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BREEZEBLOCKS
Last Updated:
2020-08-01 16:14:05KIERAN
I try to catch Mateo’s eye, but either the school-provided food is really interesting, or he’s ignoring me. Our friends give us a wide berth, shuffled to the end of the table, loudly talking as if to fill the void of mine and Mateo’s voices. Even Lana, who’s usually hanging off of Mateo like a bat, sits far away with pursed lips. I briefly wonder if Mateo told her what’s wrong before my conscious reminds me that it’s none of my business.
I feel guilty for being jealous of her – especially since I’m the one having sex her boyfriend. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and she’s always looking out for me. When Cordelia
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FWB EASY
MATEOI can’t look at him. I can’t.Every time I do, I get the urge to pull him in and never let go. This feeling of warmth blooms inside my chest, burning me in the most pleasant way, but knowing what it means – what I feel – I… I can’t.I can’t let myself love him. I can’t let myself fall for a guy. Not now, not him. I’ll ruin him. I can’t even be with him! Everything within me screams at me to end things, to cut i
Last Updated : 2020-08-07FWB MR BRIGHTSIDE
KIERANMateo crowds himself into the corner of his room, legs tangled in his blankets as tears stream down his face. Harsh sobs wrack his frame, coming out in rasps and gulps. His room is a mess – bed completely bare and random objects flung around the room. The lamp that usually lies on his desk is in pieces beside it. His series of framed photos that resides on his dresser lie on the ground, cracked. One of him and Lana on their first date is absolutely shattered. I gingerly pick my way across to him, watching out for any glass shards.I had come as soon as I got his call. He had worried me this afternoon with how distant he had been and how suddenly he had
Last Updated : 2020-08-07FWB THESE DAYS
MATEOWhen I wake up, Kieran’s gone. I don’t think much of it – today we have a match against our rival school, Milton High. It’s the first one of the season too, so the pressure’s on, especially for Kieran. He’s our star striker, whereas I’m only a defender. He may be barely 5’4”, but he’s the fastest player on our team. If anything, his height is an advantage, as most opposing players don’t think much of him until he’s quite literally stealing the ball from your feet. He’s fearless like that – utterly unafraid of collisions since most people will back off at the sight of him flying at them.I had made the mistake of underestimating him at tryout
Last Updated : 2020-08-15FWB TONGUE-TIED
KIERANIt had been a week since Mateo and I unofficially-officially started this thing. He had explained to me that he didn’t want to tell anyone yet, especially since Lana was still avoiding our group like the plague. She still greets us in the hallways though, and Mateo had told me that they’re in the process of reconciliation, which is all the more reason to keep this under wraps. I respect that, but it’s getting harder and harder to hide how much I like him. Our friends have noticed that I’ve been happier lately, and every time they ask why, I want to blurt the words out. I’m so happy with him, even if I’m not technically with him yet.
Last Updated : 2020-08-16FWB YOUNG FOLKS
MATEOKieran is so pretty.For some reason, Rob isn’t here this period, so Kieran and I get to sit side-by-side. There’s only the three of us in Chemistry, but the desks are for two, so we’ll usually rotate who sits alone, and it was supposed to be my turn today. It’s unlike Rob to wag, but I pay it no mind. I’m glad things have worked out in my favour, as I haven’t seen Kiki all morning and I’m not sure I could last another class without him.Maybe it’s worrying how codependent I am a
Last Updated : 2020-08-17FWB IN THE MIDDLE
MATEOLucas laughs at something Kieran says, and I have to fight the urge to tell him to shut up. The pitch of his laugh is obnoxiously high, and he hasn’t stopped doing it all afternoon. The two of them have been inseparable all day because he “needs a guide” and whatever other bullshit he fed to Kieran. Apparently, the two of them had been best friends in middle school, but he really should be clued into the fact that he’s been replaced. I can’t believe I agreed to this, but regardless, I’m sat alone on the opposite side of a table to the two of them in some shitty diner waiting for my food. Kieran and Lucas already got theirs, as the owner remembered the two of them and made sure to serve his “best customers” straight away.From what I’ve picked up,
Last Updated : 2020-08-18FWB CLIFF'S EDGE
KIERANWitnessing an awkward exchange is possibly the worst fate there is. I pick at the thread-bare cushions of Mateo’s couch as the birthday boy himself opens his front door. When he had gotten Lana’s text, he had grimaced and told me he wasn’t actually sure if she was coming until this moment. I’m a little surprised myself, but I guess it’d be worse if she didn’t show. The two of them have spent nearly every birthday together – I think the one exception was the time Mateo’s family visited Italy for all of December.I watch as Mateo steps aside to let Lana in, but the girl goes in for a hug. Mateo had lamented to me about th
Last Updated : 2020-08-19FWB FEEL SAFE
MATEOThe grandfather clock in the corner of our dining room ticks and tocks incessantly. I watch the rusted silver pendulum swing back and forth and focus on the way the cuckoo bird pops out to announce midnight, it’s mechanical whir filling up the entire room. As it pops back into the wooden structure, my dad ceases his angry pacing.He’s been wearing a path in our floor for the past ten minutes, silent ever since he came into my room. He had roused Kieran and me from our sleep and got Mum to drive him home without so much as a reason why. The two of us had exchanged a glance before he left – Kiki with one of confusion and concern, and me with a “don’t worry, I’ll tell you later,” sort of compromise.
Last Updated : 2020-08-20
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MATEOI quietly push open the door to Alex’s bedroom. It creaks open to reveal the owner in question sitting on the edge of his bed, phone in hand. He jumps away from the bed and marches across the room, standing in front of me with his arms crossed.“Where were you last night? I’ve been calling you for hours!” His concern is touching, though he hides it behind his frustration. I’m glad we’re at this stage now rather than the hell-like limbo we were in before – where he was obligated to hate me, and I was obligated to accept it. The past month had been lonely – only Lana had attempted to t
FWB OK
KIERANFor about two hours now, I’ve been sitting on Mateo’s front-step, waiting for his parents to come home. Every time I hear someone walk by, my head snaps up in a wide-eyed panic, before I remember that Mateo doesn’t live here anymore. That starts the whole cycle of misery again until I distract myself with some crappy ad-filled game.I go back and forth with that and with my conversation with Lucas on Instagram – he’s trying to organise details for this weekend, and I’m being spectacularly unhelpful. Not by choice, mind you, simply because someone else will walk by and my attention will be broken once more. I think we settle on a time, and I’m pretty sure he&r
FWB THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW
KIERANThe week after, I feel hollow. All the emotions I’ve held onto for the past however many months have finally been released in one draining flood, and now all I can really feel is weariness. Mum offered to let me stay home this morning – I would’ve accepted, but she had work and May had school, and I’ve already missed most of last week. Besides, what I really need right now is a healthy dose of Lana, Alyssa, Alex and Rob to cheer me up. Mum drops me off early as usual, and I wander through the desolate school grounds. The depressing grey paths lead me away from the half-melted, half-muddied slush and into the slightly warmer but somehow quieter buildings. My limbs weigh me dow
FWB VITRIOL
KIERAN“Kiki!” Mateo shouts at me from across the cafeteria, making it impossible to avoid him. He’s at our usual table with the rest of our friends. Some part of me spurs me towards him before I stop in my tracks. It’s hard to see him from this distance, but he begins walking to me. As he approaches, his apologetic face becomes more evident, and I catch a flicker of hope flash across it. Lucas stands motionless beside me. We had just gotten out of the line, so we both held our trays, hovering. “Are we really going to sit with him?” Lucas murmurs, disdain plain in his voice. I glance sideways and see his eyes pinched in distrust, hatred simmering underneath.
FWB MY OWN WORST ENEMY
MATEOI jolt awake, cold water dripping down my face. My head spins from moving too quickly, and when the black spots fade away, I squint against the harsh light to see Alex standing in front of me with an empty glass in hand. The pounding in my skull strengthens as he starts yelling at me.He’s too disgusted to look at me. He paces back in forth in front of his couch which I’m lying on, hands angrily gesticulating. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re a piece of shit, you know that? You promised me that you wouldn’t be a dick to Kieran, and here we fucking are! What happened to the whole last-person-in-the-world-to-have-a-problem-with-him bullshit? I can’t believe Kieran put up with you for thes
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MATEOLucas’ high-pitched whine of a laugh bounces around the walls of Kieran’s room like a helium balloon. Kieran’s actually in the next room over, but it still manages to pierce through. I grab a pillow and chuck it over my face, squeezing it against my ears in an attempt to drown him out, but then Kieran starts giggling. His laugh is exactly that – a child’s giggle. It bubbles out of him, and you can’t help but smile too.I let the pillow fall to the side and let the sound wash over me. It’s rare, these days.I’m not nearly as blind, deaf nor as naïve as he thinks I am. I know that they’re talking about m
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KIERANMateo has been staying with me for the past week.He hasn’t told me much about what happened that night – only snippets here and there. All I know for sure is that his parents found out about that he likes guys somehow. He didn’t take anything other than his phone with him, and he’s been living out of the drawer of clothes he keeps at mine. I’m not sure whether he was kicked out or if he ran away, but it’s evident that they didn’t react well. He’s not the same kind, gentle boy I knew. Something in him has broken.The first few nights, he was distant. He acted like I wasn’t there at all – as if he was
FWB FEEL SAFE
MATEOThe grandfather clock in the corner of our dining room ticks and tocks incessantly. I watch the rusted silver pendulum swing back and forth and focus on the way the cuckoo bird pops out to announce midnight, it’s mechanical whir filling up the entire room. As it pops back into the wooden structure, my dad ceases his angry pacing.He’s been wearing a path in our floor for the past ten minutes, silent ever since he came into my room. He had roused Kieran and me from our sleep and got Mum to drive him home without so much as a reason why. The two of us had exchanged a glance before he left – Kiki with one of confusion and concern, and me with a “don’t worry, I’ll tell you later,” sort of compromise.
FWB CLIFF'S EDGE
KIERANWitnessing an awkward exchange is possibly the worst fate there is. I pick at the thread-bare cushions of Mateo’s couch as the birthday boy himself opens his front door. When he had gotten Lana’s text, he had grimaced and told me he wasn’t actually sure if she was coming until this moment. I’m a little surprised myself, but I guess it’d be worse if she didn’t show. The two of them have spent nearly every birthday together – I think the one exception was the time Mateo’s family visited Italy for all of December.I watch as Mateo steps aside to let Lana in, but the girl goes in for a hug. Mateo had lamented to me about th
