I wake to sunlight in my eyes. That's weird. It never gets sunny on this side of the house early in the morning. Peeling my eyes open more, I realize it has to be much later than I thought for the sun to be coming through the blinds like that. It's eerily quiet in the house. I haven't heard Theo squeal yet and none of the girls have poked me in the nose or put barrettes in my hair. I think. A quick rub of my head confirms that. Exactly how drunk was I that I didn't hear them this morning? I should have known better than to take shots. It never ends well for me.Rubbing my face, I take a deep breath and sit up. Where is my family? Did Mariana take them somewhere so I can sleep? That sounds like something she'd do. She's thoughtful like that. Making my way to the fridge for some water to get rid of this cotton mouth, I stretch my arms out wide, cracking my back. The couch is comfortable, but nothing compares to my giant, king-sized bed. We dropped a pretty penny on that mattress last
Six months later…I wake with a start. My eyes may only be half open, but my mom-senses mean I can take stock of what's going on around me almost instantaneously.Is a kiddo crying? No.Is there a burglar ratting around the apartment? No.Did I get a leg cramp? No. I'm still face down in my pillow, starfishing across the bed with one leg sticking out of the blankets.Now that I know everything is fine, I let myself fall back into dreamland.I wake with a start a second time. Now I know something is happening. I don't move, almost hoping it's a leg cramp, just so I don't have to move for a few more minutes.No such luck. Theo begins to cry in his crib across the room. I sit up, wipe my eyes so I can see the clock without any blur, and look at him."Really? It's six-thirty-seven. Is it necessary to be up so early?"His little bottom lip quivers as he stands there looking at me. I sigh. Someday, I'll get to sleep in past seven again. Someday.Scooting to the edge of my bed, I smell the pr
Peeking through the peephole, all I see is a fancy coffee cup. Being that my old-school coffee machine isn't even done brewing yet, that's all I need to see before I'm convinced to open the door. Surely a madman wouldn't bring me coffee before killing me."Good morning," I hear as I swing the door wide. A smile crosses my face."Marcus. That coffee better be for me," I jest with a smirk."Of course it is." He shoves the cup into my hands and lifts up a Shipley's bag and waves it in my face. "I brought something for the kids, too.""Donuts. You sure know how to bribe them for love. Come in."My next-door neighbor makes his way past me, into the small eating area and greets the kids with a smile. "Hi, Marcus!" Myra chirps brightly, while Lina grunts her hello. Theo doesn't say anything, just keeps his eyes trained on the bag. He may be young, but he's no dummy."Good morning, kiddos. I heard you guys get up, so I figured you'd like some donuts for breakfast," he singsongs. "Yay!" Myra
I know a lot of guys who have psycho ex-wives. I've heard the horror stories… always taking them back to court for more child support even when they're going above and beyond. Not working together on a schedule to see the kids, even when the job requires two-week road trips. Showing up at their apartments unannounced and throwing a fit if they're entertaining. That shit happens all the time.But my Mari isn't like that. Even after we were first separated, when she refused to speak to me for over a month, she's never been unreasonable. She told me what she needed to pay the bills and has never asked for a penny more. If I want to talk to the kids, I text her and they Facetime or Skype almost immediately. And she works visitation around my work schedule.So as far as ex's go, I've got the best one. But that doesn't mean I like it.I don't want Mari to be an ex. I want her to be my current. My forever. She's been my best friend for over ten years, and I miss her desperately. I miss her sm
I close my eyes and swallow hard, letting my shame wash over me. She's right. I should have. And I didn't. And now we're here. And it sucks."Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" I open my eyes, throwing a smile on my face and squatting down as my two girls come racing into the room and jumping into my arms."Oh, my girls!" I kiss them all over their faces and dig my fingers into their ribs, tickling them. "I missed you girls so much.""Daddy, Mommy got me some princess flip-flops. See?" Myra shoves her foot in my face, almost falling over in the process. "Oh, they're so nice," I say in that exaggerated response most parents use when their kids get excited about the small things in life."Me, too, Daddy." Lina just points at her feet instead of trying for balance."Look at that! One Elsa, one Anna. So you don't get them mixed up." They nod excitedly, thrilled that I understand the concept of keeping their things separated. "They are beautiful. But I think maybe we should wear our runners today since
"No really, Mom. We're doing fine." I plop myself down on the couch and prop my feet up on the coffee table. "Theo is sleeping better, and since we don't have a lot of team functions to go to, things have really slowed down.""I know," my mom complains through the phone. "It just feels weird to not be there every month to help out. I kind of miss it."I smile. My mom has tried really hard to not overwhelm me since the separation, and I love her for it. As much as it's uncomfortable, I need to figure out how to be a single mom on my own.Santos provides well - really well. But I never expected anything less from him. He was born to be a father. Frankly, he was born to be a husband, too. He really is the best husband. Except for the whole sleeping with anyone on two legs thing. That's just not something any spouse can come back from."Mom, you are welcome to come anytime. You know that."She sighs. "So you don't mind if I come stay next month? It doesn't even have to be a full week. A w
I love taking my kids to the zoo. Watching their little faces light up when we see their favorite animals is truly one of the small joys in life. Myra loves the elephants. She could stay here all day watching them lumber around and play. Her giggles when they roll around in mud make everyone else giggle.Lina, on the other hand, loves the lions. Today, we got lucky. There's been a lion leaning right up against the glass in the downstairs part of the enclosure. Myra won't go near him, but Lina keeps looking at him with her hand on the glass like she wants to pet him. She is so intrigued. The pictures of her face right next to the lion's turn out amazing. I can't wait to show Mari.But the funniest part of the day is the orangutans. There is only one who ventures into the outdoor part of the enclosure today. A female who, according to the information card, has never had a baby but really wants one. As soon as we strolled up to the window, she sees Theo's stroller and lumbers her way ou
The rage runs through me as I think of what her dating means. She's so fucking beautiful. She's kind. She's generous. She's always putting others before herself. And some other asshole is going to see how great she is and sweep her off her feet.I realize I'm stepping on the gas a little too hard and back my foot off. I'm so angry, but my kids are still in the car. I won't put them in danger.Even if my heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest.When we get to the apartment, I make a decision. I can't talk to Mari about this. First of all, I don't know if it's true. Second, with how angry she still is at me, there is no way that conversation will go well. I don't want to fight with her about it in front of the kids. I want to grab her phone and smash it to pieces, but I won't do that either. I knock once on the apartment door and the girls throw it open, barreling their way inside as they chatter about their day.Mari greets them with a smile and tries to keep up with the co
Her eyebrows crinkle in question. "Why are you thanking me?"Releasing her hand, I brush her hair out of her face and stroke her cheek. "I was so sure I had everything. I was cocky and arrogant and took it all for granted." I stop to clear my throat as the emotions sets in. "You jarred me out of my comfort zone and forced me to see myself for what I really was.""Santos…" she pleads."No," I interrupt. "Let me finish. I thought I was the strong one in our relationship, the backbone. But I wasn't. You were the strong one. You were always the strong one. And I took it for granted."I draw her closer to me and we press our foreheads together. "You forced me to see the reality of what I was doing and who I was. I didn't like what I saw, but I needed to see it. So thank you. Thank you for forcing me to be honest. With you. And with myself. I never want to go back to that place again. I never want to be that guy."Pulling away, I wipe the tears from Mari's cheeks while she wipes away mine.
I've been staring at the ceiling for I don't know how long. All I know is that I haven't been this comfortable in, probably ever.I'm in bed on my back, one arm behind my head, and a very naked Mari snuggled up on me, head nuzzled into that place between my shoulder and neck, her arm over my chest, our legs intertwined. It's the post-coital position I never thought I'd experience again. Yet here I am, drawing circles on her lower back as she drifts in and out of consciousness.Me, though, I'm wide awake. Sated, but awake. And I can't stop thinking about what Mari said earlier about being content.People always talk about chasing their happiness, but what if that's the root of most relationship problems? What if that's been part of my problem? What if there is so much pressure to be happy, when happiness isn't something you can be every minute of every day anyway? What if being content, with lots of sprinkles of happiness, as Mari describes it, is actually a healthier, more realistic go
Santos chuckles and puts his arm around me while I bury my face in his neck. "Babe. Don't be embarrassed. You were right to force the issue. It was great.""I'm gonna stop you right here for a minute," Justin interjects. I look up at him. "Mari, a long time ago you and I had a conversation about how frustrated you were because Santos refused to get adventurous at all and you were tired of being treated like a fragile object. Do you remember that?""Yeah. I remember you saying it was an argument you and your wife have sometimes."He smiles. "It's true. As men, we aren't always that great at being in tune with our partners' wants and needs. Sometimes you have to spell it out for us.""She definitely spelled it out for me," Santos interjects. "Is that true?" Justin asks me.I nod. "Good for you. You spent a lot of years passively doing what Santos wanted, so to hear that you took charge of what you wanted, of what you felt was right for your relationship, really shows your own personal
"You guys look happy," Justin says as he closes the door behind us. He's been our therapist for a couple of years, so he can read our moods pretty well.Santos sniggers. "We are very, very happy."My face heats up as I take my normal seat on the couch. "Really?" Justin plops down on his overstuffed chair. He's not a normal, stuffy therapist. He's relaxed, which normally makes me relaxed. Not today, however. Today, the topic of sex is going to come up and that makes me nervous. "Sounds like something good happened."Santos takes my hand in his and looks at me, a loving smile on his face. "Yeah. Something good happened."And there it is. My face is flaming since we're having this conversation in front of Justin. He's our therapist and I shouldn't be embarrassed for him to know that we've rekindled our sex life. But somehow it feels more intimate than when we were married. Maybe because the act itself is what caused the demise of our marriage in the first place. So to get back to this pl
I blink at her once.Twice.Three times.I'm not sure I heard her correctly."I… what?"She smiles at me. "Santos, I love you. But I want our sex life to be different this time. I want to be adventurous and playful and fun. Yes, there are times I want you to make love to me. But there are times I want you to fuck me, too. I want to count how many orgasms you can give me and see if I can ever make you come twice in a row."My eyes quirk up. I didn't even know that was possible.She shrugs playfully. "I've been reading up on a few things." She turns around and saunters over to the couch, turning to look over her shoulder. "So I'm just gonna come over here while you decide. The adventure either starts right here, right now. Or we wait. Until you're ready to give me what I want."My eyes drink her in as she bends over the couch, still in her heels and garters, ass facing me. Her perfect pink pussy is swollen and wet. She's ready. For me. It suddenly hits me that her naked ass is waiting f
I take a bite of my own food as I contemplate my answer. "I'm not asking because I'm in an emotional, girly, please-let-him-give-me-the-right-answer kind of mood. Since we're having this weird conversation anyway, I'm just genuinely curious."He takes his time, swallowing, putting down his utensils, wiping his mouth with his napkin. Finally, he leans forward, elbows on the table. "The last time I had sex was the last night we were together. At the conference."My eyebrows shoot up. "Redesigning Your Marriage conference?"He nods. "But that's before we were even divorced.""I know.""That was almost two years ago.""I know that, too."That's not the answer I expected. I thought he would have at least had a fling or two after the divorced was finalized."That doesn't mean I've been a saint, Mari." I see guilt in his eyes. It makes me sad for him, to see him disappointed in himself. I say nothing, just take small bites of my food as I wait for him to continue."It was only one time. But…
The conversation in the laundry room is never far from my thoughts. All day long, no matter what we're doing, I keep coming back to it.He's having wet dreams.He's having wet dreams about me. I try really hard to stifle the smile that keeps trying to come out. But he would know how giddy I am if I smile that big, because no one smiles while cleaning a kitchen. Especially when you have a three-year-old who likes to paint with peanut butter on the cabinets. Yeah, Theo is proving to be a more ornery child than we first thought.But not even peanut butter paintings can spoil this mood. Santos has always made it clear that his infidelities were not because of me. It had nothing to do with my body. It had nothing to do with my personality. It was all him and his own insecurities, combined with a bunch of other things he had to learn to manage. But in the back of my mind, I've never been able to shake the question - am I enough?Finding out he's not only having sex dreams, but wet dreams a
"Mari?" I race into the room and drop down beside her. "Mari, are you okay? Are you hurt?" I look over her frantically, trying to see if she's injured."I can't believe this is happening again," she whispers."What? What's happening again?" She refuses to make eye contact with me, which causes me to panic even more."After everything we went through," she cries. "After everything we've tried to rebuild, it's happening again. I'm so stupid!" she yells and throw my shirt at me.I'm so confused. "What are you talking about? What happened?""This happened!" She grabs the shirt back out of my hands and shows me the bottom of it. It's crusty and stiff. I feel my face heat up."Um, yeah." I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed that this conversation is about to take place. "That's not what it looks like."Her eyes narrow as she glares. "I was married to you for a long time, Santos. I know what your fucking semen looks like." She shoots up off the floor and begins pacing. "Did you go to anoth
I hear her before I see her. Okay, that's not right. I hear the kids get excited as she walks through the room. She always greats them with a smile and kiss, even if her eyes are barely open. I love that about her.Stirring the scoop of hot chocolate I just dumped into her coffee, I turn around. The sight at the island makes me smile.Mari and Lina are both sitting on stools, head resting on their arms, still not quite awake. My two girls are not morning people."Coffee?" I slide it her direction, and she immediately grabs it and takes a sip."Mmm. Thank you." She sips again and shifts on her seat. "I love a man that knows how to doctor my coffee in the morning."I lean over and give her a quick kiss before pulling out the fancy waffle maker we got for Christmas."Mickey Mouse waffles?" she asks with a smile."Lina has been talking about them for days. Right, Lina?""Hrmph." I chuckle. It's the only answer we're going to get from her for at least ten more minutes. "You know tonight's