I'm tired. Dane took me out last night and kept me out late; I wasn't sure why. We went for dinner, and then he brought me to a jazz club. I was exhausted after my week at school, my feet hurt from wearing high heels all night, and my dress was uncomfortable. Was it really too much to ask just to go to a diner or the movies? For us to go out on a date where I could wear jeans? The dates were interesting, I could give him that. I was getting new experiences and the ability to try new foods, but it all felt like a distraction. It felt like a lack of connection being covered up with excitement. I need to get to know him before tonight. Mom is going to ask things, and I can't look shocked that I don't know the answers. I have to know the answers to questions when I've been with him for weeks. When I couldn't take it anymore last night and just asked if we could call it an early night, he suggested I could come home with him. "Just stay with me, it's a lot closer," he whispered, putti
"The walk is short to the coffee place, and I smile, stepping inside with him. I was feeling nagged by these questions about our relationship, and now I'd finally get some answers. We sit down and order our drinks. I get a muffin with butter too. They looked too good to pass up. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He asks with a shrug, taking a sip of his black coffee. "Tell me about your family," I shrug, starting easy, and he shrugs in return. "My dad worked on Wall Street; I told you that. Mom was a stay-at-home wife. I don't have any brothers or sisters." "None?" I ask, and he nods. "Sounds sort of lonely." "It wasn't all bad. I had a lot of friends growing up," he insists, and I smile. "Tell me about yours," he adds, and I furrow my eyebrows. "I-I have told you about them," I answer, feeling worried. "A lot. I love my family. We're really close." "Right, yeah," he shrugs. "Of course, I was just making conversation." Weird start, Dane. This weird silence falls between us
"You might think you're giving our relationship your all. You might find it crazy I haven't slept with you. I'm explaining why." I whisper, and he sighs. "Just so you know, I'm not a virgin, and you're not my first boyfriend," I add, feeling the need to clarify. He assumed I was a virgin because I hadn't wanted sex with him. Interesting. "I can't plan a fall trip to Montreal. My job requires a month's notice for time off, and I work weekends. Weekends are for work so I can have weekdays for my job. I've told you this before; it's not new information. I have to pay my rent." "Why can't you move out of your place?" He asks, sounding hesitant, leaving me speechless. "To where?" I ask, crossing my arms. "I don't know, move back in with your parents," he suggests, and I laugh. "No way. I saved for years to move out. I need to be near Brown," I explain, running my hands over my face. "I've told you this too." "Well, why not move in with me? Just until you figure out your next move." He
I don't know what to do once I get home. I've been missing so many things lately, so many parties and fun nights out. I didn't want to go back and inform them that I'd made a stupid mistake. I sniffle and step through the door; Kent's right there by the dining room table. He looks guilty, no doubt because he's the one who broke the news to me. "Hey!" I whisper quietly, and he nods, looking down at the floor. It had been a few days since our talk about staying away from each other. I felt really betrayed, thank God I'd never slept with Dane. "C'mere," he says quietly, nodding his head over, and I nod, walking quietly until I can wrap my arms around him. He squeezes the life out of me, and I start to sob. I'd managed to hold it together the whole way home, but seeing Kent was too much. "I'm so stupid," I cry, and he shakes his head, lifting me off the ground. "No, Juls, he's the idiot," he whispers. I just felt hollow; my mind was warped from this entire exchange, from feeling like
"Hi Juls!" She sounds cheerful, and I smile. "What's going on?" "I-um....I just wanted to.....to tell you that I broke up with Dane this morning," I whisper, fiddling with the hem of my sweater. "You were right, we're too different, and.....I realized it for myself. He's not coming anymore." "Oh honey, I'm sorry, I know it's been close to a month that you've been seeing him," she whispers. I feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes but my composure for the call. "But I still want to come," I tell her. "Honey, of course. You're always welcome, are you sure you're not too upset?" She asks, and I sigh. "No, I'm not," I say, trying to sound confident. "I actually.....I was wondering if you could set the table for another four people?" I mumble, and she pauses. "Four boyfriends, huh?" She teases, which makes me laugh, genuinely laugh for the first time all morning. "For who?" "My friend Abby, and my roommates Kyle, Mark, and Kent-" "Oh Kent! Good, I'm glad he's coming. He was so
I turn the show back on, and I squeeze my new favorite thing, my dino. The episode was one of my favorites, solely because of the unexpected plot developments. In the next scene, there's a girl dead, sprawled out on a mattress, and Kent furrows his eyebrows. "Are you sure you want to watch this?" He asks. "It seems depressing." "I want to watch it," I insist, shaking my head. "This is a really interesting episode, trust me." The plot develops, and even I feel riveted by the twist at the end. This woman hired a hitman to kill the woman her husband was cheating on her with. The plot twist is she's in a wheelchair and pretending to be sick and disabled so her husband will stay with her anyway. "So it was her?" He asks, and I nod with a small smile. "Shit, that's insane." "Wait, this is the craziest part," I whisper. At this point, the detectives have figured out it was his wife in the wheelchair who did it and that she's been making herself sick, but she's been determined not compet
I press my lips together and close my door. I change into jeans instead of leggings and put on some concealer to hide my red spots from crying. I try to look brave because I'm going home for Mom's enchiladas. The world is not small; it's huge and full of possibilities. I open the door a few minutes later and see everyone in the living room, waiting for me to show up. We all get into Kent's car and head home. I'm excited to be back. I sit behind Kent in the backseat and smile while thinking about the two of us this afternoon. The strange thing is, when I think about Kent, I stop thinking about my mess with Dane. Maybe I never had feelings for Dane, perhaps I just kept pushing Kent aside to try and enjoy another relationship. Maybe I thought things could be the same with Dane. Kent parks in my driveway, and I smile, leading everyone to my front door. It's not a big house, but Mom is used to accommodating a large family for dinner. "Hello?" I call as I kick off my shoes. Mom comes ou
I feel terrible today. Breakups are always tough for me. I didn't feel very connected to Dane emotionally, but it didn't seem to matter. I'm a sensitive person, and feeling deceived and used isn't something that just goes away. The only, and I really emphasize, the only positive thing this week is that Thanksgiving break is approaching. This weekend is a holiday, which means four blissful days without school. I can also go back home and be with my parents. Mom understood my emotions on Saturday, to the point that she sent the remaining enchiladas home with me and my roommates. They provided comfort, and it was the only thing I had an appetite for yesterday before I had to drag myself to work. That's another thing, I only have three days of work this week. It's incredibly exciting, less exposure to chlorine on my hair and clothes. I always worried that I smelled of it. Today, I had my one afternoon class. It's Monday, a relatively easy day for me. Usually, I'd use it for homework,