Regret. It always comes too late, right? In my case, my regret was something I felt immensely guilty about, but I also felt shame. I’ve made so many mistakes over the years. The road I’ve walked hasn’t been an easy one. Some days I wondered if this was it. Was this how I would finally come to meet the gods?
Choices. What would you choose if you were me? How do you choose between two children? The first, Kai, he’s taken over my whole world. I love him more than I love myself. The second, a daughter, one I knew nothing about. I love her though, because she’s a part of me, my child as well. How do you ultimately choose between life and death?
Obligation. It’s the one thing that’s been instilled in me from birth. We all have our obligations to fulfill and as a wolf, you never shirk from your responsibilities. No matter what. As an Alpha, that responsibility was even worse for me. I had to be the example, the leader, the protector, the shoulder everyone leaned on. I had to be everything.
Family. It’s everything to me. I love them completely and I would die for each one of them, even my daughter. My family is what kept me sane and on the righteous path, most of the time. I was at a crossroads between the path I had to follow and the one I wanted to follow.
So, I ask you again. What would you choose if you were me? Not choosing is also a choice and I couldn’t just sit back and wait for whatever to happen. I had to be proactive like I had been with Alexander. Technically, I murdered my brother, but I still believed that if I hadn’t done that, he would have come back with a vengeance.
I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of arguing, I’m just tired. Physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion filled me to my very core. Death knew that, he used it against me, he used love against me and I let him.
This new path I had to walk now was a path I didn’t choose for myself. Where would I end up? Will I be me in the end? I couldn’t help but think that after everything, I might lose Adara for good. I would be forced to make decisions that would hurt those I loved the most, even when I thought I was protecting them, I was hurting them.
It had nothing to do with being a good Alpha or even being a good husband. Choices and circumstances changed me and I watched myself retreat, make choices and make mistakes. I watched it happen and I let it. If I hadn’t seen what the future held, we all would have died and I couldn’t let that happen.
I hated Death for tricking me. I hated him with everything in me, but in the end my choices were mine. I knew not to trust him and I was plunged into a world filled with blood and vengeance, all by choice.
Who else would die on this new journey we were forced to take now? Death had been silent for weeks now. Death isn’t patient and he takes what he wants. I wondered silently if even Death had forsaken me? I didn’t have to wait long as he visited me sooner than I wanted him to.
Very soon I would have to face my own demons, I’d have to accept everything that I had done but I wasn’t sure if I could leave the past in the past. Would you? If you knew the whole story, would you keep on hating me? I have to accept what I’ll become, what I have to become in order to survive. I sit and listen and I think, but I don’t think I truly listened or thought about the consequences of my decisions.
I felt helpless, weak, incapable of doing what had to be done. It was a difficult choice to make, but one I made nonetheless, regardless of the consequences. I pray to my gods and hope you will forgive me. I pray that I survive, although I had a feeling that someone else would finish writing my story. I pray mostly that I’m wrong and that when I finally open my eyes, you’ll still be there waiting for me.
As hard as it is, I don’t have many regrets. Loving you and having you in my life will always be one of the best things I ever did. I won’t ever regret opening that front door and imprinting. I won’t ever regret having my children. I won’t ever regret doing what I did because despite what Death thinks, love does conquer all. Love will always be more important. It has to be.
I’m sorry for hurting you, for lying to you, for not being enough. I’m sorry for the pain you had to endure because of me. I’m sorry for letting him die and his death will haunt me for the rest of my life. His death is what ultimately broke something inside of me that could never heal.
I’ve always strived to be better, to do better, but in doing that I also became something else. It was a choice I’d make again, in a heartbeat. I have no regrets about that, I can’t regret it because the choice was easy, me or them. I chose them. I will always choose them.
As I sit here writing this, I say thank you. Thank you for loving me, for enduring me and lastly for surviving me. The realization that I was my own worst enemy would only dawn on me when it was almost too late. I’m sorry will never be enough but know that I am so terribly sorry.
I love you. I haven’t said it enough but I pray that you feel it, that you know it, that you believe in it. I hope it’s enough to carry you through the dark times. It’s the only thing I cling to, your love.
“Kai…” I managed out a whisper. Death touched my soul and I blinked.Three women sat beside a well. I didn’t recognize this place, but it was breathtakingly beautiful. The women had no faces, yet I felt like I knew them. I had to prove myself for them to reveal their faces to me.“These are the Norns, they can either bless you or curse you. To change Kai’s fate, you have to honor each of them and perhaps they will reveal to you what you seek most.” Death’s voice was low.“Where are we?” I asked him, looking around.“We’re beneath Yggdrasil in Asgard. You have a choice to make, give them what they ask, and they will reveal the past, the present and the future to you. Refuse them and be cursed.”I walked up to the three women and I bowed before them. In this place, I had no standing, Alpha or not, and to offend them would have consequences. Urdr, Verdandi and Skuld each placed a hand on my head, and I was taken back to the past. I saw Karani, I could feel her, hear her and the pain tore
“Death visited me earlier. He took me to a place where I saw three old women, they’re known as the Norns. They see the past, the present and the future. If you’re worthy, they will show you and give you a chance to change your fate.”“Who’s fate? Yours?”“I have a daughter.” Her eyes were wide with anger, but she controlled her voice.“How old?” I knew this was the make-or-break moment.“She was born the day after Kai.”Adara slapped me harder than I thought she could and stood up. She grabbed the first thing she could find on my desk and threw it at my head. The solid steel wolf statuette connected and cut my cheek open. She wasn’t looking at me, she was crying as she grabbed whatever she could find, and I had to turn my back to her.“Adara! Enough!” I yelled at her as she slumped to the floor and sobbed. I bent down in front of her and just held her.“Let me just tell the story. This is as big a shock to me as it is to you. I never cheated.” She didn’t lift her head and I continued
I emptied half a bottle of Scotch in the time it took James to arrive at the house. I was exhausted and I was scared. I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, but I was. I had no idea what awaited me because I hadn’t even known witches existed.James and I finished the bottle as I told him my story. His eyes held disbelief and the expression on his face was one of utter shock. I left nothing out, I told him everything. He didn’t interrupt me once and for that I was glad. It was hard enough to tell the story twice in one day.I hadn’t slept yet and I knew my eyes were red-rimmed from lack of sleep. I had spent the night looking at Christian and Kai as they slept in our bed next to Adara. Christian saw it as having a sleepover and he loved it.“I don’t know what to say. Witches…shit”“Tell me about it.” I rubbed a hand over my face and sighed.“And Jessica and Malachi? I didn’t see that one coming.” I smiled at the way he said it, the slight frown making it more comical than it was. “What are y
I gave the pack a moment to settle down, to digest everything I’d told them and let them come to terms with what they’d seen from Jessica. It was a lot to take in and a lot to understand. Once I did that spell, there was no going back, I’d be a half breed.“Dezrael will be coming for Kai because he is my first-born.” I had yet to tell them that I was a half breed.“Why is she coming after Kai?” Frank asked.“Okay, guys, now I’m going to tell you another secret that I only recently found out and then if it’s your choice, I’ll step down as Alpha if that’s what you want.” They all looked at me and I could see the confusion in their eyes.“This sounds worse than a witch coming after your son.”“Karani was a half witch and that makes me a half witch too. She chose her wolf life over that of a witch. Dezrael’s fear is that Kai will draw on Karani’s power one day. She wants Karani’s power for herself and she will try to claim it through my daughter which she thinks is my first-born.”There w
Malachi glanced at Jessica every so often as he drove towards her house. It had been a long day and the time was creeping closer to midnight. She’d been quiet ever since they left the house and he wished she’d say something.“Jess.”Jessica knew exactly what he wanted to say. Malachi was loyal to a fault, always pushing and putting everyone else first. “No, I’m not going to do it.”“Why not?” The tension in the car was thick and Malachi exhaled slowly as he felt the familiar rise of irritation that could and would turn to anger in the blink of an eye.“You have no idea what you’re doing, he has no idea. That spell I mentioned, I’ve never done it and I don’t know of any witch that has successfully completed the spell.”Malachi remained quiet as he pulled into the garage and Jessica climbed out of the car and pulled the side door open. Malachi gritted his teeth when he noticed that she had yet again failed to lock her doors.“Jess…don’t walk away from me.” Malachi put his keys down on t