Mama's High Speed Pursuit Part 2

Amy knew that the man who shot her husband was a white supremacist. She knew the killer targeted her husband because he was black. Amy thought about how the man never apologized to her in the courtroom for what he did. Instead, he told Amy, the judge, and the jury, that his gun went off by accident. He said he didn’t shoot Bryan on purpose.

Amy thought about how the man said that Bryan killed himself by grabbing his gun. Her blood boiled when the disgraced police officer looked at her and said that her husband didn’t suffer. He told Amy that her husband died instantly, which he thought would give her a peace of mind. Amy became enraged, and she ran so fast toward the disgraced policeman that the bailiff couldn’t grab her.

The disgraced police officer slowly stood up and folded his arms when he saw Amy charging toward him. He saw Amy as being a harmless, young, and beautiful woman who wouldn't be able to handle a man twice her size.

Amy thought about how she wanted to break the police officer’s neck. Even though she was little in stature, the adrenaline racing through her veins gave her the strength to dislocate the man’s shoulder. The people in the courtroom gasped after they witnessed Amy take down the bulky policeman. The police officer himself couldn’t believe how Amy could tackle him and out-muscle him. He forgot that wrath and adrenaline can empower anyone, even a 5 foot 3, 130-pound woman. The man also forgot that Amy used to be a UFC fighter. He didn't expect Amy to knock him down so easily. The former policeman dislocated his shoulder when he crashed to the floor, unable to brace his fall. Amy wanted to break the man’s neck, but she gave him a concussion by slamming the back of his bald head against the floor. Once Amy had the man on his back, she climbed on top of his chest and tried to bite him in his throat. She almost succeeded, but the bailiff pulled her off the man before she could do any more damage. Amy managed to rip out a piece of the man’s beard with her long fingernails. 

On most nights, Amy would have trouble sleeping because she’d imagine killing the cop. She would fantasize about watching the blood gush out of his throat as he laid on the courtroom floor, gasping for air. Fantasies about murdering the policeman would cause Amy to hate God for not giving her the chance to finish what she started in the courtroom that morning. She felt so close to executing the man. She also wanted to kill the man’s lawyer.

After Bryan’s death, the only person that kept Amy encouraged was her son. She loved holding him in her arms every night while lying in her bed. Amy and her son had a pillow fight the night before. She chased her little boy throughout the house, playing hide and seek with him and indulging him in a few of his video games. Amy enjoyed ordering a pizza and watching Omar’s favorite superhero movie, which was Black Panther.  She forgot about her sadness while sitting on the sofa holding her baby.

Amy would forget about the pain in her life just by looking into her child’s glorious hazel brown eyes and seeing him smile at her. She thought about when she held Omar as an infant and how he didn’t cry like most babies. He just whimpered a little and looked up at her like an old man trapped inside the body of a newborn. Omar looked like a little copy of his dad. He had his mother’s pretty lips, but he had his daddy’s eyes and his dimples.

Amy would see a tiny version of her husband every time she looked at her son. Sometimes it felt like she never lost her husband. She would often wish she could go back in time to see Bryan holding Omar as a baby for the first time. She thought about when Bryan stepped into the hospital room and saw their baby, and she remembered him saying that Omar looked light-years more adorable than a cabbage patch doll. Amy wanted to relive that moment. She loved how Omar thought of his father as a superhero since he worked as a paramedic. 

Amy thought about how happy Omar was when his dad came home one time and told him that he saved a woman's three-year-old daughter after he found out that the baby was choking. Omar called his dad Thor, which was his favorite superhero. After Omar and his mom came back from his dad's funeral, he told his mom that he wished his dad could come back to life like Thor. After telling his mom that, he broke down in tears in her arms and his mother had to carry him while walking through a park.

“It’s okay, baby,” Amy whispered in her son’s ear. She cradled her son in her arms while sitting down on a park bench, fighting against her own tears and trying to be strong for her child. She knew that all her comforting kisses and words to her son wouldn’t be able to stop his heart from being shattered by grief. 

Amy had a drinking problem, and she fell back into her alcoholism after losing her husband. She knew she couldn’t go back to drinking again after she became drunk one night and fell into an argument with her older sister, Lisa, in the living room of her house. Omar became scared of his mom’s violent behavior that night and he ran into his bedroom, locking the door. It was the first and last time Omar feared his mom. The little boy stayed locked in his bedroom all night. He heard his mom throwing dishes on the floor in the kitchen while yelling at his Auntie Lisa. He heard her breaking things in the living room. The next morning, Amy had to beg her son to come out of his room for two hours. Getting drunk in front of him and fighting with his auntie made Amy feel like a monster. She felt condemned by God.

“Honeybaby, you don’t have to be scared of Mommy. Mommy would never hurt you. I'm so sorry, baby,” Amy apologized profusely to her son through his bedroom door. “Mommy made you some chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.” She tried to do everything in her power to comfort her child. “I would never hurt you. You know that, right? Your mommy drunk too much last night and she got into a fight with your auntie because she’s a stupid bitch. She didn't mean to frighten her baby. Mommy is so sorry.” Those were the desperate words that came out of Amy’s mouth while she was pleading for her son to come out of his bedroom. She wanted to hold him when she heard him crying softly behind the door.

Amy asked God to forgive her for getting liquored up and fighting in front of her child. She couldn’t use the loss of her husband as an excuse to misbehave. Losing her husband affected Amy and her son in different ways. It caused Amy to fall back into drinking, and it caused Omar to become so depressed that he wouldn’t eat. Omar would also have nightmares, which would cause him to have bedwetting issues.

Amy thanked God that the ominous days she and her son went through didn’t last long. The last time Amy had a beer was seven months ago, and she never wanted to lay a finger on alcohol again. Since Amy was a born-again Christian, she felt God punished her for scaring her son that night. But Amy felt forgiven by God when Omar hugged his mom and told her he had the best mom in the world after she tucked him into bed. After her son told her she was the best mom in the world, she saw her son’s sweet words as God’s forgiveness.

Amy still had both of her hands gripping the steering wheel. Now and then she would glance down at a tattoo on her chest. It was a tattoo of her baby’s date of birth, and it was beneath her collarbone. Amy would also glance up at her rearview mirror to see Omar’s empty car seat sitting behind her. Amy didn’t want to lose her baby. She pushed her BMW to a higher RPM. All she could hear was her car’s turbocharged engine purring and growling like a wild predator. Other sounds echoed throughout the car’s interior. Amy still had her satellite radio turned on in her car. She knew the name of the radio station that played her favorite songs. Hot New Hits & Classic Hip-Hop was the name of the station. While driving to work in the morning, she would listen to the hip-hop station whenever she would forget to upload her phone’s music playlist into her car’s infotainment system.

Amy tried to relax herself. She used anything to keep herself calm, including a hip-hop tune playing through her car’s radio. Chris Brown and Young Thug’s Go Crazy was the song that played through the car’s speakers. Amy used the song to calm herself down. She softly hummed along with Chris and Young Thug, hoping it would put a stop to her troubled thoughts. Another thing that Amy used to comfort her soul was the sunlight that entered through her car’s panoramic sunroof. Amy imagined that the sunlight reflecting off her BMW’s black leather interior was the presence of God. She studied how the radiant sunlight danced off her car’s dashboard and reflected its golden hue on her navigation screen. Amy found comfort in how the sunlight warmed her skin. She saw how the light shimmered against her skin. The tattoos on her athletically dainty arms seemed like they were glowing from the sunlight. It seemed like her beautifully radiant, fair ivory skin color matched the hue of the warm golden light. Even her sleeveless, black, floral-print blouse reflected the sun’s glory. Amy wanted to believe that the sunlight reflecting off her body was God embracing her. She wanted to believe that God was riding in her car, comforting her and telling her that everything was going to be all right.