It all began with a ring in the late hours. It was a time where the dark meandered in every corner of the streets over the sleeping souls to disrupt me. Initially annoyed at my peace being demolished that feeling was pushed aside at the voice on the other end. Past the cloudy lines of sight I haphazardly threw on my clothes not caring about how I looked when all I wanted to do was help him. I had never been to the police station before. When it came to the law I kept a respectable distance and preferred to just obey it. It's funny how I wound up with someone like Nicholas. Someone who was painted in the colour of grey in relation to whether he obeyed the law or not. But there I was waiting impatiently, leg bouncing to soothe my anxiousness and when his forlorn face appeared I jumped out of my seat to see if he was in any pain. The dimness in his eyes aggravated by the bags around them, almost made me forget about the mild smell of piss emanating from his dishevelled clothing. No mat
There were many things I wanted to do in my life before my time on earth ended. When I came to a new city in sought of something new I managed to get it. I managed to step out of my comfort zone. Nicky once mentioned the beauty that existed in his world and after our first ever argument came to an end we were still in a good chapter together. When he asked to make it up to me, the idea I had in mind certainly didn't involve holding onto him for dear life whilst he whisked us away on his Harley Davidson . It's pretty funny in a way, as a little girl I had always fallen in love with the idea of having a gallant prince charming on a white horse coming to take me away. Now as a woman, I wound up falling for a man who was far from being ever defined as royalty who smoked cigars, drank hard liquor and rode a long-distance cruiser. Yet I was happy wearing a wide grin as we moved with the land splayed before us, begging to be explored. At first apprehensive to get on the bike, he insisted a
Its funny how much of my life changed. He went from a mere stranger to a man who was the embodiment of sin itself who pulverized the very temple in which I prayed. After that episode in the tub that resulted in us cleaning up giving a few kisses here and there we ended up in bed with me lying on his chest. He hadn't kept his eyes nor hands off of me, it had made me feel special. With the fire crackling in the fireplace I could feel myself being lulled to sleep after listening to the light sound of the rain until he finally spoke making me look up at him. "You asked me why I can't just leave that life," he breathed staring up at the ceiling. "Truth is baby, I'm trying to," he replied releasing a heavy sigh that held within it the frustration of a man attempting to cut off any ties, "that's part of what I've been doing lately. But it's not easy to just walk away once you take the oath ." The oath he was referring to was a blood oath that was a part of a ritual that originated from Roma
It's never healthy to bottle everything inside. To lock away all the anger and to wear a mask covered with a smile to fool everyone into thinking that they're happy. There is so much agony that one can take in silence before eventually erupting like a volcano destroying everything in its path. Nicky's warm hand wrapped around mine eased my nerves that danced all over the dining room of Ms Friedman's home or as I had slowly grown to call her Aunt Elle. Marcie sat across from us looking visibly upset given the way she was eyeballing the plate of food which she had hardly touched. I wanted to be anywhere else but in that room given the uncomfortable silence that settled amongst us. "You just had to make this public," she scoffed pushing her plate away folding her arms. She looked at her mother clenching her jaw, glazed eyes that shined still holding onto her tears and pain. "Only because you refuse to talk to me, you left me no other choice since you've shut me out," Aunt Elle replied s
Sucking in a harsh breath at the next stage to come I can still remember bright lights whose source touched every inch of the room. The undertones of soaps and cleaners being the only solid smell I could detect and focus on whilst my knee bounced in a chaotic motion on the chair beside the bed. The sweet words whispered from a concerned mother to her daughter were muffled by the sounds of the heart monitor and the only question that I could find myself asking was how did we get here? After everything that happened the sight of the clock staring at me will be with me for as long as I live and breathe. I can still remember the feel of the plush carpet that left tattoos on my arms and legs in a pattern I would never forget when I turned to find the space Marcie occupied empty. I always heard people say nothing good ever happens after three in the morning, I had never believed that claim as much. Yet in that house where silence reigned so much to the extent it could allow the sound of a
It had been years since there was ever an issue within the society the five families lived. There had been order where peaceful meetings were conducted to strive towards maintaining some form of corporation but unfortunately nothing lasts forever. All it took was a gang whose members each had a snake tattoo on their arm as a sign of allegiance to a man named Lucien Volatelli to distort the very system that had kept the bosses and their members alive. There were times when issues arose where others had once tried to take more violent measures when they weren't happy with the outcome in those meetings. But before things ever escalated they were killed and turned into a warning to others trying to get too big for their shoes. Lucien's gang seemed to care less about the rules that existed by going so far as to approach the legitimate businesses that existed and were owned by Sonny's family. Nor was he scared to use any form of manpower he could. No doubt he was dangerous and once it cam
At first I had been against the idea of needing any protection. I used to argue with him over his supposed paranoia but after the shit that occurred I was a willing participant in the need for more security. I didn't put up a fight when he said I was to stay at his place and considering how he said it the man wasn't asking at all. We arrived at his building and when the doors to his home flung open I felt more comfortable immediately. I grew less tense as he led us inside and I settled onto the bed lying on top of the duvet suddenly feeling exhausted. He placed my things into the walk in closet and sat by my side. Glancing his way through my lashes I saw the dark look in his eyes, the intensity in his gaze pushing me to sit up, "I need to go deal with that asshole. Stay here and get some rest," he murmured. "Sounds like an order," I pointed out only to have him squeeze my thigh in response, "It was only a suggestion but whatever you decide to do it happens here and that's an order," h
In as much as we pounced on any opportunity we could to be intimate, that night something shifted. As Eva walked out the door promising to stay in touch the minute it shut I turned to find him already waiting for me sparking a level of anticipation at what he was going to do. His neutral expression dropped to one that was remorseful with us finally hidden within the safety of non-judgemental walls, "I know I said it already, but I am sorry that you got dragged into my shit." "It's not your fault," I blurted out moving towards him. He looked away depriving me the opportunity to see beforehand the change in his demeanour to give a glimpse into what he planned to do. "Come," he replied lifting his hand out seeking my own in the hopes we finally settle in the calm we truly needed. Placing my hand in his, I followed closely behind, mind blank refusing to allow any murky thoughts to enter when we arrived to the bedroom. He remained silent when we reached the foot of the bed and he pulled
So much had taken place. Despite the conflicts I can safely say I would go through all I went through again – minus the fake death part to be sitting in front of this vanity mirror. After learning about all that had happened without my knowledge, I can't help but laugh at the twisted sense of humour life seemed to have. Just when I was set on choosing to just survive, love came in to revive me once more. Nicky had made good on his aim to make it up to David and I. I was pretty sure all his enemies would be shocked to see the dangerous man turn into a ball of mush anytime his son was near. With a level of serenity in our lives, each day we spent never had to feel like our last. Without the pressures of having to look over our shoulders it was a relief never having to feel the need to carry a gun around with me again. "Ali," turning around in my seat at the sound of my name being called I found my mother standing by the door. Her hands were clasped tightly as tears swelled in her eyes
I had been dying to see him one last time. There had been so many time I spent stuck between sanity and insanity. Truly there had been so much I wanted to still say to him, so much I wanted to still show him. I had been willing to negotiate with fate to speak to his ghost if that was the only option available for me. And yet... when I heard a voice speak behind me in the foyer of that house I began telling myself it couldn't be. I kept telling myself my mind must have been playing tricks upon me but sure enough as I turned around there he stood smiling at me. His blue eyes clear in their inspection of me. Shaking like a leaf facing the harsh winds with no shield I shook my head numerous times as I blinked numerous times in the hopes he'd disappear only to see him still there. Dressed in a simple white shirt and denim jeans he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. He moved towards us only to have me take a step back in fear clutching David tighter to my chest. Seeing the act
For weeks the silver urn sat atop the shelf in the living room. I continued on with life navigating between the role of a mother and building a career for myself as a writer. The day my book was finally published, it was marked with mild joy knowing that someone important was missing to celebrate the moment with me. Each day David grew I was hit with periods of immense sadness knowing that Nicky wasn't there to see him smile in the same manner he did. However, I grew to believe that somewhere in the lining of the clouds in the sky he was there watching. My parents had been a great help offering me support. I insisted they go back home and assured them multiple times that I would stay in touch with them. With Eva along with even Marcie and Aunt Elle there I could breathe easily knowing that should anything happen David was in good hands. Even Joseph, Daniel and Leo would be there to break anyone's neck should anyone try hurt him. Though I spent most of my days keeping to myself a nu
I had learnt a lot on the day I spent with Eva. It was true that every crack and crevice, every street corner holds small memories that exist to make up a crucial aspect of our lives especially when we least expected it. That afternoon I watched her eyes beam with life as she recalled certain places which she and her husband used to go. Those were the days where time was truly of the essence. They existed at a time where all it ever took was one glance to be exchanged between them to be a conversation. When you find a love like that, for however long you have it, cherish it. Soon enough after a lot of apprehension on my part I eventually gave in and returned home if I could still even call it that. Fortunately all the women decided it would be a good idea to have an impromptu sleepover. I was happy to see them all growing comfortable clad in their pyjamas sipping wine and conversing. I knew it would take a while to adjust to my own company. After putting David to bed for the night af
Eva Friedman had been a rock throughout this journey I had embarked on. In all the times I struggled to cope with him being in prison to his death, she was there. All throughout my life I had been surrounded by amazing women who were resilient in this life. From cousins to my mother up to Nicky's own family I confess I had been blessed. With her close to me, the second we stepped out of the building into the world once again I didn't feel like cowering away. We navigated towards the vehicle where Leo stood; he gave us a gentle smile and helped place the baby's stroller in the back whilst I placed David securely into the car seat leaning forward briefly to peck his chubby cheek. I hadn't said much to Leo and Daniel who had been equally hurt by the loss of their friend. Though I was grateful at some point whilst I was still in hospital that they came by I could tell it was a struggle to find an appropriate thing to say. I too struggled when I had people in my life who suffered loss. I
. He had walked out of the door and I should've told him to stay. No matter how many times I try to replay that last moment I can't help but throw pennies into a wishing well to have time rewind to that moment. The spicy scent, the deep rumble of his voice that caused the deaf to blush, I couldn't believe that he was really... gone. After he left the building the drive to the meeting seemed normal. Unfortunately on that night he just had to collide with a reckless driver and he died. When I asked to see his body Joseph had insisted it was not for the best as the body had been burned beyond recognition such that it was best I remember him how he was, alive. Leo was the only other individual who had been in the car along with a few other men and he had sustained multiple injuries whilst Daniel who occupied the other vehicle managed to avoid getting scathed. The days stretched on to an agonizing pace the more I struggled to function. If I wasn't taking care of the baby I was usually c
I came to realize no matter how many parenting books you read or videos you watch all that training nearly flies out the window when the child is about to arrive. The arrival came at what I could only describe as the worst possible time. I was panicking at the fact my amniotic sac had made a home for itself on the bed covers. Eva helped put on sweatpants and shoes. With her running around I truly wished the child had waited until the due date which was in two months instead of coming at a time where we were both losing our minds over Nicky. But as much as I did not want to stop worrying I had to focus on the fact my child needed me. Once Eva grabbed the hospital bag Nicky and I had prepared in case anything should happen, we bolted for the door. Marcie who had been in the living room with her father jumped to their feet once they were alerted of my predicament. With everyone yelling and looking alarmed I was trying to take deep calming breaths because I was the type of person who fe
How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life? Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved. It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out. On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax. It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing
Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way such as through improving medicine, whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife. Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief that although our bodies are dead our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell. The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some. Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace and legitimacy the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Thus there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward to receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of