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Ten
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2024-10-29 19:42:56c a t h e r i n e
I never liked parties.
The blaring music lined with reverberating voices, the cheers of drunken states, and the clamor of fleshes craving for contact that would raise their high, they are ever so present in all chaotic manner. The laughs radiate through people's faces and vibrate through each other's ears but I wonder if whichever transcends happiness to their hearts. If in the absence of nicotine and liquor, would anything ever feel ecstatic.
My introverted self could just never handle the type of social situation. I never liked parties. But Jackson did so I liked them anyway.
"You know I can't be seen with you." I discussed as we were ab
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Euphoria Eleven
c a t h e r i n e Vernon's amber eyes were deathly hallows--dimmed by the kitchen light and stricken with the varying neon beams of the house’s strobe lights. Immeasurable thoughts were reflected into their mystery that all I could ever worry is what he would say next. I was overpowered by the stings above the sheer linings of my skin, all implanted by the frosts of his glacial look. The rumbling music and the party around were suddenly a thousand miles distant. I didn’t know the meaning behind those seemingly aggravated eyes of his, like seeing me here annoyed him. That’s ironic because I should be the one hating him. He told me he wouldn’t come, yet here he is, bridging a very thin thread, playing mind games with Jackson. "You know her?" Jackson shifted his g
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Twelve
c a t h e r i n e It was a short ecstatic feeling when our lips met and mine melted against the softness of his. The stale taste of his cigarettes lingered in my tongue until my phone buzzed. Startled, I pulled myself back hastily. My fingers shuddered at the sight of Jackson calling. "I'm going back." I panted before sprinting back to the house party. Vernon ran after me but we parted ways inside. I struggled to find Jackson in the havoc of guests now partying themselves to the fullest. The phone call was of no use for all I could hear was his incomprehensible grunts. "Where are you?" His text message appeared. My nervousness elevated. I stumbled through the cro
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Thirteen
v e r n o n Flashes of seconds before now filled my eyes. It drove my heart crazy when I remembered our lips smashing against each other. With every peck on Catherine's blood-stained mouth, embers of my soul ignited. Making out with random girls is not new to me, but this was different. This time, it felt too overwhelming, too addictive. It’s not just a temporary high and cravings of the flesh. It’s not something that I would want to be sober from. I was running out of breath while breathing in too much at the same time. Foreign feelings I have never once felt towards anyone introduced their familiarity in my body. As if telling me that this very feeling, it won't be over shortly--or ever. I had a feeling that the way my heart pounded when I held Catherine, it's going to pound even harder in time
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Fourteen
c a t h e r i n e The next Monday morning was drawn with grey dusty skies and fog-enveloped roads. Loud rainfall played along with car honks, and water splashed on concrete roads. It was my favorite weather. Everything under the greyscale is calmingly gloomy. Ironically, the absence of life appeared to me more consoling. The sullen yet still fast-paced crowds drove past me as I deliberately headed for the train station, figuring it would be less crowded than the city buses. The train took minutes to arrive. Inside, there were a lot of empty seats given my earliness. I rubbed my palms together when they felt weary of the frozen air. Papa used to drop me off at school, but he had stopped for a few months now after I insisted that I could just ride the bus instead. That way, I could go on with my own schedule and not
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Fifteen
c a t h e r i n e Vernon’s intensifying gaze held me still, its cruelness was almost competing with the gruesome hail outside the glassed walls. Both were cold. But the latter drove my heart hammering against my frail chest. His bold proclamation was making me flush profusely, I wasn’t able to come up with any sensible response. He was always so vocal about liking me but I never really cared. But now, with what he had just said, my stomach turned for his utter seriousness. I can’t believe he actually had the audacity to say to my face that he would have hooked up with me if I consent to it. “You know you don’t have to say things like that out loud..” “Why? It’s true--” “Okay, okay, I heard you,” I held my palm to his face
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c a t h e r i n e We were utterly quiet in class. For everyone, it was a surprise to see Vernon back in the classroom. To me, it was rather tormenting. I couldn’t get myself to comprehend what the teacher was saying. Vernon’s dark façade on the corner of the classroom kept on stealing my attention. He was sitting beside the window. The gloomy skies before him heightened his apathetic air. Just like that. I couldn’t see anything else. It was just him, the rain, and how they perfectly sync. How both looked sad yet comforting. I never thought something so sullen could also feel like salvation. He was hail, and blizzard, and hurricane, and all things sad and scary. He was a personification of gloomy weather. He was a bad omen, it gives most people a shiver down their spine and drives them away-- to a safer path. But I like danger. I like sadness. I like the snowfall and the treacherous roads. I like all the metaphors he embodies. And so I brought the ink of my pen to my paper, and
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Seventeen
c a t h e r i n e He got suspended. I saw how he felt ashamed about admitting it, and I felt guilty. Before he even had to explain, I already knew the reason for it. "Was it because of me?" I asked the obvious. Vernon quickly shook his head. He tried to act nonchalant but it came out as a struggle. Beneath his hazel brown eyes was the concealed dismay, and perhaps, the overbearing sadness. Funny how I read him now. Days before, I would have a hard time comprehending his emotions which were always unforeseeable behind his high walls. Strangely, we've come to this point--that it was just a number of days yet it felt long enough to know him. And I’ve come to this point where I could no longer care less. It’s almost as if it was inevitable for us to be this close.
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Eighteen
c a t h e r i n e In my attempt to understand his sudden impassivity, my gaze lingered on the resurrection of Vernon's ice-cold facąde. He seemed a master of putting on and off the mask of joy and apathy, I noticed that too well. It seemed to me as though such emotions are nothing but accessories which he'd purposely display on chosen occasions. Right now, his air of playfulness has vanished and so is the tricky grins and the sardonic humor. He stood across me still, his expression fixed firmly for the coldness he was trying to mask. The late sun rays from the Victorian windows shadowed Vernon's face in bastard amber. Amid how serene it was supposed to look, he feigned his austerity. His hard expression, a reflection of the customary warmth gone faster than the dying sun in the late afternoon. I could have forced him to be honest but I remained mute opposite to him. How is he like this? One moment, he’s all jokes and flirting, but in situations like this where I am purposely try
Last Updated : 2024-10-29
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Euphoria Sixty Two
catherineI have never ran so fast my entire life. Seconds felt like forever. My tears fell without a warning. Strangers began to look at me as I stood and waited on the crosswalks, my knees staggering as I paced in agitation. Upon the stop light, I bolted my way to the crossing lane. I ran to the emergency room of Jung Hospital and I immediately found my sister. Naeun hugged me. I wiped away my tears as I tried to calm her."Hey, hey, it's fine. Mom will be fine. Thank you for bringing her here," kneeling down, I cupped her cheeks and hushed her down.Naeun called 911 when mom lost fainting and consciousness. According to Naeun, she vomited blood before that which our neighbor thankfully cleaned while I was in school. My nine-year old sister could only handle so much. It's bad enough
Euphoria Sixty One
catherineI threw my head back laughing. Vernon suppressed his grin by biting his lower lip, leaning on his elbow, and tilting his head as he watched me. When all the laughing subsided, I found his eyes back, their honey-coated irises twinkling in amusement, and the lines on the side of his lips were rising."Is that really a thing?," my brows furrowed."Oh you can search it," he pursed his lips on my phone.I shook my head and laid beside him instead."I'm starting to think this is how you are as a boyfriend.""You mean?" He leaned his head on his palm. Now all that's left for me to see was his flexed
Euphoria Sixty
catherineWe collapsed beside each other, ending up entangled limbs and sweat-covered beings bundled in white sheets floating in a brief moment of ecstasy. I was still carried away in the bliss of the feeling but all of that dissipated when I heard Vernon mutter something."What?" I giggled upon hearing him say those words. As much as I wanted to sound unaffected, my feigned laughter turned too fake and nervous.I mean, that was too random and unexpected. I don't do boyfriends because I love them. I date because I like someone. And like is too shallow a feeling compared to love. With Jackson, I used to say I love yous but I don't think they were ever sincere. And they only came on the later pa
Euphoria Fifty Nine
catherineVernon stilled in astonishment, gaping as if he had just heard the best news of his life. That flattered me, sent my heart warm and made it clench so good in gratitude. He inhaled sharply, stepped another inch closer and brushed his hand on my cheek. He crouched so our gazes would level.In a low quivering whisper, he seeked assurance. "Are you serious?""Yes. Why? Don't you want--" My words died in my throat. In one ferociously tender action, he kissed my strawberry lips crude and raw.Our mouth crashed at each other like converging tectonic plates, colliding in one violent haste-filled motion. His tongue reached down my throat. With its every flick, a bit of me withered.
Euphoria Fifty Eight
catherineJB's house and his extravagant parties never fail to surprise me. The guy's a rich kid. Later that evening, I went there alone after declining Vernon's offer to pick me up.The familiar loud music filled my ears upon walking on to the door and my eyes were immediately overwhelmed for there was so much happening--one thing I never much liked about parties. The lights were dimmed, and some kids gathered in the living room, playing pool. On a corner, there was some girl twerking and the people around her cheering. By the sofa, a couple was dry humping, and on the near kitchen counter, a beer pong game was going on. The sight of it all was too chaotic but they seemed fun.I was greeted by a few girls, whose names I barely know. Some guys offered a high five and a beer but I poli
Euphoria Fifty Seven
catherineVernon pulled away with a startled look on his face. It's not like we haven't made out before, and I could not entirely say those were meaningless, because no matter how I deny it, they meant something to me. But we have been strictly friends since that drunken night at JB's, and after that particular night in the bar. We've bonded like friends, studying, sneaking out in the library, and eating out together.The kissing part has already been foreign to me, yet the taste of his lips no matter how brief it was, resurrected the butterflies in my stomach. I distanced myself from him, suddenly feeling awkward after seeing him taken aback. My cheeks flushed profusely after realizing what I have done. I was never a conservative girl and a peck is nothing to me, but doing it on Vernon made me as shy as a middle schooler.
Euphoria Fifty Six
catherine"What can I do to help you, Cath?" In his hoarse bedroom voice, Vernon asked.The blinds of the unused classroom where we hid were all closed; prohibiting the tiniest sunlight in. We basked in the dimness of the room, only seeing the outlines of our bodies amid the shadows.When I had recovered from weeping, I laid on Vernon's lap as he sat on the desk. I didn't even know why I broke down that unexpectedly. It was just that he was saying so much, and my heart overflowed, and I had a downpour. I am the frailest emotional wreck at the moment, a lay of the finger could break me.He offered me his handkerchief which smelled of mint and the fresh morning dew from the woods, and I dried the ocean of my tears with its soft fabric. He and his handkerchief was the safety of
Euphoria Fifty Five
vernonAfter a few convincing, I made Catherine agree to attend a support group. I found the pamphlet at Daeyeong's desk earlier. He offered it to me after seeing that I have been eyeing it.Obviously, that made him more concerned. He asked me to talk about my "feelings" with him anytime or to talk it out with people who are going through the same thing. We weren't able to discuss more because I got pissed when he mentioned my deceased parents. It's not something I would want to talk to with anyone. But at least, I got the pamphlet. Upon reading it, I thought of Catherine.So that was what I immediately offered to her. At first, she was hesitant but for some reason, she soon heard me out."Okay," she said with the slightest turn of lips.
Euphoria Fifty Four
catherineThe anxiety and depresssion, it has happened to me a lot of times before, even when I was young and there wasn't really much to be depressed about.The first time I thought of dying, or wanting to die, was when I was eleven years old. I remember that clearly. It was my eleventh birthday and I got in a fight with my mom because she wouldn't let me invite my friends over. Don't get me wrong. My mom isn't a toxic parent, she was very nice and apologetic when she told me we had no money to celebrate my birthday and that I could not invite anyone. I, being spoiled and envious of my other friends who had nice birthday parties, threw a fit.My mom scolded me, and I tried to call my dad but he wasn't answering. It seemed like he didn't even remember my birthday. The open door of our classs that day gives an ample vi
