April 18, 1912
The silence was deafening. There had to be over a thousand people on the deck surrounding Meg as she peered off into the distance at New York City as it grew larger, but no one seemed to be saying a word. Only the gentle pitter patter of raindrops as they hit the metal railings and the sodden wooden planking broke the torturous sound of nothing ringing in her ears.
She still wore the same white shirtwaist and plaid skirt the stewardess who had been so helpful when they’d first come aboard three days ago was able to find for her, but she wasn’t much worried about how she looked. Her hair was pinned up more to keep it out of her way, but she noticed it was starting to fall out, and she tried not to touch it for fear her hand would pull away a fresh clump.
For three days, she and Jonathan had taken turns sitting alongside Charlie’s bed. He was lucid at times, very much aware of where he was, of who he was. Other times, he had no ide
Meg nodded and took a deep breath. Worry that something might happen to Charlie was a constant state of mind for her now, with these spikes in panic each time something else presented itself as evidence that he might not be all right, and her heart would be happy when there was no more reason to suspect the worst. “Was he awake when you left?”“He was,” Jonathan confirmed, stepping up to lean against the wet railing beside her. There was no sense in attempting to stay dry at this point, and Meg had given up hours ago, though she did have a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. “He asked about you. He wanted to know if you were planning to go to the hospital with him, and I said I’d ask.”She swallowed a lump in her throat. “He didn’t even know who I was when he awoke this morning. I had to remind him. Again.”“I know,” Jonathan said, adjusting his hat. “I believe his memory loss is due t
Jonathan Lane made his way through the crowds to find a porter or an officer who looked like he might know what was going on. There was one in particular who had been a constant force of good information, and he knew if he was able to find Briggins he’d know precisely why Carpathia had passed the Cunard piers.He found the officer where he expected to, over near where the lifeboats from Titanic were being stored. He was giving directions as the lifeboats were being shifted about on the deck. The man saw Jonathan coming and offered a small smile of recognition. Jonathan was a master at finding out what he needed without troubling anyone or making his existence exhausting. “Briggins,” he called out as he approached. “Do you happen to know where we are headed?”“New York Harbor,” the older man said with a chuckle. He looked tired and the laugh was forced. The entire crew of Carpathia had been worked to t
Every time Charlie opened his eyes, he had to stop and think about where he was supposed to be. It never quite added up to him. Occasionally, a face he did not know would be next to his bed. Sometimes it was a nurse or doctor. Sometimes it was someone he was meant to know. This time, he knew he was aboard Carpathia. He was aware that he had died, but now he was alive. He did not see anyone he knew, and the people scurrying about in his room were all dressed as if they were medical professionals. If any of them noticed he was awake, they didn’t acknowledge him as they shouted orders to each other about preparing the gurney, whatever that meant.Eventually, an older woman with her brown hair done up underneath a cap said, “Oh, Mr. Ashton, you’re back with us. Good. Are you in any pain?”“No,” he replied. “A sip of water would be nice, though.” Sometimes he felt capable of moving his arms and other times he knew any
Charlie felt his face flush. “No, thank you,” he replied, and since she’d asked, he did distinctly remember having had to use one of those recently, which wasn’t the most dignified experience of his life.“Well, Dr. Hunt examined you while you were sleeping, but I will let him know that you’re awake, and he’ll make his way in shortly.” She cut her eyes at the other woman. “You know you’ll have to go when the doctor comes in?”“Yes, I know,” the blonde woman replied, her voice indicating she didn’t need the reminder. She crossed her arms. “He’s hearing them again.”The nurse’s eyes went back to Charlie. “Are you hearing them now, Charlie? The screams?”Her face indicated that the wrong answer might land him in Belleview. “No, I don’t hear anything right now,” Charlie replied, ignoring the wails that seemed to whisper to
Something about what this strange blonde woman was saying did not quite seem right. He began to slowly shake his head. “No, Mary Margaret Westmoreland. She… we were supposed to meet at a ball, but she didn’t show up. She ran away with one of the house boys. I boarded Titanic swearing never to have anything to do with her again.”The woman let out a deep sigh and clutched her hair at the roots with both hands. It took her a moment before she let go and turned to face him. “Charlie, I am Mary Margaret. I didn’t meet you at the ball, but I explained everything to you while we were aboard Titanic. I told you why I didn’t go. You understood. We danced together.” She took a step toward him. “You kissed me. We fell in love.”He was still shaking his head. There was no question that if what she was saying was true, he would remember it. “No, that’s not possible. I will never forgive Mary
Meg was sitting in a small waiting area near Charlie’s private hospital room, attempting to take deep breaths and calm herself when she heard multiple sets of urgent footsteps and looked up to see Jonathan leading an older, well-dressed couple, followed by a younger, equally as nicely outfitted couple, and a few servants down the hall. She knew this must be Charlie’s family, and her anxiety over Charlie not remembering her morphed into nervousness at the thought of meeting them. She had no idea if they even knew who she was.As they drew closer, she realized the men had their arms around their wives, as if they wouldn’t believe Charlie was alive until they saw him for themselves, and she pushed her own selfish thoughts away. She was certain they had more important matters on their minds than who she was and why she was here.“How is he?” Jonathan asked as he stopped a few feet away. “Is the doctor in?”Meg stood, her leg
Jonathan’s voice was quiet and calm. Meg had known he wouldn’t let her slip away, that he’d notice before she could even get through the door. “I… I was trying to get out of the way.”He knew it wasn’t the truth, yet he said nothing. “I think it would be best if you did as Mrs. Ashton suggested and went with Carrie to the hotel. She’s been a lady-in-waiting for years. She’ll be able to attend to your needs and can help you find proper attire tomorrow. When you are dressed like yourself again, I’m sure you’ll feel much better.”She felt no need to attempt an explanation regarding the fact that she was currently unsure whether she was Mary Margaret Westmoreland, wealthy heir to the Westmoreland Textile Factory, or Meg West, Third Class Passenger. It was late. They were exhausted. She nodded.“Do you want me to tell them who you are?” It was a whisper in her ear so close she
Meg’s new gown was simple, but it felt much more elegant than anything she’d worn for weeks, except the night she’d gone to dinner with Charlie, of course. It was a royal blue color, which she knew went well with her eyes. Carrie had gotten her a charming new brush and comb set and had lovingly helped her work out all of the knots in her hair without supposing how they might have gotten there. Meg remembered there had been a crown of icicles around her head not long ago. Thoughts of the hours she’d spent in the lifeboat, soaking wet and then freezing, praying for Charlie in her mind and then aloud, made her shudder, and she pushed them away, back into a corner, into the same compartment where she kept remembrances of the awful things her uncle had done to her.“You look absolutely stunning, Miss West,” Carrie said, smiling at Meg’s reflection in the mirror.“Thank you, Carrie, but please do call me Meg,” she insiste