how it feels to be lonely?

Did you ever ask yourself these questions?

Why does everyone I got close to leave me?

Am I the reason behind there departure?

Do I have a fatal disease that drive every person away from me?

Well, I never wondered such things until this moment.

I stood there looking at my one and only childhood friend, Tania, as she jokes and laughs with the most unexpected people, My bullies.

I made my way to the school entrance ignoring the stinging feeling in my heart. She got tired of me.

Is that a new feeling? No.

Did I expect that? absolutely yes.

I was always wondering when would she get tired of me and my pathetic excuse of a life. As they all did.

Everytime I think I made a friend, they leave and side up with 'them'.

 Tania, was different. She was my savior, my shoulder to cry on, the person who always catch me before I fall.

 She was my only hope, the person that cleans up my wounds after getting beaten up, she used to cry all night while looking at my miserable state.

Now, she left too. leaving me all alone in such a pathetic state. I wanted answers from her. 

I wanted to cry ad shout at her, tell her what did I do for her to leave me like all the others, but I knew better.

Besides, Why would I let them know that they are getting to me?

If I cry, I will break down infront of the people that made me like this. 

A coward.

It would be the thing that would bring the unbearable pain burried inside for 4 years, and he wouldn't be proud.

" Look, look, she is here" Shouted Melissa, the worst of them all. 

Ignoring her, I carried on walking, hoping she will jsut let it go.

I stopped dead in my track when I felt something hard hit my head. I winced in pain.

I looked at the ground, seeing a rock fall down just below my feet.

Turning around, I was met with a completely different Tania.

Her face full of make up. she was wearing a tight short black skirt with a white t'shirt tucked inside, a black leather jacket to finish off the look, Her uncovered hair bouncing as she walked, the beautiful golden waves reaching her tiny waist.

I must admit she looked gorgeous. However, this wasn't her. This was a new Tania. The shy hijabist Tania was gone. 

Just from the evil smirk she was holding, you can tell she changed, my Tania would never look at me like that. 

She would never be disgusted by seeing me. Or hit me with a rock.

" Oh, look who decided to show up." she said eyeing me up and down, a look of disgust on her face, same buddy same.

I was just as disgusted as she was. Her outfit were way too revealing, her head scarf missing. She was way too better and more beautiful with her beautiful abayas.

Wearing hijab and pulling it off. I mean who does that?

" I guess you are too shocked that you forgot how to talk" she said taking a step towards me. 

I rolled my eyes, and turned on my heals to leave.

" oops, I think I am not done with you yet" she said grabbing my hand, I brushed it off, only for her to grab my head scraf.

I turned around quickly. 

" What's wrong with you?" I yelled, fixing my scarf. However, she didn't pull away. 

She turned around to the group of girls she was with, smirking.

" Oh, you think I would always be that the pathetic friend of a piece of dirt like yourself?" She said, her attention on me now.

" Poor you, you think you are something special, huh? God, what was I thinking being a friend of a disgusting item like you."

Item?

I felt my heart break at her words, how could she be so mean after being the most amazing friend ever.

She was like a sister to me.

Oh god, please have mercy on me.

I bit my lip to stop tears to fall. I can't let her see me cry, not after showing her true colors.

" listen here, you bitch, don't look at me like that like you are the victim. Who can blame them? Do you not look at yourself in the mirror?" she said, making my heart break more than it already is.

Not her too. She can't be doing this.

" or, oh did your stepfather break it" she said mockingly, my eyes widened, she took it too far.

" Did I hit a nerf" she said smirking, I blinked once, twice.

I could not believe my ears. 

NO, NO, No!!!!! my eyes sting, my heart aching, I felt sick, like I am about to faint.

How cruel would my life get?

Ignore Karima!! she doesn't deserve this, my subconcious told me;

I need to ignore her indeed.

I exhaled, turning around, only for her to take off my head scarf, I panicked.

This can't be happening, I hurried and covered my hair with my hands, tears streaming down my face now.

I shoot her a dangerous look. while all she did, was smirk, my scarf on one of the guys far away from me.

I hurried and ran toward him, oly for him to throw it to the ground stepping on it.

" You don't need it, your hair is beautiful" he said mocking me, they knew the meaning of it.

They knew I was a Muslim. They knew it was a necessity. Yet, they did this.

I fell to the ground my long honey hair falling from the bun. 

I tried to yank the scarf from his feet, but I couldn't.

Many took off there phones recording the whole thing. While I was numb. 

I deceived my god. everyone saw me and my hair. 

everyone was laughing when I finally succeed to pull the scarf away from his feet, it dirty stained with dirt.

I pulled on my head, standing only to look at Tania, a smug look on her face.

" you will regret this, we both know you will" I said, running to the bathroom.

My heart beating fast, I felt like shit.

What I feared happened, Now everyone will see that, I am doomed.