One

Love and Light was Vanessa’s first home, her church—the one place where her fears dissipated, and sanity embraced her reality. Her mother taught her the values of living a good Christian life, and even taught her how to pray her first prayers before meals. It had been that way longer than Vanessa could remember, and every Sunday always seemed even more beautiful than the previous Sunday—the choir sang more cheerfully, the preaching was more fulfilling and the smiles she got from everyone around her were more inspiring. And it was this way every Sunday, until one Sunday when Vanessa learnt her boyfriend she had been dating for two years was cheating on her.

The news had shattered her heart.

She was in church that Sunday morning when she received a text from Amber, an old friend of hers. The phone had been ringing at first, disturbing the peace of everyone seating around her. Vanessa never put her phone on silent, not even in church—she could not afford to miss an emergency call, and her anxiety level always spiked whenever her phone was turned off. What if someone needed her and she wasn’t available?

That Sunday however, when her phone rang, Vanessa glanced at the phone and saw it was Amber calling. Vanessa cancelled the call and looked ahead to the pastor as he preached in the most solemn voice that drifted and settled on Vanessa’s heart, with a soft melody from the pianist that blended nicely with the Pastor’s voice, making his words seem larger than life. But then Vanessa’s phone picked again and an elderly lady, who sat beside Vanessa, glanced at her, seeming disturbed. 

“Will you put that thing off?” the elderly lady said.

Vanessa was only in her late twenties, but the lady still looked old enough to be her grandmother—the older lady had scrawny neck, wispy grey hair that danced freely with the air circulating the church and bony fingers.

Vanessa bowed her head with respect. “Yes, sorry.” She cancelled the call again and swiped her screen to the text message. Then she sent this text to Amber: “Hey, what’s up? I’m in church. Please text.”

A few minutes later, a text from Amber came in. And then more texts. They were pictures, but not just any kind of pictures. It was the kind that sucked the air from Vanessa’s lungs and split her heart into two jagged pieces. The pictures showed her boyfriend in weird situations with other girls, and two of the pictures clearly showed him kissing them. He lived in a different town, and it always seemed like their long-distance relationship might actually survive. Until now.

Her heart ached her and she watched two years of her life burning in those pictures, and she felt this resounding defeat. And pain. And betrayal of being lied to everyday when her boyfriend called her on the phone to tell him what an awesome day he had had. She sat there in the church, but the voice of the pastor faded out and the only sound she heard was that of her thumping heart. The lights in the church suddenly grew brighter, sending piercing rays to her eyes, and she had to flinch and look away sometimes, until she retreated to just resting her head on the desk. Memories flashed in her head—of everything she had been through with him, of all the video calls they had had to keep their relationship floating, and the smiles he had flashed at her to reassure her that all was right in the world. Lies.

It was not supposed to hurt this much. She was losing feelings for him anyway and she only remained in the relationship because she wasn’t one to give up—to abandon her relationship. No matter how hard it was, and how long she had to stay apart from him, and all the days that drifted by with zero communications between them. And the fights. Everything had joined forces and dampened her relationship. Still, Vanessa stayed. Even though she didn’t love him anymore. She just didn’t think he’d leave her for another woman, and it hurt her, not just because he cheated on her, but because she didn’t leave him first—because she was stupid enough to believe that, maybe this time, her relationship would work.

The elderly lady leaned forward, as though to look at Vanessa’s face. “Are you… okay?”

Vanessa raised her head, and a migraine clawed at her skull. She groaned. “I’m fine.” Her voice was weak.

The elderly lady smiled and turned away. Vanessa sighed. She needed to go out and make a call—to call Amber and find out what the pictures meant. Even though it was obvious, she dared to think she might only be reading too much meaning into it. And Vanessa told herself that if she was wrong and her boyfriend really wasn’t cheating on her, then she would have to break up with him once and for all. She could not afford to risk going through this again.

She stood and pushed her way through a small family who sat by her right, and walked out of the church with quickened, angry paces, pressing hard against the polished, wooden floors and gripping her phone tight.

When Vanessa exited the church, she found a spot behind some cars where she could stand out of sight. She did not want anyone looking at her as she proceeded to make a call that would define her mental health for the next few days, or weeks… It depended on how deeply the hurt sank into her heart. She tucked a few locks of her black hair behind her ear, dialed Amber’s number and placed the phone on her face.

“Vanessa, Hiii…” Amber’s high-pitched voice blared through the phone. “Did you get my messages? Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vanessa said it like a sigh. Her migraines were worsening, and she couldn’t tell if it was Amber’s voice that made it worse, or if it was the glaring sun burning over her head and causing all the cars in the park to glisten with a radiating yellow. “Amber, what do those pictures mean? That’s Tyler?” she asked, like she did not already know.

“I just think it’s time for you to move on, Nessa. I mean… You haven’t seen this guy in 6 months and you call that a relationship?”

“It’s long-distance.”

“It’s a waste of your time. He hasn’t bothered to come see you in 6 months, and the last time he came, didn’t you tell me he was only interested in having you on your bed? I—I… I just knew this guy is bad news, so I had a guy check him out and—”

“A private investigator?”

“Yes. A private investigator. He took those pictures. Tyler has been with another woman for quite some time now, and I’m pretty sure he’s only saving you for his next out-of-town sex. I can’t have that.”

Vanessa stayed quiet, swallowing the words and the fury rising inside her. She wanted to yell at Amber and tell her she had no right to investigate her personal life, but she knew she’d just be redirecting her anger elsewhere.

“You need. To move. On,” Amber said. “Be with someone who really cares about you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vanessa said and forced a smile like Amber could see it. “Thank you. But I wish you waited until tomorrow to tell me. It’s Sunday and—” She chuckled “—You’re ruining God’s day for me.”

Amber laughed. “Vanessa, every day is God’s day.”

Vanessa laughed too, despite herself, and then she laughed some more, hard, for reasons she did not understand, until her guffaws finally died out when her migraines struck her. She winced.

“You okay?” Amber asked.

“Yeah, sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m sorry though, for just springing it on you like that. Maybe I should have waited until you returned home from church… I was just—argh! I didn’t want you spending another minute thinking you still have a boyfriend you can plan the future with.”

Vanessa inched closer to a car and leaned against it. Soft Christian music drifted into the park from inside the church and it gave Vanessa some newly found peace. She smiled softly. “Thanks. And you’re right. It’s high time I moved on.”

“Hey, maybe I should come over to your house this night and we can watch a movie together or something. Anything. Just…to distract you from this whole drama.”

Vanessa considered it for a moment. Amber was thrilling, and motivating, and daring, and was the closest thing Vanessa had to a sister. Perhaps, a night with Amber was exactly what she needed, but it wasn’t what she wanted. “Uhm, I think I’ll rather be alone tonight and sleep early.”

Amber scoffed. “Sleep early? Why sleep early when you can watch movies and eat the juiciest popcorn with me?”

“Because tomorrow’s a Monday and I have this thing called ‘work’, you must have heard of it. The store isn’t going to open itself and money won’t magically float into my bank account. Which I need desperately—my landlord is on my ass.”

“Hey, don’t say the word ‘ass’ in church,” Amber said. “I have work too though.”

“Singing isn’t work, Amber.”

Amber laughed with cute chuckles. “Right. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe I’ll stop by the store and see what actual work is. Love you.”

Vanessa smiled, her plump cheeks stretching out. “You too. See you tomorrow.”

And as soon as the call ended, her smile vanished and she sighed. She hadn’t been single in two years, and she had almost forgotten what it felt like to be ‘available’ to other men. Well, she was going to find out.

She turned to the entrance of the church, wondering if she should go back in, but then she didn’t feel like she was in the right mind to be around such happy people. Besides, her enthusiasm to be in church had spiraled down recently. Ever since she lost her aunt to cancer. The disease had creeped in so slowly, no one noticed. Until it began to eat through her aunt so rapidly, it was obvious that she wouldn’t survive it. Still, Vanessa’s mom refused to give up. Her aunt went through several cancer treatment and too many prayers, asking God to grant her healing, but it all only seemed to make the whole thing worse, because the cancer never got better. Not even a little bit. And Vanessa wondered if God was listening—if God cared. Why couldn’t God save her aunt? The pain cut her so deep, like a knife to her heart, carving away the part of her who went to church so diligently. It did not help that her second aunt got incarcerated soon after that. Vanessa hung her head and turned around, heading to the road where she would stop a taxi and head home.

When Vanessa got home, there was a note stuck to her front door. When she saw the handwriting on the note, she ripped it off her door and tore it apart, without even bothering to read the actual content. She already knew who wrote her the note and she did not want to read it because she knew it would only make her feel worse. Her landlord, all about his rent, threatening to send her packing. Vanessa sighed.

In the evening, after she had bathed, eaten and treated herself to a long sleep, she received a text from Tyler about how much he missed her, and more promises of love and commitment and whatnot, and then more talks of how he was making plans to visit her. Vanessa rolled her eyes, but she replied in accordance, returning his messages with due enthusiasms, using all the cute, lovey-dovey emojis she knew. She was not ready to reveal what she knew. Not yet. Since he was having so much fun playing her, she was going to return the favor. She smiled mischievously, like an evil genius carrying out a grand plan. Her migraines returned though, and they came back with full force. She needed to go out to get drugs—something to smother the ache on her skull. She clothed herself and left her house, heading to the drug store.

The street was quiet that night, save the sound of car driving down the road, which was lit up by the street lights. Vanessa used the side walk, bordered by a long line of stores selling all kinds of things. Soon, she stopped by the drug store. There was a sign outside the door about the urgent need for a sales representative. Vanessa looked past it, pushed the glass doors and made entry. It was much brighter inside the store—the white light made her flinch, like staring at the sun early in the morning. A bell above the door post clinked and a man behind the counter looked up, then smiled. There was no one else in the store; he must have been happy to finally have one person around.

Vanessa walked up to him. “Hello, I have this migraine that’s killing me. I need an—"

The bell clinked again, interrupting her. Vanessa glanced behind her; a young man walked through the door and smiled at her when their gaze met. It was a charming smile, and even his face smiled as well, and he held her gaze for a while until she shook her head, snapping out of the mini trance. Vanessa rolled her eyes and turned back to the pharmacist. The sight of him and his smile made her think of Tyler and pictures. And the lies. The betrayal. And Vanessa decided there and then—she would stay away from men from then on and learn to be alone. She would learn to be single and be truly happy by herself, and that meant staying away from men who smiled at her like that—who smiled at her like they wanted to sweep her off her feet and take her on a magic carpet ride to show her the world, then make love to her on a roof top in some foreign land and… Vanessa slapped her forehead mentally. She needed to stay focused.

“I need an aspirin please,” she told the pharmacist.

The pharmacist turned around to his shelf, to search for an aspirin. There weren’t many drugs there—in fact, the shelf was almost empty. Still, it was taking him quite a long time to find what she wanted. He was stooped and aged, he head was matted with white hair, and he groaned when he moved. Footsteps approached her from behind.

“I’ll like an aspirin too,” the man said. The pharmacist glanced at him and nodded. The new man leaned against the counter and inched closer to Vanessa. “Rough day?” he asked her, then smiled again. His voice sounded even smoother this time, with a blend of cheerful confidence.

“What?” Vanessa asked him.

“Oh.” He scratched his head, flexing his biceps a bit—Vanessa hated herself for noticing, but how could she not when he wore this white shirt with short body-gripping sleeves? “I just asked if your day was rough,” he said.

“I heard you. I just don’t understand why you’re asking.”

The pharmacist turned around finally and gave them both their aspirins, and they paid for it. Vanessa was done buying stuff, and she just wanted to go home, take her pills and sleep, but she could not go now. She did not want this man following her out the door and walking with her—she just needed to be alone with her thoughts and get through the night by herself. She took a turn and went deeper into the store, browsing through the other shelves. Not because she had anything in mind to buy, but because she wanted the man to leave her alone.

But he followed her, walking behind her. “Well, you bought aspirin. And I was just wondering if—”

“You bought aspirin too,” Vanessa said, but she did not spare him a glance. She just kept walking further into the store. “But you don’t see me ‘wondering if’, do you? Maybe you should just leave me alone.”

He halted his steps. “I don’t live around here, but people are usually nicer where I’m from. I was just trying to be friendly.”

Vanessa sighed. She turned around to face him. “I’m sorry,” she said. It wasn’t fair—she was only transferring her aggression to him, seeing Tyler in his words and his eyes, and it was driving her crazy. “Yes, I’ve had a rough day. Which is why I’m getting an aspirin.” She turned to face a shelf and pretended to be searching for more drugs. The man stood there, watching and waiting, and Vanessa wished he would just go away. But he didn’t.

“Oh, okay… Wanna talk about it? I’ve been told I’m a really good listener and it’s why I have such large ears.”

Vanessa glanced at his ears through the corner of her eyes and she smiled. His pair was larger than most ears she had seen. “I don’t know...” She walked to another shelf and he followed. “And you? Rough day?”

“Well… more like a long day. Running errands for work. Maybe we can get coffee and I can tell you about my day, while you decide if you want to share yours.”

Vanessa laughed. She had to admit, he was charming. She looked at him again and gave him a good look this time. He smiled with so much confidence, like he knew for certain that he was handsome and he was unapologetic about it. But who gets coffee on a Sunday night?

“I have to get up very early tomorrow. Can’t get coffee. And I don’t exactly talk about my day with total strangers.”

“Ouch.” He held his chest, feigning a heartbreak. “Alright, fair enough. I’m Jake. See, not a total stranger anymore,” he said with a smile that showed his set of perfect teeth.

“Hello Jake, I’ll be going home now.” Vanessa pushed herself past him with quickened pace and rushed out of the store.”

Jake rushed after her. “Wait,” he called, and caught up with her outside by the sidewalk.”

Vanessa sighed. “What?” It sounded like a snap, but she did not exactly mean it.

He stood before her, towering over her. “Won’t you tell me your name and—”

“Vanessa. Can I go now?”

“—your number.”

Vanessa squeezed her face and folded her arms over her chest. “Number? Why would I give you that?”

Jake shrugged. “To reach out to you some other time. I mean—” He chuckled “—how else would I get to know you?”

Get to know me? She scoffed. “Are you usually this forward when you meet a girl?”

Jake smirked. He stuck his hands in his jean pockets. “Only when I meet a really pretty girl in a town I have to leave the next day. Like I said before, I’m only here running errands this weekend. And if I don’t get your number today, I probably won’t see you again.”

Vanessa chuckled. She dug her fingers into her mass of black hair and let the hair fall over the sides of her face. “That’s a chance I’m willing to take.” With that, she turned around and proceeded to walk away.

“You know, I’m a really good sketch artist.”

Vanessa paused her steps, then she turned around again, standing four steps away from him. She wore a puzzled look on her face. “Congratulations?”

Jake closed the distance between them, with such grand steps, like he had been practicing how to walk like that all his life. “I’m just saying that I could sketch a drawing of you. So, do not be surprised if I draw a picture of you and paste it all over town, with a message saying: ‘Do you know this lady?’”

“Are you being serious right now?”

“That depends on if you think it’s cute or creepy.”

Vanessa chuckled, but it only lasted for a few seconds and she wished she hadn’t chuckled. She shouldn’t be encouraging him. “Look, I’m sure you’re a great guy, but I just got out of a relationship and I’m really not looking to start anything new.”

“Oh.” His confident smile staggered for a bit. “That’s okay, I just got out of a relationship too.”

“Oh, really?” Vanessa did not bother hiding the dubiety in her voice.

Jake nodded. “Maybe we can be friends?” He showed her his phone.

Vanessa sighed. If that’s what it’d take to get rid of him, then okay. She took his phone, typed her number in, then passed it back to him. “There. Goodnight, Jake.” She turned around and took her leave.

“Goodnight.”

Vanessa did not stop walking until she got to her house. She did not think she would use the aspirin anymore, because talking with Jake somehow numbed the ache. She smiled, glad he was living out of town, which means she wouldn’t have to deal with him again. It was only a few minutes she spent with him, yet he filled her with joy. And made her feel wanted. Needed. Something Tyler scarcely made her feel. His persistence and weird sense of humor flattered her, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She hoped he wouldn’t call her—she wasn’t ready for another ride. Not now.

Vanessa was close to her door when she received a text message on her phone. Her heart skipped a beat; Jake was the first thought that crossed her mind. She couldn’t tell if she was afraid or excited, but her heart would not stop thudding in her chest. She looked at her phone. The text message wasn’t from Jake. It was Tyler, and he texted: “Great news, babe. I finally found some free time and I’m going to spend it the best way I know how. After 6 long months, I’m coming to see you!”