Regret. It always comes too late, right? In my case, my regret was something I felt immensely guilty about, but I also felt shame. I’ve made so many mistakes over the years. The road I’ve walked hasn’t been an easy one. Some days I wondered if this was it. Was this how I would finally come to meet the gods?
Choices. What would you choose if you were me? How do you choose between two children? The first, Kai, he’s taken over my whole world. I love him more than I love myself. The second, a daughter, one I knew nothing about. I love her though, because she’s a part of me, my child as well. How do you ultimately choose between life and death?
Obligation. It’s the one thing that’s been instilled in me from birth. We all have our obligations to fulfill and as a wolf, you never shirk from your responsibilities. No matter what. As an Alpha, that responsibility was even worse for me. I had to be the example, the leader, the protector, the shoulder everyone leaned on. I had to be everything.
Family. It’s everything to me. I love them completely and I would die for each one of them, even my daughter. My family is what kept me sane and on the righteous path, most of the time. I was at a crossroads between the path I had to follow and the one I wanted to follow.
So, I ask you again. What would you choose if you were me? Not choosing is also a choice and I couldn’t just sit back and wait for whatever to happen. I had to be proactive like I had been with Alexander. Technically, I murdered my brother, but I still believed that if I hadn’t done that, he would have come back with a vengeance.
I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of arguing, I’m just tired. Physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion filled me to my very core. Death knew that, he used it against me, he used love against me and I let him.
This new path I had to walk now was a path I didn’t choose for myself. Where would I end up? Will I be me in the end? I couldn’t help but think that after everything, I might lose Adara for good. I would be forced to make decisions that would hurt those I loved the most, even when I thought I was protecting them, I was hurting them.
It had nothing to do with being a good Alpha or even being a good husband. Choices and circumstances changed me and I watched myself retreat, make choices and make mistakes. I watched it happen and I let it. If I hadn’t seen what the future held, we all would have died and I couldn’t let that happen.
I hated Death for tricking me. I hated him with everything in me, but in the end my choices were mine. I knew not to trust him and I was plunged into a world filled with blood and vengeance, all by choice.
Who else would die on this new journey we were forced to take now? Death had been silent for weeks now. Death isn’t patient and he takes what he wants. I wondered silently if even Death had forsaken me? I didn’t have to wait long as he visited me sooner than I wanted him to.
Very soon I would have to face my own demons, I’d have to accept everything that I had done but I wasn’t sure if I could leave the past in the past. Would you? If you knew the whole story, would you keep on hating me? I have to accept what I’ll become, what I have to become in order to survive. I sit and listen and I think, but I don’t think I truly listened or thought about the consequences of my decisions.
I felt helpless, weak, incapable of doing what had to be done. It was a difficult choice to make, but one I made nonetheless, regardless of the consequences. I pray to my gods and hope you will forgive me. I pray that I survive, although I had a feeling that someone else would finish writing my story. I pray mostly that I’m wrong and that when I finally open my eyes, you’ll still be there waiting for me.
As hard as it is, I don’t have many regrets. Loving you and having you in my life will always be one of the best things I ever did. I won’t ever regret opening that front door and imprinting. I won’t ever regret having my children. I won’t ever regret doing what I did because despite what Death thinks, love does conquer all. Love will always be more important. It has to be.
I’m sorry for hurting you, for lying to you, for not being enough. I’m sorry for the pain you had to endure because of me. I’m sorry for letting him die and his death will haunt me for the rest of my life. His death is what ultimately broke something inside of me that could never heal.
I’ve always strived to be better, to do better, but in doing that I also became something else. It was a choice I’d make again, in a heartbeat. I have no regrets about that, I can’t regret it because the choice was easy, me or them. I chose them. I will always choose them.
As I sit here writing this, I say thank you. Thank you for loving me, for enduring me and lastly for surviving me. The realization that I was my own worst enemy would only dawn on me when it was almost too late. I’m sorry will never be enough but know that I am so terribly sorry.
I love you. I haven’t said it enough but I pray that you feel it, that you know it, that you believe in it. I hope it’s enough to carry you through the dark times. It’s the only thing I cling to, your love.
“Kai…” I managed out a whisper. Death touched my soul and I blinked.Three women sat beside a well. I didn’t recognize this place, but it was breathtakingly beautiful. The women had no faces, yet I felt like I knew them. I had to prove myself for them to reveal their faces to me.“These are the Norns, they can either bless you or curse you. To change Kai’s fate, you have to honor each of them and perhaps they will reveal to you what you seek most.” Death’s voice was low.“Where are we?” I asked him, looking around.“We’re beneath Yggdrasil in Asgard. You have a choice to make, give them what they ask, and they will reveal the past, the present and the future to you. Refuse them and be cursed.”I walked up to the three women and I bowed before them. In this place, I had no standing, Alpha or not, and to offend them would have consequences. Urdr, Verdandi and Skuld each placed a hand on my head, and I was taken back to the past. I saw Karani, I could feel her, hear her and the pain tore
“Death visited me earlier. He took me to a place where I saw three old women, they’re known as the Norns. They see the past, the present and the future. If you’re worthy, they will show you and give you a chance to change your fate.”“Who’s fate? Yours?”“I have a daughter.” Her eyes were wide with anger, but she controlled her voice.“How old?” I knew this was the make-or-break moment.“She was born the day after Kai.”Adara slapped me harder than I thought she could and stood up. She grabbed the first thing she could find on my desk and threw it at my head. The solid steel wolf statuette connected and cut my cheek open. She wasn’t looking at me, she was crying as she grabbed whatever she could find, and I had to turn my back to her.“Adara! Enough!” I yelled at her as she slumped to the floor and sobbed. I bent down in front of her and just held her.“Let me just tell the story. This is as big a shock to me as it is to you. I never cheated.” She didn’t lift her head and I continued
I emptied half a bottle of Scotch in the time it took James to arrive at the house. I was exhausted and I was scared. I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, but I was. I had no idea what awaited me because I hadn’t even known witches existed.James and I finished the bottle as I told him my story. His eyes held disbelief and the expression on his face was one of utter shock. I left nothing out, I told him everything. He didn’t interrupt me once and for that I was glad. It was hard enough to tell the story twice in one day.I hadn’t slept yet and I knew my eyes were red-rimmed from lack of sleep. I had spent the night looking at Christian and Kai as they slept in our bed next to Adara. Christian saw it as having a sleepover and he loved it.“I don’t know what to say. Witches…shit”“Tell me about it.” I rubbed a hand over my face and sighed.“And Jessica and Malachi? I didn’t see that one coming.” I smiled at the way he said it, the slight frown making it more comical than it was. “What are y
I gave the pack a moment to settle down, to digest everything I’d told them and let them come to terms with what they’d seen from Jessica. It was a lot to take in and a lot to understand. Once I did that spell, there was no going back, I’d be a half breed.“Dezrael will be coming for Kai because he is my first-born.” I had yet to tell them that I was a half breed.“Why is she coming after Kai?” Frank asked.“Okay, guys, now I’m going to tell you another secret that I only recently found out and then if it’s your choice, I’ll step down as Alpha if that’s what you want.” They all looked at me and I could see the confusion in their eyes.“This sounds worse than a witch coming after your son.”“Karani was a half witch and that makes me a half witch too. She chose her wolf life over that of a witch. Dezrael’s fear is that Kai will draw on Karani’s power one day. She wants Karani’s power for herself and she will try to claim it through my daughter which she thinks is my first-born.”There w
Malachi glanced at Jessica every so often as he drove towards her house. It had been a long day and the time was creeping closer to midnight. She’d been quiet ever since they left the house and he wished she’d say something.“Jess.”Jessica knew exactly what he wanted to say. Malachi was loyal to a fault, always pushing and putting everyone else first. “No, I’m not going to do it.”“Why not?” The tension in the car was thick and Malachi exhaled slowly as he felt the familiar rise of irritation that could and would turn to anger in the blink of an eye.“You have no idea what you’re doing, he has no idea. That spell I mentioned, I’ve never done it and I don’t know of any witch that has successfully completed the spell.”Malachi remained quiet as he pulled into the garage and Jessica climbed out of the car and pulled the side door open. Malachi gritted his teeth when he noticed that she had yet again failed to lock her doors.“Jess…don’t walk away from me.” Malachi put his keys down on t
Malachi halted in the doorway as Jessica lay motionless on the bed, the cups falling from his hands as his breath hitched in his throat. She wasn’t breathing and she had no beating heart. Malachi swore under his breath as he looked at her, wanting to touch her but not being able to.It reminded him too much of Karani’s lifeless body and it physically hurt, deep in his soul because he had no idea what to do. He hated feeling powerless and clueless and it didn’t happen often that he did.Malachi could feel his emotions tumbling about, his heart rate slowing, his skin growing cold as fear gripped him. He couldn’t lose her, not like this, not for something he asked her to do, something she hadn’t wanted to do.Malachi stood rooted to the spot, a low buzzing sound in his ears. Jessica was his second chance at life. He’d realized it soon after that first night he’d spent at her house, even with no imprinting bond keeping him to her, he loved her completely.Jessica gasped and her eyes snapp
James had begrudgingly taken over for me both with the pack and at the hotel. We still had a manager that reported to him while James took over command. It freed up my time to do what I had to do to keep Kai safe.I spent my days in the den going through every single lupiary that we possessed, but not one of them mentioned witches. I wanted to know everything I could. Knowledge was power but my knowledge at that stage was extremely limited and that’s when I phoned Jessica to join me.“What?” I smiled at the way Jessica answered her phone. Diplomacy was obviously not her forte.“I need help.”“Of course you do, Superstar. Where are you?”“At the den. Our lupiaries have nothing about witches.”“Duh. Give me ten.” She ended the call as abruptly as she had answered it and I sat back on the sofa.Jessica arrived exactly ten minutes later, a frown on her forehead and not looking happy at all. She fell down on the sofa and emptied my glass of Scotch before looking at me.“Help with what exac
It only took me a few seconds as it all clicked and I smiled broadly and kissed her forehead again. I tucked my phone into my pocket and headed to the garage. I found a shovel and made my way around the house and down to the clearing.The path down to the clearing was as overgrown as always and the stillness of the forest around me had me feeling at peace. I knew that feeling wouldn’t last long. The moment I stepped into the clearing I’d feel different.I entered the clearing and my soul felt heavy. Too many dead bodies had lain here. I walked up to my tree and I looked at it. My mark didn’t look anything like a wolf to me but then I wondered if perhaps Karani had made Adara see a wolf, perhaps knowing that this moment would come.It seemed Karani had been prepared for a lot of things and I missed hearing her voice. It felt like years since I’d hugged her and I missed her warmth. I didn’t think I’d ever get over her loss and I didn’t really want to.I wondered where I should start dig
Things were surreal and things made even less sense than when I had just woken up in the hospital. Josh was talking about things that didn’t make sense at all but he was the only friend I had, I had to trust that he wasn’t bullshitting me.“We have to get rid of these first. I’ll tell you everything, I promise, maybe that’ll help trigger your memories. Man, put some clothes on,” he said to me as he opened the window in the living room. I wiped the blood from my stomach and back and put a clean t-shirt on.Josh was pulling the dead men closer to the window and I looked at him. “What exactly do you plan to do about this?” I asked him.I knew we couldn’t call the cops. I had no license, no social security card and Josh hated cops. We both steered clear of them and trouble. We never went out socially, we minded our business at work, came home, trained and when we felt like it, we watched movies at home.We saved most of our money in the loose floorboards of our bedrooms, he told me plenty
One month after waking up…“K!” Josh shouted as I walked around the corner and he saw me.“Josh,” I smiled at him.We had become good friends after my audition and I’d gotten the job to work for Marcus. We now also shared an apartment two blocks from the club. We trained together, we jogged together and most nights we worked together. It was my night off and he had grabbed an extra shift.“What are you doing here?” he asked me and I gave him that look.“Marcus called me to come in and help out,” I said to him as I put the black jacket on and inserted the earpiece into my ear as I took my position next to him at the door. I looked at the line that extended around the other corner.Marcus owned the hottest night club in Fresno. People stood in line for hours just to get inside, naturally we were at the door because like Marcus said, “Ain’t nobody gettin’ past the two of you.” I had laughed at him. We must have looked quite intimidating. We were both tall, muscular and had these blank st
Malcolm took me shopping and gave me money. I promised to pay him back but he would hear nothing of it. We had spent hours talking in my hospital room. He brought a chess board and looked surprised when it became evident that I’d win after ten moves.We’d established that I was intelligent, that I could read and write and that I knew random facts so I had gone to school, but that didn’t help me now. I was still a nobody and I still couldn’t remember anything about my life.Malcolm Schwartz became my savior in that moment and if it wasn’t for him I would have probably ended up on the streets. He introduced me to his relative, Marcus Brigham, who liked the look of me, said I was big and if I could handle myself in a tough situation, I’d be perfect for the job.Marcus asked me to meet him at a sports club for my audition. I wondered what this job entailed and how would I have to handle myself? I walked in and two guys were sparring in a boxing ring. Could I box? I had no clue but I guess
Four months earlier…“He’s opening his eyes, Dr Schwartz,” the nurse said as Malcolm Schwartz stood in front of the counter at the nurse’s station filling in paperwork. He’d been waiting for this day anxiously. They were all curious about the young man in that hospital bed.He looked up and walked into the hospital room where for the past two months ‘John Doe’ had been in a coma. He felt relief that his patient had finally woken up since there was no medical reason for him to be in a coma.“Good morning, I’m Dr Schwartz.” He kept his voice low and he was sure the relief showed in his eyes.Dr Schwarts looked at the man lying in the bed as the nurses checked the monitors showing his blood pressure and heart rate. Everything was normal as it had been for the past two months, ever since a taxi driver had brought him in.“Where am I?” I asked him, looking around.“You’re at the Fresno Community Hospital. Can you tell me your name?” Dr Schwartz asked me.“It’s… it’s… I don’t know,” I said
Adara hadn’t changed anything. She’d washed his clothes in the hamper and nothing had been touched in Kiran’s study. Malachi had made the notifications to The Council but Adara still kept everything the same. Some nights she still made Kiran’s favorites, like that would bring him home.His car keys remained in the bowl and she recorded everything the twins did, so that when he came back he could be part of everything he had missed. She even had his car serviced and started it every single morning to keep the battery charged.“You should just give her time, maybe give her what she wants and move to our own house. We’re close enough if anything happens and she’s not defenseless, she has Norah here,” Jessica said to Malachi.Adara sighed as she stood on the stairs and listened to them talk. She turned and went to her bedroom. Every day she scoured the internet for stories of acts of heroism. That was something Kiran could never stop doing, being the hero.She had phoned all the hospitals
Five months later…Days had turned to weeks and Malachi’s hope was dwindling. Each day brought a fresh wave of sadness and worry. They had no body and no idea where Kiran had gone. He didn’t want to believe that his son was dead. He’d pleaded with the gods for a sign, any sign. Anything would be better than wondering. He wasn’t sure how much more he could handle.He was sitting at the dining table in the kitchen, staring at the newspaper in his hand but his thoughts were with Kiran. If he was indeed in Helheim, he hoped he wasn’t suffering, but even Jessica wasn’t sure. Kiran had said that Death liked to taunt and torture him. He shuddered at the thought of what Kiran must be going through.Adara pulled a chair out and sat down next to him. “Can I talk to you?”“Of course,” Malachi said and put his cup down. He folded the newspaper and looked intently at Adara.Adara fidgeted with her hands, seemingly nervous. “You don’t have to keep living here, your house was finished two months ago
“What the hell do we do now?” Carl asked and James didn’t have an answer for him. He turned around without answering and followed Malachi out of the forest with Carl trailing behind him. They had walked into the house, the clearing littered with dead witches.“What happened?” Jessica asked as she stood up from the couch putting the glass of water down on the table as Malachi put Adara down on the couch and she curled herself into the fetal position and just cried.“He’s gone,” Malachi said and walked to the study, slamming the door behind him. He screamed and wiped everything off the chest that stood behind the couch and acted as a secondary table which held the glass bottles of brandy and whiskey and the tumbler glasses.He started hitting the wall in frustration as he struggled to deal with facts that he didn’t really know. He stopped when both hands were broken and his blood dripped onto the carpet. He sat down on the couch and he lowered his face into his hands and cried.Jessica
Adara sat in the study and looked at Kiran’s laptop. It was four weeks later and she hadn’t had the heart to go into his study before now. She opened the laptop and the screen came alive. She looked at the numerous folders on the screen and started to cry.That day had been the absolute worst day in her life, by far. She felt helpless and so alone, although the house was never empty. Malachi and Jessica had basically moved into his old bedroom.James was there every day and she could see that it was taking its toll on him, between his twins, the hotel, and their house, he was overdoing it. She would have to ask Malachi to speak to him and tell him to stop coming over.Kiran had closed Karani’s chest that afternoon before he went to the clearing and Jessica had tried to open it, but it wouldn’t budge. She finally admitted defeat and told Adara that only Kiran could open it. She had hoped to find something in there to explain what had happened to him.She started going through his folde
Some days Death showed me my children, other days he let me burn for hours on end. On rare occasions I was with Adara or Malachi or James. He wanted me to witness their grief and their pain and feel it deep in my soul. It was the worst punishment I’d ever suffered through.He took such pleasure in my pain that I stopped reacting to whatever they felt and turned my emotions off. He let me burn extra-long when I did that and I don’t know what hurt more, their pain or mine. I felt numb to it all, even their emotions because I was beginning to feel like I had when I’d taken Malachi’s pain, before going to Wolf Peak. I felt weak.Finally one day he let me sit down and said we should talk, man to man, and I laughed at him. I had clearly lost my mind and I had no idea how long I’d been there with him because there was no measure of time. There was only pain.“You’re not a man,” I said to him and he looked hurt.“Don’t be so mean, here I can be whatever I want,” he said and I just looked at h