[Dawn.]By the time I pick myself up off the floor, do a happy dance, and then force myself not to text Sophie excitedly, I get dressed and I allow myself one cup of coffee before tidying up and putting on my shoes.I grab the keys for the car and then, losing all orderly manners, I run for my car and drive excitedly for Aldo’s.The traffic can’t even piss me off as I make my way across town. The humidity doesn’t even bother me, as it frizzes my hair and makes my car stink like a jar of pickles.The sun burning off the puddles doesn’t blind me but dazzles me. I feel so high, so full of hope, that it seems nothing can pull me back down to earth. As I park in front of Aldo’s apartment building and see the kids all hurrying to the side of the street to let traffic pass, I imagine that someday it will be our kids.Our kids...Will there be more?The thought fills me with warmth. I’m giddy. I practically skip all the way to his door. I practically throw the gate open that leads to the rear
[Aldo]“That ain’t a part of this conversation!” he yells.I put my controller down too. “You’re gonna say all this and then expect me to tell you everything?”“You’ve always been the one with secrets” Andre shoots, folding his arms.“What the fuck are you on about? We’ve just been working together for the last two weeks and you bring it up now? Like fuck, I’m not sorry, if this is how you're acting now.”“You’re gonna apologize and then take it back?” Andre says, looking at me like I’m a bug under his boot. “Let me guess, now you’re gonna hold the fact that you got me the job from Luca over my head too?”“The fuck is up your dickhole?” I snap. “Your prison pen pal bitch break it off with you over a letter?” I gesture at the paper next to him.He reddens. That’s pushed him over the edge. “Fuck you, man!” Andre stands. “I got no issues stomping a backstabber!”I rise too. “A backstabber? You’re the mother fucker who kept secrets about the fucking Russians. Yeah, I know. Those mother fu
[Dawn]The sun sets by the time we realize we’ve been on the couch for an hour like this. Aldo is still tender in the ribs, and he groans slightly as he sits up. I slide out and run to his fridge to find some ice or peas to press against his face. We’ve literally been sitting in silence while I stroked his hair and he lay in my arms. The whole time I thought about telling him, but never did.I come back, and he tries to get up. “No, back,” I command, pushing him with one finger.He groans but doesn’t fight it. He even exhales a satisfied breath when I press the cold ice pack to his face. It turns out there’s barely anything in his fridge, and it turns out there’s barely anything in the freezer too. I was lucky to find the pack.“He hits hard,” he says, finally talking of the fight. “I guess he’s just pissed off.”“At what, though? Who‘re these Russians? What’s the note?” I ask, intertwining my fingers and scratching nervously at my leg.Aldo pauses for a few beats and then makes him
[Dawn]“This morning,” I whisper, feeling my heartbeat thrum in my ears. “I was on my way here to tell you. I just—well, these last few weeks have been so tough. And missing you has made me sick to the core, you know? And well, I thought the nausea was just me being overly dramatic.”My voice cracks slightly, and I pause, feeling the weight of my emotions press against my chest. The room seems smaller now, quieter, as if everything is holding its breath for what I’ll say next.“But after it hung around for the second week, and became a bit more intense, I well—” I stop again, my words faltering. My throat tightens as my nervousness takes over. I keep fucking saying ‘well.’ My fingers fidget against the hem of my shirt. “So I rushed down to the corner store and bought some tests...”Aldo’s face shifts, his expression caught between disbelief and joy. His eyes sparkle, and the bruises on his face can’t hide the grin spreading across his lips. “And you waited until now to tell me?”
[Aldo]It’s been three days since Andre disappeared, and I’ve been working myself non-stop. Luca, I should correct myself, has had me working non-stop. Andre was my friend after all. And it is my friend who has made off with over three hundred K in goods and disappeared. We haven't heard anything from anywhere or anyone. We’ve got all our ears open and are even talking with other families. If anyone hears even a mouse fart, Luca is going to know.Which means my meeting today isn't a good one.I grind to a stop on the gravel driveway and get out of the car. I look back down at the entrance again. It was Rocko who let me in. Rocko, who had been on duty with Sophie all those years ago when she escaped and began dating Luca. Rocko, who wasn’t even working for Luca when she slipped past him. Luca was still keeping him as a guard because of her father's wishes. If he’s still playing guard after all these years, what the hell is gonna happen to me?The world feels like it's trying to bur
[Aldo]Luca sits back down. “Potentially. Leandro began asking around through his people after you dropped the van off. He was looking for any current contracts out on anyone. In the process he discovered the abandoned car that had been crashed when it tried to take you out. The men, rather than get it towed, set that on fire too. He had the plates traced with his connections and expected it to head back to Kumarin, he is a cautious man after all, but it went somewhere else upstate. It went to a fish packing facility that led to somewhere else. A rabbit den of trouble later, it eventually wound up linked to a laundromat business that belonged to someone that Kumarin knew of. Alexei’s first son.”All the while I’d been hearing this I was sinking lower in the chair. I was reeling from Andre’ death, and yet pissed off that he’d attempted to do what he’d done. Had he always been like this? Had Dawn always been right about him and I’d been blind? And why the fuck was the room so fuckung
[Dawn]Sophie is standing in front of me, trying to block the way back to the bedroom from the bathroom.“No,” I repeat. “I’m refusing, not because it isn't a nice gesture of yours.”“But you’re in danger,” Sophie implores. “Fucking Russian danger.”“I know,” I say, squeezing under her arm and putting my bag of toiletries on the bag I’ve packed to take to my mothers. “My mother is also in danger.”“She’s welcome as well!” Sophie throws up her hands.“You don’t understand though, Soph, it’s not the place. It’s not that you’re offering help; it’s that my mother is comfortable in her home. She doesn’t know that Andre died because of the Russians, she’s grieving because her son died in a car crash. If we come to your house, I have to explain everything else her son was up to since he left home.”I fought to keep the tears of frustration from breaking through. All I wanted to do was move in with Sophie and Luca too, to hide away and let the problem be sorted out. But Aldo had already bee
[Dawn]Sophie looks around the apartment and then does a double take on me. “Well, you’re definitely staying with us now—”“No,” I say, putting up my hands.“Yes!” Sophie tries pulling me off the bed to a standing position. “All this stress is horrible for a baby. “You’ll cause all these issues and you’ll—”“Need I remind you what you went through while pregnant?”“Please don’t,” Sophie says, pursing her lips. “You know that what I went through was horrible for my pregnancy. Which is why I don’t wish it upon anyone else.” She tries pulling me along again.“You can’t convince me otherwise, Soph.” I pull back, leaning back onto the bed.“Well, then I’ll have to—” Sophie is spluttering along, trying to understand my insanity. “You can’t! You just can’t do this.”“I have to Sophie,” I grab her hand now. “You of all people understand duty and honor and all that.” She grunts at me and frowns. “Low of you to use my father’s words against me.” She squints in fury at me.I snort and pet her ha
I knew Melanie wasn’t like other moms from a young age. I think I always knew. Friends loved my mom because she was pretty and fun, but they couldn’t understand how scared I was all the time, how unstable and uncertain things always seemed.She was fun at sleepovers, fun after school, but Melanie could turn on a dime, raging and manic and unpredictable.She pulled me out of grade school twice because of some fight she’d had with a teacher, wrenching me away from my friends with promises that it would be better somewhere else. Melanie was always after the new, better thing. And usually with little consideration of how it would impact me.When she met Xavier, my life changed, and my world became full colour. Suddenly, someone was always there for me.With Melanie, there’d been countless incidents when she’d forgotten to pick me up from school or hadn’t attended one of my recitals. I was so used to it I always got nervous that moment I stepped out the school door, or the curtain opened,
Hazeli don’t hear from Kye all weekend, so at school on Monday, when I see him outside with his best friend Eric, I straighten my shoulders and walk up to them confidently.He’s barely concealing a smile as he pretends to look at his phone, while Eric is clearly muttering to him out of the side of his mouth, something like, ‘Here she comes.’“Can I talk to you, Kye?” I ask tersely.He lifts his eyes to me and shrugs nonchalantly. “Sure.”Eric presses his lips together and looks away in a show of hiding his laughter.“In private?”“Nah,” he says, lifting his chin and looking down his nose at me. “We can talk here.”“Okay.” I set my jaw, refusing to be intimidated. I survived five weeks of Melanie’s abandonment, surely I can survive confronting a teenage boy in front of his friend. “Why didn’t you text me back this weekend?”Eric snorts with laughter.“Oh!” Kye’s voice drips with cruel sarcasm. “I didn’t know if you were allowed to receive texts. Doesn’t Daddy check your phone?”“What
“And you and Dante…?” I try to sound as casual as I can, while all the muscles across my neck and shoulders seize up. My heart is hammering so hard in my chest I wonder if she can hear it. “You…?”“Yeah,” she answers quietly, and swallows. “Twice.”“And was it okay? Did you like it?”She shrugs. “Yeah.”Somewhere out there, in the big city of Vancouver, is a child named Dante I now have to kill.What the fuck kind of name is Dante?Although…what the fuck kind of name is Kye?Kids these days.Jesus.“Dad?” asks Hazel, tilting her head and lifting an eyebrow. “You okay?”I realize I’m frowning and shake it off, giving her a rueful smile. “It’s hard for any father to realize their daughter is growing up, is all,” I say, and she rolls her eyes. “This Dante…”—the name tastes vile in my mouth—“Did you, or do you, love him?”“Love? Dad, c’mon. If you’re about to give me the birds and the bees talk... ““I’m not. It’s just…it’s a big deal, sex. Even if everywhere around you, you get the messa
I told myself it was misplaced gratitude, it was the fact that circumstances made him look like a hero, but the feelings persisted.It was noticing things about him I’d never paid attention to before—how strong he is, how tall. The defined angles of his face, how broad and firm his jaw is, with the cleft right in the centre of it. And the fierce passion in his dark eyes, so different from his cool and restrained manner, hinting at something so powerful inside.I know that I could never force my heart to beat for Kye the way it beats for a grown man like Xavier.In the past six weeks, I’ve changed. I’ve grown up. I had to fend for myself in frightening circumstances and I managed; I persevered. To me, Kye is a boy. It was fun for a moment to make out with him and win his attention, to think about the social capital he can help me gain at school, but the truth is he isn’t what I want.What I want is so much different. And completely forbidden.“I’m sorry,” I whisper, burrowing my nose i
I appreciate that he cares for me, I do, but he’s right: I have gotten used to taking care of myself. And I’m old enough to do it.He flicks his eyes up in annoyance and locks them on mine. “You’re seventeen.” His thin veneer of patience evaporates. “You’re in high school. And you snuck that boy in here against my orders and then you…you…”He stammers and trails off, and without really meaning to, I roll my eyes.“Is this about sex?” I accuse. “Because I don’t know what it was like in your day, but yes, kids my age have sex, okay? And we give blowjobs. You might think of me as a child forever, but I happened to like giving Kye a blowjob, okay?” My tone is angry and staccato, and I’m trying to shock him.I didn’t, actually, particularly like giving Kye a blowjob.But the comment has the desired effect. His nostrils flare and his eyes widen.“Hazel!” he exclaims. “Is that how you want to spin this? That I’m some uptight prude? Sex has existed long before you, missy, so, yes, I happen to
In my fantasy, I grab all that long red hair and make a ponytail of it in my fist, pulling her head back and rubbing the head of my cock against the tiny, tight, wet entrance of her pussy. Before I can even imagine plunging myself into her, I come with a gasp, my hot, sticky seed spurting over my hand and euphoria washing over me in waves. I have to breathe deeply—one, two, three big gulps of air—as my heart rate comes back down to normal and the waves of heat pass over me.When I finally do wipe myself clean and roll over to sleep, it’s under a cloud of shame.There’s something wrong with me. There’s something very fucking wrong with me.*****Hazel*****i stay in bed longer than usual in the morning, wanting to put off seeing Xavier. I’m equal parts angry at him for grounding me, and guilty for disobeying him.Sigh.Eventually, I pull my hair—too much hair, I think, as usual—into a messy bun and pull on some yoga pants and head downstairs.Xavier is in the kitchen hovering over the
Xavier i take a highball of scotch up to my room with me, pausing for just a moment in front of Hazel’s door. If she were a child, I would walk into her room and sit on the edge of her bed so we could talk it out. So that no one was going to bed angry.But she’s not a child. She so very clearly is not a child, since I caught her giving a boy a blowjob in my basement, and I have no idea how to talk about this with her.Kids have sex at Hazel’s age. Lord knows I did. She’s not eight years old anymore, and I feel like now I don’t know the rules.I drink my scotch in bed, watching the news and trying to distract myself from the irritating events of the night. I should never have agreed to go out with Cynthia. The truth is I’m lonely. I’ve been lonely since Melanie and I separated. But that’s no excuse for my lapse in judgment.I stare mindlessly at the TV, thinking bitter thoughts about the teenage douchebag sniffing around my daughter and my own loneliness, but not even the endlessly ba
I shake my head again. His body is so close I can feel the heat coming off it, the sheer size and power of him overwhelming me as he closes off the space around me, and all I can think is that he’s so much bigger than Kye.Bigger than Kye, probably, everywhere.I flush hotly at the thought.He doesn’t say anything and I keep my gaze lowered, afraid to look him in the eye. I’m excruciatingly conscious of his chest rising and falling, and the familiar and soapy smell of him. For a split second, I wonder how I would feel if I walked in on him in the same situation. If I walked into a room to find some woman on her knees in front of him?Then I wonder, would he pump himself hard and thoughtlessly into her mouth until she felt like she was barely participating, or would it be slow and erotic with him?That I would even wonder about that is so shameful, on top of everything that’s already happened tonight, that my cheeks burn as heat crawls up my neck.As if he can sense my shifting discomf
“Fuck yes,” he breathes, unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock. He fists it, holding it at the ready and directs it towards my mouth.It looks surprisingly unremarkable, somehow less than I expected even though I’ve only ever seen Dante’s cock, but I bend forward and lick my lips before taking it in my mouth.“Yes,” he breathes, pumping himself back and forth in a way that catches me off guard and throws off my rhythm. I wrap a hand around his shaft to hold him in place, but he just thrusts harder against my hand, until I feel like a helpless participant in something I’m not actually needed for. I press down with my hand, trying to be subtle but regain control so I can do my thing.He puts a hand around the back of my head. “I’m going to come really soon,” he groans, and it sounds more like a plea for patience than dirty talk. He pumps himself harder and faster into my mouth and I give up trying, freezing in place uselessly while he uses my mouth.For a moment the only sound is