I WAKE UP, KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT’S GOING ON, BUT STILL BOGGED DOWN BY MY DREAM THAT everything is perfect. My bedroom door is cracked open just enough to let the dogs in and out, and Rufus moved from my side to the foot of the bed where he could lay under the fan.
Thirsty, I get up to get a drink, and see a small paper bag with my name on it, scrawled out in messy black letters. It’s folded down and stapled shut.
Curious, I grab it and rip it open. There are two pregnancy tests inside, along with a note from Jim.
I LOOK AT THE TESTS AND TRY TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO. IF I AM PREGNANT, HAVING JIM THERE will be reassuring. And if I’m not, we can both celebrate together. I put both boxes back in the bag and slip it in a drawer on the nightstand.
It’s only seven o’clock, and everyone is still sleeping, I’m sure. Getting out of bed, I pad into the hall and pause outside of Jim’s door. My stomach flip-flops, and this time I know it’s from nerves. I slowly open th
The bathroom door closes, and I’m still standing there, looking at the white paint until my vision goes blurry. After I reassured her everything will be okay, she smiled and said she was going to take a shower. But I can’t move. Hell, I can hardly breathe. I’m trying to let it sink in, but my defenses are up and I can’t think past the fact she’s been feeling sick and it’s partly my fault. Or all my fault? I know it took both of us to create the baby, and it’s not like Alyson wasn’t willing. But…fuck. How could I let this happen? I’m a doctor. I know how the body works. And yet I had sex three times with Alyson within twenty- four hours and only used a condom once. Though it’s not like I brought any with me Friday night. I didn’t expect to hook up with anyone, and when it finally happened with Alyson, I wasn’t thinking straight. Rufus tips his head, listening to Mr. And Mrs. Langford move around the kitchen. Knowing it’s time for breakfast, he lazi
“WELL,” ALYSON SAYS, SHIFTING HER WEIGHT. SHE HOLDS HER HAND UP TO HER FACE TO BLOCK THE sun and steals a look at the house behind her. It’s a little after noon and I need to leave to make it home on time. I’m on call again tonight and need to try and get some sleep just in case I’m called in. “I’ll let you know when I get an appointment.” “Okay.” I swallow hard, fighting the urge to grab her and kiss her. I want so fucking badly to tell her I love her, that I’ve loved her for years, and even though having a baby right now wasn’t planned, it’ll be okay because in the end, we were meant to be together. But if I say all that now, she’ll think I’m only saying it to make her feel better. She’ll think I’m making it up or overexaggerating how I feel in an attempt to show her I really do want this baby. So I’ll wait. We have nine months. “And if you need anything, call me. I’m here, Alyson. Even when I’m not.” Her eyes well with t
The door shuts behind me and I turn around, prepared to tell Jim this is silly. But the second I see the look in his eyes, all the air is sucked out of my lungs. “Alyson,” he pants, voice heavy with desire. A shiver runs down my spine and his hands land on either side of my waist. “Are you sure you want this?” Parting my lips, I hook my arms around his neck. “Yes,” I breathe, telling the honest truth. I do want Jim, and I’m not just talking about sex. I want him to be with me during this pregnancy. I want him there when I give birth. I want him to raise this child with me. I want us. Together. He wastes no time in kissing me, and I slide my hands down his chest, going right to his belt. His hands go around my back and unhooks my bra. And then the door opens. “Motherfucker,” I blurt as Jim and I untangle. The dogs run in ahead of my parents, with Rufus at the rear, limping. “You should really consider going in and having
I WAKE UP WEDNESDAY MORNING WITH A HEADACHE. THERE’S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT NOW: I’M SICK. All the cold medications in my cabinet say they’re not safe if you’re pregnant. I take an extra-long shower, trying to clear my head so I can breathe, and feel a little better. Until I throw up. Slumping to the bathroom floor, I can’t help the tears. I’m alone, scared, and feel like total crap. I want to call my mom and have her comfort me. Neville comes over instead, rubbing his head against me. “Hey, buddy,” I say quietly, stroking his sleek fur. He jumps into my lap, purring, and I close my eyes and lean against the wall. My phone rings and Neville jumps away when I start to get up. Thinking it might be Mom and she somehow felt through the universe I need her, I apprehensively look at the name on the screen. It was bad enough lying to Marissa for a day. There’s no way I can lie to my own mother. But it’s not her. I slowly get to my feet and answer the p
I missed a call from Alyson today, and I noticed it right before I went into surgery. I’ve never had a hard time clearing my head before, but today, as I wash my hands and have my surgical scrubs put on, it’s all I can think about. She hasn’t called me—ever. What if something is wrong? She didn’t leave a message, and she didn’t text either. I’m sure everything is fine with her and the baby. It has to be. As awful as I feel to admit it, there’s a small part of me that’s glad Alyson is pregnant. The timing couldn’t be worse. Jacob is going to hate us both. He’ll forgive Alyson eventually, but the light he holds her in will forever be dimmed. But now that she’s pregnant, we’re talking, and we have a chance. And if anyone was to be the mother of my child, no one is better than Alyson. Sam puts the patient under and we get started. As soon as I make the first cut, I’m back in the game, and the surgical team and I make small talk as we go about treating the patient
WAKING UP WITH ALYSON IN MY ARMS IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. THE SUN IS SETTING, AND we’ve both been asleep for hours. Alyson is still asleep, snoring slightly through her stuffy nose. I brush loose strands of her hair back from her face and kiss her softly. Slowly, I get up and use the bathroom, then climb back into bed with Alyson. In her sleep, she rolls over and wraps her arm around me. I hold her close, never wanting to let go. Then she starts coughing, waking herself up. Groaning, she sits up and reaches for the glass of water, but hesitates. I smile, remembering her saying she won’t drink out of a glass that’s been sitting unattended. “I’ll get you a fresh glass,” I offer and get out of bed. I go into the kitchen, Neville winding around my feet the whole way, and get a clean glass from the cabinet. “Thanks,” Alyson says when I get back, taking the water from me. “How are you feeling?” “I think a little better. I don’t have a heada
I wake up in Jim’s arms, and for the first time since I found out I’m pregnant, everything feels like it’s going to be okay. He made me dinner last night, and went out and got me more Sour Patch Kids before we went to sleep. I carefully roll over, moving closer to him. It feels so good to have him next to me. Physically, his presence is comforting on its own. But having him here for everything else is almost enough to do me in. We jumped into a relationship and need to take things slow. He said he likes me but held off moving forward out of respect to Jacob, but things are bigger than their friendship now. We have less than a week before we drop the bomb on my family, and I’m fairly sure all four of my brothers are going to have a few choice words for Jim. Early morning sun filters through the large windows. I forgot to close the blinds last night, and the light is shining right in on Jim. I reach over and take my phone from the nightstand.
TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER, I WAKE UP, NEEDING TO PEE. JIM IS ASLEEP, AND I SLIP OFF THE couch without waking him up. The ultrasound photos are on the coffee table, and I pick them up when I get back into the living room, staring at them as I go into the kitchen to get more candy. “You’re going to be a big sister,” I tell Lily, the biggest of all my cats. And by biggest, I mean fattest. She’s been on a diet for over a year and hasn’t lost a single pound. “He or she won’t be here for a while, but I thought I’d let ya know.” Lily lets me pet her for a minute before walking away. I take my candy back to the living room, sitting on the edge of the couch by Jim’s feet. After a few minutes of me searching through Netflix for something to watch, Jim wakes up, smiling as soon as he sees me. He runs a hand through his hair, and that messy-sexy look is doing bad things to me. We never did get our thirty minutes like he promised. “How are you feeling?” he asks r
I look in the mirror, making sure my hair is okay. It’s the morning of Jacob and Kara’s wedding, and I’m not feeling the greatest. I’d say I’m nervous, but I don’t think that’s the case. I got invited back into the wedding party at the last minute, and I really do think Kara feels bad about going psychotic over the details of her wedding.I wasn’t the only one who felt her wrath, and after her sorority sister threatened to drop out, Kara changed her ways. Still, things are tense between us, and Jacob was given shit by Kara for hanging out with Jim. It bothered me, pissed me off even, and then I hit week thirty-nine and stopped caring about pretty much everything except getting this baby out of me.She’s still in there, chilling with no signs of making her debut into the world. She finally dropped a week ago and hasn’t progressed since then.“You look beautiful, babe,” Jim says, coming into t
“Is it just me or is this really awkward?” Alyson leans in, resting her plate of appetizers on her belly.“It’s awkward. I feel like we should leave.”Her aunt Belinda comes over, arms extended. Alyson’s eyes widen, and she nods, putting on a fake smile. We’re at Jacob and Kara’s wedding shower, and Alyson and Jacob’s relatives are more excited about Emma’s upcoming birth and the house Alyson and I are building together than the wedding.Kara has been giving Alyson the stink-eye all afternoon, and Alyson and I retreated to the back of the venue, trying to escape the limelight. Alyson hands me her plate and gets up to hug her aunt. She winces when she stands, making me even more glad she’s done with her job in Chicago. Emma is due in a month and the round ligament pain has gotten worse, as well as Braxton Hicks contractions. She’s been a trooper though, hardly complaining at all. I’ve b
“You’re such a bitch for leaving,” Marissa says, standing next to my desk. “I’m going to miss you.”“I’m here for two more weeks,” I remind her. “And Eastwood is two hours away. Less if traffic moves quickly.”“Which happens so often.”“I know. But I’ll be in the city at least once a month.” “You better tell me every time you’re here.”“I will,” I say and look up from my desk. I put in my two weeks’ notice today. I’d been dreading doing it and actually put it off for a full week before talking to my boss. I’m sad to leave, and part of me will miss this place. But it’s mid-January and I’m so ready to go home and be with Jim.We have a small apartment downtown and have been finalizing plans for our house to be built this spring. Feeling like I’m becoming my mother, I’ve been pinning an
“Everything was perfect at the latest scan,” I say, taking the ultrasound photos from Alyson. We’re at her parents’ house again, two weeks after getting engaged. It’s Thursday afternoon and a bit early for dinner, but Alyson has to drive back to the city tonight for work in the morning. I was able to get back in for an interview at the local hospital, and after talking with the head surgeon again, I think things went as well as they can after you turn down a job because you didn’t think it’d be challenging enough.“The OB thinks she’s going to be big,” Alyson says, cutting into her chicken. “You are looking like a beached whale already,” Owen tells her with a wink. “I think you look radiant,” Logan counters. “Simply beautiful.”“Flattery isn’t going to make you be the godfather, dumbass,” Owen spits, rolling his eyes at his twin.“We already kn
“No?” Jim echoes, face paling.“I want to hear the speech.” I chose Jim’s fingers around the ring. “Ask me like you had it planned.”Jim looks down at the ring. “Are you…are you going to say yes?” “Yes!” I say, and tears fall from my eyes. “I love you so much, Jim.”“I love you too,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me onto his lap, and when we kiss, everything fades away. Breathless, I break away, cupping Jim’s face with my hands.“How tired are you?”“Pretty damn tired.”I gently kiss him. “Do you want to get a good night’s sleep and make sure this is what you want?” I ask with a smile.“It’s what I’ve always wanted.” He shifts his weight, holding me close. “I brought the ring to Hawaii with me.”“You’ve had this since the
Isink into the driver’s seat, squeezing my eyes shut for a second before starting the car. I just got home from Boston, and I have a headache. Both from lack of sleep and from everything going on. But after talking with my mother, I knew what I had to do. You make sacrifices for your children, and in the end, they’re worth it.I have two missed calls from Alyson, and it’s been killing me not to call her back. I wanted to wait until I was in the car though, so she wouldn’t hear the sounds of the airport. Leaving the parking garage, I call her, and she answers after the first ring.“Hey, babe,” I say. “Sorry I missed your calls. I was in back-to-back surgeries.”“You’re at work?” she asks, voice flat.“Yeah. But I’m out now.”“Sure.”“Are you still in Eastwood?”“Yep. That was my plan. Stay here this weekend.”&
“Your tummy is big, Aunt Winnie.”“Thanks, buddy. But if you think this is big, just wait.”Jackson scrunches up his nose. “I still don’t get how Jim put a baby in there.” “Hey,” Weston says, shaking his head. “We talked about this.”I try not to laugh, knowing the reaction will only perpetuate the situation. “What did you say?” I quietly ask Wes.“A lot of stuff that confused him even more. But I told him it’s not polite to talk to women about things in their bellies.”“Good call. Raise him to be a gentleman.” I put my hand on my lower abdomen, wincing as I straighten up.“You okay, sis?”“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been having more round ligament pain the last few days. My OB said it was more common in the first trimester, fades in the second, and comes back at the end. Some lucky people get it the whol
“Your frequent flyer is back.”“Are you serious?” I look up from the paperwork I’ve been filling out for the last twenty minutes, knowing by the nurse’s face she is.“Popped stitches. ER sent him up.”“They can’t do stitches down there?” I grumble.The nurse rolls her eyes. “Apparently ‘it’s internal,’ and he needs to see a surgeon. Like we can just put him in front of our other patients. Do you want me to send him back down?”“No, I’ll deal with it. Thank you, though.”I finish my paperwork and deal with the difficult patient, who had a hernia repaired a month ago and hasn’t followed post-op instructions at all. He’s been in three times since his operation. I do rounds after that, finish my paperwork and finally go home after a twenty-six-hour shift.Another resident who’s been in the program with me sin
I hang up without leaving a message and set my phone down, feeling a little uneasy. I haven’t talked to Jim since yesterday afternoon. Things still weren’t quite resolved between us when we got off the plane, and it’s making the missed calls seem like a bigger deal than it is.I know Jim was in surgery throughout the night and is working again today. He doesn’t usually call if he gets off in the middle of the night, not wanting to wake me up. Though given the way things are unsettled between us, it’s making me worry. And when I worry, I tend to obsess and assume the worst is going to happen. That way if something slightly less traumatic actually does happen, I’m not as devastated.“My bitch is back!” Marissa throws her arms up and comes into my office. “It was so boring around here without you last week. How was vacay?”“Fun,” I tell her with a smile. And it was, up until the plane ride home