Chapter 3

Daria

I'm kneading my thighs with clenched fists, guiltily staring down at the floor while Maria, the sister superior, is taking a break from scolding me from her desk. She is so upset that she is standing by her chair, one point from rupturing the tiny blood vessel in her forehead.

I swallow thickly. My mouth tastes like poor decisions and pins and needles.

Soon, Maria will pace the room. I recognize her stressed-out behavior too well, and this time, I've earned the tall woman's demeanor. She is already at the phase where she won't stop clutching her cross as if it would magically help her and tell her what to do.

"Not only did you touch a man, but you kissed one when you could only visit the hospital!" Maria is furious. Her voice is gossiping about her soon suffering a mental breakdown. Lines of anger have appeared on her forehead, making her look older.

I pull my lips into my mouth, whispering my response. "I'm sorry-..."

Maria interrupts me. "Leia and Sydney witnessed it with their own eyes! Do you understand the magnitude of what you've done, Daria? We rarely leave the convent! Not without permission. You had my full trust, and then you broke it!"

Leia and Sydney are standing by the wall, silent and supportive of whatever decision Maria is about to make. They reported my incident with Wilder to Maria without telling me first. In my eyes, they are treacherous bitches for not letting me speak to Maria first.

After what I've done, I understand I won't be allowed to stay here with the other nuns, but I had hoped to admit to my sins by myself. Leia and Sydney should have let me leave on my terms—by begging Maria to forgive me before I left by choice.

"Forgive me, sister, for I have sinned." I'm not meeting her eyes, knowing it can be seen as disrespectful. My head is held low, and my vision is set on my feet, dangling from the chair. "I know you won't grant me my wish of getting to stay here longer-..."

"You're right." Maria sounds disgusted, and the proof of that emotion would be her not allowing me to finish a single sentence without discontinuing my speech. "We won't physically throw you out, but I will ask that you pack your things and leave before morning. Do not talk to anyone—you're shunned from the sisterhood."

I'm shocked. I knew Maria was strict, but come on? Another nun wouldn't treat me like this. Who put her in charge? She is exploiting her authority! What I did wasn't so bad! And I've always followed more rules than necessary. Other nuns drink and smoke, but I stayed away from everything up until now!

"But I-..."

Maria glares at me with eyes so cold I can feel shivers running up my spine. Pure repugnance lives in her stare, and whatever bond we had is now gone and replaced by ice. Unease settles like lead in my stomach watching her, someone I thought of as my mother looks at me like I'm filth on the wall that she wishes to clean.

"Daria, I will not repeat myself." Maria stands up and dries her sweaty palms onto the black tunic. Her golden cross is moving like a pendant, hypnotically from side to side. "Please, leave this room, and don't utter another disrespectful word. You're not supposed to talk back to your elders, and I expect you to leave in silence."

Tears burn at the back of my eyelids. I can't believe Maria, of all people, is speaking as if we aren't close. She taught me how to play with UNO cards in secret, and when I was sad, we ate chocolate in her cell!

For the first time in forever, my heart is crumbling to dust once more. It's been a long time since I felt grief, but the idea of losing Maria forever is bringing back that emotion.

My parents are out of the picture—Maria has raised me. I have a father somewhere out there, but he thought it would be easier to dump me onto the street than to shoulder the responsibility of being a father.

"But where will I even sleep?" I ask in a low voice. It feels like the floor has opened up beneath me and is now trying to suck me alive into an awaiting vortex. "I don't have any money..."

"I don't know," Maria shrugs. "And it isn't our problem where you spend the night. Maybe you can ask that man to pay for having sex with you tonight—I bet you like the idea of that, you filthy whore."

I stare at Maria for what seems like an eternity. I've never lost my temper or hurt anyone in my entire life, but I'm damn close now. Fire and flames are licking my ears, telling me to give in to frustration.

Maria called me a whore, and I'm NOT a whore. Frustration is prickling behind my eyes as unshed tears.

And when Maria smirks in satisfaction, celebrating her victory because I'm not defending herself, I lose all sense of control. Adrenaline surge through me, and I let my instincts steer my movements. My mind blanks out completely, and I step forward with purpose, readying my fist before punching Maria in the face.

"What did you just do?!"

I withdraw my hand, shaking it in the air while keeping eye contact with a furious Maria. She is glaring daggers into my face, but I don't give a fuck about her injury. She is rubbing her fluffy cheek and giving me poor-me-I'm-a-victim eyes, and all I can see is red. I've had enough of this place.

"I'm NOT a whore!" Never once have I spoken back to Maria. The older woman loves lecturing others and point out when they do wrong. She is often disrespectful about it, and I've always shrugged it off as nothing, but not anymore. "And don't you dare say otherwise!"

I take off my clothes with rapid speed. I'm sweating like a pig ready for slaughter, and I never realized until now how cramped this black tunic is—it's fucking ugly too! I am not caring about the stares and gasps I receive from my fellow sisters. All I want is never to wear these clothes again.

And yes, from now on, I will swear to my heart's content! I'm done with this place! Another minute spent in at this miserable place, and I will go down in flames.

Without hesitation, I kick away the clothes. Maria follows them as they slide across the floor, and then she stares into my face. I challenge her glazed eyes by smiling. I'm not afraid of her. Not anymore.

"And I will take my leave tonight—who in their right mind would stay at this place anyway?!" I'm not standing in my underwear, and I think I hear Sydney pass out behind me. I'm uncertain, and checking is impossible when I'm busy glaring back at mother hen. "I will walk out through those doors and finally enjoy a good fuck with a sexy man while you're busy fingering yourself! Have a good night!"

With those words, I storm away from a flabbergasted Maria. She is too paralyzed to move or say anything, and I smile in satisfaction when I notice that Sydney indeed passed out—it seems I'm too hot to handle.

"Enjoy your night, virgins!" I'm riding on a wave of adrenaline, not afraid of saying what I want. I smile sincerely. Finally, I'm grasping for freedom. "I sure as hell will enjoy mine, preferable in the arms of a hot naked man!"

I walk down the corridor and smile so hard it hurts my jaw. Now, my only concern is how I will grab a cab in underwear without getting raped on the damn street.

With newfound confidence, I walk out through the convent—only to focus my attention on a beautiful flower and then get hit by a car. What the hell?! Visitors aren't allowed to drive here! My head is spinning, and the last thing I see before blacking out is the face of a woman.