Chapter 5-Killian

This day has been a stressful one. My meetings were long and I’m ready to retire to my chambers, but I’m not ready to face Clara. The look on her face of disbelief when I told her I wouldn't hurt stung more than I ever thought it could. When I was taking her on the bed I swear I could see the hate forming behind her eyes, but then something even worse flashed in her eyes, brokenness. I know that look I’ve seen it on hundreds of slaves, of my people. 

I head to my study which is attached to my bedchamber. I pop my head into the room and see Clara looking out one of the windows. Her back is to me. I leave the door open a crack. I grab a book that I need to look over and make myself comfortable in my chair at my desk. I’m so absorbed in my reading it takes me a minute to realize there is someone else in my bedchamber with Clara. That shouldn't be. I get up and look through the crack to see Iris.

“What are you doing in here, slave?” Iris accuesses. 

“This is where my master told me to stay.” Clara’s voice is quiet and I wouldn’t be able to hear her if I didn’t have werewolf hearing. 

“Liar!” Iris shouts. She grabs Clara by the hair and drags her across the room to my dresser. She opens the drawer and I watch her reach for the whip I had tucked back away last night after Clare fell asleep. I made the mistake of telling Iris and Emmett where my tools for training Clara would be kept in case they wanted to use them on her. I don’t even know what number mistake that is of the day. “Liars get whipped.” Iris screams. 

Iris throws Clara to her knees and begins to whip Clara’s back in quick moves. Clara cries out. I need to stop this, but maybe I should see how far Iris takes it. If she takes it too far I will stop her, but this could count as her torture seesion. It's not what she would want, but it’s about the damn comprimies. Right? 

Clara’s screams and cries are hard to hear. I didn’t think hearing her be in pain would bother me, but shit it does. Just like I hated watching Emmett touch her. I can’t care about her. I can’t. I never thought she would be a weakness. Fuck, I’m screwed. I hear Clara begging Iris to stop, but Iris keeps going. Within twenty or so strokes of the whip Clara’s back is bloody. Clara is barley moving, but she is crying, whimpering, and screaming. 

“You deserve this! You will pay for what your father did.” Iris screams at Clara in between the stroke of the whip

“Please.” Clara sobs. 

As I’m watching a side to Iris that I haven’t seen before a thought hits me with the sound of the whip against flesh. Clara is human; she can’t take a true beating. She can’t self heal like we can. I burst through my door. 

“Iris! What are you doing?” I know what she is doing, but I can’t let her know I watched she will think I enjoyed it. I didn’t. It hurt my heart and soul in ways I’m not ready to admit. I’m not even ready to admit Clara affects me. I’m definitely not ready to admit that she and Claret are the same person. 

Iris looks up at me. “Giving this bitch what she deserves.” She growls. 

“Since when do you disobey your Alpha? I told you this morning to leave her alone till I said otherwise. Is this leaving her alone?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. It’s not and I shouldn’t have let her even begin hurting Clara. Compromises I remind myself while trying to not entirely loose it at Iris because Clara is in bad shape. Why do I even care? 

“No, but I didn’t think it mattered, she’s a slave. I’m just doing what we talked about. We have so many plans and I want to get started.” The glee in her eye is more concerning than Emmett’s. Emmett might accept a compromise, but I’m not so sure Iris will. 

“I said no, Iris. I needed to confirm information first before I was willing to let anyone have a go at her. She is not evil like we thought. Go talk to Emmett he will explain. Guards!” 

The doors opened and two guards entered. “Yes Alpha?” They say in unison.

“Summon Nora and a healer.” 

“Why does she get a healer? We never did. Shouldn’t you be sending her to the dungeons?”

“No, she is no longer in the dungeons. I said to leave and go find Emmett. You just can't seem to follow my orders today.” I glare at her. 

Iris leaves with the guards. I go to Clara and kneel next to her. She has lost a lot of blood. Shit. I forgot about her being human. I thought I was making a compromise happen, but I fucked up again. Why do I keep fucking up with Clara? I hear Clara stop sobbing. I listen for her heartbeat and relief floods me when I hear it. She passed out. The pain must have been too much. Concern creeps into my bones because she is human. Not all humans can handle intense physical damage to their bodies. Werewolves are different. Even when we can’t fully heal we still have stronger bodies that can handle so much more. We are fairly equal in that, but humans are not. Some humans withstand a lot done to their bodies and not die while others can’t handle a lot and can die. 

This is not the greatest day with all the drama surrounding Clara. I thought enslaving her would be easy. I thought it made sense for her to pay. Now, I have the truth that is going to cause me issues. Iris isn’t going to be happy with just whipping Clara. Emmett is struggling to see my side. It’s different for them Clara didn't directly save them like she did me. She may have bought them food and supplies, but that was for all the slaves. My interaction with her was the last time I would ever have to suffer at the hands of King George. She was my light in the darkness. I clung to her voice like it was the only thing that would keep me from giving into the darkness. Part of me really thought I was going to die that night. 

Only a handful of times had never truly feared my life as a slave and that was one of those moments. I thought it cruel to be so close to escaping to only die, but then Claret or I guess really Clara came in. She touched something in me that night that I’ve never been able to explain. Her actions and words meant so much to me. I let hatred get the better of me with Clara and now I’m paying for it. This is for my punishment for being blinded by revenge, my karma for giving into my anger. I’m now torn between doing right by my friends who I care about and I don't want to disappoint them. I made promises I shouldn’t have to them in my blindness. However, I can’t subject Clara to every horrible thing like I planned. She saved my life and let me escape, I fucking owe her and instead of repaying her I’m condemning her. 

My thoughts are broken by the doors opening. Nora looks frantically around and when her eyes land on Clara anger burns in her eyes as she shoots daggers at me. “What the hell happened? You said she wouldn't be harmed” She growls at me as she is now at Clara’s side. She looks over at her. “Who did this? What happened?” She is upset and furious. 

“It was Iris. She did it against my command. I told her not to touch Clara and she did it anyway. I found her whipping her.” I can’t confess I actually watched it all happen and I didn’t do anything about it. I knew what Iris’s intentions were. I thought I might have found a compromise, but it wasn’t, well not for Clara. I doubt it will be a compromise that Iris will accept. 

“Let me guess you didn’t even punish her did you? Now everyone will think they can go against your order of not harming her because you let one of your closest friends get away with it. If she dies, I won’t forgive you. I will leave this kingdom.” Nora threatens

Nora’s words shock me. Fuck I’m supposed be rewarding for her kindess and instead I’m turning her against me. If this situation becomes even more complicated I’m going to start regretting decisions. I can’t afford that now. I can’t show weakness. 

“At least go get some towels and water so I can start cleaning her back.” Nora snaps at me. 

“The healer should be here soon.” I informed her.

“Well, at least you’re getting her a healer. Maybe you aren’t totally heartless.” 

“I’m not heartless, Nora. You know that.” I defend myself.

“No, you're only heartless to those who helped you. The moment she regrets helping you is the moment I can’t help you any longer. You know her father was cruel to her, but even he never did this much damage to her physically. No he was more verbally and mentally abusive.  Don’t think I don't see the bruises on her wrists. I’m not sure I want to look between her legs to even see what damage you’ve done there. Remember one thing, Alpha, you can’t break what’s already broken. She was broken before you ever got your hands on her so if breaking her was your goal then you will accomplish nothing.” Nora ‘s words hit my heart in a way I can’t explain. 

Lost for words I walk away to get the items Nora requested. This situation is turning into a disaster and it’s not what I need right now. I need to be worried about establishing my kingdom and rule. I need to focus on making allies and strengthen my forces. This is a distraction I don’t need as a new king. Yet, I know it’s my own doing. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew I had turned hard over the years of slavery. I knew slavery had turned me into a beast. I didn’t realize I had become a vengeful beast who would make poor choices because of it. 

Once I have the items I return. I help Nora remove the torn nightgown and then she begins washing her back. “It’s better she isn't awake for the part. It’s its own type of toruture.” I say, hoping to make this shitty situation better. 

“I wouldn't know. You know why I don't know like the rest of the slaves?” She asks angrily without looking at me. 

“I know she protected you.” I pinch the bridge of my nose with the headache that is forming. Well, that backfired. Here I thought I was easing the situation.

“Yes, she did. You think this is the first time I’ve helped care for her injured body? It’s not. It’s not her body I’m worried about. It’s her mind.” Nora says the last sentence quietly and mostly to herself. 

“Her mind?” I question knowing I probably shouldn't because when it comes to Clara the more I find out the more I hate what I’ve done. My conviction that I was right in enslaving Clara is slowly fading and it’s a problem. 

“Yes, her mind. She has dark thoughts. Dark thoughts that even I sometimes can’t reach her. I probably shouldn't tell you this, or maybe I should.” Nora hesitates. “Will it even make a difference if I tell you? Clearly the truth meant nothing.” 

“That’s not true. The truth is stopping a lot of what was planned for her. I won't lie, Nora, I didn’t have good plans made for her. I’m doing what I can to either get rid of those plans or make it not so traumatic. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. You have to understand that.” I’m trying to get her to see my side of things. Apparently that’s all I’ve done today with the people that matter to me. 

“I will only say it one more time and if you choose not to listen then that’s on you. The day she regrets helping you is the day I can’t help you. Oh, and you can’t break what’s already broken.” 

“I hear you Nora.” I say through gritted teeth. 

I’m ruining friendships here. Nora is angry with me because of what happened. She thinks I don't care, wait do I? I thought my thoughts were maddening when I was enslaved, but right now these thoughts are more maddening. It’s not just Nora. Emmett and Iris aren’t exactly happy with me either. Yesterday before I summoned Clara to my bed chambers everything was going smoothly, now I’m in a shit storm. 

Once Clara’s back is cleaned. We move her to the bed and place her on her stomach. The healer comes and applies herbs and medicine to help her heal. Once the slavs are applied and the pills are made with the help of Nora who has a scary amount of medical knowledge. Did she learn so she could help Clara when she was injured?  The healer, Crane, comes over to me while Nora stays at Clara’s side for a moment before she joins us. 

“What’s her condition?” I ask, knowing full well it’s bad. 

“She is weak, Alpha. She needs rest. If you want her to fully recover then she is to stay in bed for several days, maybe a week, possibly more. She lost a lot of blood and it has made her anemic which will take her sometime to bounce back from. Nora has made something to help with that, but she will be weak and tired from it. I also suggest no sexual activity to let her heal down there. She’s a bit swollen and bruised. I also rubbed something on her wrists to help the bruises heal. I also put something on the bite mark on her shoulder. She will need to eat iron rich foods to help with anemia. She will need a healthy diet to recover. Does she have any medical conditions?” The last part is directed to Nora.

“Yes, healer. I’ll talk to you about them on the way out.” Nora glares at me. 

He just had to mention her private area. I knew I was rough with her I didn’t think I hurt her that badly while fucking her. Was I even trying to hold back? I thought I was, but maybe subconsciously I wasn’t. I knew I should have waited to appease Emmett, but I had to give him something. I wasn’t even planning on fucking her, but then he asked and I coudn’t tell him no. I had to be rough or else Emmett wouldn't have been happy.  I recall her getting aroused when she was touching herself. Then she seemed to enjoy my fingers inside her, but then Emmett opened his damn mouth. The second he started talking I could smell her arousal fading like it had the first time. She became so afraid she couldn't even finish her climax. 

“Will you let her stay here tonight? My room isn't ready.” Nora’s voice breaks my thoughts. 

“Yes you and her can both stay here. I don't sleep much anyway.” I say walking to my desk back in my study. I look at the blood staining the rug on the way there. I’m going to need to get that cleaned. I sink into my chair. 

Nora leaves and about fifteen minutes laters she comes back in and walks over to the desk where I have scrolls, books, quills, ink, and other random things. “I won't be able to sleep with her like that. Do you need help with writing or transcribing?” She asks, looking slightly defeated.

“You know how to read and write?”

“Yes thanks to Clara.” 

“It’s illegal to teach a slave to read and write.” I say, shocked once more by Clara’s endless kindness to Nora. No wonder why she is so loyal to her. 

“Yes it is, but that didn’t stop Clara. She didn't care. She wants everyone to have a chance to learn education no matter their status. She has this amazing idea for a school for all children no matter their status, even slave children can attend this school not that she even approves of it. She wants to teach kids music as well. Music saved her, at least it’s the one thing that calms her down. The one thing that stops the demons in her mind.” 

“Demons in her mind? I thought she wasn't like her father?”

“She isn’t. It’s not those types of demons. The demons that come from trauma. The demons that come from being told you are nothing. The demons that come from having your father tell you he wishes he killed you with your mother. The demons that come from someone breaking your spirit. The demons that make you think thoughts of death. Those demons, Alpha. You might know something about some of them.” 

I hadn’t realized George killed his queen. It doesn't surprise me and there were so many rumors about him killing her. I can’t imagine having a parent hate you so much. My parents were so good to me. They loved me and cared about me. They supported me. Then George killed them in front of me, but not before he savagely raped my mother in front of my father and I. He killed my mother first then my father. I thought he was going to kill me too, but then he put a collar on my neck. A silver collar. 

Nora and I move our work to my bedchamber so she can keep an eye on Clara.. A few hours pass when Clara starts shouting. Nora and I both whip our heads to look at the bed. Clara is thrashing, crying, and shouting in her sleep. Nora’s face fills with worry as if she knows exactly what’s happening. 

“She’s having a night terror. This happens most often when she is injured.” Nora gets up and goes to bed. I watch her climb on to the bed and lay next to Clara on her side facing Clara. She gently puts her arm around her shoulders. Her hand reaches to her head and she begins to stroke it in a calm manner. 

“Shhhh, my Clara, shhh. It’s alright, you are safe, I’m here with you.” I hear Nora whisper in Clara’s ear. Nora’s loving and caring manor towards her former mistress twists my insides with something I haven’t felt in awhile. Guilt. Nora repeated the words like a mantra as she stroked her head gently. Minutes later Clara calms down. Nora just keeps stroking her hair and repeating her mantra. After sometime Nora stops the mantra, but is still stroking her head. 

Another troubling truth hits me like a slap to the face. Nora and Clara are all each other had. They survived together just like Emmett, Iris, and I did. They are very close friends like Emmett and I. I’m beginning to understand Nora’s anger at me. I would be angry at me too if I was her. Nora doesn't believe the truth means anything to me, but it does. It means more to me than it should because it affects the one person I wanted to reward the most for their kindness. I owe Clara. Nora is right. I'm only hurting the person who helped me.  The minute Clara hates me NOra will no longer help me. Nora would rather leave an amazing job and chance at a good life if it means she doesn't lose the only person who matters to her. 

Nora falls asleep next to her friend, waking ever so often to check on her. Worry is etched into Nora’s face. I look away and back to my documents. I’m going to focus on business and not my current shit storm. I steal one quick glance and guilt pings in my chest. Am I turning into the monster I hate? Am I no better than King George? Nora’s words play in my head on a loop, something I know that rings true. You can't break what's already broken. 

My original plans were to destroy, break, and punish King George’s pretty daughter. I desired her. Even when I was a slave I lusted after her, we all did. She was the one person we couldn’t touch, the one person we new we’d never be ordered to fuck, she was King’s George’s daughter and all of us desired her. Slaves, kings, noble men, and peasants desire King’s George’s untouchable daughter. She is beautiful and she was forbidden. I knew I’d claim her as my slave. I was going to train her in pain thinking she knew nothing of it. I thought she was wrapped in a safe blanket. We all hated her for who’s daughter she was. We thought she was just like him. We bought King Georgies lies. Many believed the lies he told about her. Except many don't know it's a lie and I don’t know if they will believe the truth.