LOGINShare
Chapter 14: Mariana, Part 2
Last Updated:
2022-10-20 14:05:46Related chapters
Goalie Chapter 15: Santos
It's been two weeks since I saw her outside the apartment with that guy. That guy she was on a date with. Thinking about it still makes me feel like there's an animal clawing at my chest. It hurts so badly to know she was out with another man. The shit of it all is it may have been the first time I actually understood the kind of hurt I made her feel. I always knew how badly I had damaged her, but I never really had anything to compare it to. I guess I couldn't really fathom how it made her feel.I can fathom it now, and it's awful.I went home that night and cried. No, that's not right. I wept. Like a fucking baby. I wept for the loss of my wife. I wept for the loss of my children. I wept for the loss of the life I loved. In a weird way, I wept for the loss of myself. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that I was living a weird double life. What is wrong with me that I could so easily push down the guilt every time I did it? I don't even know where to begin with fixing it, and th
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 16: Mariana, Part 1
I can't believe I agreed to this.That mantra keeps running through my head.The day after Santos basically stopped our divorce proceedings so we could make one last ditch effort at our marriage, he had everything set up: time off work, reservations to the conference, hotel room. The only thing I had to do was convince my mother to come stay with the kids.She wasn't happy about why she was staying with them, but she pretended to overlook it so she could have some uninterrupted grandma time.When we got here, I was surprised to see how many people were also trying to save their marriage. I guess with fifty percent of all marriages ending this way, it shouldn't have been so jarring. But it was. It was horrible to see how many of us are trying make these life-altering decisions, and many of us with children. In a weird way, though, I guess it made me not feel so alone. Misery does love company, I suppose.But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was when Darryl, that's the name of
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 17: Mariana, Part 2
I stare at him in disbelief. For the first time, the depth of his infidelity is sinking in. This wasn't just getting caught up in the moment at parties. This was serial cheating. Like he had a whole different life I never even knew about."Mariana." I look up as Anne addresses me. "I can see you're feeling a lot of different emotions right now. Can you tell me what you're feeling?"I shake my head. "I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm so… I'm so pissed. How could you do that to me? To us?"Santos flinches, but it's Anne who addresses me again. "What else are you feeling, Mariana? I know you're angry. What else?""I…" My brain spins out of control and it's taking a lot of effort to figure out how to answer her questions. "Humiliated. He didn't just get bored and lonely. He was never faithful from the beginning." I turn to look at him again. "You weren't, were you? You have never been faithful to me, have you? I was never enough, was I?"His eyes snap up to mine and he star
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 18: Santos, Part 1
I don't know why I agreed to this. I mean, I know why I agreed to it. But if it weren't for the fact that it is my last chance at getting my family back, I wouldn't even bother.Group therapy is hard fucking work. "Okay guys, we're going to do an exercise that will help us work on our communication skills," Anne informs us, as we all take our seats. "Santos, Mariana, I'd like you guys to pull your chairs into the middle and face them toward each other. I grab both our chairs and pull them into the circle."I can do that myself, ya know," Mari mutters."I know. I'm trying to be polite."She doesn't respond, just pulls her chair a couple of feet from mine before taking her seat. Once we're situated, Anne gives us more instructions. "We're going to take turns with this exercise, so before you jump in and say anything, just answer the questions I ask, okay?" When she's satisfied we're going to do as she says, she continues."You both have expressed that you had a very satisfying marriage
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 19: Santos, Part 2
Her words shock me. I grab her arms, stopping her assault. "You think I find you repulsive?" I try to look her in the eyes, but she's crying so hard, she can't even open them. "You are the most beautiful, perfect thing in my life, Mari. You deserve more than dirty sex just so I can calm down after a game.""That is a fucking cop-out!" She pulls out of my arms and backs away like she's afraid of me. "I'm your fucking wife, Santos. You think sex in a marriage is only about love? It's also about orgasms and pleasure and fun. Do you know how many times I dreamed you'd bend me over the couch and fuck me like one of your dirty whores?"I reel back. "You didn't, did you? Because you needed justification for your own fucking behavior." She gets in my face. "Let me ask you a question, after we started dating in college, were you already cheating on me during away games?"I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. "That's what I thought. You're not sorry for doing it; you're sorry you go
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 20: Mariana
The beeping of the waffle maker jars me out of my thoughts.The free breakfast at the hotel barely opened half an hour ago, but I was already up. After yesterday's session on communication, sleeping is ridiculously difficult to do.I can't stop thinking about what Santos said. You will never hate me more than I hate myself. I want to be happy that he's living with such tremendous guilt. This whole thing is his fault. But I can't. I had no idea he was grieving as much as I am. He's not one to show he's in any kind of pain often. Not physical pain. Not emotional pain. He's too busy being everybody's friend to be honest when his feelings are that intense.And he never, ever cries. Needless to say, seeing him weep the way he did pulled me right out of my pity party and back into the real world, full of questions about what I should do now. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I give him another chance? Do I call it quits?The only thing I know for sure is I need carbs. And sugar. And butter. And maybe s
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 21: Santos
The click of the door closing behind us sounds unusually loud compared to the silence between us. It was another hard day of therapy, and we're both emotionally spent.Anne had us all write a letter to our spouse and then read it to each other. In the letter, we had to apologize for our part in the downfall of our relationship. Then we had to outline what we're going to do different from now on, and how. The hardest part, though… the hardest part was having to write what behaviors I will and won't accept from Mari.That one pretty much stumped me. It would be one thing if she was anything other than perfect. The only thing that I could come up with is I want her to focus on herself more. Her entire life has been about giving, and I want her to allow herself to receive more. To accept compliments and believe me when I say she's beautiful. She struggles with that. She always has. And I made it substantially worse."Um, I'm gonna jump in the shower." She takes off her shoes and slips her
Last Updated : 2022-10-20Goalie Chapter 22: Mariana
It's our last day at the conference, and I, for one, am relieved. The website wasn't kidding when it stated it's an intense five days. I'm almost surprised I made it through.Santos and I walk hand-in-hand into the conference room and head straight for the coffee. It was a long night.He releases me to go talk to one of his new therapy friends, and I continue to the java. Victoria, who is standing in front of the cups stirring her own liquid gold, quirks an eyebrow at me."Looks like someone had a good night. I don't think I've seen him so relaxed the entire time we've been here."I smirk. "No comment.""Ah. So does this mean you've made up your mind about what to do?"I sigh and dump some creamer into my coffee, avoiding her gaze. "Yes. Maybe. I don't know. One night of hot sex doesn't make up for anything, ya know? I just missed him. And I think I needed that connection with him again.""I get it. None of us are here because the choices are clear. But I support you no matter what. I
Last Updated : 2022-10-20
Latest chapter
Goalie Chapter 61: Santos, Part 2
Her eyebrows crinkle in question. "Why are you thanking me?"Releasing her hand, I brush her hair out of her face and stroke her cheek. "I was so sure I had everything. I was cocky and arrogant and took it all for granted." I stop to clear my throat as the emotions sets in. "You jarred me out of my comfort zone and forced me to see myself for what I really was.""Santos…" she pleads."No," I interrupt. "Let me finish. I thought I was the strong one in our relationship, the backbone. But I wasn't. You were the strong one. You were always the strong one. And I took it for granted."I draw her closer to me and we press our foreheads together. "You forced me to see the reality of what I was doing and who I was. I didn't like what I saw, but I needed to see it. So thank you. Thank you for forcing me to be honest. With you. And with myself. I never want to go back to that place again. I never want to be that guy."Pulling away, I wipe the tears from Mari's cheeks while she wipes away mine.
Goalie Chapter 60: Santos, Part 1
I've been staring at the ceiling for I don't know how long. All I know is that I haven't been this comfortable in, probably ever.I'm in bed on my back, one arm behind my head, and a very naked Mari snuggled up on me, head nuzzled into that place between my shoulder and neck, her arm over my chest, our legs intertwined. It's the post-coital position I never thought I'd experience again. Yet here I am, drawing circles on her lower back as she drifts in and out of consciousness.Me, though, I'm wide awake. Sated, but awake. And I can't stop thinking about what Mari said earlier about being content.People always talk about chasing their happiness, but what if that's the root of most relationship problems? What if that's been part of my problem? What if there is so much pressure to be happy, when happiness isn't something you can be every minute of every day anyway? What if being content, with lots of sprinkles of happiness, as Mari describes it, is actually a healthier, more realistic go
Goalie Chapter 59: Mariana, Part 2
Santos chuckles and puts his arm around me while I bury my face in his neck. "Babe. Don't be embarrassed. You were right to force the issue. It was great.""I'm gonna stop you right here for a minute," Justin interjects. I look up at him. "Mari, a long time ago you and I had a conversation about how frustrated you were because Santos refused to get adventurous at all and you were tired of being treated like a fragile object. Do you remember that?""Yeah. I remember you saying it was an argument you and your wife have sometimes."He smiles. "It's true. As men, we aren't always that great at being in tune with our partners' wants and needs. Sometimes you have to spell it out for us.""She definitely spelled it out for me," Santos interjects. "Is that true?" Justin asks me.I nod. "Good for you. You spent a lot of years passively doing what Santos wanted, so to hear that you took charge of what you wanted, of what you felt was right for your relationship, really shows your own personal
Goalie Chapter 58: Mariana, Part 1
"You guys look happy," Justin says as he closes the door behind us. He's been our therapist for a couple of years, so he can read our moods pretty well.Santos sniggers. "We are very, very happy."My face heats up as I take my normal seat on the couch. "Really?" Justin plops down on his overstuffed chair. He's not a normal, stuffy therapist. He's relaxed, which normally makes me relaxed. Not today, however. Today, the topic of sex is going to come up and that makes me nervous. "Sounds like something good happened."Santos takes my hand in his and looks at me, a loving smile on his face. "Yeah. Something good happened."And there it is. My face is flaming since we're having this conversation in front of Justin. He's our therapist and I shouldn't be embarrassed for him to know that we've rekindled our sex life. But somehow it feels more intimate than when we were married. Maybe because the act itself is what caused the demise of our marriage in the first place. So to get back to this pl
Goalie Chapter 57: Santos
I blink at her once.Twice.Three times.I'm not sure I heard her correctly."I… what?"She smiles at me. "Santos, I love you. But I want our sex life to be different this time. I want to be adventurous and playful and fun. Yes, there are times I want you to make love to me. But there are times I want you to fuck me, too. I want to count how many orgasms you can give me and see if I can ever make you come twice in a row."My eyes quirk up. I didn't even know that was possible.She shrugs playfully. "I've been reading up on a few things." She turns around and saunters over to the couch, turning to look over her shoulder. "So I'm just gonna come over here while you decide. The adventure either starts right here, right now. Or we wait. Until you're ready to give me what I want."My eyes drink her in as she bends over the couch, still in her heels and garters, ass facing me. Her perfect pink pussy is swollen and wet. She's ready. For me. It suddenly hits me that her naked ass is waiting f
Goalie Chapter 56: Mariana, Part 2
I take a bite of my own food as I contemplate my answer. "I'm not asking because I'm in an emotional, girly, please-let-him-give-me-the-right-answer kind of mood. Since we're having this weird conversation anyway, I'm just genuinely curious."He takes his time, swallowing, putting down his utensils, wiping his mouth with his napkin. Finally, he leans forward, elbows on the table. "The last time I had sex was the last night we were together. At the conference."My eyebrows shoot up. "Redesigning Your Marriage conference?"He nods. "But that's before we were even divorced.""I know.""That was almost two years ago.""I know that, too."That's not the answer I expected. I thought he would have at least had a fling or two after the divorced was finalized."That doesn't mean I've been a saint, Mari." I see guilt in his eyes. It makes me sad for him, to see him disappointed in himself. I say nothing, just take small bites of my food as I wait for him to continue."It was only one time. But…
Goalie Chapter 55: Mariana, Part 1
The conversation in the laundry room is never far from my thoughts. All day long, no matter what we're doing, I keep coming back to it.He's having wet dreams.He's having wet dreams about me. I try really hard to stifle the smile that keeps trying to come out. But he would know how giddy I am if I smile that big, because no one smiles while cleaning a kitchen. Especially when you have a three-year-old who likes to paint with peanut butter on the cabinets. Yeah, Theo is proving to be a more ornery child than we first thought.But not even peanut butter paintings can spoil this mood. Santos has always made it clear that his infidelities were not because of me. It had nothing to do with my body. It had nothing to do with my personality. It was all him and his own insecurities, combined with a bunch of other things he had to learn to manage. But in the back of my mind, I've never been able to shake the question - am I enough?Finding out he's not only having sex dreams, but wet dreams a
Goalie Chapter 54: Santos, Part 2
"Mari?" I race into the room and drop down beside her. "Mari, are you okay? Are you hurt?" I look over her frantically, trying to see if she's injured."I can't believe this is happening again," she whispers."What? What's happening again?" She refuses to make eye contact with me, which causes me to panic even more."After everything we went through," she cries. "After everything we've tried to rebuild, it's happening again. I'm so stupid!" she yells and throw my shirt at me.I'm so confused. "What are you talking about? What happened?""This happened!" She grabs the shirt back out of my hands and shows me the bottom of it. It's crusty and stiff. I feel my face heat up."Um, yeah." I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed that this conversation is about to take place. "That's not what it looks like."Her eyes narrow as she glares. "I was married to you for a long time, Santos. I know what your fucking semen looks like." She shoots up off the floor and begins pacing. "Did you go to anoth
Goalie Chapter 53: Santos, Part 1
I hear her before I see her. Okay, that's not right. I hear the kids get excited as she walks through the room. She always greats them with a smile and kiss, even if her eyes are barely open. I love that about her.Stirring the scoop of hot chocolate I just dumped into her coffee, I turn around. The sight at the island makes me smile.Mari and Lina are both sitting on stools, head resting on their arms, still not quite awake. My two girls are not morning people."Coffee?" I slide it her direction, and she immediately grabs it and takes a sip."Mmm. Thank you." She sips again and shifts on her seat. "I love a man that knows how to doctor my coffee in the morning."I lean over and give her a quick kiss before pulling out the fancy waffle maker we got for Christmas."Mickey Mouse waffles?" she asks with a smile."Lina has been talking about them for days. Right, Lina?""Hrmph." I chuckle. It's the only answer we're going to get from her for at least ten more minutes. "You know tonight's
