The ceremony was a blur, at best. The only thing I recalled with any clarity was the boy I'd loved almost my entire life and the way he watched me as I approached. Long gone was the tall, lanky, awkward kid from my youth. In his place was a man with confidence. His smile was perfect, his tux was dapper, and he was virtually edible. Throughout our vows, he never took his eyes off mine, and he hadn't even tried to erase the sheer joy that overtook his features. I'd long since memorized every freckle on his skin, every streak of color in his irises, and every strand of hair on his head, but nothing had prepared me for the expression Jude wore as he committed his life to mine. Once it was over, and I was officially a Thomas, the world came back into focus. After the minister announced us as husband and wife, Jude and I started across the lawn toward the bed and breakfast. It was then that I noticed two empty seats amongst the six in the audience. Hensley had insisted on doing something
It had only been a couple of hours since the caseworker dropped me off at the Shaws'. Ernie and Hensley seemed nice enough, but I hadn't spent much time talking to the adults. Or Portia-a strange name that somehow suited her, even with the little bit I knew. The three of them showed me my room and the mounds of books they'd stocked on the shelves, and I stayed holed up alone until dinner, lost in the pages of a made-up world. It was weird to eat with anyone other than my mom, or anywhere other than at our table for two. Ours was nestled into a corner of our living room to create a makeshift dining space. Even at eight years old, I knew it wasn't much, but it was ours, and my mom worked hard to make sure we had a nice place. It wasn't as big as the Shaws' house. Our carpet was flat from walking on it all the time, and my twin bed didn't have a matching dresser, much less a nightstand and a lamp. The walls were white and our dishes mismatched, but at home, my mom tucked me in every ni
Mother Nature shaded the sky in hues of graphite, violet, and a morose blue in a sullen farewell. The threat of rain was appropriate as I stood next to my mother's casket. Everyone had said their goodbyes and told me what a lovely service it was-I didn't think a funeral could be anything other than gruesome and depressing. I'd learned over the past nine years, and the last few days, when people don't know what to say, they repeat cliché phrases when silence would do better. Today was no different.I understood my mother's friends' desire to pay their respects, to show her their love one final time. I just wished they realized that I didn't want to share those moments with them. I wanted to have my own, one that no one else would be privy to. My feelings volleyed between sadness, grief, anger, and rage, and the emotional shifts had only become more swift and unexpected after my mom took her final breath. Today, I hung between overwhelming sorrow and blinding fury. It took everything i
Sweat covered my skin, and a clammy chill clung to me through the thin fabric of my pajamas. They were the only thing I recognized in the dark. It took me a minute to remember where I was, and it wasn't home. My mom wasn't down the hall, my stuff wasn't strewn about the floor, and I wouldn't be eating at the diner tomorrow morning when daylight took over the night, illuminating the room."Are you all right?" A voice startled me.Jerking my line of sight toward the sound, I waited. I prayed my eyes would adjust and the shadows would stop tricking me into thinking things moved around the room. I'd woken up in here hundreds of times and never felt the panic I did now.Portia didn't wait for me to respond. My heart hammered in my chest, although I didn't know if it was the nightmare that woke me, the unfamiliar fear clawing at me, or the girl crawling into bed next to me. Portia slinked between the sheet and the comforter. When the blankets moved, the swirling air from the fan hit my
Portia's room looked like a bomb had detonated. I didn't know how she planned to find anything, and I wasn't sure I could locate her amidst the toys, clothes, and general crap piled on every available surface.I peered around the mounds to locate her. "Are you in there?"Her head popped up on the opposite side of the bed, and a huge smile broke out on her face. "Yep. I'm glad you're here.""Do you need my help escaping? This place is like a landmine." I took a couple of steps in, trying to find a safe place to put my foot without fear of breaking something. "No, silly." She glanced around with a confused look. "It's all organized.""Yeah? Into what, chaos?" Portia squinted and turned her head a bit, giving me an eat-shit look. "Can you go get some of those big, black trash bags from the garage? The ones Ernie uses in the yard.""Are you giving up? Just going to throw it all away? Burning it in the firepit in the backyard might be easier." I raised my brow in question, t
"Come on. Get up. Get up. Get up." Portia woke me by bouncing on my bed in animation. Her dark hair flew around her, blocking her face from view, but her voice gave away her excitement."God. What time is it?" I pressed the heel of my hands into my eyes and tried to rub the sleep away. "If it's before noon, come back at twelve." Yanking on the covers, I rolled onto my side to block her out.She tugged on my arm and used her weight to pull me into a sitting position. "It's already ten. By the time you shower and eat, it will be noon before we get on the road. And then it's an hour drive. Come on." I hated it when she pouted and even worse when she whined. Portia was the only female in the world who could spin me upside down by puffing out her bottom lip and lowering her voice half an octave. I was a goner the instant she did it."Fine. I'll get up when you get out." There was no way in hell I was tossing back the blankets to give her a visual of all the things I'd dreamed about
Bart knocked, and Jet opened the door to our room. The two of us had spent the last hour getting ready for our first frat party, and Bart, Chet, and Todd were here to escort us. Bart whistled through his teeth when I spun around, but it was Chet who scanned my body from head to toe. There was no way he missed the blush that warmed my cheeks with his attention.Bart took Jet's hand and lifted it above her head so she could twirl for him, and then he repeated the same with me. "You guys look fantastic.""Thank you, thank you." My roommate beamed with his praise. Bart wasn't at all shabby himself. There wasn't a flaw that I could find anywhere on his body, and he was a nice guy to top it off. Ever since I'd met these three the day I'd arrived, they'd all spent time getting to know me, and by default, Jet. Bart and Todd were older than I was and both juniors. Chet, however, was the little brother of a guy Bart went to high school with, and he was a sophomore. One year didn't seem th
When he met my eyes, I relaxed. It was easy to see how he could get a reputation from women who felt slighted after he'd rejected them. I wouldn't say Chet and I were close; we hadn't known each other long. Although, his reputation and perception were important to him. He took pride in his position on the lacrosse team, he made sure to talk to anyone who said hello, and he was part of a handful of clubs and organizations. Chet played an active role on campus. He was a popular guy. It would be easy to mistake his confidence for cockiness if I hadn't spoken to him."Do you want something to drink?" he asked, as though he'd just realized he had a beverage and had been rude not to offer me one."I'm not a fan of beer. Thank you, though.""I'm pretty sure there's a stash of wine coolers in the back." Charisma oozed from his smile, and I was putty in his hand. "Come on, you can pick whatever flavor you want."I debated refusing. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in having one. I'd j
The ceremony was a blur, at best. The only thing I recalled with any clarity was the boy I'd loved almost my entire life and the way he watched me as I approached. Long gone was the tall, lanky, awkward kid from my youth. In his place was a man with confidence. His smile was perfect, his tux was dapper, and he was virtually edible. Throughout our vows, he never took his eyes off mine, and he hadn't even tried to erase the sheer joy that overtook his features. I'd long since memorized every freckle on his skin, every streak of color in his irises, and every strand of hair on his head, but nothing had prepared me for the expression Jude wore as he committed his life to mine. Once it was over, and I was officially a Thomas, the world came back into focus. After the minister announced us as husband and wife, Jude and I started across the lawn toward the bed and breakfast. It was then that I noticed two empty seats amongst the six in the audience. Hensley had insisted on doing something
Sunday afternoon came faster than either of us wanted. Three days hadn't been nearly enough time to reconnect, and even though I'd made myself sick on lemon pie, saying goodbye proved to be painful. I'd give anything to freeze time in that hotel room with the dessert tin between us, forks in hand, simply enjoying each other's company and catching up as we shoved pie in our mouths.Standing in the airport, I held Portia's face and softly kissed her. "Don't cry, babe. It's only a couple of weeks," I whispered with my forehead pressed against hers.Her eyes were bloodshot, and no amount of consoling would change her anguish. It was inevitable-her displeasure and our circumstances. She had exams to finish, and I had to fulfill a two-week notice at the bookstore. We'd be back together in no time; however, having spent the majority of a year apart, those weeks seemed unjust. A harsh penalty neither of us wanted to serve. "I don't want to go." Portia's whimpered words tore at my heart.
I got dressed and tossed her backpack on my shoulder, and together, we set out. Portia held my hand as we walked down the street, and she carried the pie in the other. We didn't speak, but her thumb caressed the top of my hand and spoke a language all its own. Ever since we were kids, she'd done it to reassure and calm me, and now I was grateful for all those years so I understood its quiet meaning. It wasn't the Ritz Carlton, but I wasn't Donald Trump. The hotel was within walking distance, didn't charge by the hour, and most importantly, didn't ask for ID, so I was sold. Portia set the pie on the nightstand, along with the two forks I'd grabbed on our way out the door. I set down her bag, and it dawned on me that I hadn't brought anything of my own. Not that it mattered. I just wanted time with the girl I'd seen every night in my dreams yet hadn't been able to touch. She sat on the mattress and peered up at me with large, curious eyes. I didn't move, and I wasn't sure how to proc
The knock after eleven at night startled me. I figured Carson or Ethan left their keys at home, locking themselves out. I didn't bother glancing through the peephole. Instead, I kept my nose rooted in the book I was reading, disengaged the deadbolt, and then grabbed the knob. I didn't take notice of who stood on the other side when I flung it open, and I returned to my place on the couch.The weight of the metal latching itself in place resounded through the apartment. After sitting down, I realized neither of them had come inside. Irritated by the disruption-and ready to fire off a smart-ass comment about one of them needing an escort or an invitation-I ripped back the door.And every thought fled my mind. If I'd been asleep, then I would have believed I was dreaming. As it stood, the vision before me was as real as the book I'd thrown on the sofa. My Adam's apple bobbed in painful exaggeration as I swallowed back my surprise. There. Within arm's reach. Stood Portia Sh
June was too far away. There was no way I was willing to wait for Jude Thomas to show up on my parents' porch and see him again for the first time with an audience. It just wasn't going to happen. Consequences be damned. Without their knowledge, I booked a flight using their credit card and found a way home. "Hey, sweetheart. What are you doing here?" My mom stuck her head out and looked around. "And why are you ringing the bell?" I didn't bother with any pleasantries. "I didn't want to alarm you by coming home during the week unexpectedly." I pushed by her, and she shut the door behind me. The kitchen was the place we did our best talking, and that's where I headed without further fanfare. "Where's Dad?"Her tense expression and creased forehead articulated her confusion and concern, although she didn't question me anymore. "Ernie?" She dashed to the bottom of the stairs, leaving me on the bar stool. "Ernie, can you come down here?"The heavy clump of his feet on the steps s
There was a huge tree just behind campus that typically went unoccupied and far enough away from the bustle of the crowd that I could escape. I didn't have a clue what I was getting myself into, and I didn't want to be exposed to onlookers or passersby. I trotted across campus, through the quad, and past the bookstore. When people attempted to stop me to talk, I waved and said hello, but I kept the course to my destination. As I'd hoped, there was no one around. I unzipped my backpack and took out the blanket I'd packed, careful not to accidentally toss the journal on the ground. There wasn't anything ornate or special about the cover itself, although I was certain it had been expensive. The leather was soft like suede yet worn like a jacket. While I assumed it was new, it appeared aged. The words on the pages screamed at me to read them, but even if Jude hadn't written what was inside, I'd still covet the book for its beauty.Once I settled onto the blanket, I grabbed the noteboo
Jet flew into our dorm room with her usual dramatic flair. "Mail call." Her lyrical voice tumbled into the room, and she followed. It was clear she didn't plan to stay when she left the door open, tossed a few envelopes on her desk, and held a package in my direction.I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of my bed. "What's that?"I never got mail. Everything I received went to my parents' house, and I didn't get care boxes because I went home often enough for Hensley to load me up with baked goods to tide me over for weeks.Jet snatched the thick packet back and held it against her chest like a treasure. "It's from California," she teased and then wisely handed it over.An uneasy feeling landed squarely in the pit of my stomach. Butterflies didn't flutter; vultures swarmed. I'd no sooner taken the parcel than the greedy bastards started pecking away at my insides-starting with my heart.My roomie's expression softened, and the emotion she held for me was written all over
Spending Thanksgiving alone hadn't been all that bad. Christmas was torture. The Shaws sent me a box of presents, and I opened them by myself on the morning of the twenty-fifth. Somehow, they'd managed to package the scent of their home and mail it to California. As soon as I had unfolded the cardboard, the familiar smell rolled out in waves. It was the first time I'd missed home since I'd left. I'd longed for Portia, but I'd talked to Ernie and Hensley enough that their absence didn't seem any different than it had when I lived with my mom. There were times I'd go long stretches without seeing them, although not often.I hadn't been able to unwrap a single package for nearly an hour. And when I finally regained my composure, every piece of paper I tore, tape I removed, and ribbon I untied, took me further into longing. Even though I wasn't sure I was ready to go back just yet, that box convinced me that there was nothing I wanted more. With the last gift opened, I stared at the bott
"What the hell are you doing?" I snatched my journal from the hands of a nosy co-worker.She shrugged and contorted her face into an expression of equal indifference. "Just wondering what you spend so much time working on."I tucked the notebook into my backpack and slammed the locker. When I turned around, Lacy wore the same unbothered look. "So, you went through my locker, dug it out, and just thought you'd have a look around my private thoughts?"Lacy pulled out a chair from the table and placed herself in it with more fanfare than called for. "We work in a bookstore. Do you know how many people here are writing the next great American novel?" She paused, waiting for my answer. When she didn't get one, she popped a grape into her mouth and continued. "All of them. Including the ones who run the place." "And how does that justify breaking and entering?" I didn't have a clue what she'd read, or how deep into my thoughts she had been able to dig. My heart lay fully exposed on