As mentally and physically tired as Faith was, she believed that she will only wake up from the nightmares or her screaming in her sleep, but her sleep was hard to catch. She doesn’t remember how many times during the night she woke up. It was like her body was afraid to fall asleep. She would check her phone each time she woke up to see, that she only got sleep for a few minutes.
She would go back to sleep, only to wake up a few minutes later. Her sleep came in brief periods, it came and go all night long. Each time she woke up with a memory of her family, the first time she was awakened by the thought of her mother – smiling sweetly at her. The next time, it was her brother – pulling her hair and calling her an ‘idiot’.
After that, it was her sister, Rebecca – friskily gushing about her crush on her. And then, her father – she thought she would wake up to the fresh memory of him committing suicide in front of her, but instead, she woke up to the sweet memories she had of him. And just like that, each time she woke up in the middle of the night, she woke up to a memory.
By four in the morning, she gave up. She couldn’t sleep. There was a feeling of disquiet, she couldn’t escape it. It was a cold morning. She stepped towards the small window and looked at the deserted garden – on a normal day, it would have seemed scary to her but not anymore – nothing seemed scarier than her own life.
The glass of the window radiated cold, which prickled her skin. She thought of the letter her father left her. Nothing made sense to her. Although her father asked to go and meet her so-called guardian, she doesn’t want to – then again, all the questions pinch her thoughts. Why was she left behind? Why was she in danger?
Who is Mateo Nixon, and how is she related to him? She heaved a sigh and rested her throbbing head against the chilled window – sending shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes and softly banged her forehead against the cold glass. What to do? What not to do? Her mind raced.
In contrast, in a club named Xon – the DJ played loud music and let it blasts in the spacious but closed space. The blue neon light highlighted the sweaty bodies, dancing on each floor. Even in the closet space, there wasn’t even a hint of the smell of alcohol, sweat, or smoke. It was daytime in the club while at four in the morning, the world slept. While inside the club, the adults were having a careless time.
A long line was formed outside the club – people desperately trying to get into the club but it wasn’t easy to get in. Levi Khari, a member of the Xon club, walked to the bouncer. Levi didn’t need to verify his membership – everyone in the club knew him – he was one of the elites. The employees of Xon knew him as the second in command.
Levi Khari strolled past the waiting line – not even sparing them a glance. He heard some people trying to reach him – asking him to let them in, but Levi didn’t care. One of the many rules of Mateo was to never commend anyone based on their status, gender, orientation, or influence. If they exceedingly want to be a part of the club, they will wait in lines or get an official membership. Levi offered a small smile to the bouncers, “How is it going tonight?” He asked them. One of the bouncers shook his head, “Everything is under control,” he affirmed. Just as when Levi was about to walk in, he felt a hand on his arm. He immediately halted and looked to his right to see a young woman by his side, a woman he had never seen before.
“Hi, handsome.” She smiled sweetly at Levi – who didn’t return the gesture. She wasn’t acting slutty nor was she battering her eyelashes or pushing her body up again him. She was a fairly attractive woman and her words stood true. Levi was handsome.
Levi Khari was nearing mid-thirties – at the age of thirty-two, he was closer to thirty-five than he was to twenty-five. His tall figure was fairly attractive, something that he has in his genes – his father was just as tall as him and so are his brothers. A thick stubble covers the lower half of his face – his brown eyes always compliment his olive skin tone.
He looked at the woman and shook his head – he knows what they want, “Sorry, ma’am.” He gently pushed her hand off his arm, “I can't help you here,” he nodded, and before the woman could say anything, he walked inside the club.
As he was about to climb the stairs to get to the exclusive session, he halted midway as he saw, Blair dragging a young man and a woman – holding them by their arms. “Come on, woman! We were just making out,” The guy struggled to get rid of the firm hold of Blair’s hand, who rolled her eyes at him, “I didn’t know you could make out with your dick,” she blurts out.
The woman tried to snatch her arm away from Blair, but she failed. “Bitch, we were just having sex in the washroom, it wasn’t like we were doing it in front of the crowd!” The woman complained. Levi inspected the appearance of the couple.
The woman had her jeans in her hand while she stood in her black lacy panty and unevenly buttoned blouse, while the man was trying to cover his obvious hard-on with the jeans his hands in hand – thankfully the boxers her wore covered up his skin. Levi’s eyes went back on the woman’s blouse, not because he wanted to stare at her almost exposed chest but because the uneven buttoning bothered him. He likes his stuff organized.
Blair rolled her eyes and looked at one of the guards. The guard didn’t need to be said anything – he knew what to do – he had to throw them out of the club, simple. Blair handed the couple to the guard and looked at the woman who snarled at Blair, “You know the rules, no sex in the club. Now get out,” she pointed her finger towards the exit.
The guard didn’t wait for the woman to reply – he simply dragged them to the exit. Levi couldn’t help but chuckle at Blair who cringed as she looked at her hands, “Urgh, I need to wash my hands. I think I touched something wet,” she told Levi and skipped upstairs.
Levi heaved a sigh and looked around the club – he could see some of the couples kissing. He glanced around before he climbed the stairs.
Another rule of the club, no sex is allowed within the premises. You could make out but no threading the needle was allowed – if anyone was caught doing the deed, they will be thrown out – as simple as that.
Blair is usually the one that catches the sneaky and horny couples, she finds it amusing to walk into people having secret sex – she is a little crazy, that is what they say about her.
Blair was a badass woman, maybe in her late twenties – she might look like the woman that hates everything around her, but she was not as she appeared to be – she might like to wear black or grey all the time, always had smoky makeup on and with her black short hair – everyone thinks that she will turn them blue if they even try to approach her.
But in reality, Blair was happily married with no kids. She works as one of the bouncers of the club while her husband is a school teacher, no one knows how they met, nor does anyone believes that Blair married a school teacher – mostly because no one ever met the man, also it was hard to believe that a woman like Blair ended up with a school teacher. She likes to keep her personal life personal – something Levi appreciates.
Faith was in the washroom when she heard a knock at her door. The knock made the hair stand on the back of her neck – it was close to thirty pasts four in the morning – why would anyone come to her room at such a late hour? She recalled the words of the man that spoke to her in the hospital.
Was she really in danger? She slowly walked out of the washroom – making sure she doesn’t make any sound to alert the person behind the closed and locked door. She gulped painfully and with teary eyes, she walked to the door and throw the peephole, she looked outside at the unknown man – waiting for her to open the door. He appeared to be a police officer but something was off.
Faith was having a hard time believing that it was a real police officer. First, he was wearing black sunglasses in the dark, and second, his right hand was fixed on the gun he had in the gun holder. He once again knocked at her door.
She again looked through the peephole to look at the gun – with shaky hands she decided to open the door, maybe he was here to check on her. She almost opened it when her eyes fell on the gun – it had a silencer fit on it. Why would a police officer have a gun with a silencer? This didn’t fit well with her.
Another bang on the door echoed in her room. She took a step back when she heard, “Miss Merchant, I know you are in there – I am here for a routine check,” the police officer spoke from the other side of the door.
Fear ran through her body – she sprinted to get the envelope from under the pillow before she packed it in her jeans pocket and decided to run away through the window. Since she was staying on the first floor, she might have a chance to get away.
She opened the window, only to shiver – partly due to the cold and partly due to the fear. She was shaking badly as tears fell down her cheeks. She was scared – too scared. She looked out of the window and took a sigh of relief to see fire-escape stairs.
She was about to step out of the window when she heard a loud bang on the door but the man didn’t say anything. She wasn’t brave enough to take a chance, so she went out of the window and with the help of the fire escape – she climbed down to the back of the hotel. She looked up at her opened window before she ran to the garden. The absence of the light helps her hide behind the thick bushes.
From behind the bushes, her eyes were fixed on the window of the room she just escaped. After hardly two to three minutes, she gasped as she saw the same man that was at the door, standing at her window.
He had forced his way in. It only confirmed her fears, he was not the real police officer – he was there to hurt her or possibly help her – she couldn’t tell nor was she going to take any chance. The man stood by the window – looking outside, trying to catch a glimpse of Faith, who was hiding behind the thick bushes.
After a couple of minutes, she saw the man talking on his phone before he turned around and he was gone. After a while she kept looking at the window, too scared to come out of the bushes. She placed her palm over her mouth and broke into silent sobs.
It was six in the morning. It was time to close the club. Levi stood at the gallery as he saw the employees of the club cleaning and shutting down everything after each patron was gone. The sun had risen hence the club had closed. It will open again at eight at the night – that is how it works every day.
He walked back into the suite – where his cigar rested on the ashtray while his whiskey rested on the table – he hardly drank anything this night, with Mateo gone on a business trip to Spain, he was the one that was looking after the club. He sighed and sat on the chair behind his desk – maybe he will stay at the club and sleep on the couch, he didn’t feel like driving to his apartment just to sleep and then coming back in the noon to work – he rather stays in the office.
He picked his cigar in between his fingers and was about to smoke it when the intercom went off. He answered it casually, “Yes?” He spoke. One of the bouncers, Will, spoke from the other end, “Khari, you might want to see this,” he said. Khari brought his eyebrows together and leaned back to his chair, “What do you mean?” he asked. “Switch on the security cameras – the one in the waiting room,” Will said shortly.
Levi picked the small remote from his desk and pointed toward multiple LEDs that were fixed on the wall in front of him. His eyes immediately went to the camera views of the waiting room to see a woman sitting on one of the couches while having her arms securely folded around her as she rocked back and forth.
Levi was perplexed to see the unknown woman; he couldn’t see her face as she was looking down at an envelope she had fisted in her hand. “The club is closed. Who is she?” Levi spoke as his eyes were fixed on the woman.
Will heaved a sigh, “I know and I told her that, but she wants to see Mr. Nixon,” Will said to Levi. Levi snorted at her ridiculous demand and almost rolled his eyes, “I see – just tell her some other time,” Levi told Will and was about to cut the call when Will spoke again, “She has a card – an old business card with Mateo’s signature behind it,” Will said. Levi sighed unimpressed, “Will, most of the population can write – so what if she has a card with his signature on it,” Levi said, “It must be fake. Just came sure the girl leaves,” Levi said.
“She is crying a lot and said that she was being followed and that someone tried to kill her,” Will spoke chillingly. “She insists on meeting Mateo Nixon,” he added, “She gave me the card and asked to give it to Mr. Nixon and tell him that Faith Merchant was there to see him. She said he will understand,” Will continued.
There was a small pause after which Will spoke again, “As weird as this may sound, she says that Mr. Nixon is her guardian,” Will concluded. Levi wordlessly listened to Will while his eyes were fixed on the woman who sat in the waiting room with her arms around her – rocking back and forth. After another brief pause, Will spoke, “Do you think that she is a setup?” he asked. Levi pressed his lips together, “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “If she is then Mateo is going to kill her,” he added.
“What am I supposed to do?” Will asked. Levi was silent for a few seconds while his eyes were fixed on the woman – a pretty young woman.
He sighed, “Let her in,” he said. “But Mr. Nixon is not here, Levi,” Will spoke. Levi nodded his head, “I know,” he said. “If she is a pawn – then she cannot leave,” he told Will. “What if she is not?” Will asked.
“Then Mateo will decide what to do,” Levi told Will – his eyes didn’t move from the screen – looking at the young woman. “I am not sure what he will do, but until he comes back – she will have to be locked down,” Levi added.
“What if she is a pawn?” Will asked. Levi placed the cigar in between his lips and smoked it, “Then Mateo will kill her,” Levi replied – his eyes not moving away from the mysterious woman.
Faith doesn’t know how she managed to reach the address her father wrote in the letter. The adrenaline rushed throughout her body as she drove the cab, constantly looking out of the car – making sure she was not followed. Her breathing was irregular and even though it was very cold outside, she was sweating. The young cab driver noticed Faith’s lack of composure through the rear-view mirror and after witnessing her apprehension, he spoke. “Madam, if you are in trouble and need help, just let me know – I will drive around till you talk to the police. You can use my phone for it,” He said softly – not trying to appall her further. Faith was grateful for the young man driving her to the club, but she couldn’t bring the police in – she was advised not to. And after she was visited by men dressed as police officers twice, she wasn’t sure if she could gamble it more especially when one broke into her room which she believes was to kill her. She wasn’t so sure about Mateo Nixon either, but
Silence – long uncomfortable and agonizing silence. Faith spilled everything that happened in two days to the mysterious man sitting right in front of him while he sat silently, not uttering a single word. He didn’t ask her a word – he just looked at her and she started to talk like a trained parrot. He sat with his leg resting on his knee while he was leaning back in the chair. His elbow was resting on the armrest and his long index finger was pinned on his cheek and his middle finger was bent and pressed on his lips while the rest of the fingers were clustered under his chin. He had his eyebrow raised while he listened to her and after she was done, he didn’t move. He didn’t react. He simply stayed in his position while his eyes bore her down. He did not look angry nor did he look happy. He did not look confused or even amused. He simply looked – bored. His earthy eyes were bearing her down. She gulped and averted her eyes down to her intertwined fingers. Her heart was thumping in h
Levi went after Faith, but by the time he went out – she was already gone. He looked around the area of the club, but she was nowhere to be seen. Levi guessed that she found a ride back to her home, but still to make sure he drove around the area – just to see if she has truly gone or not. After looking for her in his car for about half an hour, he concluded that she had found the ride and came back to the club to tell Mateo. The sun was already shining in the sky, which might have made it easy for Faith to catch a ride. Levi was too tired to talk to Mateo in detail, so he just went into his office and informed him that he couldn’t find Faith. Levi saw Mateo, laying straight on his black leather couch with his elbow resting over his eyes. Mateo didn’t even bother to take his shoes off – he must have been truly exhausted to be able to sleep in such a state. Levi decided not to disturb him. He slowly closed the door to Mateo's office and walked up to his own office. He was in desperate
Three days passed and in those three days, Faith had stayed in three different hotels. Maybe she was acting paranoid but she didn’t want to take any risk. She has been planning on visiting Xon’s club every night and each time she bows out. It had been six days since she lost her entire family, joy, and peace, yet she was confused. Friday slowly approached. Faith had already placed an application to freeze her semester while some of her classmates tried to contact her after knowing about the murder-suicide case that involved her family. She hasn’t been receiving their calls and messages but she hasn’t been answering them. She was not ready to talk about her family’s tragedy. How could she when she couldn’t even make any sense out of it? Elijah didn’t call her but she did receive two messages from him. One was sent two days ago and she received the second one last night. Elijah: Faith, I have been typing and erasing this message for the last hour. I am so sorry about what happened. I k
“How did you get that bruise on your hand?” Ethan asked as he pointed and looked down at the bruise she received when she was so mercilessly thrown out of Xon. Faith looked down and pulled her sleeves down – burying the bruise from his sight. She waved her other hand dismissively, “It is nothing. I fell last week.” She lied. Ethan nodded his head as he chewed the morsel he had in his mouth. He dusted his hands for the crumbs of the bread roll, “How are you doing?” He asked and placed his forearms on the small round wooden table between them – still unaware of the truth. How was Faith doing? She was miserable. She was tired. She hasn’t slept properly in days. And most of all she is scared. She is scared that someone is going to hurt her. She is miserable without her family – she misses them. She misses them so much – every night she cries until her tears dry out. Every day she changes her location, just in case someone does come looking for her. The fear is always around her. The ant
Faith slides down to the floor, her back still resting against the wall. Her mind has grasped the fact that she was safe, but her body couldn’t. Her body was trembling – her left foot was quivering. Her fingers were still slightly numb and her heart was beating in her mouth. She was traumatized and the pair of familiar earthy eyes on her didn’t help. It was like his eyes were boring into her flesh – twisting it raw. Her teeth chattered as she shifted her position and averted her teary red eyes from the floor to the man sitting on the edge of her dingy bed. She felt a chill run down her spine as he narrowed his eyes at her but didn’t move an inch away from her face. “You are okay now,” She heard another voice from over her. She lifted her head to see the tall man standing beside her. He slowly scoots down beside – his long legs bending down. He didn’t touch her, but he did look at her with concern written on his face. “It is fine, Faith. We are not here to hurt you.” The man spoke as
Faith felt like a criminal held under investigation. It shouldn’t be like this. It should be the other way around. She should put Mateo under inspection. He is the one who has the answers to her questions, after all. But here she is sitting in the middle of a lavishing office with tall bookcases, a small bar with numerous alcoholic drinks on display in one corner – some of them seem to be extremely expensive, a desk in the middle of the room, a sofa set and center table in the other corner of the spacious room, and a huge LED on the wall. By the window of the office, there is a water wall. This room has its own world. She wanted to look around, she was mesmerized by the locale, but how could she when this strange man is sitting across her – staring so blankly at her? She feels stiff under his explorative gaze. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in his intimidating eyes nor could she look around, therefore her eyes fixed on her fidgeting fingers on her lap. When she heard him he
The room Faith is staying in is better than the one she had at her own house. The bed in the middle of the room was big enough for two giants to sleep on it, with space still left between them. There wasn’t a window as big as the one in Mateo’s office, but there was one that was securely locked. A door slides open, which is also a full-size mirror, to a small and empty wardrobe while a door leading into a washroom is just beside it. There was a small bookcase in one corner with a small table beside it and a very comfortable couch in front of it. Faith did try to go through the books that were on the shelves, but none of the titles interested her – nor was she in the right mind to read now. There is also an LED fixed on the wall and a small fridge with all the essentials stored in it. Faith wonders if this is an extra room in this man’s club – how luxurious his house must be. This only made her want to scratch the curiosity in her mind. How did her father know someone like Mateo Nixon?
A good day came months after. The people of the village finally got their freedom. When that happened, week-long celebrations were held at the village, and all of them were invited, especially, Faith, Mateo, and Kai. It was a joyous occasion. Even when everyone was dreading back where they all spend the worst days of their lives, of course, they went anyway. Hesitant at first, everyone had a great time. Faith had never seen the people of the village have such a festive spirit. It was truly a beautiful week. Faith spends most of her time with her grandmother, Kami, and his family. Benji didn’t want to go with them, but when Kami asked – he couldn’t say no. Lora (Kami’s sister) was there to welcome everyone. Everyone could see how excited Benji got when he saw her. Piper and Kai exchanged a knowing glance. Benji has a crush on Lora. He had it since he came here for the first time. After he returned to the city, he kept in contact with her in one way or another. Faith was happy to see
(One Year Later)Even today when Faith closes her eyes and thinks about her recent past, she can’t truly process it. She can’t believe that so much changed in the past couple of years. From losing her entire family to almost getting killed to find a new family – a new purpose – everything in her life was nothing less than a lesson – a brutal and painful lesson. Currently, she was sitting in a meeting along with Kai and Mateo – but they weren’t the only ones there. The three of them were hosts, while the other distant members of the Ricci and Bianchi clan, a few mafia leaders, and a couple of correspondents from the village were in the room. The debate was on – whether the village/island should be given its independence or not.Faith was sitting in between Kai and Mateo. She averted her gaze to the other side of the room where Kami sat along with a few young faces representing the village. Faith could tell that the young boy was nervous. She shoots him an assuring smile. Kami smiled ba
Kai didn’t say anything in return. He just impassively stared at Mateo before they were interrupted by Faith and Piper’s loud laughter. Both looked at the girls to find that Ethan had managed to pull Levi into the pool. He grabbed Levi’s ankle and pulled him in, making the water splash around and the girls laugh. Mateo heaved a sigh and shook his head as he watched his friend emerge from under the water, not looking much impressed. Noel was standing behind Levi when Ethan pulled him in, he was now watching them two. Ethan laughed and splashed some water towards him with his hand, “What are you doing up there loser? Get in!” Noel shook his head, “No, and you need to come out too.” He looks at all of them, “You all do. It is chilly and the water is cold,” he added. “It is not that cold,” Piper replied. It was because Kai switch on the heater to warm up the water, but that’s mean it was okay to be in a pool on a chilly night under the sky. Just at that moment, Piper sneezed. That was i
Faith and Piper were wasted. If having one drink after another wasn’t enough, they were now drinking straight out of the bottle. “We should go swimming,” Faith slurred a suggestion to which Piper enthusiastically nodded her head, agreeing to it. Before anyone could stop them, an equally drunk Ethan got on his feet and threw his fist in the air, “Hell yeah! Let’s go!!” he yelled out and hooted. Everyone else was so concerned about Faith and Piper that they didn’t even notice just how much Ethan was drinking. These three were completely wasted. Noel was slightly tipsy. Where else, Levi, Mateo, and Kai only had a single drink so they weren’t drunk at all. They decided to stay sober to keep an eye on girls, and well – now Ethan as well. “Excellent,” Levi muttered under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. He moved to Ethan, who was swinging from one side to another with a bottle of one of the most expensive whiskeys in his hand. Kai glanced at the bottle in his hand. He didn’t
Faith was in her room, changing with there was a knock on her door. Her room was now filled with done and undone boxes. She will be moving out tomorrow and there is so much left to do. But currently, she wasn’t focused on it. She is certain that she will be able to pack before the movers arrive. She was concerned about the dinner party they were having tonight. Faith had already invited everyone and now she was changing for the night. By the knock on the door, she was certain that Mateo has arrived. She quickly picked up the clothes she threw on the floor and put them on the bed before she spoke, “Yes?” The door opened and indeed it was Mateo. He looked good. Fresh and well-rested. It took everyone over a month to get over what happened on the island. The exhaustion and trauma (for some) didn’t leave for days. Mateo was looking like he did when Faith first met him. The difference between then and now is that then he had a hard scowl on his face, and now he was smiling. Then he threw
“Are you all packed up?” Piper asked Faith who came to her room to visit. Faith looked at Piper and smiled. “Yes, almost. Just a few things are remaining to be packed,” she replied. In two days, Faith is moving in with Mateo. For the past week, she has been very busy. She didn’t realize how comfortable she has gotten at Kai’s place, that now that she was winding everything up here, she feels sad to be leaving. When she started packing, she was excited. For her, moving in with Mateo is like a new chapter of her life, but as she proceeded, she realized how uncomfortable yet relieving it is to end this brief, daunting, and challenging chapter of her life. Piper was sitting on the bed, reading, when Faith knocked on her door. She exhaled and smiled broadly at her, “So, are you excited?” She asked. Faith chuckled and sat on the bed beside her, “I am.” She nodded her head, “But I am also nervous. There are so many ifs and buts in my head that I can hardly sleep at night,” she replied hon
“Thank you,” Piper hugged and thanked Faith, before she looked at Mateo, “Thank you both of you. I don’t know what would have happened if it wasn’t for you two. I would have been living on the streets,” she added. “Hey!” “What the hell?” Levi and Kai spoke at the same time. Piper pulled her eyebrows together and looked at both of them. Kai was frowning while Levi stepped forward, “What do you mean you would have been on the streets? Are you kidding me? I would have never let you be on street. Damn, I thought you thought of me as a friend, but boy was I wrong.” Levi scoffed. Where Kai just watched her dumbfounded. She softly chuckled at Levi. “Oh, I would have never bothered you. You already got your hands full,” she told him bobbing her head towards Benji’s room. The door of Benji’s room was open and inside everyone can see Benji and Ethan playing video games. They were so engrossed by what they were playing that they didn’t even notice the people outside looking at them. Ethan and
Kai squinted his eyes. When he was coming out of Piper’s room, he did not expect Faith, Mateo, and Benji right outside – watching him walk out of the room. Their curious gazes made him feel like he was sneaking out of her room after a one-night stand. Mateo was shamelessly smirking at him. Faith was curiously watching him, and Benji had his eyes narrowed at him. Kai cleared his throat and ignored Mateo’s comment and Faith’s question. He was about to tell them that they shouldn’t be so nosy when the doorbell rang. Faith and Mateo pulled their eyebrows together and looked at each other, “Who is here so early in the morning?” She muttered and watched as one of the helpers opened the door. It was Levi and Ethan. “What are you two doing here so early?” Mateo asked with his eyebrows knitted together. Levi didn’t look good. He looked like he didn’t sleep all night. Ethan looked tired as well, but not as exhausted as Levi. Levi glared at Ethan at Mateo’s question. Levi heaved a sigh. His sh
Kai has been inside Piper’s room for an hour. He was now sitting on the floor while she was sitting on the floor as well but she sat by the window. She was watching outside the window while her knees pressed to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. While her eyes were fixed outside, Kai’s eyes were fixed on her. They have been talking for the last hour. No yelling or name was calling. There were no accusations, nor did they completely patch up – they were just talking, which was due for some time now. They fight. They have had sex. They have done everything, but they never get the chance to sit and just talk about themselves. About their insecurities, about their feelings, about everything they bring to each other. Piper last put forward a very interesting point, “Aren’t we toxic for each other? There is just too much we don’t agree on.” She had muttered. Her point was quite simple. She told him that even if Jeremy hadn’t attacked her or anyone else, and even if he was just try