Slipping onto the soft leather seats, no matter how many times I replay that day in my head. I still couldn't remember how Marcie convinced me to occupy the passenger seat whilst she sat in the back.
So there we were all in that vehicle, with him and I sitting on opposite sides. Whilst there was an invisible line between us that would require joint effort to willingly cross without any fear we'll trip and fall.
I glanced his way taking in the way his hair danced. With one hand resting on the steering wheel he seemed so carefree with his eyes focused on the streets. He easily moved past other vehicles and though he was a good driver, I never did like his tendency to opt for speed. "Your friend doesn't like me very much, does he?"Although it was posed as a question, I knew he already had an answer and that no amount of persuasion would work.
"He's just weary when it comes to new faces, Nicholas."
"I thought we were in agreement that you'll call me, Nicky."
Marcie snorted in the back leaning forward to poke her head between us, "For a man who threw a fit whenever your mom and mine called you that, I'm surprised at the change of heart."
"Why was he against it?" I inquired staring down at her secretly enjoying the way he threw a quick glare her way.
"He claims it made him seem too soft."
"So how exactly are you guys related?"
"Our moms are sisters. They grew up on these very streets," he answered.
Nodding my head in understanding it would only be a matter of time before I learnt more about them. It wasn't long before we reached Marcie's home. She hopped out in an unladylike manner and turned to lean down staring at us grinning from ear to ear. "Make sure she gets home safe."
"Yes ma'am," he playfully raised his arm making a salute motion causing me to giggle. Satisfied by his response she stood up and sauntered towards her home.
And once he revved the car back to life, I could tell that he was now driving according to the speed limit making the drive longer. With the images of shops passing the window partly covered in frost I kept my gaze focused on the scenery. "So Marcie tells me that you'll be going to this art thing tomorrow night," his voice came out lower now that it was just us two in the confined space.
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it."
"Let's go together."
Turning to look at him, his eyes were already on me awaiting my reply to the offer dressed in a robe of modesty when in actuality for a man like him it would be far from aiming for virtue.
"I can't," I replied breaking the eye contact. He released a sound from his mouth that seemed to be an odd mixture of a scoff and groan.
"Why not? Because your friend thinks I'm bad," he pouted playfully.
"First of all I'm already going with him and second even if that was the case then technically... wouldn't he be right?"
"Don't sit there and act as if you're an innocent girl, Liyah. Completely pure and incapable of touching sin, I'm not going to sit across from you and pretend I don't see the lustful, lewd thoughts swimming in your beautiful pools of burnt sienna," he cooed gently eliciting a blush across my cheeks.
It was a hard truth to accept how my mind often conjured up vivid images. Images that often kept me tossing and turning, entangled in the sheets, tempted to allow my hand to explore the apex of my thighs.
I wound up shifting in my seat after I felt my thighs involuntary clench at the sound of his deep chuckle."What's your point?" I managed to utter deciding to take a chance and look at his profile knowing the stars lining the scope of my sky would possibly fall with the way a sly grin emerged on his face.
"Come with me tomorrow."
"I told you, I'm already going with Donovan and I'm not the type to ditch my friends."
"Would it help if I begged?" he asked a hint of humour in his voice.
"You are awfully demanding aren't you?" I noted.
"I'd like to call it persistent. I don't like being denied certain requests."
The car came to a complete halt and I was shocked to learn I was home with the way I had been solely focused on the conversation. Turning to face him, I leaned against the seat to find him smiling at me equally waiting. Neither of us said a thing whilst his eyes swept all over my face.
"Isn't this the part you're supposed to use your gun on me for denying you?" I cooed biting my lower lip withholding the need to laugh at the way his eyes widened slightly before he chuckled lightly.
"What I have in mind for you doesn't involve a gun..."
Leaning forward his body stretched, crossing the line. He had made the first move and all I could do was remain trapped against the leather as he opened the door for me mumbling gently, "I strongly suggest you leave before I demonstrate."
Releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding I stepped out walking briskly towards the door to distance myself away from the feeling creeping in. Once I was at the top, sparing one final glance his way I found him still watching.
His eyes drew a silent path along every bump and curve of my body till they all but reached my eyes twinkling with mischief. It left me wondering where his thoughts laid. It was only when he wore a smirk that hit me right in the gut that confirmed that beyond the decency behind his small touches... he was no angel.
***
I was only nine years old when my mother took me to the only art gallery in our town. At the time the experience was thrilling being surrounded by large paintings often portraying the painter's life with a simple stroke of a brush.
That was what art does; it provided an outlet for the often tortured souls seeking relief.
My mother grew up in a strict Catholic home. Raised by a father who wanted all his children to specialise in either medicine or engineering, I was grateful she allowed my mind to roam free and find that which made me content instead of pushing me to become a doctor like her. She allowed me to find my own identity.
Staring up at the crimson littering the white figure's frame. From the outline I could tell it was a man lying on the ground in pain. The darkness surrounding the painting involuntarily pulled me in. And left me wondering what part of Marcie's soul was being shown to the world.Some of the photographs from some of the students captured the true essence of beauty. The images ranged from wildlife to the simple activities humans did by showcasing these activities as beautiful for their simplistic element in a complicated world.
"I'm starting to reconsider my career choice," Donovan remarked coming to stand by my side whistling lowly in appreciation when he took note of Marcie's painting.
She had a range of other paintings one of which was a beautiful lotus flower but the one of the faceless man had to be my favourite. "You and I both know the only thing you're capable of drawing are stick people," I jested laughing lightly when I saw how annoyed he looked.
"You know a good friend wouldn't insult their friend so much."
"I thought we were family now," I replied mimicking his deep voice causing him to chortle at the admittedly goofy attempt to sound like him.
Walking past him, I took in the other pieces as other people lingered around the area. Waving in Marcie's direction I could see the pride radiating on her mother's face as she remained plastered by her daughter's side.
Smoothing down any visible wrinkles of my dress I found myself faltering in my movements at the picture of a lion. Captured within a graphic sketch, it showed it stalking towards an unsuspecting gazelle.
"It kind of depicts your life, doesn't it?" Feeling the fabric of his cable knit sweater brush my side. I believed that by now my body would grow accustomed to his voice, smile and eyes but it never was able to adapt.
"How so?"
"There's a lion lurking close by that's about to disrupt your peaceful life," he joked nudging me gently.
Turning to stand face to face with the made man my eyes swept over him.
Returning my eyes to a respectable level I replied initially aiming to pose it in nothing but a strictly innocent question. However, the risqué part of me broke free in his presence and my voice came out a lot deeper than I intended to when I asked cocking my head to the side, "You plan on eating me, Nicky?"
His smile dropped whilst a tick emerged on the side of his jaw. Before he could answer I heard Ms Friedman calling me over, pulling me away from soaking in more of his company.
For the rest of the event I stayed trained by Marcie and Ms Friedman's side. I was glad for the most part that Donovan and Nicholas were getting along. Even though it consisted of them not saying a word to each other I would take what I could.
Naturally we decided to go back to Ms Friedman's home to enjoy a little celebratory dinner.
Donovan didn't stay for long and dismissed himself to study for exams coming up soon.
I had once considered becoming a lawyer myself when I was younger. But it took some time to see that the system was flawed and was dissuaded with the notion of keeping someone out of jail when I knew they were guilty. But the more I'd slowly enter Nicholas' world I think it was for the best I wasn't a part of the very system that aimed to put men like him behind bars.
It wasn't long before the empty plates were cleaned that I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
Although I had merely been fascinated with the sketch of the lion hiding within the shadows. I got a glimpse into it.The second I opened the bathroom door and met the dark orbs covered partially by the lack of light to offer a cloak of mystery, I genuinely felt trapped. Suddenly the space felt a lot smaller with him mere inches away.
I found my body operating on its own accord the second he pushed himself off the wall and moved towards me till my back touched the wall.
Staring up at him, I was meek unable to speak, "You don't ever say shit like that and think you can just walk away," he growled, the sound although usually associated with anger in this situation I knew it was different.
I hadn't been blind to the glances he passed my way since the exhibit and all throughout dinner. I should have known what was to comd. He bent his head down when he noticed my silence.
Taking it as a sign to plunge head first into the pool of impurity his head dipped between my shoulder and neck grazing my flesh with his nose. He breathed me in, taking a whiff of my perfume. I reached up tracing the fabric upset that this barrier separated me from touching his skin. I wound up gripping it in response to the feel of his rough hands settling on my hips. At this point my breaths came out in light pants the second his teeth nipped my earlobe whilst he pressed his body even more against mine.
"Boss?" a low voice muttered into the abyss to make the man himself stiffen and lift up his head taking his warmth with him whilst keeping me close. He scowled eyeing the poor victim.
Taking a peak over his shoulder expecting to find Leo or Daniel; I saw the face of another man whom I had never seen before look nervously between us.
"What?!" he barked tightening his hold on me when I attempted to remove his hands feeling a bit conscious at our questionable position but unlike me, Nicholas didn't give a damn.
"We have a situation," he replied keeping his eyes focused on the ground. He scurried away once he was dismissed, Nicholas sighed reaching up to run a hand gently through his hair. It was strange seeing him do it when seconds ago I was close to running my hand through the loose strands but questions began flying inside at what the situation was.
He looked back down at me, his tongue poking out to lick his lower lip stirring a side to me that was slowly gaining a voice and identity of its own. Looking away feeling flushed I felt his fingers on my throat, "I have to go," he whispered rubbing gentle circles as his eyes bore into mine.
Tearing down my armour and dismantling the chains he uttered promise that left me feeling like jelly. A stream formed between my thighs making me forget what situation needed to be handled when he whispered, "Make no mistake my little gazelle, I will eat you..."
My first kiss was when I was just shy of fourteen. I was visiting my grandparents when I met a boy just a year older than me right next door. And situated by an oak tree the first glimpse of intimacy was seen by me. It was quite awkward and filled with uncertainty which was usual for those with little experience. In time the older I got the less shy I became with accepting an attraction when I felt it. It had been some time since that encounter at Ms Friedman's home. When I managed to come downstairs after getting myself together I left in a hurry to mentally process what just happened. Though I wasn't familiar with what exactly went on with Nicholas' world till this day I chose not to ask too many details of the things he did or the skulls he had to crack to acquire the level of respect and fear he had. However, after that encounter I was once again reminded there was a part of him that I didn't completely know. To be honest I couldn't exactly forget the fear on that man's face
Family, it's one word made up of three syllables yet its a word infused with so much emotion and drama.Victor Walsh was born within a family that lived within a predominantly Italian and Jewish neighbourhood. Within the depths of poverty that saw some of his own friends joining gangs involved in extortion and other illegal activity, he vowed to stay away from that life and build himself up as an honest man. From what Nicholas told me, the only real positive side that came with being in that environment where families were destroyed as a result of the violence was when he met Eva Friedman. Their love was doomed to meet conflict from her parents who saw the union as nothing short of toxic. But they were wrong because from that union came a son by the name of Nicholas David Walsh. For a while we sat in the bus allowing it to take us along different streets that held a history of its own. And once we disembarked we thanked Mr Ruiz who eyed us both with a sneaky smile that always made m
It was a skill in itself to have control and be able to withstand the inclination to scratch that itch. Ignoring it was not easy and when you navigate through life and come face to face with more obstacles you learn that it's not supposed to be simple. I had done my best to steer clear from anything that held the potential to destroy my ability to control myself. Unfortunately the resistance I built to withstand anything went out the window of that car. With my mind focused on the feel of his hand it took finally coming towards a luxurious building to snap me back to reality to turn quizzically in his direction. "I was serious when I said I was stealing you away," his voice came out just merely a whisper as if conveying a secret. And walking on wobbly legs I allowed him to lead us into it, with his arm wrapped around my waist keeping a firm hold on me. The power emanating from the man beside me will never cease to baffle me especially with the way the few people who lingered in the l
Once Victor Walsh was convicted for a crime he didn't commit, being the only one left in his mother's world Nicholas stepped up. At just the mere age of fourteen he allowed himself to be immersed in the world that came with Hell's Kitchen. It hadn't been easy to enter that life. Once word spread about his father's downfall and you add in the lack of Italian blood, danger was sure to follow them. But Sonny Giovanni placed Nicholas under his wing and vouched for him to everyone who held doubts about their loyalty. Once he proved himself it was only natural that by the age of twenty-three Nicholas took a blood oath and joined the family. It was completely unprecedented to have someone like him be a part of the mafia and rise up the ranks from a mere foot soldier to a boss at just thirty-four. And he had made it clear to me that first night we spent in each other's arms how imperative Sonny was to him and that he owed him a lot. It had only made me intrigued to meet him at some point w
The Families were organized in their structure. One can start out as an associate before proving to be worthy enough to become a made man. Once an official member you can settle into the role of being a soldier, the one on the ground engaging in the activities that would involve getting your hands dirty. There was a chain of command where any order from the top would travel down to the very last man. It was quite intricate with the three highest positions making up the administration such that it would be hard to tie any boss of the family to any crimes that occurred on the street. The city back in the 1980s experienced a lot more violence that occurred whenever it came to issues over territory or eager individuals who felt they were worthy to carry the title of being either a captain or Boss. Although these families thrived, when they were nearly destroyed due to so many members being either buried six feet under or going to prison - there had to be a change. As a result the remai
I'd like to think I've done all I could to be a descent and good person. In the thrilling time spent being immersed in a new world there often comes the alluring temptation to abandon all your ways and succumb to an overwhelming need. Stepping into my apartment after my father left I wasn't sure where to begin with Nicky. Throughout the time my father had been there, the moment that we shared had settled in the back of our minds on a slow burn. However, with him gone it returned to the forefront bombarding us with the question on what to do. Doing my best to ignore the dark look in his eyes I scurried towards the sink and busied myself with cleaning up only falling short when there was nothing in there to help distract me from the anxious feeling. And till this day I blush and find my breaths coming out short at the permanent mark he made when he came and stood dangerously close to my delicate frame. "Just breathe," were the words I vividly remember chanting over and over again in m
There are people who are meant to exist in your life for a certain season who eventually fade as you evolve. In time those who were once meant to be forever will become a blurry face whose name you often fail to recall. Yet with someone like Donovan and as time would reveal Marcie they were the people I hoped would not become a distant factor in my life. At the end of the day as you go through life you need other people. Humans weren't meant to survive on their own. As such it was hard to come to terms with one of the most important people in my life literally ghosting me. I was not oblivious to the reason. I knew Donovan's cold shoulder was due to Nicholas being in my life but I couldn't help how I felt. Marcie comprehended where I was coming from and had even tried to help but it was useless. Nicholas had told me not to worry but Marcie called his words utter bluff to hide his relief that I wasn't spending so much time with the other male. But I missed his company; school wasn't
It all began with a ring in the late hours. It was a time where the dark meandered in every corner of the streets over the sleeping souls to disrupt me. Initially annoyed at my peace being demolished that feeling was pushed aside at the voice on the other end. Past the cloudy lines of sight I haphazardly threw on my clothes not caring about how I looked when all I wanted to do was help him. I had never been to the police station before. When it came to the law I kept a respectable distance and preferred to just obey it. It's funny how I wound up with someone like Nicholas. Someone who was painted in the colour of grey in relation to whether he obeyed the law or not. But there I was waiting impatiently, leg bouncing to soothe my anxiousness and when his forlorn face appeared I jumped out of my seat to see if he was in any pain. The dimness in his eyes aggravated by the bags around them, almost made me forget about the mild smell of piss emanating from his dishevelled clothing. No mat
So much had taken place. Despite the conflicts I can safely say I would go through all I went through again – minus the fake death part to be sitting in front of this vanity mirror. After learning about all that had happened without my knowledge, I can't help but laugh at the twisted sense of humour life seemed to have. Just when I was set on choosing to just survive, love came in to revive me once more. Nicky had made good on his aim to make it up to David and I. I was pretty sure all his enemies would be shocked to see the dangerous man turn into a ball of mush anytime his son was near. With a level of serenity in our lives, each day we spent never had to feel like our last. Without the pressures of having to look over our shoulders it was a relief never having to feel the need to carry a gun around with me again. "Ali," turning around in my seat at the sound of my name being called I found my mother standing by the door. Her hands were clasped tightly as tears swelled in her eyes
I had been dying to see him one last time. There had been so many time I spent stuck between sanity and insanity. Truly there had been so much I wanted to still say to him, so much I wanted to still show him. I had been willing to negotiate with fate to speak to his ghost if that was the only option available for me. And yet... when I heard a voice speak behind me in the foyer of that house I began telling myself it couldn't be. I kept telling myself my mind must have been playing tricks upon me but sure enough as I turned around there he stood smiling at me. His blue eyes clear in their inspection of me. Shaking like a leaf facing the harsh winds with no shield I shook my head numerous times as I blinked numerous times in the hopes he'd disappear only to see him still there. Dressed in a simple white shirt and denim jeans he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. He moved towards us only to have me take a step back in fear clutching David tighter to my chest. Seeing the act
For weeks the silver urn sat atop the shelf in the living room. I continued on with life navigating between the role of a mother and building a career for myself as a writer. The day my book was finally published, it was marked with mild joy knowing that someone important was missing to celebrate the moment with me. Each day David grew I was hit with periods of immense sadness knowing that Nicky wasn't there to see him smile in the same manner he did. However, I grew to believe that somewhere in the lining of the clouds in the sky he was there watching. My parents had been a great help offering me support. I insisted they go back home and assured them multiple times that I would stay in touch with them. With Eva along with even Marcie and Aunt Elle there I could breathe easily knowing that should anything happen David was in good hands. Even Joseph, Daniel and Leo would be there to break anyone's neck should anyone try hurt him. Though I spent most of my days keeping to myself a nu
I had learnt a lot on the day I spent with Eva. It was true that every crack and crevice, every street corner holds small memories that exist to make up a crucial aspect of our lives especially when we least expected it. That afternoon I watched her eyes beam with life as she recalled certain places which she and her husband used to go. Those were the days where time was truly of the essence. They existed at a time where all it ever took was one glance to be exchanged between them to be a conversation. When you find a love like that, for however long you have it, cherish it. Soon enough after a lot of apprehension on my part I eventually gave in and returned home if I could still even call it that. Fortunately all the women decided it would be a good idea to have an impromptu sleepover. I was happy to see them all growing comfortable clad in their pyjamas sipping wine and conversing. I knew it would take a while to adjust to my own company. After putting David to bed for the night af
Eva Friedman had been a rock throughout this journey I had embarked on. In all the times I struggled to cope with him being in prison to his death, she was there. All throughout my life I had been surrounded by amazing women who were resilient in this life. From cousins to my mother up to Nicky's own family I confess I had been blessed. With her close to me, the second we stepped out of the building into the world once again I didn't feel like cowering away. We navigated towards the vehicle where Leo stood; he gave us a gentle smile and helped place the baby's stroller in the back whilst I placed David securely into the car seat leaning forward briefly to peck his chubby cheek. I hadn't said much to Leo and Daniel who had been equally hurt by the loss of their friend. Though I was grateful at some point whilst I was still in hospital that they came by I could tell it was a struggle to find an appropriate thing to say. I too struggled when I had people in my life who suffered loss. I
. He had walked out of the door and I should've told him to stay. No matter how many times I try to replay that last moment I can't help but throw pennies into a wishing well to have time rewind to that moment. The spicy scent, the deep rumble of his voice that caused the deaf to blush, I couldn't believe that he was really... gone. After he left the building the drive to the meeting seemed normal. Unfortunately on that night he just had to collide with a reckless driver and he died. When I asked to see his body Joseph had insisted it was not for the best as the body had been burned beyond recognition such that it was best I remember him how he was, alive. Leo was the only other individual who had been in the car along with a few other men and he had sustained multiple injuries whilst Daniel who occupied the other vehicle managed to avoid getting scathed. The days stretched on to an agonizing pace the more I struggled to function. If I wasn't taking care of the baby I was usually c
I came to realize no matter how many parenting books you read or videos you watch all that training nearly flies out the window when the child is about to arrive. The arrival came at what I could only describe as the worst possible time. I was panicking at the fact my amniotic sac had made a home for itself on the bed covers. Eva helped put on sweatpants and shoes. With her running around I truly wished the child had waited until the due date which was in two months instead of coming at a time where we were both losing our minds over Nicky. But as much as I did not want to stop worrying I had to focus on the fact my child needed me. Once Eva grabbed the hospital bag Nicky and I had prepared in case anything should happen, we bolted for the door. Marcie who had been in the living room with her father jumped to their feet once they were alerted of my predicament. With everyone yelling and looking alarmed I was trying to take deep calming breaths because I was the type of person who fe
How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life? Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved. It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out. On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax. It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing
Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way such as through improving medicine, whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife. Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief that although our bodies are dead our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell. The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some. Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace and legitimacy the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Thus there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward to receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of