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26: Just to prove something
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Days go by and try as I might, I'm disturbed by Eric's silence. But even more disturbed by Mariam's presence. She's always with him: in the hall during classes, at the canteen, on the traders' ground. They're everywhere; however, her presence sort of makes it easier to also ignore Eric.
She's the girlfriend, not me. I'm that pathetic friend who will always be on the sidelines; the sooner I get this into my head, the better for me.
“What are you thinking of?” Caleb asks when he sees me staring ahead with my temple rested on my palm.
“Nothing really.” I sigh and sit straight. “Just wondering how I'll pass our tests.”
Since Eric is never around, my new company became Caleb. Aside from when he has other things to attend to, friends to talk to, he's basically wherever I am. I know it's wrong, but his company doesn't make me feel thr
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Finding Us 27: Party scatter I
“You're what?” Unlike Annie who's super-excited to attend a party this weekend, Amanda believes I'm making a terrible decision.“I know,” I say. “I hate parties too, but I already told my friend that I'll be coming.”“Did that friend tie you with rope and say you must come? Or is he or she holding a gun to your head?”“Leave the girl alone, jare,” Annie says. “She deserves some fun. Let her have it.” She turns to me in her plastic chair. “Don't mind Amanda. Going to a party is not a sin and yes, I'll follow you.”I smile at her, relief washing over me like a cold shower during a hot afternoon. I've been panicking all day, wondering how I'll attend the party alone. Although I don't like that I have to go, knowing that I won't be going alone soothes my worry a little.Amanda lets out
Finding Us 28: Party scatter II
Caleb doesn't stop on the ground floor as we begin climbing the stairs to the second floor. On our way upstairs, I bump shoulders with someone and then mumble an apology. A couple of steps forward I hear my name. Or I think I hear my name, because when I look back at the sea of people lining the stairwell and beyond, I don't see anyone I might know.Caleb doesn't allow me to dwell much on what I think I heard because he keeps moving, my hand in his grip, and soon, we arrive at a balcony. Aside from the red folding chair and a small table by our left, the place is empty and the air is clear too.“Hmm.” I look over my shoulder and then over the railing at the party downstairs. “It's a bit quiet here.”He chuckles and takes a sip from his cup. “You're like an open book, you know.”I scowl. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Finding Us 29: What to do
When I get home and my parents ask how my tests were, I simply reply I did my best. This response is met with optimism from my mom and a prayer that God will handle the rest, while my dad seems disappointed, believing my best coupled with how I sound isn't enough.I can't blame him though — even though I wish he has little faith in me. My best has never been enough to get me good grades. No matter how hard I try to study, the results never end up in my favour. Especially when I'm studying on my own. It's always been with Eric's help that I scale through any test.Although we've been studying days before the test week, Eric wasn't there to soothe my fear and tell me the test questions won't be that hard. Before I enter any test or exam hall, I always become panic-stricken; my clothes are soaked with sweat while I bite the inner part of my cheeks and rub my hands down my skirt. During such times, he'll
Finding Us 30: Joined at the hips
Our cloth business is doing well, even though there are a few losses incurred from refunds made to dissatisfied customers. Nonetheless, Dare has amazing marketing strategies that have me smiling at my account balance after I hear my notification sound.“My first hard-earned money.” I grin foolishly.Dare laughs.“Yikes.” I put my phone in my bag. “So when do we start another batch?”“Whenever you're ready. Although, with exams coming up, do you think you can cope? Won't it be best if we let this semester go and start next semester?”“Nah, don't worry. I can always find time.”Even if I'll be as busy as a bee, I'll choose sewing anytime, any day.“Babe,” Anita calls from the counter. “Do you want fish or meat?”
Finding Us 31: Dead
Annie flings the door open, interrupting our conversation as Amanda and I jerk at our doors where we're standing.“Ah-ah. What is it? Why are you running like someone they're pursuing?” I ask, peering through the door as she bends over, panting.“Diamond... Dead body... Road... Side.”“Eh? What are you saying?” I ask.Amanda hurries down to the kitchen and returns with a glass of water she gives Annie. Annie moves Amanda's hand aside and straightens, her eyes glistening with tears.It then clicks in my head when I try to piece her words together. “Diamond is dead?!”She nods.Time stops. My heart plummets.Diamond is dead. Diamond is dead. No, it's not true. Diamond isn't dead.
Finding Us 32: Something happened last night
Eric slept over. Again. I was crying so much that he believed I'd crumble if he left.To take my mind off everything, we talked about anything unrelated to Diamond's death as we ate the pizza. It worked and soon, I fell asleep only to wake up later in the night to find his face an inch away from mine.His arm is crossed over my waist like the last time as his calm breath fans my face.Instead of going back to sleep, I remain the way I am, watching him sleep as I analyse his features. His left eyebrow is slightly raised due to how that side of his face is atop his arm. There's a poker dot (usually known as God's mark) on the right side of his cheek. It's so tiny that I sometimes forget it's there. I almost reach for the dot, amazed by how that tiny part of him enhances his charm, when his eyelids flutters and I shut my eyes immediately.“Do I have something on my face?” his voice is quiet and raspy
Finding Us 33: The cold truth
“Debby!” My name is called out and as much as I don't want to answer, I have to.Dare waves me over to our usual table where Mariam and Eric are seated.When Eric looks at me, there isn't a hint of the love I believed I saw the night before. He appears detached as he stares at me like I'm a stranger.When he looks away, a huge lump forms in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow. I will my feet to move, even though I wish to slip into a secluded corner and scream my head off.“I was just asking Eric where you were,” Dare says as I sit.I simply hum in reply.When I saw Mariam by Eric's side, I turned my back to them, hiding amongst the crowd as they walked by. If I knew they were headed to this same canteen — which should've been obvious since we alw
Finding Us 34: Regrets
Exams are over and everyone gets to go home for the holiday. The excitement in the air is foreign to me. Try as I might, my emotions merely rotate between frustration and despair.As I stare at the living room, my eyes sweeping across the objects that fill it up before they rest on Diamond's door, all I can feel is regret. I never should've been ignorant of Diamond's plight. I should have done better. Not only that, but I never should've deluded myself into thinking my story with Eric will be like a fairytale — a dream come true. Likewise, I never should've disregarded my virginity and given it up to a guy who was so confused that he never really cared.A door clicks open, and I turn to see Amanda coming out of her room, her big travelling bag in one hand. The both of us decided to leave a week after exams — which is today. The one-week delay was so we'd put our things in order.
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Finding Us My letter to you
To my dearest readers,I know not many will read this, but to those who will, I hope you receive my message well.I’ve been wanting to write something at the end of this book. An author's note was what I had in mind: a note where I merely deliver my gratitude to you all for devoting your time to this book and also inform you of my plans for it. But as the ending drew nearer, the idea didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t until I was editing the last few chapters, that I realized what I wanted to do.I made a Facebook and WhatsApp post recently, stating my latest discovery about my books being letters that I write to myself before releasing to the world. (It's true. I write to myself, before I write to you.)So with that in mind, I decided to write you a letter. I don’t know how long this will be, but hopefully, it won't be too long to bore you to death. Lol.When I decided to write ‘Finding
Finding Us 46: Change happens II
Amanda's birthday is only two days away, and Annie and I want to surprise her. We told the guys, who are in on the plan, and so have been on a hush-hush around her. Although I suspect that Amanda knows we're up to something, Annie says I'm being paranoid.“What do you think Amanda would like as a present?” Dare asks as we enter the gift shop.“I don't really know,” I reply. “If you asked me what Annie likes, I'll tell you it's a headband straightaway. That, and lots of chocolate. But with Amanda, you can never really tell. She doesn't obsess over anything the way I obsess over music and Annie over novels. She's always this meh,” — I shrug — “kind of girl.”He exhales loudly. “That's the same problem I'm having. It's like she's hard to impress.”“Yeah.”We find some beautiful gift wrappings and balloons that we buy.Luckily, Amanda's birthday is on a Sunday (which is in two day
Finding Us 45: Change happens I
After Eric manages to have a bath, the guys disinfect the wound and help him to the bed where he sits.Because they're finished, I tiptoe into the room like the coward I am. Unable to stomach how bad he looked, I vomited in one of the bathrooms and was told to stay outside till they were done.Eric's eyes are closed, and I'm about to leave when he speaks, “This is why you should stick to sewing.”I turn to see his one good eye is opened. Chuckling nervously, I sit beside him.“Chai. See your eye. How are you feeling?” I ask.“Like I'm sitting on pins and needles. My whole body hurts.”“Sorry.” I pout and pat his shoulder. “Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”He nods, takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. My heart skips a beat, but I don't pay any attention to it this time.“Why did those idiots beat you up?” I ask.
Finding Us 44: Beaten up
Annie and I throw ourselves at Amanda when she arrives at the door, almost making her fall back as she laughs.“You people should not kill me o,” she says before we pull away.“I was already planning how I'll come to your house and beat you up if you don't show today,” Annie says, and Amanda chuckles.Just then, Amanda's parents arrive at the stairs with the rest of her bags.“Good morning, sir. Good morning, ma,” Annie and I greet as we hurry over to help them.“God bless you, my children,” Amanda's dad says as they leave the bags for us.We take Amanda's bags to her room and come out to meet her parents — since she said they had something to say to us.“First of all, I want to thank you two for what you're doing for our daughter,” Amanda's dad says. “As a parent, I'm ashamed that I can't even provide for my own child and have to depend on you two.” His eyes water,
Finding Us 43: Good friends
Thunder rumbles as it pours heavily outside. Luckily, I have a hoodie on (Eric’s hoodie). I didn’t know it was going to rain, so I wore a short-sleeved blouse, which didn’t save me from shivering when it started to rain. Eric had removed his sweater and handed it to me. When I refused it, he dumped it on my head and went away.Classes ended thirty minutes ago, and I'd have been on my way home if Eric didn't leave for his departmental meeting. While waiting, I spotted Dare at the front of the hall. He saw me too and waved before coming over to sit with me.“So she won't be coming to school again?” Dare asks.“Annabel and I told her to come. It'll not pass we'll pay for her T-fare and also share our food with her.”“Aww. That's so nice of you guys.” He pulls me close and pecks my forehead.I giggle and he lets go, laughing.“Honestly, you guys did well. Amanda is a very intelligent la
Finding Us 42: Amanda's plight
Staring at my mirror makes me realize how much weight I've put on. Although it's not impossible to have added this much weight. If I wasn't munching on a snack I bought, I was either rummaging the fridge for something to throw into my mouth or checking the cupboard for something to cook — that is if there's no already-cooked food at home.I notice how flabby my stomach is and try to tuck it in. This makes it difficult for me to breathe, so I heave out a sigh.“Don't worry; before two weeks, I'll lose all of these,” I tell myself with a grin.After closing my Bible, I pen the last question I have and then shut my journal.Before I left home, the Head-pastor and I talked about a few specific things I could do when less busy. These things are habits that are very necessary to aid my growth into a better person. These include reading my Bible and journaling my thoughts and findings: at the end of the week, I d
Finding Us 41: One-on-one
I'm slumped on my bed, about to doze off when Joy wakes me.“Dad is calling you.”The journey back from the church's headquarters was crazy long. Although I wasn't the one driving, my body weighs like a bag of cement. And all I want to do is sleep. Not talk.Mom and dad are in their room, so I knock before I'm being told to enter.While mom is unpacking, dad is going through his drawer in search of something.“You sent for me,” I say.He looks up at me before closing the drawer. “Your mom said you're the one that packed my other bag. Where did you keep my shaving stick?”“It's in your bag.” I go over to the bed, open the side-zip of his bag and take out the shaving stick.“You'll be going back to school tomorrow, correct?” he asks as he collects the shaving stick.“Yes, sir.”He tilts the shaving stick over and over
Finding Us 40: Learning to forgive
It's easier said than done: forgiving oneself, that is. Because when the time comes, the internal struggle makes those words sound so stupid.When the Head-pastor asked me if I could forgive myself, I hesitated. And when I finally replied, I told him maybe. That I wasn't sure.Why? Because it was when he asked if I could forgive myself that I realized just as Eric was wrong for having sex with me, I'm also wrong for letting him. Eric didn't rape me. I've been so angry at him that I didn't think to ask myself who gave him the green light.No one can disrespect you if you don't give them a reason to. I motivated Eric to do what he did. I'm the reason I was used that way.“Achoo!” I shiver on my bed as my mom touches my forehead.“I don't think this is only catarrh,” she says. “It seems like malaria.”“Malaria ke?” I ask. “How come?”
Finding Us 39: The truth that heals
“Forgiveness,” the Head-pastor says. “It's the hardest thing for any human to do, yet the easiest thing for our God to do. God forgives so easily, that it amazes me every time. He killed that person, yet the simple fact that he's remorseful is enough to make God forgive him. There's no sin our father in heaven cannot forgive. As long as you are willing to repent; as long as you acknowledge your mistake, and you're willing to turn a new leaf, he's willing to forgive. Do you know why? It's because He loves us. He loves us so much that He's waiting for us, despite all that we do. He's waiting for us to make that right choice.“Just like He forgave David for stealing another man's wife, He forgave the prostitute who saved the Israelite spies. He also forgave the woman who committed adultery and was brought to him to be condemned. Just as He forgave these people and more, He's willing to forgive us.”***While mom and dad are b
