Chapter 4-Clara

Fear consumes and the panic a feel in my chest constricts my breathing. Oh heavens, what is Killian going to do now? I want to be swallowed up by the earth and never see the light of day again. My private parts still hurt. I think I might be slightly bruised down there. I can’t tell. I know my wrists are bruised and my body aches. The sad part is the pain doesn't register only fear, only panic. Pain is something I learned to tune out, well I thought that was true, but Killian last night showed me that my father may have hurt me, but Killian will do so much worse. 

“Touch yourself.” Killians command breaks me from my racing thoughts. “Like last night.” He reminds me. 

Heavens that was embarrassing having to have him have him show me that. Everything about last night was humiliating on so many levels that I didn’t even think possible, but right now, this is creeping up to first place. Why is this my life? I am cursed to live this way? I can’t think about that, not now. I need to focus on getting this new humiliation session over. 

Moving my right hand to my pleasure spot, I do what Killian showed me last night. I rub circles which slowly start to make me feel good and the horror that is my current situation starts to fade, I think I’m about halfway to my sweet release, but then bed dips. Killian is on it. He’s naked and in the light of the day I can see his scared body. Nasty white lines of all shapes and sizes cover his skin. It’s not ugly though, not to me. His face is handsome too even with his scar. His square jaw frames his handsome face as his cold grey bluish eyes look over me. His black hair is shoulder length. 

Unsure of what he is going to do I don't take my eyes off him. I do keep rubbing myself. Stopping seemed like it might anger him and I’m not for that right now. I feel him slip two fingers inside of me. He slowly moves them in and out. It hurts at first and I wince, but then it feels better, well less painful. Suddenly pain and pleasure mix and I’m getting lost in it. It's a wonderful distraction, especially the pleasure. Just as I’m almost starting to enjoy the moment Emmett’s words reach my ears and whatever enjoyment I felt is gone. 

“Why are you preparing her and giving her pleasure? I thought you were going to train her in pain.”  Emmet's words ring in my mind. What does he mean to train me in pain? That spikes my panic. I’m even having a hard time reaching my release now. 

“Because I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to train her with both pain and pleasure.” Killian replied without stopping his fingers. He’s watching me closely and I don't like it. 

“Why?” Emmett questions. 

“Because she saved me and helped our people.” His tone sounds final and in some part of my mind I relax. 

Okay I might be able to work with pain and pleasure, but not with other men around. I don’t like crowds. Only when I’m on stage can I handle a crowd perfectly. On stage I’m lost in my singing and piano playing. I’m lost in the music and I forget all about the people around me. I want that right now, but I don’t enjoy this. I enjoy music, this, this right now I’m not enjoying. I fear what Killian will do, afraid he will go back on his word and in some way he did. 

He told me he would be the only one to bed me, but then why is Emmett here? Why did he let him touch me and make me pleasure him? Then it hits me like an angry fist. He meant that no other men would stick their cocks inside of me. I foolishly thought he meant all of it. I didn’t think that he only meant actual intercourse, but he did. He will still let other men touch me and have me please them. My body shudders and I can’t feel the pleasure anymore as fear has replaced it. 

“I know you wont let me fuck her right now, but can I least watch you fuck her?” Emmett asks and his question horrifies me. Watching. He’s going to watch that. Oh heavens no this is not enjoyable. I’m not ready for this. I don't know if I can ever be ready for that. I have tried to prepare myself, but I failed miserably. 

“Yes, you can watch. It’s not like you haven’t seen me fuck a slave before.” Killian's response makes me realize the truth means nothing to him. 

Then I feel that familiar feeling fill my heart. Hate. I hated my father and now I’m beginning to hate Killian. My good deeds mean nothing and I’m not going to be spared anything. I feel tears prick behind my eyes. No, not now. I hold on to the fresh hate slowly starting to boil in my veins and for the first time in my life I truly regret doing my good deed. Is this why my father was the way he was? Why be good when all it gets you is pain and suffering? Oh I can’t think like that, like him. 

“True, but then we were slaves. This is different because we are the ones in control for once.” Emmetts hate is evident. 

All of them hate me even after knowing I helped them? Are werewolves just heartless beasts? Nora though, she’s not. I can’t think about her right now because I know she cant’ save me, no one and nothing can. This is my fate and it’s not one I will live forever. No, I will endure for as long as possible, but when I get the chance I will end my life. I refuse to live a life of nightmares. I won’t live in the worst nightmare of all. I thought my father was a nightmare and he was. Then there is Killian, the one who gave me hope of a better future. I believed in hope because of him and he tore it to shreds without mercy. The truth means nothing and the truth certainly doesn't seem to set you free. I didn't actually think he’d free me, but I didn’t think the nightmare experience would be well, so nightmarish. 

I feel Killian at my entrance and I remove my hand. I’m not going to finish anyway. The pleasure was incredibly short lived. He’s over me as his cold eyes study me. He pushes all the way in and I give a small cry. Oh his fingers are not the same size as his cock. His fingers didn't hurt too badly, but his cock is painful. I’m still so tender and it hurts as he moves in and out of me in rough long strokes. He takes my hands in his and pins them above my head. This time both his hands pin each of my wrists down. They are still bruised from last night and now he’s making them worse. 

I can’t take the pain nor can I stop the few tears that escape my eyes. This is more painful than last night and I didn’t think that was possible. Everything I think is wrong. Always wrong. I was wrong about Killian. I was wrong that the truth mattered. I was wrong to hope, wrong to dream, and wrong to think of a better life. I’ll never be free. I was my father's caged bird and now I’m the Alpha Kings slave. I mean absolutely nothing now. At least with my father I had some value. At least he wouldn’t do too much damage at least physically, but his verbal and mental abuse was so much worse than the physical. Now I realize I’m facing so much worse. 

I hear Killian growl his release as I feel him pull out of me. I lay motionless. I need to cry. I need to be alone. Killians get off the bed. I can faintly hear him getting dressed. “Now that was fun to watch. I think you made her cry.” Emmett’s voice taunts me. 

“Enough for now. Go attend to your new duties as my Beta.” Killian commands. 

I hear Emmett leave. At least it’s over, I think. I actually don't know if it is, but I hope it is. Then an even more terrifying thought creeps into mind. He will send me to the dungeons now. Oh, no. That means guards. Oh heavens kill me now. Just end it now. My chest is heavy, my mind dizzy, then I feel someone touch me and jump up and away as quick as I can. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Killians deep voice hits my ears. I look at him. I realized that I instantly took a protective position. My legs are to my chest, my arms wrap around my legs and my head was lowered and tucked slightly under my arms, but now I raise my head to meet Killians face. He is standing on the other side of the bed with no expression on his face which scares me more. Expressionless faces are never a good sign. 

Not going to hurt me then what the hell did he call what just happened? My wrists are throbbing, but my private area not only thobs it burns. I give him a slight glare. I dare not speak my thoughts. I know better. Thank father for preparing me to be a good slave I sarcastically think to myself. It's never good when my sarcasm comes out. 

“I need to attend some meetings. I’ll be back for dinner and I’ll make sure there is food for us when I get back. You can stay here for now. Nora will be moving in down the hall, you can stay with her when she is all moved in.” 

“Is that before or after you summon me to your bed chambers?” I ask bitterly.  

“You will sleep there and stay there when needed, but you will come to my chambers when I call upon you.” He responds as if he didn’t hear my tone, if he did he’s not reacting to it. 

“Right because I'm a slave. I’m well aware of this works.” I bite out bitterly. 

“Watch your tone, Ssave.” He warns. 

I keep my mouth shut and then Killian leaves. Once he's gone and I am alone. I wait to make sure he doesn’t come back because he forgot something. When I’m sure he’s gone I make my way to the washroom and once again clean myself up. My eyes sting with tears when the warm cloth comes between my legs. I sink to the floor and wrap myself up in my protective stance and sob. 

Not sure how long I’m on the floor I decide it’s time to get it together. I put on my nightgown. I guess this is the only piece of clothing I’m going to get, but it’s not like I need real clothes. I just end up naked anyway. I want to rest and the bed looks so inviting, but I don't think my new master would approve. I plop down on the floor and curl into a ball. My master, I think bitterly. I hate my father more now for paying for what he did. I’m devastated that my good deeds did not change much. I’m still going to be used and hurt as my master sees fit.