My fingers twitched underneath the pillow I was hugging against my chest, chin resting on its tender softness, biting my lip as I offered up the most adorable puppy eyes anyone has ever seen-
“No.”
My eyes widened at the rejection, gasping as I stared at my cousin in absolute shock, “whaaaaaaaaat?!” I gasped. She hummed in response lifting up two dresses she had been carefully selecting from the wardrobe.
“The black one,” I grunted.
She looked it over frowning, “but I liked the red one.”
“Then why the hell did you show me the black one if you had already made up your mind?” I asked, exasperated, eyes still wide from the rejection. I swear Britney was a handful at times, but what can you do when she’s family?
She paused as if thinking it over before shrugging.
“Britney!” I hissed, discarding the pillow as I watched her try on the black dress. She didn’t reply as she pulled up the dress on her model like figure, sweeping her hair to the side. She turned to face me fully, seemingly quite tired, “Well?” she asked, her hands falling lifelessly to her side as she stood up straight.
I scowled not at all liking the fact that she still hadn’t answered.
“Makayla I don’t have all night,” she grumbled, pulling the strapless dress up a little more. I let out an exaggerated groan, trailing my eyes down her figure starting from the beautiful shimmer at the stop, to the way it clung down her blessed body and then down to her, wait. Where was the down part? What the hell, was this even a dress or a slightly bigger shirt? You could literally see her a-
“I told you the red one was better,” Britney sighed, seeming to have read the expression on my face. I shook my mind out of the horror of that dress as she took it off, bringing myself back to the other topic at hand.
“Why won’t you let me come? You used to beg for me to come along when what’s her face or Chris asked you to one of these,” I countered, taking a kneeling stance on her bed as I watched her struggle with the dress.
“What can I say, times change,” she grinned, huffing as she tried to pull it on. She suddenly froze looking up at me like a deer in headlights, “I’m fat,” she panted, eyes widening.
It was my turn to shrug, “That will teach you to stop stealing my nuggets from the fridge,” my eyes narrowed one her, “that’s right, I know.”
“This is no time for jokes Makayla!” she half whimpered half shouted. Who’s joking? “I literally can’t fit in this dress, and this is the only dress I can wear to the launch!”
I chuckled at her hysterics, “c’mon, you know you have other dress-” I trailed off holding the s, eyes landing on the empty wardrobe, then the pile of dresses on the floor she had already tried on, “-es” I finished.
“The only dress-“She clarified again. Her hand slapped to her forehead groaning, “I knew I should have gone shopping and now I don’t have anything to wear!” she was now full on panicking mixed with a sort of whimper as she glanced at the red dress half way up her long legs, “and the only dress I have can’t fit because I’m too fat!”
My eyes trailed up to the ceiling, more than familiar with my cousins emotional outlook on life, “you’re not too fat,” I grunted, getting up out of bed, my feet snuggling into my squeaky night slippers, “you just need a little help,” I huffed, pulling down the pink fuzzy hoody of my onesie. I rolled up my sleeves getting to work, “I want to go,” I argued on as she jumped and I pulled.
“No.”
“This is a once in a life time opportunity for me, I’m going!” I shouted pulling up the dress as she jumped. I breathed out happy it had started its way up her hips.
“No.”
My eyes flashed to her face, “this could make me, you hear that?” I asked, pulling one side up.
“All you’re gunna do there is take pictures and take it to mom at The Close Up,” she huffed helping with the other side.
“You should really give The Close Up more credit Britney. It literally pays our university fees,” I grunted as we pulled a second time, “which is why, if you think of it, is another good reason I should go.”
She shook her head, “I’m not letting you take pictures of the launch party, besides it’s an exclusive party,”
“Please,” I dragged halfway through an eye roll, “You know Chris won’t mind if I attend. He knows me, in fact I would like to think were even... I dunno…Friends?” I urged on in a question like manner. Honestly speaking I didn’t know what to classify Chris as, we were friendly but there was this feeling I got when I was around him. Like he was trying to avoid me. Maybe he did know what I was and celebrities have evolved to the point where they have sixth senses for paparazzi’s nearby.
Huh, weird.
“Chris?” she chuckled as if it was the joke of the century, “Chris is afraid of you ever since you slapped him,” She chuckled, “ twice might I add,” she continued before I could retort, “ he says you’re a little too savage for him.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow at this, actually a bit surprised but within reasonable limit. I mean it wasn’t the first time someone said that but wouldn’t he look dumb if he saw me right now, all pony tails and pink fuzzy onesies. I looked like I owned a unicorn, hardly a savage if you ask me.
My face grew dark, “you didn’t offer any objections at the time.”
“You know why, but don’t bring that up.” she warned her tone shifting to much more serious. I wasn’t scared of her.
“You can say it Brit, it’s part of the healing process, “ I eased in, still tugging, “ You guys had broken up and he did some dumb things, sleeping around,” I whispered the last part, “because you…well you broke him when you left,” I preached, “but don’t worry I won’t bring it up.”
I watched her roll her eyes at my words because I did in fact bring it up like I intended, I smirked still struggling with getting it past her hips, “I mean what’s the point in having a cousin that’s dating an A-list celeb, if she won’t let you in now and then?”
She turned to face me, sighing, her gentle eyes resting on me. She was going to crack any second now. I could feel it.
She put both her hands on my shoulders while I started my attempt to pull the dress up, “you know I haven’t told Chris about you and mom and The Close Up,” she began, eyes never leaving my face, whose eyes were strained on pulling up this darn dress! What the hell, maybe she had gotten fat. I may have to start laying off those nuggets too.
“Really now?” I exaggerated.
“Stop being cocky,” she snapped, flicking my forehead. I winced, swatting her hand away before going back to work, “well it’s been three years,” I muttered.
“Exactly! I can’t just tell him now after 4 years-”
“Four?” Man it’s been that long already? I could never.
“Yes Makayla, I’m counting the year before we broke up as well,” she snapped, her voice an unpleasing stressful drag, breathing harshly.
“Suck in some air sweetheart or this sucker aint gon fit” I smirked in the most flattering country accent Texas has ever seen. She immediately tucked in her tummy.
“Look,” she began, shoulders falling “Chris is going to freak if he found out I come from a family of paparazzi, and my cousin is the most notorious one of them all-”
“Title accepted,” I grinned. Vogue, Julie-James or Flair Mag would come calling on my expertise any day now. Entertainment journalism wasn’t made for the light or soft hearted.
“What I’m trying to say is, “she continued, still fishing for words I suppose. Good thing she didn’t choose journalism or law for a career. Talk about career suicide, “gazelles hate lions, “
I looked up at her raising an eyebrow, “gazelle hates lions?” I echoed unimpressed even for her.
“Yes! Gazelle hate lions, cats hate dogs, white and black and celebrities loathe paparazzi”
There was a pregnant pause in the air. Then I nodded, “makes a little sense,”
“Great!” she gasped.
“I said a little, don’t get cocky.”
She sighed, “I just…I can’t afford any…absolutely no hiccups right now Kay,” she finally told her truth. I paused but didn’t look up as she continued, “you know how much he means to me and what it did to me when he…” she trailed off shutting her eyes. It took a second before she opened them again, “I can’t lose him, I’m too far gone, you know what I mean?” she asked her gentle eyes pulling my hands up from the malfunctioning dress. This time she was looking straight into my eyes, “I can’t afford it, we’ve been so careful but if you come and somehow those pictures are traced back to you then…” she trailed off gulping.
I really couldn’t do all this emotional stuff. I offered her a smile. “I know Chris, and you know me. I’ve never asked you for a favor like this before I mean,” I swallowed preparing my final bullet, “who kept your secret when you and Chris, first started seeing each other huh? When your mom was against anyone dating a celebrity it was your girl that got you through. I’ve been the most supportive person out there and like you said, I’m the most notorious paparazzi there is, no one even knows my face, I’m very careful out there and I have been for 4 years because of you.”
“Mom really made you say all this just so you could take pictures and The Close Up would be the first magazine to have leaked photos of the launch party,” Britney grunted unamused.
“No. actually she pretty much stayed out of it. This is all me.” I confessed.
“Makayla!”
I sighed closing my eyes, “alright, the truth is I need this, I really need this Brit.”
“Why would you need this? You can hunt down any other celeb and take some stupid pictures for The Close Up,’ she hissed.
“I didn’t want to tell you this...” I dragged wishing I didn’t have to pull out the biggest gun, I honestly thought it would be easier, “Vogue, Flair Mag and Julie-James are making their rounds and they’ve picked me and nineteen others for their entertainment spot and I need just one, “I paused clasping my hands together, “just one big story to be at least in the top 3. C’mon1” I groaned, “you know how badly I’ve wanted this Cous and at least I’m on their radar. These are the big leagues now.”
She looked at me in surprise, her tone shifting, “w-why didn’t you tell me?”
‘I didn’t want to tell you until at least I had a better chance,” I huffed dropping on the bed. I gazed at the bare white ceiling, a feeling of ‘I’m almost there but not quite’ settling inside of me.
She paused, before waddling towards me, a black lace bra covering her top half, “does mom know?”
“Of course! I mean she’s the one that recommended me for the job. You don’t get into the top twenty by just… waddling in,” I huffed, “The Close Up may be a small entertainment company, but it’s doing well enough to be noticed by the giants,” I replied.
“I know. It is paying for my university fees,”
I chuckled at her sense of humor, “the thing is, the launch party is the most exclusive event happening this quarter. Every entertainment house, moms the giants, have been trying to get spies in but even Zack whose like a freaking homing device doesn’t know as much as where’s it’s even going to be held,” I huffed.
Britney nodded, “yeah I’m still waiting for Chris to text me the venue, and he said he would.”
“See!” I pointed out, ‘and I have this gut feeling that if I just have this one, I’m going to make it to top three. I just want a fair shot. Like a real shot,” I stopped staring at the ground, “then I’m in.”
I sighed as I heard her get up from beside me. One shot and I failed dang it.
“C’mon Kay,” she said holding her hands out to me.
I looked at them questionably, “I’m not slow dancing with you again, we didn’t watch any heartbreaking movies tonight,” Thank God.
She chuckled shaking her head, hands still out, “up, up” she replied popping all (p)’s mercilessly.
I was probably going to regret this but I let her help me up. She breathed out staring at me, “if you can get this dress all the way up then…. I’ll let you come,”
My eyes snapped up to her when she said this, “really!” I screeched and she nodded. I looked at her in disbelief, shaking my head in excitement, “C’mon then! Turn around and let get this sucker up!“
“Wait-wait, on the condition…” she paused, “that you have to promise me to be discrete. No messing this up for me. I mean it.”
My eyes swelled with pride as I pulled her close to me in a hug, “Thank you,”
She nodded pulling away, a grin on her features, “c’mon, the dress Kay, I’ve got to look the freaking queen,” she mumbled placing her hands on my shoulder.
“Oh right,” I replied examining the dress. I pulled a little here and there and boom it was up.
Britney looked at me in shock, “that quick?”
“Yeah” I shrugged, “the work was already done but then you started your speech and well I thought you should finish it,” I grinned spinning around toward the open door, “tootles! I have to go find something to wear!” I called flying out the doorway.
I suddenly froze in the middle of the hallway, retracing my steps, stepping back into Britney’s room eyeing the dress she was wearing, stuck at the below, “isn’t this the same as-“
“The black dress?” Britney asked as she twirled in front of the mirror, “yeah… but red is better right?”
“You thought the color was the problem?” I huffed staring at her barely covered bottom and long legs.
“Yeah, I mean reds better and it’s a size smaller, perfect,” she replied fluffing her hair.
I hummed while nodding, “I’ll…I’ll just change.”
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Breathing out I straightened my back, folding my onsie and placing it neatly on bed. Retrieving my phone instead, I swiped through my contacts, hands still shaking from the excitement. “Pick up, pick up, pick up” I muttered as it buzzed. “Makayla are you done?!” Britney yelled from somewhere I couldn’t see, hearing her footsteps head towards the door of my room. I immediately rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, taking a seat on the closed toilet, “Yeah! I’m in the bathroom, give me a sec!” I yelled back. I glanced at my phone, relieved when it flashed and a face popped up, “Ted!” I whispered lowly as he sent me his wide grin. His green eyes lit up like they always did when he was all up in my face, taking all my time. He took off his large headsets, placing his controller down, running a hand through his short curled brown hair, eyebrows arching, “are you in the toilet?” “That’s the first thing you noticed?” I asked watching him smir
The launch party was extremely high class. High over the top ladies and trimmed smart looking men. “C’mon this way,” Britney called moving through the crowd of waiters and the high-class association of A-list Celebrities. I was trying so hard to take in the fabulousity of the whole thing, from the incredible décor to the food and ofcourse the celebrities, millionaires and billionaires alike, I had no idea where to start from. “There he is!” Britney squealed eyes focused on one direction. My eyes trailed to whatever it was she was looking at finally seeing the man himself, Chris Ryder, standing beside a well spread banquet of food, literally stuffing his face in. I watched in slight disgust as he snuck in a treat from the table of delights. “They must have not been feeding it back in England,” I muttered, pulling at my bag strap turning slightly to Britney, “don’t they know you always have to feed it
What the hell just happened? My mind was a blurry mess as I lay underneath the bushes frozen in time, my hand over my mouth unable to recover from the shck of it all. Justin Star had just- Save him! My thoughts screeched from within my mind, begging my body to get up and do something. but I was paralyzed in those ten seconds, unable to believe Justin Star Ryder was unconscious, sinking to the bottom of his own pool with a wound at the back of his head. “Okay, okay,” I breathed out shakily rolling out from underneath the bushes, shakily getting to my feet. I knew what came about with my job description but I never thought I'd ever been in such a [position. breathing heavily still unable to comprehend my situation, I approached the edge of the crimson-colored pool, my heart coming to my throat at the sight of Justin’s blood. “Oh my god,” I gasped my hand finding its way back to mouth again, unable to control any part of my nerves. I couldn't see him th
I touched my bandaged head groaning in pain as Chris fluffed the pillow behind my head, “That’s what you get when you date the wrong girl,” he stated with a slight chuckle. I squinted in the invading sunlight, “the curtains,” I grunted, raising one sore arm toward the intruding sunlight. Day two in this hell hole and I was already sick of it. He closed them taking a seat beside my bed, “you brother, look like shit,” “Why thank you brother, I’ve had worser days. Believe me when I say looking like shit’s an improvement,” I scoffed as he chuckled. Sighing, I gazed upwards at the silver ceiling of the private wing hospital room I had been brought to. “Lucy,” I muttered the bitter name, “I knew she was desperate for me but I didn’t think she was that in love with me,” I suddenly groaned again, touching my head which had developed a splitting headache. “Love?” Chris mocked, “No Justin, Lucy’s a frickin psychopath that is hop
3 weeks later:I should quit drinking.These hangovers were getting worser every time. I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself, I could never quite drinking, I liked the feeling of not existing for a few hours, to get rid of the pain for a glorious second, and because of that, I could bear the headaches with open arms. A great sacrifice must be paid for favor so great.With that thought in mind, I fought over the pounding in my head, succeeding to open my eyes. The first thing to come in sight was the mop of blond hair, lying beside me, her bare back exposed to me, half covered by the light sheet. I stared at the deep red lines that run down her fair skin, images of last night flashing in my mind. Anger, pain…that was all I could see.Turning on my back, I stared up at the white ceiling, remembering the last two weeks. For two weeks I had been better, I had felt better, and promised Clair I was, but the mo
I stared at the shiny silver surfaces of the elevator doors, glancing down at the buttons to see how many floors it would take before I could reach the office. The doors dinged and slid open revealing the cubicle offices that lined the office.I took a deep breath in, sighing. Just how I like it. The smell of gossip and sweat, yep there was something brewing. Walking past the cubicles, nodding to my fellow co-workers I turned around sharply at the sound of my name.“Mckayla! Hey! Over Here!” Ted called, sliding out of his cubicle, his hair a ruffled mess, a football in one hand. My eyebrows furrowed, walking towards him, “weren’t you over there?” I asked, pointing to the elevator doors, leaning against the table.He grinned, “Ha. Ha, I get it, “ he chuckled, placing the football on the desk, “because I’m not a full time member of the close up, so technically I don’t belong here?“ he asked“Exactly…so...” I trailed off, glancing at the magazine with the
“Do you think I’m a bitch for taking the offer?’ I casually asked Ted, leaning back as I watched him take a sip of his smoothie. He looked back at me raising an eyebrow like the perfect pro he was, as if surprised I was asking, not as if I hadn’t just told him everything about the supposed ‘job offer’ and making it top three in the Selection during lunch. He hummed, shrugging. My jaw dropped, throwing down my napkin, “you think I’m a bitch!” I gasped.He almost choked on his smoothie, putting it down for safety sake shaking his head immediately, “whoa, hold on. I didn’t say that. Those words didn’t come out of my mouth,” he defended.“Please,” I scoffed with a slight eye role, “you don’t have to say it, that face is the only thing you need to make it clear to me,” I huffed.“Firstly,” he began, sitting straighter, his impressive athletic shoulder build covering an large part of the booth we were seated in whilst having lunch, “You can be a scary thug above
Chris POVI walked into the home theater, my eyes skimming across the display of cinema chairs, spotting my father in the front row, eyes focused on the large screen in front of him with his 3d glasses on. Approaching him, I noticed he was dressed in casual clothing, bright colors being favored with his famous cane propped in between his legs. I chuckled to myself as I drew closer, unable to comprehend, how a man in his late sixties managed to look so good in a Hawaiian t-shirt and light blue shorts.Taking a seat beside him, I drilled into his popcorn, the taste of sweet butter soon hanging on my lips, sighing as I leaned back, my eyes settling on the movie that was being screened.That felt better.“So Valeria was the Sandix all along?!” Dad asked astonished, turning to face me after the movie had finished, his eyebrows drawn together.I nodded in reply.“But-but she was a guardian,” he countered.A grin played a
IT WAS STRANGE standing in front of a celebrity’s door. I hated to admit it but I was nervous. My paparazzi self was not used to not running, I kind of felt like I was supposed to ding and ditch, but no I had a proper invitation that was why I was allowed through the gate and to where I was standing right now.Knocking on Robin Ryders doors. How frickin awesome was this!Breathe, Makayla breathe. I eased myself.Taking a look at myself I was not completely comfortable with my outward appearance. With some help unwanted from Aunt Molly, she had managed to pick the ‘right dresses for a job interview that I had to say pushed the limits to an extent most girls would consider okay but for me it was completely hideous. I didn’t feel comfortable at all. I kept pulling the bottom down, completely despising how it clutched to my body. All this happened whilst trying to invade Britney which we had failed miserably finally telling her I
I stared up at my reflection in the mirror, hazel eyes and dirt brown hair staring back at me,Keep me in check? What did Dad think I was? A puppy? I fucking don’t need an assistant nagging me wherever I went.I scoffed, Rolling my eyes, I spit into the sink, rinsing my toothbrush hopping the smell of cigarettes on my breath had been dissolved. Moving out of the bathroom I stepped back into my bedroom, the dull dark colors of the suite bearing before me. Rubbing my neck, and the sore spots down the side of it, I trudged toward my bed, taking a seat by the edge. 2 shows in one night had done its best to drain my right out. Leaning over, I put my face into my hands, swaying back just enough to feel dizzy. Opening my eyes again, I stared into nothingness allowing the quiet to settle all around me.I was alone. For the first time this week I was going to bed alone. And I hated it. I hated being alone, because then I would start to think
Chris POVI walked into the home theater, my eyes skimming across the display of cinema chairs, spotting my father in the front row, eyes focused on the large screen in front of him with his 3d glasses on. Approaching him, I noticed he was dressed in casual clothing, bright colors being favored with his famous cane propped in between his legs. I chuckled to myself as I drew closer, unable to comprehend, how a man in his late sixties managed to look so good in a Hawaiian t-shirt and light blue shorts.Taking a seat beside him, I drilled into his popcorn, the taste of sweet butter soon hanging on my lips, sighing as I leaned back, my eyes settling on the movie that was being screened.That felt better.“So Valeria was the Sandix all along?!” Dad asked astonished, turning to face me after the movie had finished, his eyebrows drawn together.I nodded in reply.“But-but she was a guardian,” he countered.A grin played a
“Do you think I’m a bitch for taking the offer?’ I casually asked Ted, leaning back as I watched him take a sip of his smoothie. He looked back at me raising an eyebrow like the perfect pro he was, as if surprised I was asking, not as if I hadn’t just told him everything about the supposed ‘job offer’ and making it top three in the Selection during lunch. He hummed, shrugging. My jaw dropped, throwing down my napkin, “you think I’m a bitch!” I gasped.He almost choked on his smoothie, putting it down for safety sake shaking his head immediately, “whoa, hold on. I didn’t say that. Those words didn’t come out of my mouth,” he defended.“Please,” I scoffed with a slight eye role, “you don’t have to say it, that face is the only thing you need to make it clear to me,” I huffed.“Firstly,” he began, sitting straighter, his impressive athletic shoulder build covering an large part of the booth we were seated in whilst having lunch, “You can be a scary thug above
I stared at the shiny silver surfaces of the elevator doors, glancing down at the buttons to see how many floors it would take before I could reach the office. The doors dinged and slid open revealing the cubicle offices that lined the office.I took a deep breath in, sighing. Just how I like it. The smell of gossip and sweat, yep there was something brewing. Walking past the cubicles, nodding to my fellow co-workers I turned around sharply at the sound of my name.“Mckayla! Hey! Over Here!” Ted called, sliding out of his cubicle, his hair a ruffled mess, a football in one hand. My eyebrows furrowed, walking towards him, “weren’t you over there?” I asked, pointing to the elevator doors, leaning against the table.He grinned, “Ha. Ha, I get it, “ he chuckled, placing the football on the desk, “because I’m not a full time member of the close up, so technically I don’t belong here?“ he asked“Exactly…so...” I trailed off, glancing at the magazine with the
3 weeks later:I should quit drinking.These hangovers were getting worser every time. I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself, I could never quite drinking, I liked the feeling of not existing for a few hours, to get rid of the pain for a glorious second, and because of that, I could bear the headaches with open arms. A great sacrifice must be paid for favor so great.With that thought in mind, I fought over the pounding in my head, succeeding to open my eyes. The first thing to come in sight was the mop of blond hair, lying beside me, her bare back exposed to me, half covered by the light sheet. I stared at the deep red lines that run down her fair skin, images of last night flashing in my mind. Anger, pain…that was all I could see.Turning on my back, I stared up at the white ceiling, remembering the last two weeks. For two weeks I had been better, I had felt better, and promised Clair I was, but the mo
I touched my bandaged head groaning in pain as Chris fluffed the pillow behind my head, “That’s what you get when you date the wrong girl,” he stated with a slight chuckle. I squinted in the invading sunlight, “the curtains,” I grunted, raising one sore arm toward the intruding sunlight. Day two in this hell hole and I was already sick of it. He closed them taking a seat beside my bed, “you brother, look like shit,” “Why thank you brother, I’ve had worser days. Believe me when I say looking like shit’s an improvement,” I scoffed as he chuckled. Sighing, I gazed upwards at the silver ceiling of the private wing hospital room I had been brought to. “Lucy,” I muttered the bitter name, “I knew she was desperate for me but I didn’t think she was that in love with me,” I suddenly groaned again, touching my head which had developed a splitting headache. “Love?” Chris mocked, “No Justin, Lucy’s a frickin psychopath that is hop
What the hell just happened? My mind was a blurry mess as I lay underneath the bushes frozen in time, my hand over my mouth unable to recover from the shck of it all. Justin Star had just- Save him! My thoughts screeched from within my mind, begging my body to get up and do something. but I was paralyzed in those ten seconds, unable to believe Justin Star Ryder was unconscious, sinking to the bottom of his own pool with a wound at the back of his head. “Okay, okay,” I breathed out shakily rolling out from underneath the bushes, shakily getting to my feet. I knew what came about with my job description but I never thought I'd ever been in such a [position. breathing heavily still unable to comprehend my situation, I approached the edge of the crimson-colored pool, my heart coming to my throat at the sight of Justin’s blood. “Oh my god,” I gasped my hand finding its way back to mouth again, unable to control any part of my nerves. I couldn't see him th
The launch party was extremely high class. High over the top ladies and trimmed smart looking men. “C’mon this way,” Britney called moving through the crowd of waiters and the high-class association of A-list Celebrities. I was trying so hard to take in the fabulousity of the whole thing, from the incredible décor to the food and ofcourse the celebrities, millionaires and billionaires alike, I had no idea where to start from. “There he is!” Britney squealed eyes focused on one direction. My eyes trailed to whatever it was she was looking at finally seeing the man himself, Chris Ryder, standing beside a well spread banquet of food, literally stuffing his face in. I watched in slight disgust as he snuck in a treat from the table of delights. “They must have not been feeding it back in England,” I muttered, pulling at my bag strap turning slightly to Britney, “don’t they know you always have to feed it