thoughtful to consider my sudden withdrawal, but I wanted him. I wanted to have him in me. I was prepared and consented to what he craves. “I want this.” “Me too, Sweedy. But you must take a rest.” “There is no better pill.” “Right,” he smiled. He found it funny. “Don’t smile." “You are tired.” I was not! Driving that distance and roaming in the storm did not affect me. And please! That was not about strength. “Nick…” “Lie still, I will make the fire.” I couldn’t get hi
HIM ALL ALONG A CALLED FOR
NICHOLAS:I’d assumed I wanted to stay away, shut my heart against them, believing nothing was left for us. But before me, as they stood, the wrongs of my decision surfaced in folds.Park and Wendy opened portals to emotions I spent days locking and avoiding. Their presence invoked the decision to quit roaming in self-deceit and restrain from becoming an island.I missed them.“Hi,” Wendy responded.I missed Wendy. I saw my unconscious self running to and hugging him, except my legs stood as rigid as always.“Do you guys want to come in?”I tried to be polite.“Do you expect we do?”But Park didn’t see it. I understand his bitterness and anger, and at the same time, his camouflaged interest to come in.I opened the door and walked into the house, leaving Wendy coming after me and Park on a spot, ruffling his black hair in retaliation.Wendy stopped halfway to the living room. He should. I left it overturned before riding to Vain. I thought smashing everything to the floor would lift m
HIM ALL ALONG RUNNING ASTRAY
NICHOLAS:“He enjoyed it like you did…”Chills flushed into my system as Park repeated Vain’s exact words. They kept seeing and saying the possibility of that. What if they are right? Would that make Greg comfortable with a shitty guy who r*ped him, and watched by his ex-boyfriend? Would he not think I did that to as many boys as possible?“You won’t know a thing by overthinking and hiding,” Wendy read my thoughts. “You have to speak to him.”“Either way, I will lose him. I have lost him.”Yeah, I should keep these words with me to avoid expectations and disappointment. I will speak to him, but I must prepare only to be grateful if he keeps the cops rather than expecting a reformation in our relationship.“You must trust in the love you both shared.” Park encouraged. “If not you, don’t ridicule Greg’s feelings.” I shouldn’t. For a move, I listened to Wendy and Park analyzing ways to approach Greg and make the confession; a home call, school call, phone call, texting, or dinner date.
HIM ALL ALONG I AM DONE FOR
NICHOLAS: Instinct? I told you all I suck at it and no one spared me the deal. Look at what it got me to do. To flirt and magnetize on Capell for my anger, and as if that wasn’t enough, I walked into the damn garden with him, on the outlook of Greg. I had everyone rooting for me. Out of the blue and by my stupid action, I turned them against me. “You are an asshole,” Wendy said. “You are better off in the mud and alone!” Park added. But I am not angry. I have disappointed them again, so I deserve every name-calling. I looked over to the part of the garden that stood Greg after Wendy walked out on me, and he wasn’t there. He disappeared. And when I turned back, Park had gone too. “Fuvk!” I collapsed on the seat with no idea of what to do. I shouldn’t go to Wendy in his present temper. Park may not dare mold a fist against me but his lashes won’t be better either. I should go to Greg. I went for him. I hurried into his classroom but saw neither him nor the curly-haired friend.
HIM ALL ALONG DEAR PAIN AND ACHE, I AM HURT.
GREG: I tried to look happy and at my best. I covered my pains and laughed aloud to avoid anyone pining on my sadness and turning against Nicholas. Stupid as it may seem, I held onto the tiniest hope that Nicholas would come around. He would wake up and say he didn’t mean to abandon me. It never happened. Nicholas didn’t call or text. He shut down his cell phone to keep me from reaching him as well, and it hurt as hell. It hurts unimaginably that every night I cry my balls out; and end up running out of the house at the early rise of the morning to school to avoid questions from the household. “I am here if you want to talk about anything.” Mr. Ben kept saying. I couldn’t avoid him. Mr. Ben met me groggy and flattened every morning. Although he saw it, he knows not to ask questions and I didn’t tell him either. I didn’t tell anyone Nicholas broke up with me. I could confide in Mr. Ben and he won’t tell anyone if I asked him not to, he is loyal and attentive to whatever I reques
HIM ALL ALONG CONFESSION IN THE WRONG.
GREG:My eyelashes fluttered at the dangling light balls above me, my ears flapped to the loud music and my brain stupefied on the volume. Wondering why I was surrounded by such noises, I stretched awake.I felt the softness of an unfamiliar couch, and I made to stand but was hit back down by strokes of dizziness. Where am I?I couldn’t fish out the memory. I only got filled with flashes of Nicholas leaning to kiss Capell and parading him everywhere.Nicholas. I should quit him off my head, yet a series of trials to shut him out proved abortive and left me with a wrinkled forehead and soar taste.Meanwhile, I remembered leaving the school ahead of everyone, picking a cab, and unfortunately growing sick and ending up on the street. I had held onto a street pole to recuperate before someone came to my aid. Yes, someone familiar took me with him.Who can that be? He introduced himself, I remember, and also insisted I register it.The door opened and to avoid being caught awake, I became
HIM ALL ALONG IT IS NOT ABOUT LOVE
GREG: I took my car keys and walked into everyone in the living room.Granny stood with a glass of milk, aiming to bring me breakfast. Rose in her uniform, combines her meal with creating social media reels. Dad is out to his office and Mum, looking nowhere ready for work, sits with her tablet, scrolling through and fro.“Greg?” Granny announced my presence and everyone nimbled to scan me.“Good morning.” I made a general greeting and took the glass cup from Granny. “Thank you.”Mr. Nazit and his nearby subordinates looked so pleased to see me and so were the few housekeepers at reach.It has been days of dwelling in my room. My sudden appearance had them treating me like the Lazarus. It is not very pleasant to see that reaction, but I appreciate they missed me.Although no one bothered to knock me out of my room during that time, Granny didn’t fail to widen my door on every meal of the day in fear I starve in solidarity.“You are quite dressed,” Mum couldn’t hide her joy. “Come, sit
HIM ALL ALONG LOVE TILL THE END OF TIME
GREG: Nothing is more satisfying than having Nicholas with me. He has proven his repentance, and if I were to choose, I see no reason for any discussion. All I want is to get back with him. Bringing him to school is secondary; I am not ashamed to voice it. “Where are we going?” I asked as we left the elevator to the building's car park. I know where we should go. We should be in his apartment, making up for the days apart rather than doing a bulky head of talk. “Anywhere.” He said. “Are you sure I can choose?” We indeed needed to talk. But that doesn’t mean we can’t after what I had in mind. If only he agrees I decide, I will lead us to a perfect location. “Greg, please.” Too bad, Nicholas is having it grim and strict. “Okay, serious head, we can drive to D’caprias if all you want to be is focused and determined.” “Shit!” He exclaimed and turned to me in horror. “Stop the car!” “What?!” “Pull over.” “What now?” I pulled to a pathway and Nicholas loosened his seat belt. “W
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HIM ALL ALONG EPILOGUE
Nicholas spent the entire night pleasing Greg and trying not to say anything that had Rahul in it. Greg refused to stop talking about it anyway. He complained about how Nicholas couldn’t stop looking at and admiring Rahul. “You should have hugged and kissed him since you missed him so much,” he nagged. “Babe, I can’t kiss and hug your brother’s boyfriend.” “What if he wasn’t my brother’s boyfriend?” “Then he wouldn’t have appeared to make my fiance so jealous.” “I am not jealous. I am angry!” “Why?” Greg rolled his eyes and thought of the reason he was angry, and when he couldn’t confirm any, he shook funnily, went into the bathroom, and banged the door. "My love..." Nicholas knocked at the door. "Let me join you, okay?" "Go away, and prepare the couch! You will sleep there tonight!" "Sweedy..." "Two nights!" Nicholas couldn’t raise the topic of their tomorrow's supposed wedding. Instead, he waited for weeks until Greg came to terms that Rahul would only be his
HIM ALL ALONG MARKING A LIFE PARTNER
GREG: “Attention, ladies and gentlemen,” Nicholas’ voice erupted through the speakers and everyone unleashed their attention to him. “Thank you." “What is he doing?” I asked Frederick. “I hope it is not what I am thinking.” “My name is Nicholas,” he echoed. “Ehh, I am not a public talker; stage fright is real, so please, reduce the attentiveness.” Everyone laughed at his silly humor. “It is happening,” Frederick blurted out. “Yeah, and it is going to be fun.” “Greg…" “Just listen.” Damn it! Frederick is disturbing. “First, I want to thank Mrs. Crown, Mrs. Freyet, Mr. Sam. Ms. Cecilia, Janie, and everyone for coming out today to celebrate the graduates. And congratulations to you all in that deserving gown; you did it!” The graduates cheered and clapped, including me. “Are you seriously clapping?” Frederick asked. “I am a graduate, Freddie.” I twisted to face him. “Okay, what is it?” “We should stop him.” “Why? he is doing fine.” “Wendy said something
HIM ALL ALONG MY WORTHY MAN
GREG: Time flies. A two-week stay-in vacation came and ended in a day. I rolled on every day wishing it would last a lifetime, yet, it didn’t. Each day with Nicholas is an unforgettable experience, and it hurts to see it over. It is alright, I will ask him to marry me. I am graduating soon and will propose then; waiting a few more days to own him forever won’t hurt too much. Nicholas is everything but the one to ask me to marry him. I have insisted on not moving in with him until we are married in the guise of knotting and pushing up his actions, but nothing has happened. He thinks it doesn’t matter. I spend nearly every day with him; what difference does it make? But I want it official. I am dying to upgrade from the boyfriend title, and it is clear the manifestation is my call. I make huge proposals in our relationship anyway; I asked him to be my boyfriend, and since he is waiting I ask him to marry me as well; I will. And I will do it before everyone. Meanwhile, I need t
HIM ALL ALONG EPISTLES OF ETERNAL LOVE
(FOUR YEARS LATER) NICHOLAS: “You ditched me.” Greg cried. “Is that even possible?” I missed his calls in an early queue for coffee. Getting back to the car, and seeing the notification, I decided to call him after dealing with the morning rush, but here I am, facing a trial of loving him less. “How do you explain missing my calls and still breathing fine?” “I didn’t survive. You are talking to my ghost.” “No jokes.” “Sweedy…” “You do care only about your clinic.” “Tell me to close down this fuvking clinic and I will. Just a word and it is over.” He chuckled at the other end of the phone. “No more fuvking word, Babe.” “I am fuvking trying.” “Fuvking try harder.” I laugh out loud, having a few nurses turn to me in admiration. I am a dentist, a successful one, in my magnificent clinic. I owe this achievement to the Waldeens and Lansey, who have in the past years, become a bosom friend. Despite returning to his country, we kept the communication nourished. My clinic didn’
HIM ALL ALONG WHEN DID WE GROW UP?
GREG: Preparation for Granny's late husband’s memorial went on. Since I didn't intend to embark on the trip, Mr. Ben would drive her to the countryside and return to the city. “He should stay all through, Dad.” I pleaded. I couldn’t have her alone in her home. With Nicholas in the city, attending his therapy, and Elena living with the doctors, Granny will have her enormous yard lonely and deserted. “Ben will be needed.” The last trip kept Mr. Ben in the countryside, and whereby I decided to use this holiday for a personal plot, Dad saw no reason Mr. Ben should stay back. “It is a remote area, Dad. Please, she shouldn’t be alone.” “Jerome would be helpful.” “But…” “Assign more help to her.” “Thank you.” I let it be. I comprehend Dad’s choices. Mr. Ben remains his most trusted and cherished driver; sharing him was for me. Dad also knows Mr. Ben has been more than a driver, and for such development, he’d prefer he patrol within my reach rather than away. Jerome dro
HIM ALL ALONG TO EVERY CHANCES AND CHANGES
NICHOLAS: My joy was evident. It had me doing extraordinary things. I wrote beyond the class lessons and every read textbook and marked my final paper as the best. Last night created that effect; having accessed Greg’s hole more than I hoped for was a grand experience — He was nothing like my past encounters. In addition to the news about Elena, my spirit elevated and circulated the air. Wendy and Park caught up on it and offered to join my visit to her. Greg climbed behind me, with Park and Frederick riding in Wendy’s car, we went to the hospital at the end of the examination. Everyone abandoned the students’ celebration to partake in my life. They chose to participate only in tomorrow’s graduation ceremony for the call to see Elena. We arrived at the hospital, eyes on us. Neatly uniformed D’caprias representatives alongside Greg Waldeen, is a topic and rouse. We got into the exclusive elevator together, against everyone’s curiosity, and ascended to the twelfth floor of the hospi
HIM ALL ALONG HOME TREAT
GREG: “Right now?!” “Hmmm." “We can stay here.” “Do you not want me in your room?” How do I explain his photos on my wall and every corner of my room? “I…” “We can stay here,” he said sadly. “Can I use the bathroom? Your father made me sweaty.” He tried to joke and appear cool, but I saw his disappointment. “I have a towel in my room. Would you like to use it?” “Yes, please.” That is it! Nothing beyond existence can happen. Finding out my obsession will only give me a moment of embarrassment. I turned to Nicholas and tried to warn him again. “Come on, Greg, open the door already.” “You must promise not to laugh or make a mock of me.” “What do you have in there? Nude postcards?” I opened the door to him and as Nicholas saw himself all over my life, he stood speechless. I knew it! He would see me as creepy and obsessive. He walked into the room, looking at the pictures with wide eyes and a mix of admiration. “Say something.” He ogled at me and went
HIM ALL ALONG ALL I EVER WANTED IS YOU
NICHOLAS: My face bleached at the curt reflection of sunlight, and I put out an arm for a shade, yawned, and rose from the pillow. “Arise and Shrink!” Park came loud and disturbing. He lifted the curtains to my face. I didn’t see but could hear in his voice all he had done. “Damn it…” I groaned and held my head from collapsing as I tried to open my eyes but felt them heavy. “Do you need some water?” Park isn’t asking out of care. He is threatening. He is ready to assist my waking with a bowl of water, and if I do not kick out this dizziness, I will have myself drenched and dripping. “Are you alright?” Wendy resonated deeper and consoling yet I was unimpressed. His voice lifted my drowsiness; I opened my eyes to him, leaning against the wall with arms and legs crossed, doubling my incertitude. “What is happening?” I stretched for better sight. “What is this ambush all about?” “Do you feel better?” “Why? Is something wrong with me?” I remember nothing except getti
HIM ALL ALONG LOVE TILL THE END OF TIME
GREG: Nothing is more satisfying than having Nicholas with me. He has proven his repentance, and if I were to choose, I see no reason for any discussion. All I want is to get back with him. Bringing him to school is secondary; I am not ashamed to voice it. “Where are we going?” I asked as we left the elevator to the building's car park. I know where we should go. We should be in his apartment, making up for the days apart rather than doing a bulky head of talk. “Anywhere.” He said. “Are you sure I can choose?” We indeed needed to talk. But that doesn’t mean we can’t after what I had in mind. If only he agrees I decide, I will lead us to a perfect location. “Greg, please.” Too bad, Nicholas is having it grim and strict. “Okay, serious head, we can drive to D’caprias if all you want to be is focused and determined.” “Shit!” He exclaimed and turned to me in horror. “Stop the car!” “What?!” “Pull over.” “What now?” I pulled to a pathway and Nicholas loosened his seat belt. “W
