The Internship

-Joelle -

My much awaited holiday finally arrived. This year Minna and I were meeting in Norway. It was a country I had never been to and I was looking forward to the longer days, the midnight sun and the milder climate. With Norway being so close to Finland, Minna had visited it multiple times. She knew exactly where to go, what to avoid and what to visit. We normally planned our itinerary together. This time round however Minna offered to plan the trip herself. I was glad. I had been too busy with exams and all that had been going on around me to think about the trip. Having someone plan the trip for me was a luxury I greatly appreciated.

When I arrived at the airport, I spotted Minna waiting for me. She had arrived earlier that morning and had already picked up our rental car. In the Arrivals lounge, she held up a placard with my name on it, grinning from ear to ear. I rushed over to her, dropped my bag, and enveloped her in a tight embrace. We held each other for a moment, basking in the joy of being reunited. Walking towards the car, we began talking non-stop. Although we skyped regularly, nothing compared to being face to face. I had so much to share with her, and I was certain she had plenty to tell me too. Our trips together had become the highlight of my year. We had serendipitously met in a hostel a few years back while I was on a solo journey. We instantly clicked, and the rest was history. Now we were celebrating our seventh year of friendship, having met in Rome, Portugal the following year, and Wales after that. Since then, we had toured most of Europe and embarked on some exhilarating adventures. Minna's daring nature pushed me to try new things like skydiving, zip-lining, and hitchhiking across France. These were activities I had never even considered, and they were certainly on my bucket list. None the less, I was glad to have experienced them. As she often said, we only live once.

After loading my bags into the car, I sent a text to Jason, informing him of my safe arrival in Norway and that I had already met up with Minna. He immediately responded, urging me to stay safe. I smiled at his message and sent a reply with a smiling emoji. Looking up, I noticed Minna scrutinizing my expression. "What?" I asked, confused by her reaction. "Texting lover boy already? Tell him to leave you alone. You're mine for this month; he can have you for the other eleven," she teased, grinning mischievously. "Oh, come on, Minna," I retorted playfully. "We're not together." She raised an eyebrow, a typical gesture of hers. Normally she would proceed with teasing me about him, but today she quickly changed the subject, diverting my attention from Jason. Soon, he faded from my thoughts.

Fast forward to a week later, and I was missing him intensely. I had to constantly resist the urge to text him or call him everyday. This was seriously getting out of hand. One of the reasons I was looking forward to this trip was because I was hoping to get some distance from him. I hoped that some weeks apart would dampen my feelings for him. I hoped that after a few weeks apart my feelings for him wouldn't be so strong and I could go back to looking at him solely as my best friend. The adage “out of sight out of mind” didn’t quite hold true for me.

Instead, he constantly occupied my thoughts, despite my conscious efforts to redirect my focus.

One evening, while Minna went out to buy groceries, I sat on my bed in our apartment, deep in thought. I needed to resolve this inner turmoil before returning home. Suddenly, a voice broke my reverie. "What do you really want?" it asked. Startled, I realized Minna had returned without my noticing. "Hmm?" I responded, seeking clarification. "Your body is here, but your mind is elsewhere, Joelle. You've been acting like a love-sick puppy all week. Book a flight back and go to him. Tell him your feelings and see where it leads. It's clear you no longer see him as just a friend. How will you feel when he finds a girlfriend? Are you prepared to witness him with another girl every day? You need to know if he feels the same way about you. If he does, great. If not, you have to move on," she said, her accent deepening as she grew emotional. Most of the time, you couldn't tell English wasn't her first language but when she got emotional about something her accent deepened. I knew she was right, but I simply couldn't do it. Something was holding me back.

Two weeks into the holiday and I was still in the same sorry state I had been a week earlier. For the first time in years, I turned to prayer seeking guidance. The next day whilst going through my emails, I found an email from a recruiter offering Internships across Europe. Perhaps this was what I needed. I decided to submit my CV and see where it led to. To my surprise, they called me on the same day. I couldn't believe my luck when the lady on the phone mentioned an opening in the ER of a hospital just 90 kilometers away from where I was staying. Specializing in emergency medicine had been my aspiration after completing my hospital rotation, and two years in a Norwegian ER would place me at an advantageous position among my peers when the time came to choose our specializations. It was an incredible opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Accepting this offer would provide the much-needed distraction I sought. It would have been foolish to decline.

The recruiter arranged for a face to face interview that same week and before I knew it, I was signing a contract that would bind me for a year and was extendable by another if both parties agreed. As I penned my signature on the final document, a lump formed in my throat. This opportunity surpassed my expectations, yet it didn't feel entirely right. The rest of the holiday flew by and before I knew it, it was time to go back home. I hugged Minna and as usual promised to keep in touch. I hopped on my plane home, knowing I would be back in a couple of weeks.

Jason awaited me at the airport, and as soon as he saw me, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. I didn't want to let him go and by the looks of it, he didn’t either. I knew then he missed me as much as I had missed him. "It's good to have you back Bugs. How was it?" he asked. We talked all the way home but I didn't mention anything about my moving to Norway and in hindsight I'm glad I didn't. I knew I needed to tell him at some point and I also knew it would shatter him. I was aware I meant a lot to him and he wanted me close but I got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. Every day I wanted him even more than the day before. I had to leave as soon as possible or I was going to do something we would both regret. Whether he liked it or not, whether he knew it or not, I was doing this for the sake of our friendship. In two years' time, I would return, hopefully with cooled-off emotions, and we could resume our friendship. Perhaps by then, both of us would have found new partners, and we could enjoy double dates together.