The Test

“What is the noise all about?”

Our heads turned in synchronization as we looked at Mom.

“We’re talking about… how to get my memory back,” I said.

I almost run out of words to say.

“Yeah. I’m helping her—I mean him to remember where it started,” Wagner added.

“Alright. Do you need anything?” Mom asked.

“No, we’re fine,” Wagner replied.

“We’ll let you know if we need something. Oh, I almost forgot, I brought some food with me. You can have it or keep it,” I said with a smile.

“Okay. If you need my help to regain your memories, I’m just at the kitchen,” Mom said before leaving us.

She has a confused look on her face. I don’t know what she has in her head, but I think it surprised her. I talk little and seeing me talking to a stranger maybe creep her out.

“It won’t hurt you to call her Mom sometimes. That way, you might sound more convincing,” I said while cleaning up the remnants of the ritual.

“Sorry, I’m not used to calling anyone Mom,” he said sarcastically.

“I mean, you have a mother, don’t you?” I asked.

“No.”

“Man, I thought there’s nothing crazier than the switching of our bodies. I never thought that Jesus has a sibling.”

“Kid, you’re too young to understand, or dumb perhaps. I’m an orphan. I grew up without parents and I have survived on the streets without relying on anyone, but myself.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but how did you turn out to be an agent after such a tragic story?”

“There’s nothing more tragic than living a life that’s not yours.”

His words pierced through my heart like daggers slowly penetrating inside of me. He ended up blaming me again. I shouldn’t have asked for a memory he buried into the bottom of his emotion. Losing my father was painful, but living alone would be unbearable for me. I couldn’t imagine myself in his shoes, I wouldn’t survive.

“My personal life is none of your business. You already know too much. One more thing, don’t pity me. It doesn’t suit me,” he said.

I surrender. I have no match, and if I say one more word, I might end up into a person with disability.

After fixing everything, I freshened up the mood and go back to focusing on how we should handle the life that’s not ours.

“We have to immerse ourselves with our new character now. Embrace it like it’s our own. I’ll put you into situations and you have to respond to it as Kylo, not Wagner. Okay?” I said.

“Bring it on.”

This part was crucial. This measures how much he’s willing to risk before we could come up with a solution on how to turn our lives back. We have disagreements, but I hope he’ll be calmer this time, and won’t dwell on his pride.

“Agatha approaches and asks you to buy her some food using your money. What will you do, Kylo?” I asked.

“I will politely nod my head and follow her command like a dog. I will buy her some food using my money like a moron. After giving her what she wants, I will not utter another word that may cause havoc and let them be like I’m some sort of charity.”

He seems to mock me, but what he said was the best thing I can do. Clearly, the thought of doing it annoys him. What does he expect me to do? Act unruly when I’m this powerless?

“Jasmine insulted you and throws hurtful words at you. She grabs your hair and laughs. What will you do?”

“I will remain silent like a victim deprived with justice. I will let her spit on my dignity because by doing so, I believe I could avoid more damages. If she grabs my hair, I’ll stop my tears from falling until she gets tired. Haven’t I told you I’m a masochist who takes pleasure in pain and suffering?” he said and smirked.

It’s hard for me to admit this, but he’s right. I’m a coward. I’m digging my grave while they keep on cheering for me.

“Rhein asks you to do her homework because she’s busy doing her nails and it has to be perfect. If not, you’re doomed. What will you do?” I asked.

“I’m pretty sure she knows I’m dumb, but still chooses me to do her homework. She’s the dumbest, but I’ll try my best to make it perfect. If I won’t make it, then I’ll let her beat me until she’s satisfied. After all, I’m destined to be a slave of injustice.”

Wagner was good at slapping my stupidity in my face. He emphasizes how weak I was, which was true. But hearing it from him makes me wish I was stronger. I wish I have the courage that he has.

“While you are walking by the vast field, John intentionally throws the ball at your head. Instead of asking for your forgiveness, he laughs at you together with Rafael. What will you do?” I asked.

“Act like nothing happened and ignore them, quite easy,” he replied.

“Okay, great. You passed the test. I guess you’re ready to play my role.”

“I wish I have a salary for this because it’s not my strength to be weak. I know how their mind works. Being the one who’s bullied makes me less smart, but I’ll do it for the sake of this mission.”

“Should I thank you for that? Well, then thank you,” I said and rolled my eyes.

“But I don’t know if I could tolerate your idiosyncrasies for the longest time. I could only count the length of my patience in the tip of my fingers. Just so you know, I don’t patronize cowards.”

He doesn’t patronize anyone at all, but himself.

“If only you saw how I escaped from those criminals and how I killed the Changelings, you wouldn’t be saying that,” I said.

“Oh? Then where was it? Don’t tell me you used up all your courage in a few fights?”

I don’t know the answer either. I guess the angel made me feel how it feels to be courageous. It was just a taste of victory and a glimpse of being heroic. It’s a feeling that awaits me if I learn to conquer my fears and loosen my restraints.

“Where exactly did you go?” he asked.

“The village of Apostria, it’s in the middle of a forest near a mountain.”

“Village of what?”

Wagner thought I made up the story, so he searched through the internet, seeking for accuracy.

“You mean the lost village of Apostria?” he asked.

“Lost? What are you talking about?”

“It says here that the village was long gone two hundred years ago. The volcano erupted and buried the village to the ground,” he explained.

I was taken aback. I don’t know what’s happening. My knees felt weak that I fell on the floor. Does this mean that everything wasn’t real? Am I imagining things? Or was it a dream?

“Look, it has photos of the villagers. Their clothes were similar to what you’re wearing. I guess you’re telling the truth, but I can’t figure out how it happened,” he said.

It relieved me.

“Was there anything about changelings attacking the villagers?”

He scrolled the article, hoping to find clues.

“Yes, there was. Wait, I can’t believe this. My name’s here!”

I look up to it to see what he was talking about. I had goosebumps because his name was really there, Vad Wagner. It says that the traveler saved the village from the changelings the day before the volcano erupted.

“How is this possible?”

“As possible as souls being switched.”

“Does this mean I could rewrite the past?” I asked, amused.

“We never know. Something must have led you there.”

“The ritual? Osca?” I asked, confused.

“Who’s Osca?”

“My guardian angel.”

“I couldn’t be more surprised. You actually have a useless guardian angel.”

“How could you say that?”

“Anyway, let’s move on. Brace yourself because I’ll be testing if you’re worthy to take control of my body,” he said.

“As if I have a choice,” I murmured.

“What will you do if an enemy is chasing after you?”

“Run?” I replied.

“Running is for the craven. Face them head-on. If you get a hold of them, crush them. But don’t worry, I usually do the chasing.”

I sighed.

“What will you do if IIF would like to send you a partner? Or another agent?” he asked.

“I would gladly accept it. That way, it would be easier. They say, two heads are better than one,” I replied.

“Decline the offer.”

“What?”

“I used to work alone, and I’d rather work alone. My plan, my rules. My movement flows smoothly without relying on anyone. Partners are just burdens. They will make me slow,” he said.

“What if it’s an order?”

“Then make them choose. I’ll work alone or I’ll drop the mission. Of course, they can’t lose me.”

“What does IIF mean by the way?”

“International Intelligence Forces.”

I shook my head. He’s too full of himself.

“What will you do if your enemy asks for forgiveness? Would you spare his life?” he asked.

“Well, if he’s sincere about it, why not?”

“Only a fool would do that. That’s the common mistake I usually see in movies, you’re giving the enemy a chance to stab you at the back. Spare no life, show no mercy. Work is work.”

I don’t know about this. Can I really kill someone? Can I ignore the sorrow in their eyes? Life is sacred. No matter how much hatred I have for my bullies, I can’t possibly kill them. Can I?

“What will you do if a woman shows interest in you?” he asked.

With his question, I remembered how a stranger stole my first kiss. Thank God, they didn’t include it in the article. It was so gross and embarrassing.

“Ignore her,” I replied.

“Precisely. Show no interest and motive. If possible, drive her away. For all I care. I don’t need relationships or love. It’s the last thing I’ll chase in this world. Do you know why I don’t have a weakness? Because I don’t love.”

I guess I’d rather not say anything about his first kiss.

“That’s awful,” I said.

“They say love conquers all and defies all odds. I say, love enfeebles people and enables them to believe the truth. They will use it against you and you’ll end up paralyzed,” he said.

The way he said those lines was heartbreaking. I could see something in him. His eyes were telling me that even if he hates love, he craves for it. I know little about his life, but this man needs attention. I think that all his life; he wasn’t loved, so he thinks he doesn’t need it. Maybe he fell in love once, but it didn’t end well. Maybe he knows what it feels like, so he’d rather not love again.

“Have you been in love?” I asked out of nowhere.

“Are you a slam book? You’re not even listening. I said I don’t love. It’s not in my vocabulary.”

“Why?”

“Because I love myself too much. Listen, love defies all reasons. Do you know what it means? You become irrational. You’ll throw away all the facts and act according to your emotions. Isn’t that stupid?”

“So there’s no chance that you’re going to fall in love?”

“I doubt. But if I were to fall in love, she must be worth it for being irrational. Loving someone entails feeding my brain to the dogs. Oh, I hate dogs.”

I almost laugh at him. He talks as if falling in love is a huge mistake, and in his life, there’s no room for mistakes. The concept of love disgusts him, such a lonely man. I don’t know his happiness in life; I bet it’s getting on my nerves.

The next few days will be tough because he’s going to school. I don’t know what will happen on his first day, but I wish he won’t start a fight, especially with my bullies.