Me or Alice? (177)

I knew it had been a while since I locked myself in the room. I had my head ducked in my knees and I was leaning on the door frame I had slid down. I bit my lip to prevent a sob.

No, I would not cry, I was not weak.

I forced myself to my feet and took slow attentive steps toward the mirror in my room. As a child, I was fond of staring at the mirrors, it turned into a habit though because I always had a new wound or scar each day. One that didn’t leave no matter how much I scrubbed or washed.

So instead of running to the bathroom to get the steam off or wash away the dirt that I felt was on me each time, I would carry out the short walk of shame towards the mirror and face the one person whose existence terrified me — Me.

I was always scared that I would live long enough to see days like this. These days were the ones I dreaded as a child, days when reality would push me to lose my humanity. The same hands I had used to help Leon was the same one I used to push her down the steps. A