False Hope

I'm at the balcony of my room, reading my favorite book while letting the cold breeze touch my skin. It was so cold but I didn't bother, it makes me calm. The sky was so dark and only a few stars can be seen. No moon tonight, which makes me disappointed. I was hoping to see a bright moon.

The wind blows and the trees whistle. It's kinda scary, pero nasanay na ako. We've been living in the mountain since my mom remarried. The mountain where we living now is not too far from the city, its 30 minutes away from here, still convenient for us to stay, aside that, it was more peaceful here than in the city. It's actually a villa, so it has fourteen more houses surrounded us.

My room facing the city and I can see the sea beneath. It’s wonderful. I was busy with mesmerizing the view when someone knocks on my door. I opened it, and I saw Axel, my step-brother. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and a black short. His hair's wet and messy.

He’s handsome, no girls could ever deny that fact. Even me who's a sister to him. He has these jet-black eyes color, thick eyebrows which suited him, thick and long eyelashes, a pointed nose, ideal lips, somehow, he looks like a god.

"Dinner's ready," sabi nito at umalis narin kaagad. Ganito siya palagi. No more conversations. Even though Axel and I we're step-siblings, we're not in good terms. Hindi naman parang aso't-pusa, hindi lang talaga kami masyadong nag-uusap. He doesn’t want to talk to me, edi okay.

I even remembered whenever I give him flowers that I picked from the garden, he throws it away. And the little Cali will cry because Axel won’t accept my gifts for him. I do that all the time until I gave up.

He's kinda moody, more like a serious type of a person, and he's kinda scary if he gets mad. The reason why I don't talk too much to him. Unlike his brothers, Ash and Aaron, they're kind and easy to get well with. But they're not here anymore, they went to London to continue their studies and haven't gone home for 3 years now.

Axel is three months older than me, his 18 and I am 17, he was born on October and I was born on January. Kuya Ash is now 21, and Kuya Aaron is 20.

Bumaba na ako para kumain ng hapunan. Nakita kong naroon na't nakaupo sila mommy at daddy. Yes, I called him daddy, I was a kid back then and mom told me to call him 'dad' since he's going to be my father. I was eight years old when my mom got remarried, three years after my dad died because of a cancer.

"What's your plan for college, Cali?" Daddy asks, hindi ko parin alam kung anong gusto ko. I want to be a doctor but most of the time, I'm scared. I don't have much confident about being a doctor. If business, I don't think I can help dad with his business. I'm still lacks in everything. Well, I love to draw, but they said there's no money in art.

"How about business?" Napaangat ako ng tingin kay daddy ng banggitin niya iyon. He must notice that I still haven't decided.

"I-I still don't know, dad..." binitawan ni daddy ang kubyertos nito at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"I know you must feel pressured when I asked you, but take your time. As you study, it wil gain you experiences and knowledge. And if you still not sure with your degree, you can take another and another until you find the course suited you the most." This is one of the reasons why mom fall in love with him, he's kind and very thoughtful man.

His sons are so lucky to have him as their dad, he's every woman's dream husband.

"Why not get the course same as mine, I can help you in any way I could." Nagulat ako ng magsalita si Axel, he's busy cutting his steak. He never intervened with my decisions or wants. He just sits there and listened, but he never intervenes.

"Then, settled?" Napatingin ako kay daddy. Ngumiti at tumango nalang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko parin alam kung ano ang kurso na kukunin ni Axel. But all I know is, he's staying in the Philippines. I think?

The dinner ended at kami lang ni Axel ang naiwan sa kusina. Axel's cleaning the table and putting the plates and other utensils to the sink, while I insist on washing them.

This is some of our routine. We were taught to do our chores on our own even if we have housekeepers that can do the chores for us, still mom doesn't want us to rely to them all the times.

"Want some help?" He asked. Medyo naninibago ako sa asal na ginagawa ni Axel towards me this day, he seems changed?

"Nuh, I'm fine." Sagot ko sa kanya. Tinitigan lang ako at sa titig niyang 'yon ay bigla akong kinabahan. Kinakabahan? Bigla nalang kasing bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko gawa ng titig niya. Inalis ko ang tingin ko sa kanya ngunit nawala ako sa focus at nahulog ang baso at ito'y nabasag.

"Huwag mong hawakan!" Nagulat ako sa sigaw ni Axel, pero huli na noong nahawakan ko ang basag na baso, nasugatan ako.

"Shit." Mura pa nito. Hinila niya ako palayo sa lugar na iyon at kumuha ito ng walis at dustpan. Akala ko ay wawalisin niya na ito pero may kinuha ito sa pantry.

Medkit pala.

Dinisinfect niya muna ang sugat ko bago ito lagyan ng betadine at band-aide. Gulat na gulat ako sa akto nito dahil most of the times sa mga ganitong insidente ay wala itong pakialam. He’ll just look and walked away.

"You should be more careful next time." He said nonchalantly. I couldn't move nor speak because of shock. As in mas nagulat ako sa akto ni Axel. We've been living together for ten years yet I haven't seen him like this before. It's usually Kuya Ash and Kuya Aaron acts like this to me. Kaya naninibago talaga ako.

I was staring at him while he's cleaning the wound. "Ako na maghuhugas. You should take a rest." Kumuha ito ng apron at sinuot maging ang gloves ay sinuot na niya rin at tinuloy ang paghuhugas.

"I-" hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kay Axel.

"Thank you," but I ended up saying my thanks to him. Hindi ito lumingon or nagsalita pa kaya naglakad na ako paakyat.

I'm in my room now laying down on my bed while staring at the ceiling. Napatingin ako sa kamay ko at naalala ang ginawa ni Axel rito. His touch is so gentle na hindi ako nakaramdam ng sakit. At habang nililinisan niya ito ay napaka gentle lang din hanggang sa paglagay ng bandaid rito.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko ng biglang bumilis na naman ang tibok nito. What's going on with me?

Napaupo ako ng may kumatok sa pintuan ng kwarto ko. Pinagbuksan ko iyon at nakita kong si Axel may dalang mga notes and books.

"Uh?" Reaction ko sa dala nito. Not sure why he sends me his notes. “Here's my notes and books regarding to my course I chose. Review some and let's see if you still want the course. Because if not, I can help you with the others too.” He said nonchalantly. Pumasok ito at nilagay iyon sa study table ko.

Alam ko namang mahina ako sa pag-aaral but hindi mo naman kailangan ipahalata saakin. Aside from having a look, Axel is really an ideal boyfriend. He's perfect, achiever, brains, looks, he's also athletic.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked. Umiwas ito ng tingin at nakita kong namula ang tenga nito. Why? "I-I just don't want you to be a disgrace to our family." Sabi niya habang nauutal pa. Kumunot naman ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "Im not too smart like you, but I'm not a fool." Sabi ko sa kanya at humiga sa kama.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean like that..." tumalikod ako sa kanya at nag scroll lang sa i*******m.

"Look, Cali. I'm sorry." Napaupo ako at hinarap siya. Nagulat ito sa biglaang pagharap ko sa kanya kaya napaatras ito ng kaunti. “Apology accepted." Sabi ko. Nagulat naman siya sa sinabi ko dahil nakita kong nag-iba ang expression nito.

"Just like that? I mean—"

"You mean what? Edi gusto mo na hindi kita patawarin sa panlalait saakin?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Umiling naman ito. "Okay, apology accepted but in one condition." Kumunot ang mukha nitong nakatitig saakin. “Help me with my studies." Tumango naman ito. “Settled then." Sabi ko at tumayo para kunin ang notes niya na nilagay nito sa study table ko.

"Business ha. I thought ayaw mo mag manage ng company niyo." Sabi ko sa kanya. Umupo naman ito sa kama ko matapos makuha ang isang libro. He scans it, "It left me with no choice." Napaisip naman ako. "I thought you want to be a doctor."

He chuckled. The very first time I heard him laugh, he looks more handsome when he's smiling, it's suited him more than being a grumpy grandpa. "Cute." Sabi ko dahilan para mawala ang ngiti sa labi ni Axel. Kaya nilapitan ko ito at kinurot ang magkabilang pisngi. "You look good when smiling, just keep smiling and don't ever try to look like a grumpy grandpa again."

"Tsk."

"Anyways, tell me if you like the course. We still have four months left before our graduation." Tumayo ito at naglakad na papalapit sa pintuan ng makita ko ang phone niya sa kama ko.

"Wait—" At sa hindi inaasahang pangyayari ay natapilok ako and Axel catched me. Pagdilat ko ng mga mata ay nakita kong nakahiga na sa sahig si Axel while nasa top niya ako. And the most shocking truth here is,

We kissed.

We fucking kissed.