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Fourteen
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56c a t h e r i n e
The next Monday morning was drawn with grey dusty skies and fog-enveloped roads. Loud rainfall played along with car honks, and water splashed on concrete roads. It was my favorite weather. Everything under the greyscale is calmingly gloomy. Ironically, the absence of life appeared to me more consoling. The sullen yet still fast-paced crowds drove past me as I deliberately headed for the train station, figuring it would be less crowded than the city buses.
The train took minutes to arrive. Inside, there were a lot of empty seats given my earliness. I rubbed my palms together when they felt weary of the frozen air.
Papa used to drop me off at school, but he had stopped for a few months now after I insisted that I could just ride the bus instead. That way, I could go on with my own schedule and not
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Euphoria Fifteen
c a t h e r i n e Vernon’s intensifying gaze held me still, its cruelness was almost competing with the gruesome hail outside the glassed walls. Both were cold. But the latter drove my heart hammering against my frail chest. His bold proclamation was making me flush profusely, I wasn’t able to come up with any sensible response. He was always so vocal about liking me but I never really cared. But now, with what he had just said, my stomach turned for his utter seriousness. I can’t believe he actually had the audacity to say to my face that he would have hooked up with me if I consent to it. “You know you don’t have to say things like that out loud..” “Why? It’s true--” “Okay, okay, I heard you,” I held my palm to his face
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Sixteen
c a t h e r i n e We were utterly quiet in class. For everyone, it was a surprise to see Vernon back in the classroom. To me, it was rather tormenting. I couldn’t get myself to comprehend what the teacher was saying. Vernon’s dark façade on the corner of the classroom kept on stealing my attention. He was sitting beside the window. The gloomy skies before him heightened his apathetic air. Just like that. I couldn’t see anything else. It was just him, the rain, and how they perfectly sync. How both looked sad yet comforting. I never thought something so sullen could also feel like salvation. He was hail, and blizzard, and hurricane, and all things sad and scary. He was a personification of gloomy weather. He was a bad omen, it gives most people a shiver down their spine and drives them away-- to a safer path. But I like danger. I like sadness. I like the snowfall and the treacherous roads. I like all the metaphors he embodies. And so I brought the ink of my pen to my paper, and
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Seventeen
c a t h e r i n e He got suspended. I saw how he felt ashamed about admitting it, and I felt guilty. Before he even had to explain, I already knew the reason for it. "Was it because of me?" I asked the obvious. Vernon quickly shook his head. He tried to act nonchalant but it came out as a struggle. Beneath his hazel brown eyes was the concealed dismay, and perhaps, the overbearing sadness. Funny how I read him now. Days before, I would have a hard time comprehending his emotions which were always unforeseeable behind his high walls. Strangely, we've come to this point--that it was just a number of days yet it felt long enough to know him. And I’ve come to this point where I could no longer care less. It’s almost as if it was inevitable for us to be this close.
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Eighteen
c a t h e r i n e In my attempt to understand his sudden impassivity, my gaze lingered on the resurrection of Vernon's ice-cold facąde. He seemed a master of putting on and off the mask of joy and apathy, I noticed that too well. It seemed to me as though such emotions are nothing but accessories which he'd purposely display on chosen occasions. Right now, his air of playfulness has vanished and so is the tricky grins and the sardonic humor. He stood across me still, his expression fixed firmly for the coldness he was trying to mask. The late sun rays from the Victorian windows shadowed Vernon's face in bastard amber. Amid how serene it was supposed to look, he feigned his austerity. His hard expression, a reflection of the customary warmth gone faster than the dying sun in the late afternoon. I could have forced him to be honest but I remained mute opposite to him. How is he like this? One moment, he’s all jokes and flirting, but in situations like this where I am purposely try
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Nineteen
c a t h e r i n e My walk towards the principal's office took me to the far memories of my relationship with my father. Along the corridors echoed my mother's dialogues to me when I was a child. "It's not that your father doesn't love you, Catherine.." Mom would often say every time my dad scores so well in proving me unimportant. Both of my parents were just 16 when they had me. They were never married, of course. Eventually, both of them had their own families. I had often felt like I was stuck in the middle, as I belonged nowhere. I feel like I wasn't supposed to exist in the first place. My mom took custody of me. My dad, on the other hand, promised to fulfill his responsibility to me but they remained just that--promises lacking actions. His consequent absences on all of my birthdays and all of the other special occasions are just the surface of his failed parenting. "It's just that he has a hard way showing it. Love can be tough, you know?" Mom, in her ever pleasant and u
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Twenty
v e r n o n “Good for you, you’re suspended,” Mark mumbled in between munching his kimbap. I shook my head, ignoring the fact that I just told my friends about my suspension and they are rather amused or envious about it. Weird enough, on different days, I might have celebrated this too. But you see, I’m a changed person. I hold importance to my studies now. Well, that might not be entirely true but I am trying. “Fuck it. I’m getting a part-time job to make use of my time.” The dirty apartment floor welcomed my indolent and worn-out body. It was a bad thing, for in the ground lies all the rubbish of Mingyu’s shabby apartment. “Hey! Who gave you the rights?” Mingyu slapped Wonwoo’s cheek as he began to eat the ramyeon which he had just served at the center table. The cold and timid elder pushed his rounded spectacles farther up the bridge of his nose. His lips protruded and he glared at Mingyu before abandoning the steaming hot ramyeon. “What the f--” I prevented a cuss when
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Twenty One
v e r n o n “I can’t remember what happened, sir.” “Here are your photos.” Mr. Jung pushed a few photographs lying on his table towards me. I had to prevent a scoff. Kudos to whoever took these. I feel like we were damn celebrities. The photos were rather blurred. They were when we first entered the room, and we appeared as though we were arguing. That’s when I was dragging Catherine away as she was determined to find Jackson. In the last photo, Catherine was leaving the room. Her hair was an unruly mess of tangled strands atop the disarrayed dress, and on her face, a shadow of distress. One could easily throw conclusions that we made out in that room. We did anyway. Not all the way though.
Last Updated : 2024-10-29Euphoria Twenty Two
c a t h e r i n e The hallways before our first class never fail to be so busy and noisy. Students from here and there are flocking, always got something to tell each other. But today is different because their eyes would so often drift at me. I am not totally unaware that I am still the subject of their shameless gossip. The consuming chaos exhausted me by the second so I made my way out of the crowd and went to our classroom, which was empty thirty minutes before class. There, I made the phone call to Vernon that I have been meaning to do since yesterday. “Hey." I forced the energy. I am never an enthusiastic person, but just to be more interesting, I feigned vitality. There was nothing from the other line but the soft whiz of the city breeze and of Vernon’s subtle breaths. Realizing that he is not speaking any second, I continued. “Uh, since you were suspended because of me, I figured I should make it up to you..” I gathered my guts that I had worked hard to collect. My pr
Last Updated : 2024-10-29
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Euphoria Sixty Two
catherineI have never ran so fast my entire life. Seconds felt like forever. My tears fell without a warning. Strangers began to look at me as I stood and waited on the crosswalks, my knees staggering as I paced in agitation. Upon the stop light, I bolted my way to the crossing lane. I ran to the emergency room of Jung Hospital and I immediately found my sister. Naeun hugged me. I wiped away my tears as I tried to calm her."Hey, hey, it's fine. Mom will be fine. Thank you for bringing her here," kneeling down, I cupped her cheeks and hushed her down.Naeun called 911 when mom lost fainting and consciousness. According to Naeun, she vomited blood before that which our neighbor thankfully cleaned while I was in school. My nine-year old sister could only handle so much. It's bad enough
Euphoria Sixty One
catherineI threw my head back laughing. Vernon suppressed his grin by biting his lower lip, leaning on his elbow, and tilting his head as he watched me. When all the laughing subsided, I found his eyes back, their honey-coated irises twinkling in amusement, and the lines on the side of his lips were rising."Is that really a thing?," my brows furrowed."Oh you can search it," he pursed his lips on my phone.I shook my head and laid beside him instead."I'm starting to think this is how you are as a boyfriend.""You mean?" He leaned his head on his palm. Now all that's left for me to see was his flexed
Euphoria Sixty
catherineWe collapsed beside each other, ending up entangled limbs and sweat-covered beings bundled in white sheets floating in a brief moment of ecstasy. I was still carried away in the bliss of the feeling but all of that dissipated when I heard Vernon mutter something."What?" I giggled upon hearing him say those words. As much as I wanted to sound unaffected, my feigned laughter turned too fake and nervous.I mean, that was too random and unexpected. I don't do boyfriends because I love them. I date because I like someone. And like is too shallow a feeling compared to love. With Jackson, I used to say I love yous but I don't think they were ever sincere. And they only came on the later pa
Euphoria Fifty Nine
catherineVernon stilled in astonishment, gaping as if he had just heard the best news of his life. That flattered me, sent my heart warm and made it clench so good in gratitude. He inhaled sharply, stepped another inch closer and brushed his hand on my cheek. He crouched so our gazes would level.In a low quivering whisper, he seeked assurance. "Are you serious?""Yes. Why? Don't you want--" My words died in my throat. In one ferociously tender action, he kissed my strawberry lips crude and raw.Our mouth crashed at each other like converging tectonic plates, colliding in one violent haste-filled motion. His tongue reached down my throat. With its every flick, a bit of me withered.
Euphoria Fifty Eight
catherineJB's house and his extravagant parties never fail to surprise me. The guy's a rich kid. Later that evening, I went there alone after declining Vernon's offer to pick me up.The familiar loud music filled my ears upon walking on to the door and my eyes were immediately overwhelmed for there was so much happening--one thing I never much liked about parties. The lights were dimmed, and some kids gathered in the living room, playing pool. On a corner, there was some girl twerking and the people around her cheering. By the sofa, a couple was dry humping, and on the near kitchen counter, a beer pong game was going on. The sight of it all was too chaotic but they seemed fun.I was greeted by a few girls, whose names I barely know. Some guys offered a high five and a beer but I poli
Euphoria Fifty Seven
catherineVernon pulled away with a startled look on his face. It's not like we haven't made out before, and I could not entirely say those were meaningless, because no matter how I deny it, they meant something to me. But we have been strictly friends since that drunken night at JB's, and after that particular night in the bar. We've bonded like friends, studying, sneaking out in the library, and eating out together.The kissing part has already been foreign to me, yet the taste of his lips no matter how brief it was, resurrected the butterflies in my stomach. I distanced myself from him, suddenly feeling awkward after seeing him taken aback. My cheeks flushed profusely after realizing what I have done. I was never a conservative girl and a peck is nothing to me, but doing it on Vernon made me as shy as a middle schooler.
Euphoria Fifty Six
catherine"What can I do to help you, Cath?" In his hoarse bedroom voice, Vernon asked.The blinds of the unused classroom where we hid were all closed; prohibiting the tiniest sunlight in. We basked in the dimness of the room, only seeing the outlines of our bodies amid the shadows.When I had recovered from weeping, I laid on Vernon's lap as he sat on the desk. I didn't even know why I broke down that unexpectedly. It was just that he was saying so much, and my heart overflowed, and I had a downpour. I am the frailest emotional wreck at the moment, a lay of the finger could break me.He offered me his handkerchief which smelled of mint and the fresh morning dew from the woods, and I dried the ocean of my tears with its soft fabric. He and his handkerchief was the safety of
Euphoria Fifty Five
vernonAfter a few convincing, I made Catherine agree to attend a support group. I found the pamphlet at Daeyeong's desk earlier. He offered it to me after seeing that I have been eyeing it.Obviously, that made him more concerned. He asked me to talk about my "feelings" with him anytime or to talk it out with people who are going through the same thing. We weren't able to discuss more because I got pissed when he mentioned my deceased parents. It's not something I would want to talk to with anyone. But at least, I got the pamphlet. Upon reading it, I thought of Catherine.So that was what I immediately offered to her. At first, she was hesitant but for some reason, she soon heard me out."Okay," she said with the slightest turn of lips.
Euphoria Fifty Four
catherineThe anxiety and depresssion, it has happened to me a lot of times before, even when I was young and there wasn't really much to be depressed about.The first time I thought of dying, or wanting to die, was when I was eleven years old. I remember that clearly. It was my eleventh birthday and I got in a fight with my mom because she wouldn't let me invite my friends over. Don't get me wrong. My mom isn't a toxic parent, she was very nice and apologetic when she told me we had no money to celebrate my birthday and that I could not invite anyone. I, being spoiled and envious of my other friends who had nice birthday parties, threw a fit.My mom scolded me, and I tried to call my dad but he wasn't answering. It seemed like he didn't even remember my birthday. The open door of our classs that day gives an ample vi
