Chapter 0008

I smashed my face to the pillow screaming and crying my lungs out. It was the only solution that came to my mind.

I did cry more than needed since I was small. But the pain I felt that day was the worse. It felt shitty as if my whole world crumbled down in front of me.

I wanted to kill myself and at least die.

Because hurting him was the last thing I wanted. And somehow I did it. Because that was the only way I could chase him away from me though I didn't want to... for some unknown reason.

Flashback

Our lips matched with each other's like two puzzle pieces. His bow-shaped lips tugged at my lips as if his life depended on it. He nibbled at my lips giving me strange tingles inside my body. His fingers running through my hair, I unknowingly leaned to his touch.

My shoulders slumped as I dropped my hands from his hair. He led the kiss and I stayed still trying my best to receive it. I didn't know what I should do since it was too sudden... I was also inexperienced.

It was heavily raining outside, the thundering sound was deafening our eardrums. Our tent was dark we could barely see each other. All I could hear were the heavy raindrops on our tent, the thundering, and Bright's heavy breathing against my cheek.

As a sign of enjoying the unplanned kiss, I tilted my head tugging at his lower lip. Though I didn't even know what I was doing I rolled it between my teeth. Bright tensed upon my action and the kiss slowed down.

It wasn't perfect. It was a matter of time. We felt right. As if we should've done it the moment we met each other. I let everything aside forgetting all the burdens in my mind, ignoring the times I rejected him and his advances.

My thoughts were a mess. My feelings were a mess.

So we sat there tasting each other for a while. It was so sweet and hot at the same time. I cherished every second of it.

It was Bright who first broke the kiss. He broke the kiss first after drawing a saliva line on my lips with the tip of his tongue. It took me some time to contemplate what just happened.

We kissed... And it was me who first initiated it.

I dropped myself from his lap panting heavily. Yes, I was on his lap, even I didn't know how I ended up there. And then I scooted away from him. It wasn't like me. It almost looked as if I jumped on him listening to my omega instincts.

I heard a soft chuckle and I knew it was Bright. I didn't look at him. I was ashamed and embarrassed about who knows what.

I bit my lower lip harshly tasting a metallic taste as I tried not to think about what happened. It was all my fault, and I was the one who started it.

My hands worked quickly as I grabbed my blanket covering myself from head to toe. My breathing was still heavy. I grabbed at my chest and my heart was racing a hundred miles per hour.

I didn't know what was happening to me... It wasn't like me.

I felt someone's presence next to me. I closed shut my eyes hoping maybe Bright would stay away from me. What happened was too much already.

And luckily Bright didn't do anything afterward.

He just slept next to me.

I was relieved.

The night was okay. I slept like a log. I was too tired to think about the kiss that night.

When I woke up the next day, everyone was awake and ready to go.

When I came back to my senses, I started panicking. I had to face Bright. And it was the devil himself whom I met the second I opened my eyes.

"You looked tired in your sleep so I didn't wake you up," Bright said folding his blanket.

I dazedly nodded.

Everything after that was all blurry in my vision. I kept at least a five-meter distance between Bright and myself. It was necessary because he was dangerous and I was dumb. I was a dumb potato.

After loading everything back in, I pleaded with my brother, Mick, to change seats with me. He took the place next to Bright, the passenger's seat. I scooted to the very back and tried my best not to hate myself.

At least I had a good brother.

What happened the night before triggered me throughout the ride... I couldn't believe I did something like that...

I shook my head. He seduced me! Hmph! I didn't do anything! I tried my best to divert the fault to Bright.

The drive back was loud just like before. I saw Bright peeking from the rearview mirror from time to time to look at him. So I melted on the seat making sure he won't see me. I was a coward to face him.

I wanted to rewind everything and make sure the kiss never happened. It would've made things much easier between us.

We arrived home after so much fuss. Everyone got down from the minivan and I was the last to get down since I was at the very back. I wanted to get out quickly and hide under my blanket.

Mick's friends went in and I quickly started taking down my things out of the minivan.

"Win."

Bright called me but I didn't even spare a single glance. I ignored him, quickly stuffing all the things into my hands and running inside.

But I couldn't even run three steps, he caught up with me and held me in place.

Strong bustard! Get out!

"Please don't avoid me," he said. I stopped breathing, it wasn't a statement. It was more like a plead. He knew what was going on in my mind.

I released a shaky sigh and slapped his hand away from mine.

"I am tired. I want to sleep." I said with a simple smile although I was facing my back to him, he couldn't see me.

"No. I mean yes, you can sleep. But... can we at least talk about... yesterday-"

"Nothing! N-nothing... There's nothing to talk about." I quickly muttered.

"There is... you... didn't you feel anything?"

"I didn't."

I felt everything...

"Then why did you... kiss me? You did right?"

"It was... an accident... I-I thought you were someone else."

I lied.

"Win." my name came out of his mouth with a trembling voice. "I asked you at the very beginning if you... like someone. But you don't. Did you... are you lying to me now? To make me leave you alone..."

I kept the basket and tent set on the floor taking a deep breath. I turned and faced him. I tried my best not to break apart in front of him. It was high time I rejected him. I did, every time, but he was too crazy to listen to me.

"Last night... it was a mistake," I said with a straight voice. Bright's eyes widened as his lips quivered. I never knew he was the emotional type of a person. He looked like a dumbo who always smiled. But he did have emotions, just like me. Just like everyone else... Finally, I guessed it was me who didn't have any emotions.

"A-and it doesn't really matter if I have someone I like or if I am dating. Since day one I told you that I don't like you. I never ever will fall for someone like you... just give up already."

I said digging my nails into my palms. I felt tears making their way to my eyes. So I quickly bent down and took the basket and other things into my hands. The sooner the better.

I turned around and walked a few steps ahead of him. I heard footsteps again and I got grabbed from behind.

"It cannot be true," he mumbled.

I stood there turning my back to him, though wanted to turn around and hug him.

By that time I didn't even know if I had feelings for him or not. He was a good person. Even as a friend he was really good. He made me feel new things that I never felt when I was with others.

"Didn't a single thing I did mean anything to you?" he asked.

"Uh-huh. It was so silly and.. pathetic." I snapped.

That time his hands let go of mine. He took a few steps back, and I walked towards the door. I fastened my pace and when I reached the door I quickly stuffed myself inside.

Before closing the door I took one last glance. I saw him walking back to his vehicle slowly with his head hanging low.

I was too rude...

It finally happened. I made him leave me alone, but I didn't feel happy or satisfied. I felt unhappy. I felt lonely.

I dropped all my belongings and ran upstairs crying silently. Mama and Mick called after me but I slammed shut the door locking it from inside. I wanted some time alone, to think about all the dumb decisions I've done throughout my life.

I slid down to the floor trying my best not to cry out aloud. I bit my hand to suppress the sobs that threatened to come out. It was insane. I was working all along to make him leave me.. and when he did I felt hurt.

That day nothing could stop me from crying.

My right hand remained red and swelled because of the harsh bite. I removed and tossed my shoes away jumping to the bed.

My heartfelt like it was about to explode.

My throat stung and I started getting dehydrated because of the continuous crying.

I swallowed trying to get rid of the painful lump in my throat.

But it was useless. Nothing could make me feel okay.

I took a pillow and screamed at it, silently releasing every miserable thought in my mind. The fact that I was insanely rude to Bright a minute ago burnt me from inside.

I lost him..?

I kicked at the air tossing around the bed crying like a bish. That was the only solution that came to my potato mind.

A knock on the door made me silent.

I put my hand against my lips being as silent as possible.

'Please, leave me alone.' I thought.

"Win, I know you are inside."

It was grandma's voice. I was confused when she came to our house. She rarely visited, the last time she came.. was to meet Bright...

"You don't have to open the door or talk with me but... can you tell me if you can hear me?" she asked.

I stifled out a choked 'yes'.

"Thank you.. so I might sound nosy child. But I did hear the conversation between you and that charming kid outside. And I sensed you have something that's holding you back. I honestly cannot guess what it is."

I sniffed in listening to her.

"I hope I can help you because... I saw love in your eyes when you came home with Bright the other day. When you rejected him today, I saw the building miserable feelings in you. I won't force you to say what's holding you from behind."

"But I really hope you would tell me. So I can help you. I know dark magic you know~" she told her old joke. I faintly smile even if she couldn't see me. "I will help you, one way or other. You two are still young and have a long time to live. It must be beautiful and filled with love and happiness. You'll regret it one day if you stay like this. Silly brat."

"By the way, I brought some homemade cake. Don't forget to taste them," she said along with a simple knock on the door and went.

That day her words somehow made me feel okay.

But it left me in utter confusion.

I love Bright?

I tried to understand what she said. But I was left clueless.

So my mind wandered off to our first date... when he first barged into my room... the day he came to pick me up... and the unplanned sweet kiss we shared... how?...

I loved all of them...

I was in love...?

I shook my head shuddering at the thought.

I am an omega. I am lying. I am a disgrace to everyone. I can never love him... We can never be in love with each other because it's all fake. I am fake...

I knew God might punish me for breaking his heart but I had no choice. It was eating me alive from the inside, but I made myself mentally prepared to reject him... again...

But only if he would come again...

Which I guessed he won't.

Somehow the words my grandma blabbered that day, did change me. Until today I am a thousand times thanks to her. Because her simple assumption and words made me who I am today.

A confident and open omega in love with a lovely alpha.