Chapter Two: Walking away from her

SIMON POV

 

After that phone call I had with Era, it took me hours to let it sink into my very awed mind. Knowing that Era has still managed to remember our telephone number has left me gasped and shook my head in disbelief.

 

We haven't talked for two years until she called last night and the fact that she still remembers our telephone number wow. I know I have said that a lot for the last hours of my life. I don't think I even slept.

 

I have been staring at my ceiling when Kim knocks twice on the door and opens it eventually knowing it's never locked.  Her  face pops into the door, “Will you drive me to the show?” She asks. It's not asking permission actually, it's just asking if I would drive her to the show, which is an obligation regardless of whether I resist or insist.

 

“I'm busy.” I sigh and close my eyes.

 

“Yeah, sure. I can ask David to come over and drive yours instead.”

 

I immediately stand up in a panic, “I- You won't do that.” I point a finger to warn her. David is her boyfriend and is a massive headline to a car accident last year. Broke some bones and almost lost his left eye. He recovered faster than anyone would have thought. Now, he's back to drinking. 

 

“Of course, I can do that but it's not like I would actually do it. C'mon. I don't wanna be late.” She rolls her eyes as she leaves my room.

 

“Are you the one performing? Looks like you're earlier than the THE SMITH themselves.”

 

“You suck at being a supportive brother!” She hollers from the other room. 

 

“Everyone sucks at it!” I yell back.

 

“Well, I choose to believe that not everyone does.” She responses back still in a rising tone.

 

I contemplate upon whether she considers me to be a supportive brother or not. Well, I ignore her this time. 

 

I push myself out of the bed and change my clothes. Era will be there. I am only thinking of presenting myself well just in case she says hi to me or-

 

Wait, what did I just say?

 

I better get this off my head right. I better lower my expectation. It's not like we're back to being friends or precisely being best friends. 

 

After I find my favorite army cuba terry shirt, I march my way through the stairs and catch a glimpse as my sister talks with Era from their front yard. I lock the front door, trying not to look back at them again. Then I slowly make my way to the car. 

 

Era dresses herself in a short skirt and a crop top on, pairing it with black boots that runs up to her knees, which is completely different from a simple shirt and jeans she used to have on two years back.

 

When I enter the car, I never knew I couldn't breathe the whole time. My hand is on my chest, beating out abnormally. This Era's effect on me. I insert the key to start the car before I fix the mirror that captures them from behind. They're still talking. I wonder what they're talking about.  

 

I honk the car twice causing my sister to end their conversation and begin walking away from her. Era watches Kim with a smile on her smile, but it slowly fades away right after. Maybe she's looking at me. Or not. 

 

Kim opens the passenger door and glares at me in silence as she settles in.

 

“What's on your face?” I have to ask.

 

“Makeup.” She answers in annoyance.

 

“Oh, I mean what's with your face?”

 

She looks at me, still glaring. “Can you at least be respectful? I was having a good conversation with Era.” She clasps the seatbelt on. “Just because you hate her.”

 

“I don't hate her.”

 

“Then why did you honk at us like that?”

 

“How am I supposed to honk? Quietly? Your request is impossible, Kim. Again. I don't hate Era.”

 

“Then tell me why you ignored her for two years?” She folds her arms in front of her. 

 

I look over the mirror again. Era's spot earlier is now empty.

Instead of answering Kim, I start the engine and drive away.

 

What am I supposed to tell her? Neither do I have anything to tell her. Era and I's friendship just ended without words, and that's the most painful way of ending something—without words.

 

I just keep the silence rage on the best it can be.

 

When we arrive at the show, it hasn't started yet. Kim has been quiet the whole time on the way, however, something about her silence nags me. Somehow, I know when we were younger, she used to see me happy in a sort of a way with Era. They became sisters in a special kind of way and I think she was as devastated as I had appeared to be ever since everything between us ceased to exist.

 

“I'll see you at home.” I look to the side as she moves out of the car. She gives me a little nod before closing the door. I notice she's wearing THE SMITH's shirt.

 

I drive out of the parking lot and head straight to this new burger place I have been eyeing for the last few days. I'm thinking of treating myself since I won't have anyone at home until Kim comes back from that show. 

 

My mother works all week at only one specific place five days in a row, so most weekdays she's not home. She casually calls twice to check on us. I know it's been tough for her. There has been a whirlwind of changes ever since she discovered the affair of my father with her sister. I made a decision of allowing her to be away from this home for as long as she could bear until the pain falls away. 

 

She stopped talking about it, crying about, feeling about it, so we did the same for her. We forget the important questions because the person that supposed to give the answers is not here.

 

I pull into an empty parking lot and turn off the engine.  I walk up to the place and just when I push the glass door open, my eyes land on Era at the counter. Her brunette short hair is hanging low below her shoulders. When she finished ordering, her eyes widens as she turns around. She changes her clothes to a short and a neon orange sweater.

 

“Simon? ” she utters in confusion. “How long you've been standing there?” Her smile grows wider and getting seems to be more authentic. It's not pretentious or forceful. I'm surprised she's smiling at me right now. I actually expected her to be ignoring me for the next years of my life. I take two steps forward to meet her. I suddenly feel nervous.

 

Why am I nodding my head continuously at her?“Uh just now. I'm about to uh...” I am lost for words. The woman behind the counter signals me for my turn. “I have to...”

 

She gets it and nods before stepping out of the way so I can instruct my order in. I tell the crew of two orders of burger and one coke soda. I received my order after 5 minutes and then I find myself scanning the area to look for her.

 

 I try my best to discern if she's still around outside, but I don't think I'll ever see her again anytime tonight. She's a got a show to watch and participate in. What am hoping for? For her to wait for me until I get my order and then we would continue saying hi to each other just like good old days, and walking out the same time before we realize she has to support her first love and me having to wait for that show to end before I can be in peace again? No, I can't hope for that.

 

 

I sit in my car, eat my burger before driving back home instead. Just when I turn to the highway, I see Era on the side of the road. Her bike decrees down with broken chains on her hands. A few greases of black oil have been spread across her skin, including her forehead.

 

I pull off to the side of the road. I walk up to her. She looks up at me with her eyebrows meeting each other. I can tell there's a mixture of frustration on the occurrence.

 

“Hey. Can't talk right now.” She says wiping off the sweat gathering on her forehead. 

 

“Need help?” I ask her. Trust me. I am just as surprised to find myself right in front of her again.

 

“No, ” She pushes her hair off her forehead. “I mean, can you? Will you?” She hands me the chains.  

 

“I have chains like these in the basement. But I am not quite sure if it's something you would want to consider since you could be running late for the show.” She watches me and then drops her eyes to the chains. 

 

“I...yeah,” She smiles in a soft laugh, “It starts in ten minutes.” 

 

“I could drive you to the venue if you want to.” 

 

“No, it's fine. I'll just call my father.” She insists, then picks up her bike from the ground.

 

I don't know if what's more painful between two years of ignoring each other or the fact that she just rejected me in driving her to the show. My chest burns by the fact that she would rather have her father than be in the same car with me. We are just right here, but this is ten times hurtful of her pushing me away.

 

 

When she notices that I don't say anything she speaks with panic-worry in her eyes, “I don't mean it that way, Simon. I just... I know you got a date tonight and-and—”

 

“A date? Who says I have a date?”

 

“Your sister. She told me earlier.”

 

“And you believed her?”

 

“What do you mean? She's your sister. You don't have to lie to me, Simon.” 

 

“I am not because it's not true.”

 

 

“It's not?” There's a good relief from her voice. 

 

“I haven't been into dates recently,” I tell her the truth.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don't know. I am not good at keeping people around. Every time I get real, they fade away.” Of course, Era has to know how lonely I am for the last years of my life. I barely even meet new people. I am typically content living inside a house. 

 

Era's eyes scan my face and then releases a sigh. “Well, they don't deserve you. You deserve better. Better than those who look for something artificial.”

 

Our gaze meets but she doesn't hold long enough, while I go back to those words she said. “Well, what about you?” She drops her eyes down to her feet with a smile. 

 

I forgot to turn the headlights off of the car and now I have to suffer watching her as she thinks of the best days she has with Brad, as I predict to be the next statement she will say about. 

 

“Brad and I are great. Even though he's got a lot of things for his music career, he never forgets about me. I am forever grateful for him. ” She looks back up to me. 

 

I nod, pretending that I don't feel pain at this moment, but I feel the burn in my chest. “Did he ever consider picking you up tonight instead of allowing you to bike your way to the show? I mean not to be negative or something, I am just asking.” 

 

Her mouth drops open in reaction to my words. This time I can see a slap of hurt on those grey eyes as she searches for the next words she'll be saying, but it's a soft laugh she does first, “He actually offered me a ride but I know he has a lot of preparation to do, so I refused to take it.” She explains.

 

I choose to believe her with this. I am not in the place to doubt the guy she's dating or the relationship she is in. Although Brad has been involved in a lot of cheating rumors before, I will choose to believe and trust him that he will never do the same for Era. They have gone too long. Two years. They're still together. So, I assume the two of them are happy and contented.

 

I am choosing to believe this because I trust that Era made the right decisions in her life for the last two years and hoping she will always be. 

 

“Okay, ” I say, getting ready to say goodbye. “Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to the show?” I ask again just in case she changes her mind.

 

“I just changed my mind. I'll call Brad. I am sure he will throw a mic away just to save from this.” She says in confidence. 

 

When his name blows out of her lips, pronounced with such pride and confidence, I feel like I have been crumpled up inside a bin. So, she wants him.

 

Of course, Simon, she does.

 

“That's way better then.” I agree with her. 

 

“Look, Simon. Just because I called you yesterday, it doesn't mean I...” I thought for a second she's going to confess something, but I wouldn't want to hear something that will complete her statement. She looks down at the ground before going back to my eyes. 

 

“What, Era?”

 

I wait for her to continue.

 

“It doesn't make everything good between us. I just want to clarify that.” 

 

 

“I don't understand. Did I say something that offended you? What...what is it?” I attempt to get closer to her but she takes a step backwards.

 

She shakes her head. “Nothing. I just want you to know that we're not fixing something here. We go back to being strangers. I...Brad doesn't want me to talk to you.” She says in a low voice, but every word she says is clear enough. 

 

I'm confused now. “What? Why?” 

 

“You don't have to know why.” She decides. 

 

“I deserve to know why Era. Is that why you never talked to me for the last two years?” My voice breaks into pain “For Two years, Era. Two years. Without a word. That felt like forever to me.” 

 

She becomes silent again.

 

She avoids my gaze by fixing hers to the ground then to the cars passing by on the road. She says, “People change, Simon. Things change. It's never going to be the same after that.” 

 

“Did I hurt you or did a terrible thing?” I step forward. She stays still. “Tell me.”  My voice is nearly begging.

 

She shakes her, “No, you didn't. I just did it out of respect that I have a boyfriend. And I love him enough to risk losing everything in my life.” Her chest is rising up and down while her voice is decisive and her words sound louder among the things we said for the last five minutes.

 

I can't bear this anymore. It's too painful for me to watch her and say these words.

 

I turn around from her.

 

From that moment she says it, I walk away. I am walking away because I can't bear to hear another word. She did it for good. For him. Only for him.

 

My heart aches so bad that I want to rip it off of my chest. It feels like it's been gripped and thrown away. It hurts so bad that I was never something important enough to be kept. That she would rather lose me than lose him. She would rather lose our friendship than lose her first love. She would rather lose those years.

 

And that is the answer I was looking for all these years. Now that I have it, I don't have to guess any longer. It's going to be hella hard to accept that we're just going to be strangers all over again right after this night. And we're choosing it together this time.