CHAPTER EIGHT

“Is this you choosing me?” Sebastian asks again. This time his words gain a more desperate tone.

Is this me choosing him?

I don’t know and I wish he would give me space and time to think about it. I wish everything would just stop for a little while so I can figure out what I want. It’s too much pressure. I feel like I’m going to explode.

“Can’t it just wait until I’m eighteen?” I ask. “I’ll know by then. I need more time.”

“You don’t have time,” he snarls. “I’ve given you enough time. I need to know.”

He’s more than frustrated and I do understand. Because now I know what it’s like to experience such intense feelings for someone. If I felt the same way about him as I do about Lance, it would be so much easier. I wouldn’t hesitate.

“Our wedding is coming up,” Sebastian says. “You need to choose. It shouldn’t be such a difficult choice. It wouldn’t be a difficult choice for anyone else. I really don’t understand this reluctance.”

I don’t understand it either. It should be an easy choice. I should choose him.

Something is telling me not to though. Something is telling me my true mate is out there, wandering the woods without me.

And if I marry Sebastian, finding my true mate will only become more difficult. My heart and soul want to be with Lance and I almost tell Sebastian that. I think he sees it on my face.

“Before you say anything else, I want you to really consider if you want to give this up,” he says. “I am the alpha. I can offer you more than any other man can.

“Our marriage would bring the packs together. It wouldn’t just benefit us. You can’t be so selfish only to consider your feelings and the chaotic emotions of an indecisive teenager.”

His condemnation feels condescending. He has a point though. This isn’t just about me.

This is about my old pack and the one I belong to now. It’s about my father. He would be so disappointed in me.

Even if Sebastian isn’t my mate, maybe I should agree just to make life easier. Maybe I should agree to be with him simply because it isn’t all about me. Maybe it’s selfish not to do so.

But giving up a mate…

Well, finding a mate is such a vital part of a werewolf’s life. That connection is unlike anything else. It’s too much to ask of me. How can anyone expect me to give up something so precious? So sacred.

“Do you want to throw this away?” Sebastian asks. “That’s the true question. Are you really ready to throw this away?”

“No,” I answer. I don’t want to throw it away.

“Then are you going to commit yourself to me?”

Before I can give him my answer, I’m saved by one of Sebastian’s friends interrupting us. His hair is in a frenzy around his face, as if he’s been pulling at the long strands. His eyes are red with fury, his face taunt with pain.

Sebastian turns in anger, frustrated at being interrupted. When he sees Jake’s face though, everything changes.

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asks. “Did you finally catch and kill the rouge?”

My heart breaks at the thought. If Lance is dead, it’s because of me. This is all my fault. Everything is spiraling out of my control and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

“The elders felt like something was wrong,” Jake says. “They sensed something horrible had happened, so a few of us went after the others. We wanted to make sure they were alright and…

“We found them. They are… they’re all dead.”

I freeze. It’s impossible. He couldn’t have killed them all on his own.

Hope and sadness flutter in my heart. If they’re all dead, maybe that means they weren’t able to kill Lance.

It would also mean people I care about, at least to some extent, are dead. Because of me.

Relief still overwhelms any feelings of sadness though because he’s likely alive. That matters most of all to me. Lance is alive, and maybe this will give him enough time to get away.

“That’s impossible,” Sebastian whispers. “That’s… there’s only one of him. We sent out multiple, skilled men. It’s impossible.”

“I’m sorry,” Jake says, true pain in his words. “I don’t know how it happened, but it’s true. We… we brought their bodies back of course. They are dead.”

Sebastian crumbles in front of me. His body grows tenser, there’s no visible signs of weakness. But I see it in his eyes. These men were his friends.

Though it means Lance is still alive, I feel bad for Sebastian. I feel bad for those who lost their lives and those who loved them. This is all turning into a nightmare.

“I want to see them,” Sebastian says.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Jake replies.

“I want to see them,” Sebastian repeats. He looks at me with such deep disgust. “I want you to see them too, Rachel.”

I follow him out. I don’t want to see them, but there’s no use arguing with him now.

The whole pack looks at us as we leave. They look to Sebastian for guidance. They look at me with a burning, relentless hatred.

We walk in silence to the grassy area in which their bodies were brought to. The space is already filled with flowers being laid at their feet.

Sebastian stops in front of the fallen werewolves. Though he’s maintained his composure up until now, he falls to his knees in respect. I do the same though it’s not fully out of respect alone. I’m also weighed down by horror.

Their bodies are bloody, mangled messes. It seems that Lance did his best to kill them quickly, but there was a fight. So, there are a lot of wounds that were acquired during the fight.

I question myself. I question Lance. What if he is some blood thirsty monster? Can he really be my mate? Can I love someone who has done this to members of my own pack?

Tears start to fall. Sebastian looks over and notices them.

“Don’t,” he hisses. “Don’t you dare cry over them. You caused this; can’t you see that? This is all your fault. You caused this. They are dead because of you!”

Sebastian stands in a movement full of rage. “You will suffer!” he shrieks. “You will pay for what you’ve done and so will that vile rouge.”