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Chapter 18 - Alyson
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2021-05-20 21:23:45My stomach gurgles and my throat feels thick. A telltale sign I’m going to throw up. I pride myself on saying I have an iron stomach and often bring up how I survived the Langford Family Picnic disaster, over seven years ago, with just a twist of nausea when everyone
But right now, there’s no stopping what’s coming up.
And also right now, Jim’s hand lands on my cheek, gently cupping my face and turning my chin up to his. He leans in and I know he’s going to kiss me. I want nothing more than to kiss him back, but I can’t.
Not right now.
I push his hand away and turn, barely making it to the sink before I throw up.
“Fuck, Alyson,” Jim says and moves in, grabbing my hair and holding it back. My stomach heaves again, and I shudder. Throwing up is awful. Just fucking awful.
I turn on the faucet and rinse my mouth, washing away any vomit that might be on my face. Jim’s hand lands on my back, gently rubbing it, and he’s still holding my hair.
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“HOW DO YOU DO THIS EVERY DAY?” I FALL INTO A LOUNGE CHAIR, OVER EXAGGERATING MY exhaustion. Though I am dragging, even with sleeping in past ten this morning. Wes shrugs, a slight smile on his face as he watches his son run around the yard with the dogs. “You just do.” “You’re like a superhero. Literally. Saving lives as a cop and rocking the whole single-parent thing.” He bypasses the compliment. “Keep your shoes on, buddy!” he shouts to Jackson. “He’s going through a barefoot phase right now.” “Better than his bare-butt phase when he wouldn’t wear pants.” Wes laughs, adjusting his gun on his belt before sitting on a chair next to me. He’s on his lunch break, and came by for a homemade meal and to see Jackson. “You do know the crime is really low here, don’t you? Or have you been away so long you forgot? I’m not saving lives in Eastwood.” I shoot him a look, trying desperately hard to ignore the sick feeling in my sto
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I blink rapidly, eyes needing to readjust to the bright sunlight around us. Everything faded for a moment there. “And Jim. I didn’t know you were in town.” Logan’s eyes go from Alyson to me a few times before he pulls Alyson in for a hug. “I’m guessing this is why Mom’s having us all come over for dinner tonight.” “Yeah. We’re out running errands for her,” she says, shuffling back. Sweat breaks out along my back, both from the heat of the day and almost getting caught. My judgment goes out the window when it comes to Alyson, and she got me going from zero to sixty in three seconds flat. “What’d you buy?” Alyson asks, shifting nervously. She’s worried her brother saw us too. “That thriller that’s being made into a movie. I refuse to see the movie until I’ve read the book.” Out of all her brothers, Alyson and Logan are the most alike. He’s the second youngest, even though Ben is a mere handful of seconds older, and I’ve heard them joke a
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ALYSON PUSHES HER FOOD AROUND ON HER PLATE, TAKING LITTLE BITES HERE AND THERE AND ONLY when someone is looking. She still doesn’t feel well but is trying to hide it. I’ll ask her about it later and make sure she’s okay. “How’s life at the hospital?” Mr. Langford asks. “You’re at the biggest one in Indy, right?” “Yes, I am. And it’s hectic and busy, but I really enjoy it.” Ben takes a drink of beer and raises his eyebrows. “Do doctors hook up with hot nurses in break rooms like they do on TV?” I laugh. “Not that I know of.” “But Jim was seeing a hot nurse for a while,” Jacob interjects, and I internally wince. “Whatever happened to her?” “Uh, it was never much of a thing,” I deadpan, going for my beer. “Keeping it casual.” Ben nods in approval. “A guy after my own heart.” Alyson looks up at her brother, green eyes full of fire. “Aren’t you getting too old for casual relationships?” The venom in her voice is directed at me, not
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Ben’s face falls when he looks at his phone. Then his eyes narrow ever so slightly with fear. “Sorry,” he says, and stands. “It’s my mother. I have to take this.” “Go ahead, honey,” Mom says, not catching the worry in Jim’s face like I do. My anger goes out the window, and I’m concerned for him now. He mentioned having a sick family member. What if they couldn’t fight their illness anymore? I set my fork down, reaching for my water, and peer into the kitchen, trying to get a read on Jim’s face. His back is to me, but his hand lands on his neck. Shit. Something is wrong. “Alyson?” Dad says in a tone that lets me know it wasn’t the first time he said my name. “Earth to Alyson.” “Yeah, sorry. What?” Everyone laughs. “I asked you how’s work going on the Batmobile.” He winks and Wes stifles a laugh. “Dad,” I scold. “I told you I can’t talk about it in front of others.” Mom shakes her head,
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I WAKE UP, KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT’S GOING ON, BUT STILL BOGGED DOWN BY MY DREAM THAT everything is perfect. My bedroom door is cracked open just enough to let the dogs in and out, and Rufus moved from my side to the foot of the bed where he could lay under the fan. Thirsty, I get up to get a drink, and see a small paper bag with my name on it, scrawled out in messy black letters. It’s folded down and stapled shut. Curious, I grab it and rip it open. There are two pregnancy tests inside, along with a note from Jim. I LOOK AT THE TESTS AND TRY TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO. IF I AM PREGNANT, HAVING JIM THERE will be reassuring. And if I’m not, we can both celebrate together. I put both boxes back in the bag and slip it in a drawer on the nightstand. It’s only seven o’clock, and everyone is still sleeping, I’m sure. Getting out of bed, I pad into the hall and pause outside of Jim’s door. My stomach flip-flops, and this time I know it’s from nerves. I slowly open th
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The bathroom door closes, and I’m still standing there, looking at the white paint until my vision goes blurry. After I reassured her everything will be okay, she smiled and said she was going to take a shower. But I can’t move. Hell, I can hardly breathe. I’m trying to let it sink in, but my defenses are up and I can’t think past the fact she’s been feeling sick and it’s partly my fault. Or all my fault? I know it took both of us to create the baby, and it’s not like Alyson wasn’t willing. But…fuck. How could I let this happen? I’m a doctor. I know how the body works. And yet I had sex three times with Alyson within twenty- four hours and only used a condom once. Though it’s not like I brought any with me Friday night. I didn’t expect to hook up with anyone, and when it finally happened with Alyson, I wasn’t thinking straight. Rufus tips his head, listening to Mr. And Mrs. Langford move around the kitchen. Knowing it’s time for breakfast, he lazi
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“WELL,” ALYSON SAYS, SHIFTING HER WEIGHT. SHE HOLDS HER HAND UP TO HER FACE TO BLOCK THE sun and steals a look at the house behind her. It’s a little after noon and I need to leave to make it home on time. I’m on call again tonight and need to try and get some sleep just in case I’m called in. “I’ll let you know when I get an appointment.” “Okay.” I swallow hard, fighting the urge to grab her and kiss her. I want so fucking badly to tell her I love her, that I’ve loved her for years, and even though having a baby right now wasn’t planned, it’ll be okay because in the end, we were meant to be together. But if I say all that now, she’ll think I’m only saying it to make her feel better. She’ll think I’m making it up or overexaggerating how I feel in an attempt to show her I really do want this baby. So I’ll wait. We have nine months. “And if you need anything, call me. I’m here, Alyson. Even when I’m not.” Her eyes well with t
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The door shuts behind me and I turn around, prepared to tell Jim this is silly. But the second I see the look in his eyes, all the air is sucked out of my lungs. “Alyson,” he pants, voice heavy with desire. A shiver runs down my spine and his hands land on either side of my waist. “Are you sure you want this?” Parting my lips, I hook my arms around his neck. “Yes,” I breathe, telling the honest truth. I do want Jim, and I’m not just talking about sex. I want him to be with me during this pregnancy. I want him there when I give birth. I want him to raise this child with me. I want us. Together. He wastes no time in kissing me, and I slide my hands down his chest, going right to his belt. His hands go around my back and unhooks my bra. And then the door opens. “Motherfucker,” I blurt as Jim and I untangle. The dogs run in ahead of my parents, with Rufus at the rear, limping. “You should really consider going in and having
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I look in the mirror, making sure my hair is okay. It’s the morning of Jacob and Kara’s wedding, and I’m not feeling the greatest. I’d say I’m nervous, but I don’t think that’s the case. I got invited back into the wedding party at the last minute, and I really do think Kara feels bad about going psychotic over the details of her wedding.I wasn’t the only one who felt her wrath, and after her sorority sister threatened to drop out, Kara changed her ways. Still, things are tense between us, and Jacob was given shit by Kara for hanging out with Jim. It bothered me, pissed me off even, and then I hit week thirty-nine and stopped caring about pretty much everything except getting this baby out of me.She’s still in there, chilling with no signs of making her debut into the world. She finally dropped a week ago and hasn’t progressed since then.“You look beautiful, babe,” Jim says, coming into t
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“Is it just me or is this really awkward?” Alyson leans in, resting her plate of appetizers on her belly.“It’s awkward. I feel like we should leave.”Her aunt Belinda comes over, arms extended. Alyson’s eyes widen, and she nods, putting on a fake smile. We’re at Jacob and Kara’s wedding shower, and Alyson and Jacob’s relatives are more excited about Emma’s upcoming birth and the house Alyson and I are building together than the wedding.Kara has been giving Alyson the stink-eye all afternoon, and Alyson and I retreated to the back of the venue, trying to escape the limelight. Alyson hands me her plate and gets up to hug her aunt. She winces when she stands, making me even more glad she’s done with her job in Chicago. Emma is due in a month and the round ligament pain has gotten worse, as well as Braxton Hicks contractions. She’s been a trooper though, hardly complaining at all. I’ve b
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“Everything was perfect at the latest scan,” I say, taking the ultrasound photos from Alyson. We’re at her parents’ house again, two weeks after getting engaged. It’s Thursday afternoon and a bit early for dinner, but Alyson has to drive back to the city tonight for work in the morning. I was able to get back in for an interview at the local hospital, and after talking with the head surgeon again, I think things went as well as they can after you turn down a job because you didn’t think it’d be challenging enough.“The OB thinks she’s going to be big,” Alyson says, cutting into her chicken. “You are looking like a beached whale already,” Owen tells her with a wink. “I think you look radiant,” Logan counters. “Simply beautiful.”“Flattery isn’t going to make you be the godfather, dumbass,” Owen spits, rolling his eyes at his twin.“We already kn
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“No?” Jim echoes, face paling.“I want to hear the speech.” I chose Jim’s fingers around the ring. “Ask me like you had it planned.”Jim looks down at the ring. “Are you…are you going to say yes?” “Yes!” I say, and tears fall from my eyes. “I love you so much, Jim.”“I love you too,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me onto his lap, and when we kiss, everything fades away. Breathless, I break away, cupping Jim’s face with my hands.“How tired are you?”“Pretty damn tired.”I gently kiss him. “Do you want to get a good night’s sleep and make sure this is what you want?” I ask with a smile.“It’s what I’ve always wanted.” He shifts his weight, holding me close. “I brought the ring to Hawaii with me.”“You’ve had this since the
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Isink into the driver’s seat, squeezing my eyes shut for a second before starting the car. I just got home from Boston, and I have a headache. Both from lack of sleep and from everything going on. But after talking with my mother, I knew what I had to do. You make sacrifices for your children, and in the end, they’re worth it.I have two missed calls from Alyson, and it’s been killing me not to call her back. I wanted to wait until I was in the car though, so she wouldn’t hear the sounds of the airport. Leaving the parking garage, I call her, and she answers after the first ring.“Hey, babe,” I say. “Sorry I missed your calls. I was in back-to-back surgeries.”“You’re at work?” she asks, voice flat.“Yeah. But I’m out now.”“Sure.”“Are you still in Eastwood?”“Yep. That was my plan. Stay here this weekend.”&
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“Your tummy is big, Aunt Winnie.”“Thanks, buddy. But if you think this is big, just wait.”Jackson scrunches up his nose. “I still don’t get how Jim put a baby in there.” “Hey,” Weston says, shaking his head. “We talked about this.”I try not to laugh, knowing the reaction will only perpetuate the situation. “What did you say?” I quietly ask Wes.“A lot of stuff that confused him even more. But I told him it’s not polite to talk to women about things in their bellies.”“Good call. Raise him to be a gentleman.” I put my hand on my lower abdomen, wincing as I straighten up.“You okay, sis?”“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been having more round ligament pain the last few days. My OB said it was more common in the first trimester, fades in the second, and comes back at the end. Some lucky people get it the whol
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“Your frequent flyer is back.”“Are you serious?” I look up from the paperwork I’ve been filling out for the last twenty minutes, knowing by the nurse’s face she is.“Popped stitches. ER sent him up.”“They can’t do stitches down there?” I grumble.The nurse rolls her eyes. “Apparently ‘it’s internal,’ and he needs to see a surgeon. Like we can just put him in front of our other patients. Do you want me to send him back down?”“No, I’ll deal with it. Thank you, though.”I finish my paperwork and deal with the difficult patient, who had a hernia repaired a month ago and hasn’t followed post-op instructions at all. He’s been in three times since his operation. I do rounds after that, finish my paperwork and finally go home after a twenty-six-hour shift.Another resident who’s been in the program with me sin
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I hang up without leaving a message and set my phone down, feeling a little uneasy. I haven’t talked to Jim since yesterday afternoon. Things still weren’t quite resolved between us when we got off the plane, and it’s making the missed calls seem like a bigger deal than it is.I know Jim was in surgery throughout the night and is working again today. He doesn’t usually call if he gets off in the middle of the night, not wanting to wake me up. Though given the way things are unsettled between us, it’s making me worry. And when I worry, I tend to obsess and assume the worst is going to happen. That way if something slightly less traumatic actually does happen, I’m not as devastated.“My bitch is back!” Marissa throws her arms up and comes into my office. “It was so boring around here without you last week. How was vacay?”“Fun,” I tell her with a smile. And it was, up until the plane ride home
