My blood runs cold seeing him there. Anxiety crawls up my throat like a lizard and clings to the back of my tongue, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I realize Hailey is saying something on the phone, and in my rearview mirror, I see her car approaching.“…Can we…rrr-raincheck?”“Huh?”“Sss-something came up. Let’sss…meet later.”“…I guess so, yeah, we can raincheck. I’m seriously sorry about the sign, Cynthia…”“It’sss okay. Talk to you later. Texss…t. Text me when you get home.”I hang up the phone and wait until Hailey leaves, staring at Oliver. He stands at the door with his hands in his pockets, patiently looking back at me.He had been my guiding light before. Now, seeing him there reminds me of someone else. Someone older, taller…drunker.I get out of my car and head up to the front door. As much as I don’t want to deal with him, he’s not going to keep me from getting into my own house.“Hey, Cynthia,” he greets. He smiles, but I don’t sense any kindness from it.I glance up at
It takes a long while for me to calm down.Alex’s hug helps, but we still spend the rest of our practice time huddled under the table. He only backs off once I first start pulling away from him.“…You alright?”Still unable to speak, I just nod and crawl out from under the table. We both leave its shade, standing still in the room.Alex stares at me for a good minute before he murmurs, scratching at the back of his head.“…If you, uh, want to practice some other time, I’m cool with that.”I nod, feeling too tired to think too much.I turn and stumble over to my phone. Thankfully, I got a sturdy one after the pool incident with my phone insurance. Only some cosmetic scratches…phew.When I check for technical issues, my screen shows more messages from that mystery number. I quickly block it, deleting all the messages.“…Rrr-raincheck.”“Yeah… Later.”Without much of a response, I leave the room and head home.I never got any good sleep last night, so maybe I can get some at home now.…I
With their most recent win, the Chillers are just a few games away from qualifying for the playoffs and Division I nationals. The Bernard Saints were one of their greatest adversaries—which, I highly doubted that, considering how the Chillers swept them.But Alex sat me down and taught me how the point system works, showing me past games. No, the Bernard Saints were a high-quality team. The Chillers were just better.Still, even after surpassing their greatest opponents, there’s others that could give them a run for their money. Therefore, the Chillers amp up the difficulty of their training.I’m not sure how he does it, practicing hockey four days a week and still finding time for our play. The coach even moved practice to early morning rather than after school. Sure, it’s to reduce other scheduling conflicts, but 5 AM is still so early.Worried he won’t keep it together, I decide to try to help. Maybe if I make him some snacks, he can eat them and stay energized? So, I use some of m
“Uhm, so. After this sss-season, you’re expected to play. In the playoffs?”“Yeah,” Alex hums. His hands are still wrapped with bandages, though he seems to be able to move them just fine. The bandage on his nose may come off soon as well, though he flinches when he scrunches his nose.Ever since the most recent game, we’ve been hanging out in school more often. If we pass each other, we might even walk to class. It’s strange, not taking the back hallways like I usually do, but the natural light coming in the windows makes things look brighter.“We’ve got a few more weekend games, but playoff should start a bit after April 1(st). We’ve got this, though.” He grins, flexing his arm. “We don’t go down easy, and that last fight won’t stop us.”“Hmm… Just be carrr—hmmh. Careful to not, uhm. Get too hurt.”“Yeah, yeah, no worries. I’ll be safe. Ah, this is my turn here.”With an easy we didn’t have before, he pulls me in and kisses the top of my head. Despite feeling my heartbeat ramp up im
“Wh…at. What are you talking about?”Her hand slams into the locker door beside my head, making me flinch.“Don’t play dumb with me, bimbo. I’ve figured it out. I know all about your little game plan.”When I don’t say anything in return, she scoffs.“I don’t know why you can’t just stick to one boy. I knew it. From the time you went to that New Years party, you’ve been gunning for Oliver since then, haven’t you? No…even earlier than that.”“That’sss not what—”“But you ended up with Alex. Alex, of all people. But you’re still so fuckin’ unhappy, huh? Have to try to steal my boyfriend, too?”I feel irritation bubbling in my chest. And usually, I would just let it go, not wanting to bother with people who don’t listen.But I’m very done with this mess, and I don’t want anything more to do with this. So, if I want it done… I have to nip it in the bud myself.“Nooo, captain of the hockey team isn’t enough for a little drama dweeb who can’t even speak right. You have to—”“You’re…the one.
It took me a while to calm down enough and gather my energy together to move from that spot. But Alex spoke to me the entire time, right until he, miraculously, ran out of things to say for the moment. We ended up not hanging up, just breathing on both sides of the phone until I got home.I’ve been sleeping a bit better recently despite anxiety with the performance coming up. Getting home that day and imagining Alex talking as I started falling asleep…uhm. As embarrassing as it is to say, I can’t deny that may be a part of why.Anyway, I get to school the next day with a fresher mind than I’ve had for the last few.It’s good that I am since the upcoming play is only three days away. Thankfully, it’s on a night Alex doesn’t have a hockey game, so he’ll be free to play his part. Still, seeing all the effort he puts into his own interests and mine…If only Alex wasn’t a bit of a mindless flirt, he’d be a really good boyfriend.I think I’m mature enough to admit that.He’d be pretty good
Whatever happens with Danielle and Oliver isn’t anything I really care to pay attention to anymore. Their lives are theirs, and mine is here. Maybe they will now finally leave me alone altogether.I have enough on my plate as it is. Which, at this point, is about 80% the fact that, for the first time in four years, I’m going to be on stage. Moreover, I’m going on stage as a lead.I feel like I’ve been doing pretty well, all things considered. Or, maybe, the drama club is doing really well.Because no matter what I try, I can’t stop stuttering.It’s something that’s always bothered me. Apparently, I was stuttering almost immediately as I learned how to speak.Certain Ss and Rs always end up slithering and rolling from my lips. Even when I know the next word I want to say, sometimes my voice stops against my will, leaving my sentences incomplete. If I get tired enough, I’ll just say individual words and hope that gets the point across.But the thing about being on stage is, well, abridg
…For some reason, the comparison between the two kinda hurts.But he’s not wrong. Just like in acting, the roles work best if the actors mesh well with each other, pick up on each other’s cues, and remember their lines. We stumbled a lot in the beginning, but…We’ve gotten so good at it at this point, even I’m sometimes forgetting it’s just a role I’m playing.Just like with actors, specifically ones that practice method acting, we can get lost in our emotions. Or rather, the emotions we feel appear strongly. As real as breathing, as solid as steel.Meshing with Alex like this has become easy… And though I think about the crowd, like the bullies or the girls vying for his attention, it’s somehow less important than the play itself.Right…Because what I’ve always loved about theater are the stories. Whether they have lessons in them or simply tell the lives of non-fiction or fictional characters, I’ve always enjoyed them.I enjoyed playing in them because it was just fun. Being with A
The house is a mess because I’ve been in town visiting my mom for a few days. I knew it would be, which is why I returned early in the morning, so I could clean up before I had to begin my day.Things aren’t exactly how I expected when I walk in. Yes, the house is a mess, but Alex is scrambling to clean up the kitchen. I drop my bag and look around at the array of clothes and shoes thrown around the living room.“Hey, babe… I really was going to have this cleaned up before you got home.”“I see that.”He smiles at me and I can’t help but forgive him. The problem is that he knows that, and someday that charm might run out. Except with my luck it won’t.“When are you leaving?”“I’m going to hang around a couple more days.”“That’ll be nice,” I say as I give him a hello kiss.We’ve been married for almost two years now, and even with our duties, I feel like we’re in our honeymoon stage. I’m every bit as in love with him now as I was when we first mated, and I wouldn’t change any part of
My senior year is a whirlwind. I’m in all advanced classes and spend a lot of time studying. When I graduate, I will have a Bachelor’s of Creative Arts and Writing. That was my Epiphone. Just because I’ll be required to love among and lead my pack, doesn’t mean I can’t still express my creativity.In fact, my senior project is the play I began writing as a 17-year-old human with intense complexes and assassins on her heals. The story follows my own, sometimes a little too closely, but it seems like the perfect way to blend my two lives together.Alex is supportive. So is my pack. When I approach the Council with the idea of working on the side as a freelance writer, they are supportive so long as the pack and our home remains anonymous. I tell them I will work under a pen name, and when I release my first play, Furry Butterfly, I do so under a pseudonym.It turns out to be a success, and the money I receive allows me to conquer my first project as Luna.That summer, I officially join
Right before finals my freshman year, I receive the dreaded call. “It’s Michael,” Alex says. His breathing is loud, erratic. “He passed away last night.”Of course, there’s nothing I can do over the phone. I borrow Hailey’s car and leave that very night.When I get there, it is after dark and Alex is at Michael’s house, sitting in the kitchen with Rita. When I walk in, it’s quiet. They’re not talking or doing anything aside from staring at the table.They look up at me and I see their sorrow. I run over to Alex and wrap my arms around him, absorbing his sobs of mourning as I cry into his shoulder.I hear Rita sniffle, and I let go long enough to cross the table and give her a hug. “I’m so sorry!” I whisper into her ear. “I’m so sorry…”That night is when Alex and I take our physical relationship to another level. I wanted to make him feel better, if only for a little while.When we get back to his house, I follow him into his room and lock the door behind us. I don’t care if his paren
I plan on visiting during my fall break. Mom thinks I have a trip for drama, so she’s not expecting me. I hate lying to her, but it really is for her own good.The following week leading up to our opening night is stressful. The play only runs for two weekends, but everything has to be perfect for the first show. I scramble to make last-minute changes to costumes and learn a few lines that just don’t seem to be sticking.Which is what makes opening night more stressful when Alex and Mom both show up with flowers. Talk about feeling loved…and feeling the pressure to perform!Alex plants a big kiss on me and Hailey, who plays another one of the teens, ooh’s and ah’s over us. So does Mom, and I’m starting to wonder which one of us she likes more.Alex and Mom sit with Lenard through the show. I peek out from the back curtain to find their seats, so I know not to look there. I can’t risk catching one of them smile at me and throwing me off. Tonight has to be perfect because I’ve worked so
The next day really is my birthday. Mom makes me a cake and we celebrate in the morning over coffee. Then we spend the day in Marona, a nearby hippie town with awesome shopping, and Mom splurges on a few new outfits for me to take to school.I’ve realized I’m grateful for every moment. When I was at the Ayzena base I was grateful for their hospitality, when I’m with Alex I’m grateful for his love and attention—not to mention his body! Now that I’m with Mom, I’m grateful I ended up with her. In spite of our hardships, I’ve realized she endured everything for my sake. There’s no greater love than that.And today is a great day. We share food and laughs in a way we’ve never been able to before. It makes me determined to help take care of her when I’m able, so we can spend more time like this when we’re together. Away from drama, having fun.Alex comes by later that day and brings me a present. He was sweet to give me the day alone with my mother, though it helps that I reminded him he’ll
Over the next couple of days, things go back to normal. At least as normal as they can be now. I’m not able to hide my appetite or my newfound desire for meat. I tell Mom it must be my hormones.The stutter is becoming difficult to hide, mostly because I don’t want it anymore. I’m finally free of the one thing that placed the wrong kind of spotlight on me and when I finally get the chance to be free of it, I have to fake it again.I just have to remind myself that it’s temporary.Alex and I meet Hailey and Lenard for a double date, and it’s like nothing has changed.Except Alex isn’t shy about public displays of affection, though I wonder how much of it is a put-on for shock value. It works.We meet at the diner down the street from the school. As soon as I walk in, I can smell grease and meat, and my stomach starts to rumble. “I have to hide my appetite at home so Mom doesn’t get suspicious,” I whisper to Alex, who can’t help but cackle.I nudge him in his rock-hard belly. “It’s not
The ring of the doorbell startles me, rattling my nerves even though I’m the one who rang it. The chime doesn’t make it through two rounds before the door is open and Mom is gaping at us from inside.We stare at each other for a few seconds before either one of us moves, while Alex waits awkwardly behind me. I can smell fresh-baked cookies and cinnamon.Finally, Mom rushes through the door and wraps her arms around me. “Oh my god!”Her body begins shaking with sobs, and I can’t help but start crying. We stand there, holding each other and crying, for what feels like several minutes.When we finally break apart, Mom grabs my hand and pulls me in, using her other hand to wipe her face.Alex stands on the doorstep, not sure what to do. “No—come in Alex, please,” Mom says, ushering him in.Once she closes the door, Mom looks us over with a curious eye. “You two look…good.”She takes my hands again and grips them in hers. “You look…older.”She noticed! My mom doesn’t disappoint. “I mean, I
With so much resolved, my time to leave finally arrives the following morning. I have to say, I’m sad to go. I feel like I’ve found a place here…and with the Malkeye pack. I never thought my life would turn out like this, but I’m grateful for the turn of events.Alex decides to escort me back, so the most difficult goodbyes are with Michael and Rita. I feel like I’ve come to understand Rita and hope our connection can last the distance until I return. But I know I may never see Michael again.I hug Rita, who holds on a little longer and a little tighter than I expected. “You know where to find me,” she says with a smile, but I know that I may not see her for a long time.I turn to Michael, unsure of what to say. “I am so glad my brother found his future with you,” Michael says as he embraces me. “You are a strong female and I pray to the Great One that your union is blessed,” he adds after a light squeeze.I try really hard not to cry, but this moment feels so final.If Michael passes
Once I decide to hold a meeting—my “Unification Council”—with both packs to discuss the future, I clear the idea with Michael. It takes a little explaining, not necessarily because of prior distrust between the packs, but because packs are private.“Traditionally, when members of different packs mate, one member leaves their pack to join the other,” Michael explains. “They may see other members of their family, but they are no longer members of their family’s pack.”Rita, who hasn’t left Michael’s side since his meeting with Alex, knows where I’m going with my request. “They won’t be able to do that,” she observes.I explain to Michael that this is exactly what our packs can’t expect if Alex is going to inherit the Ayzena pack and I am the only remaining descendant of the Malkeye’s Alpha. “We will have to find a way to lead them both—together.”He immediately understands the issue and the need to get both packs on board. I discuss with him and Rita what Alex and I have in mind, Michae