2 - Of Course She Will

My fourteenth birthday came and went in early May, and it was now three months without a word from mom. I was heartbroken that she would miss my birthday and then miss summer. 

Summers with mom were my best memories, since she never did have a job. That was our special time when we could just laugh all day, and nothing else mattered. Since I had nothing else to do, I found myself asking some of my teachers for extra work.

School had started back after a short summer and everyone was busy with their own stuff … and nobody cared what I was doing. I went from having mom around, hanging on my every world and giving me all the confidence a young girl could ever need, to having no one.

Dad was working twelve hour shifts, Erik was into sports and was ‘Mr. Popular’ …  I barely had any interaction with anyone outside of my teachers. 

My cousin Tara let me sit at her table at lunch but we didn’t talk a whole lot. Her friends just tolerated me but didn’t much acknowledge me. Kids at school started getting mean and I did everything to avoid talking to anyone. 

Since skipping a grade the other kids were resentful. I got perfect grades and constantly got accused of cheating. I was already doing math at a college level and just tried to fly under the radar. If nobody noticed me, I didn’t get picked on, and so my whole goal in life became staying invisible.

However, my favorite dreamboat teacher, Mr. Drew, threw a huge curveball into my quiet existence. One day he asked if I would tutor a sophomore named Jace, who was flunking math. Jace was going to get cut from the soccer team if he didn't get his grade up.

Just as I was about to say no, he appeared from around the corner and my face immediately felt hot. I never really looked at boys before, WHY would I … but Jace was … positively drool worthy. Tall, light brown hair, blue eyes and tan with a perfect smile. 

They both stood, waiting for my reply, but I froze like an idiot and just stood there staring at this hunk in front of me. 

After an awkward minute Mr. Drew, stunned by my reaction, said, "so will you tutor him during your free period?" 

Jace eyed me up and down, grabbed my hand and said, "of course she will!" 

Next thing I know I'm being pulled down the hall and into an empty room. "Look, everyone says you're the math whiz, so if anyone can help me, you can. But I may need you for more than that… do you have a boyfriend?" 

Say … what now?

He was talking so fast I barely registered what he said. I was in complete shock that he would even think I could potentially have a boyfriend … and I was still sweating from the brief touch of his hand. 

I choked and didn't know what to do so I just looked down at the table. 

He sighed, and said, "okay well we can discuss all that later. Let's get started on my homework."

Over the next few weeks I helped Jace enough that he was able to get a C+ on his test and it looked like he was going to pass overall. I got really comfortable around him and was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to be near him. 

He wasn’t afraid to just blurt out exactly what was on his mind and I found it refreshing. All too often, people treated me with kid gloves, and kept me in the dark about everything. I so desperately sought the acceptance of a friend, but why did it have to have it be Jace?! 

He even started sitting with me and Tara at lunch sometimes. Tara was in heaven and greatly enjoyed the view. I don’t know what I did right in my life to get this lucky. Itt was like he was my knight in shining armor… that would likely never notice me as anything more than his tutor but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. 

One day at lunch, as we all complained about how nasty the pizza was, Jace asked if I wanted to come watch his game tonight.

 What?! Like, a sort of date? 

No, no Jansen, don’t be stupid. 

Of course he would never ask you on a date, you are a total loser. I did the only logical thing, I freaked, and made up an excuse about how I was grounded. 

No boy had ever really given me the time of day, let alone actually spoke to me as an equal the way he did and I didn’t want to mess that up. 

Tara was not one to miss an opportunity.

She chimed in, “I would love to go!” 

Jace acted bothered, but said, “cool, we can always use more fans.” 

Tara looked down at the table and seemed embarrassed. Just then, James, a junior and Mr. ‘Super Star Jock’ himself plopped down next to me. 

I froze. 

What was happening? 

I went from nobody to being sandwiched between the two hottest guys. 

“You’re not going to eat that are you,” James said as he snatched a cookie off my tray. 

“I guess not,” I said, frowning. 

I wished I was invisible right now. My hair was a frizzy mess, I had just gotten braces and I had huge pink glasses. I was pretty much the poster child for needing a makeover. I could not have felt more awkward. I wasn’t an idiot, I knew how I looked compared to other girls.

“So J-man are we going to crush it tonight or what!” 

It was clear James dominated the conversation if he was present. I always overheard him at his usual table.

They proceeded to banter back and forth over me and I was staring at Tara in disbelief. She was not amused that nobody bothered to introduce her, or even acknowledge her for that matter, so after a minute she abruptly took her tray and walked off. Just as quickly, both guys got up and Jace leaned into my shoulder, “try to come tonight,” he said before walking away. I blushed and felt my whole body heat up. I could smell him still in the air. I thought about getting up but I didn’t think my legs could hold me. The bell rang and I heard it, but I didn’t budge ... I was frozen, and in love.

In the last month, the little crush I had on Jace disappeared into the flames that were now fully consuming my body. This was FOR REAL. This was a hot, gorgeous hunk who could get any girl he wanted … but he would actually talk to me, and ask me about my day. I hadn’t even seen him talking to any other girls. 

He would actually look me in the eye when he spoke to me, and seemed so genuine. So he has to like me, right?? He's completely consumed all of my thoughts and I even started having really vivid dreams about him.

I couldn’t get him out of my head. 

I needed to get it together, and focus on my math. I was already taking on advanced algebraic structures and was pleased to discover that I was finally feeling challenged. My teachers were very dedicated to helping me and they were all so impressed. 

I didn't know much about my dad's finances but I always assumed he couldn't afford to send both Erik and I to college. I knew that if I wanted to go, I needed scholarships. 

Get your head together Rae! I often found myself going down a rabbit hole. I would think about one thing and then it would branch off to ten other thoughts.

Back to the matter at hand, was I going to his game tonight?

I got home with record speed. I threw open my closet and looked for something, anything that would do. There was nothing. 

Damn, I needed some new clothes. I collapsed on the bed, I couldn't stop thinking about how Jace once asked me if I had a boyfriend ... and now he was kind of asking me on a date? I think? Or did he want to just show off ?

He had touched me sometimes, like on the shoulder or he’d pat my leg. Each time, my whole body shivered and I was sure he noticed. Granted, he is technically a year older than me, or is it two? I didn’t know when his birthday was ... but I guessed it would be a little awkward for him to date a fourteen year old. 

Why ask then? 

And what about him saying he “needed me for something else” when we first met?” He’s never elaborated on that. 

Since I was a math nerd, I was constantly running alternate theories or postulations through my head -- but this was the ultimate puzzle I could not solve. I was not fit for social situations.

I went back and forth about going to the game, before deciding against it. I couldn’t just show up by myself, and Tara seemed mad. Either way, I had nothing to wear, my hair was a fright and I really should do something about that. 

I got in the shower and washed my hair. When I got out, I dried it and it looked like I’d been electrocuted. I got out the flat iron and spent the next hour cussing at everything. This was beyond exhausting. 

If I had to do this everyday to be considered decent looking, it wasn’t worth it. 

I got up early to flat iron my hair some more and fix it, and thankfully it looked good. I was proud of myself. I couldn’t wait to see Jace. I wondered if he would be mad that I hadn’t gone to the game. I searched all day, but I didn’t see him. 

Where the hell was he? 

The next day, I repeated my new girlie morning routine and flattened my hair. I rushed to school, and looked around again frantically for Jace, but he wasn’t there. 

What the heck? 

Now I had to spend all weekend wondering if he was okay, wondering if he was mad at me, wondering… 

By Monday I was kind of pissed. I put a lot of effort into my hair and I wanted him to notice it. Nobody cared or said a thing … I was just invisible. I know I had no right to be pissed but I was going to pout anyhow. 

Monday afternoon I was leaving school late because one of my teachers worked out a long distance learning session with a college mathematician from Stanford that was supposedly a big deal, and they were giving me some new proofs to work on. 

Winter break was coming soon and I wanted to have it to work on while I was at home.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Jace behind me, leaving practice from the gym.

"Need a ride? My mom is here." 

I shook my head and kept walking, secretly wanting to accept it because it was pouring. 

"Don't be stubborn Jansen, just come with me." 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the car. 

"Mom this is my math tutor, Rae Jansen. Can we take her home?" 

"Sure honey. Nice to meet you, I'm Anna." 

"Thank you, Mrs. Wheaton," I replied. 

"I have been wanting to meet you, Jace talks about you all the time! We are so relieved he is doing better in school, how about I thank you by having you over for dinner?" 

Whaaaat?? 

He talks about me??? 

I froze and looked down at my hands, embarrassed at myself for being stupid about my hair. 

Jace smiled, "that's a great idea mom, let's just bring her home with us tonight. You can call her dad and let him know we will bring her home after dinner." 

I stared out the window, trying to keep a straight face, but inside I was break dancing.