Chapter 5:Devyn

“I really don’t want to go out, Brena,” I moaned as she rummaged through the boxes in the middle of my bedroom floor.

“Girl, you are going.” She waved me off as she continued to look through the boxes that she kneeled in front of on my bedroom floor. “Your parents volunteered to watch all five of your kids, and that is a sign from up above that you are meant to hit the town. I know you haven’t been out since Sterling passed.”

She was right, but I didn’t feel right just hitting the town when my husband had just died. Besides, I didn’t have many friends in Arlington. Sure, I was cordial with a few of the Army wives that lived in the neighborhood, and they had offered their shallow condolences when they got wind of Sterling’s untimely demise, but that was as far as our “friendship” went.

“I’m just not ready,” I finally confessed.

Brena stopped what she was doing and placed her hands on her knees before looking up at me. I could see the pity on her face. Brena remained silent for a moment as she tried to find the right words to say.

“I have to show you something,” she said, breaking the silence.

“What?”

I was confused as I watched Brena pull out her phone. She scrolled through it before stopping and staring at the screen. My heart beat with anticipation as I wondered what she had to show me. I tried to prepare myself for what it was because it could have been anything. Brena glanced up at me, and I could tell that she was debating on showing me. Finally, she extended her arm to hand me her phone. I took it from her and stared at the screen. Instantly, my heart began to hurt.

From: Sterling Parks <[e-mail]>

To: Zabrena Lyles <[e-mail]>

Date: September 2, 2015

Re: The love of my life

Brena,

I’m writing this after watching some lame chick flick your best friend had me watch. I don’t know what it is about her, but Devyn has been everything I have ever wanted since the day I laid eyes on her in first grade. We have built this amazing life together, and as I watch her sleeping on my lap in all of her pregnant glory, I know that I would do anything in the world to keep her happy. I know being in the Army has not been easy for my wife, but she has been a trooper through it all.

I have to admit that I have a dangerous line of work. Even though I try to play it off as if it isn’t as serious, I put my life on the line daily to protect my country and my family. I often wonder how Devyn would cope without me because I know that she is the air that I breathe and being without her is completely unthinkable.

If something happens to me, I need you to promise me that you will help Devyn move on. I want her to find love again. She deserves all the happiness in the world. If I can’t be the one to put a smile on her face, make sure that she finds someone who will. As much as I don’t want to think about leaving Devyn behind, it has always been in the back of my mind since I joined the military in 2002. I hope that I have prepared her for a day that I may not come home, but in case that she has a hard time moving one… give her the push she needs, B! I’m counting on you.

Love your bro,

Sterling

I didn’t know I was crying until Brena stuffed tissue into my hand. I used it to dry my tears before I handed Brena her phone back. Even in death, Sterling was trying his best to make me happy. Although I didn’t think that I could ever find a love a pure as the one we shared, I made a silent promise to Sterling that I would at least try.

“See, Dev? Even Sterling knows you need to start putting yourself out there. Let’s just go meet Jaleel and Bryan at this bar and see what kind of trouble we can get in.” Brena smiled devilishly as she pulled a pair of skinny jeans and a fitted white t-shirt from the box. “This will be the perfect base. We can just dress it up a little with some wedges and jewelry, and it will be a simple yet casual look for the night.”

“I don’t want my feet hurting.” I turned my nose up at the idea of any kind of heel. I was happy in a pair of Doc Martens.

“Well, you are not wearing those tired ol’ slides, so you might as well get used to the idea.”

“Fine, B.”

I finally gave in to Brena’s demands and snatched the clothes out of her hand before trudging off to my bathroom. I quickly got dressed and brushed my hair into a messy bun. As a busy mother of five, I was not big on makeup, so I put on a little lipstick, eyeliner, and mascara before I walked back into my room. I was met with Brena’s approving gaze as she handed me some accessories to complete my look. Instead of wedges, Brena managed to find a pair of sandals with a chunky heel and some simple silver jewelry. I was impressed with her choices because Brena was the flashier dresser between the two of us.

“You look beautiful.” Brena beamed.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”  I motioned for the door as I grabbed my clutch, keys, and phone. I said a silent prayer to Sterling that I wasn’t making a mistake by going out for the night.

Ж

            The last time I had been to House of Blues, I didn’t have kids. The atmosphere was still laid back, and the aroma from the kitchen made my stomach growl. Even though I spent the afternoon devouring crawfish, I couldn’t help but want a few appetizers to go with my drinks.

            “Jaleel and Bryan said they are parking. Let’s go grab a few beers from the bar.”

            Brena didn’t wait for me to answer as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the long bar. It was Saturday night, so the bar was full of people trying to enjoy their weekend. We squeezed our way to the counter, and I bumped elbows with a handsome man. He looked slightly annoyed when he looked down at me, but I gave him a shy smile.

            “Excuse me!” I yelled over the live band. “I didn’t mean to bump into you.”

            “It’s OK.” He returned my smile before going back to his conversation.

            I focused my attention on Brena. I was glad that she didn’t witness the short exchange because she would have been trying to play Cupid and set me up with a total stranger. I had to admit that he was very handsome. He was tall. He clearly had to be over six feet. Even in the dim light, his chocolate skin looked like it had been kissed by the sun. Like Sterling, he was fit. I could tell by his large biceps and muscular frame. If I had been ready to date, he would have definitely been my type.

            “Do you want something besides these beers?” Brena asked, snapping me from my assessment of the stranger.

“Yeah, let me get a Stormy Night.” I flagged down the bartender and put in my request. Minutes later, he returned with my drink. “Let’s see if we can find a table. I want some appetizers.”

“I see your appetite is coming back.” Brena gave me a sly smile. “I didn’t want to say anything, but you are skin and bones, honey. You need to get some meat back on those bones.”

We found a small table with four chairs that had been abandoned by two couples. I flagged down a busboy, who quickly cleared it off so that we could take a seat. I sipped my drink as I thought about Brena’s comment.

“I just… I think it was being in Virginia. I spent months thinking that Sterling was going to walk through that door at any moment,” I replied, letting my gaze drift back to the bar. I was startled when I caught the same handsome stranger staring at me.

Something about me was drawn to him, but I wasn’t ready to make any sort of move, so I just gave him a polite smile before I focused my attention on the menu. I scanned the appetizers and decided on a few just as Jaleel and Bryan rolled up to the table.

“Babe, did you see Zion over at the bar?” Jaleel asked, taking a seat next to Brena and kissing her on the cheek.

“No, I didn't.” Brena focused her attention toward the bar. “Is Nisa with him?”

“Nah, but Kadeer is with him,” Bryan interjected.

“Oh God.” Brena rolled her eyes. “Is Sky with him?”

“Nope. You know they divorced not too long ago, right?” Bryan asked.

“No, I didn't know that. What happened?” Brena leaned in to get the latest gossip.

“She was cheating on him,” Bryan informed the table.

“Shut yo' mouth!” Brena fanned herself like she had just heard the most scandalous news.

“Who are y'all talking about?” I asked. My curiosity got the best of me.

“Them.” Brena discreetly pointed toward the bar.

I followed her finger, and my eyes landed once again on the handsome stranger and his friend. My heart rate sped up a bit. I didn’t know what it was, but something in the universe wanted me to focus my attention on that man. I wondered if it was Sterling or God playing with me because there was no way my friends knew the man that kept commanding my attention.

“I bumped into him at the bar,” I said absentmindedly.

“Really? How did I miss that?” Brena’s eyebrows knit together. “Well, he’s single, so maybe I should hook y’all up.”

“I told you I’m not ready to date. Sterling has barely been gone a year.”

“Brena, give the girl a break,” Jaleel said, elbowing Brena gently. He grabbed a beer from the ice bucket and popped the top with his hand.

“Yeah, sis. Sterling’s body isn’t even cold yet, and you’re trying to pawn Devyn off on someone new,” Bryan said, coming to my defense.

“Well, excuse me for wanting to see my best friend happy. I’m not saying you got to marry the man tomorrow, but a date here and there never killed anybody.” Brena sat back in her seat and pouted a little.

“You don’t watch Fatal Attraction much, do you?” I asked with a raised brow.

“Kadeer isn’t like that, Dev,” Jaleel interjected. “He’s a real nice guy. His ex-wife put him through hell, though. She is a piece of work. I know y’all do have one thing in common.”

“Really?” I asked out of curiosity “What’s that?”

“Y’all both got a starting lineup.” Bryan chuckled. “He has five girls.”

“Oh,” I replied. Hearing that Kadeer had five kids kind of deflated me.

Even though I had five of my own, part of me did not know if I had that much more love to give. I knew I was getting ahead of myself because Kadeer and I had not exchanged a word. In fact, he didn’t even know my name, but as a mother, I knew that kids came along with the package. I knew I could not be with someone who did not accept my children. My kids were the culmination of the love Sterling and I shared, and they would forever be a reminder of the wonderful times we had.

“What’s up, Jaleel?” a baritone voice asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I glanced up to see the same handsome man from the bar standing behind a slightly shorter man, who I assumed was Zion. I shyly focused my attention on my half-empty drink.

“Zion, my man. Long time, no speak. How is Nisa?” Jaleel asked, standing up to shake hands with Zion and Kadeer.

“She’s doing good. She’s at home with the kids. I had to drag this one out because he doesn’t get out much anymore,” Zion replied, nodding his head toward Kadeer.

“I would have thought you would be spreading your wings now that you’re a free man,” Bryan joked, shaking hands with the men too.

“Nah, you know I got my girls to take care of,” Kadeer told them. His voice was deep and rang in my ears.

“I hear that. That’s what we’re doing now—enjoying a night without the kids,” Jaleel agreed. “You remember my wife, Brena, right? This is our close friend, Devyn. Devyn, this is Zion and Kadeer.”

I did not know what came over me, but my palms were instantly sweaty. I had hoped that introductions would be skipped, but who was I kidding? We were from the South. It would have been rude to carry on a conversation in front of someone without the proper introduction.

“Hi,” I said quietly with a soft smile.

Both men said hello and pulled a seat up after Jaleel offered one. I instantly become interested in the napkin that was in my lap. I wanted to choke Jaleel, but how was he to know that Kadeer had awakened something in me I thought had died when Sterling did?