“Date me for 1 week.” He said after I asked him what his supposed consequence is after I lose the racing game in swimming.“Huh? Anong ibig mong…s-sabihin?” I said while stuttering.“Date, as in where two people do stuffs, and to tell you that’s not a question, it’s a statement.”“Bakit gusto mong idate kita? Nakakabigla ka naman.”“What do you think then?” sabi niya. Napa-isip ako ng medyo slight kasi, sobrang sudden naman ng tanong niya.“Wait…” I said first while trying to sink all his words. “Gusto mo ba ako?” I added a question with my eyes slowly getting bigger and bigger.I heard him sighed and looked away for a while.“I know I’ve been a jerk last day, at alam ko rin na may hinihintay kang sabihin ako but I didn’t because I was too shy to even start a conversation with it.” sabi niya. Ewan ko at bigla na lang akong napangisi sa kanya, I mean hindi ko maitago dahil kinikilig din naman kasi ako.He now looks like a boy next door who was too shy to even look at a girl. Ay pota n
Hindi ko akalaing pagkatapos ng small break namin sa law school ay babalik ako ng Manila na may boyfriend na, parang ang real-quick lang isipin. But gaya nga ng sabi ko, bakit ko pa patatagalin eh nararamdaman ko rin naman?Since maganda nga ang mood ko the moment na bumalik ako ng Manila, wala na akong ginawa sa buhay kundi ang magbasa ng magbasa. Noon medyo nagbibigay pa ako ng allowance sa sarili ng medyo mahabang break-time to do some stuffs or just do nothing, ngayon ay sobrang konti na lang dahil mas naging masipag pa ako lately.Ito ba ang nagagawa ng may jowa sa law school?“Ramirez,” our professor called me. On-deck ako for recitation kaya hindi talaga malabo na hindi ako matawag. Prepared naman ako kaya keri lang.“In the case of Demara v. Court of Appeals, was a crime committed?”“Yes, there was a crime committed. The Supreme Court ruled that when factual impossibility occurs because extraneous circumstances unknown to the actor or beyond his control, rendered the intended
As I heard Cha’s scream, I run fast immediately. As I got inside Kaila’s unit, from there on, I saw Kaila’s wrist covered by her own blood, slowly trying to cover the white floor with redness.I didn’t know what to do at that moment, maybe because I was also in shocked to see her on that situation. But as soon as I heard Cha’s cry, lumapit ako saka dinaluhan si Kaila, sinabihan ko rin si Cha na pigilan niya ang patuloy na pagdurugo ng palapulsuhan ni Kaila kahit na taranta rin ako. Dali-dali akong naghanap ng towel sa kwarto ni Kaila.Nang makanap ay agad ko itong ipinalibot sa palapulsuhan nito. I then called an ambulance for emergency because Cha was shivering to even hold a phone, and then after that I tried calling Kaila’s mother right away using Kaila’s phone.“No, d-don’t call her. Kaila won’t like this.” Cha said crying while still holding Kaila’s wrist as gentle as possible.I sighed hard while looking at her.“I know she won’t like it but they are Kaila’s parents Cha. They sh
“Ga,” I called him while removing my glasses.“Hmm?” he hummed and at the same time he raised both of his eyebrows. Both of his palms were placed in his jaw and his elbow was leaning on the table where I was reviewing. Nagdecide na lang ako na magreview ng kaunti kahit hapon pa ang klase ko.Well, it’s just that mahirap magpakawala agad when you know na unpredictable ng scenario palagi sa law school.I hissed.“Can you like not…” I pause, because I felt awkward. “Stare at me like that?” sabi ko. Hindi naman kasi ako sanay na may tumititig sa akin ng ganoon. I mean, my gosh baka kasi parang unggoy ako or may dumi sa mukha ko kaya ganoon?“Like what?” sabi niya. Napabuntonghininga na lamang ako habang nakatitig sa kanya at naka-crossed arms. I turned my head towards him.“Gaya ng ginagawa mo ngayon, tigilan mo iyan,” Then I look away, tapos kinuha ko iyong notes ko at doon na lang tumingin.“Can’t I stare at something beautiful?”His words almost make me choke. Sigurado akong maibubuhos
Months are getting passed by like a wind. Things were getting serious with Lexus. He makes things go easy for me actually even if he’s so busy and loaded with stuffs since he’s year ahead than me. Hindi ko nga alam kung saan pa siya nakakakuha ng time para dumito sa apartment o kitain ako.I was outside and walking back to the apartment. I bought some snacks in the nearby store since I was out of stock already. Palagi kasing nasa apartment si Lexus tumatambay lately kaya nauubusan ako ng pagkain.One time, when I was reviewing nagulat ako ng bigla siyang dumating, nakalimutan kong binigyan ko pala siya ng spare key. Then I saw a lot of groceries in the counter top, as in sobrang dami, it could be a 2-3 months stock.Pinagalitan ko siya noon dahil feeling ko ay medyo naging impulsive buyer siya that time dahil feeling ko ay hindi naman niya mauubos iyon o naming dalawa dahil madalas naman kami sa Osiris. So in the end, we ended up giving some of the foods to the street children just b
Apologies after apologies. It was as if a cycle already. But you know why we forgive easily and accept apologies all over again? It’s because of the reason that we are in love. We forgive because we love that certain person, we love our family and friends that’s why.Lexus however, I know that he’s lacking on some aspects but that was also the reason why, we stayed because we loved everything about a certain person, flaws and stuffs are counted too and everything that’s not beautiful in that person became beautiful because we love them wholly.One of his exes suddenly showed-up in the middle of nowhere. The kind of ex that’s obsessive and too hard to handle. Eris is her name, daughter of a congressman. She keeps on showing in everything. Kahit na normal na lakad lang namin ni Lexus o kahit na hindi naman planado ay lagi ko siyang nakikitang pakalat-kalat kung saan.I’m not whining or ranting about his ex and stuffs before he met me because that wall in the past. Ang sa akin lang, para
It was our small break after our examination. Nagbakasyon ulit ako sa lugar namin since I also had to run for some documents and papers, at higit sa lahat ay ipapakilala ko na si Lexus sa mga magulang ko.I thought that it’s already a good opportunity for us, since it was long overdue already dahil kaka-one year anniversary na naming dalawa and we aren’t yet legal to both sides.The first two days, I spent it with my parents’ tapos namasyal lang kami, we even got to hot spring for some more relaxation and I felt it because it blends with the nature. Maraming tao ang nandoon but keri lang din. I saw some of my batch mates during my high school life so we have a little catching-up episode.On the third day of our vacation, Lexus will travel again by land and I swear sobrang layo no’n. I suggested na mag-book na lang siya ng flight diretso rito para hindi na ganoon ka-hassle. But he said na mas mahirap daw kapag walang kotse papuntang Iloilo, mahihiya raw lang siya kapag kotse na naman n
Napagtanto ko na mahirap pala talaga pasukin ang mundo ng pag-ibig, hindi siya basta-basta lang na kapag gusto niyo ang isa’t isa ay okay na. It isn’t like that, because having a relationship with someone is accompanied by pain and problems.“Almost three weeks na sunod nang sunod si Lexus sayo, hindi mo ba kakausapin?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Cha sa akin. Si Kaila naman ay nakatanaw lang sa akin but I know she had a lot of questions.“Hindi niya naman deserve kausapin. And why would I talk to a cheater?”“Okay. Just know that we are here okay?” Dagdag pa niya. Ngumiti lang ko bilang tugon. Then after some time Kaila speak-up.“Communicate with him sis. I know it’s hard but that’s should be the first option, and real talk lang, you being like this like running away isn’t helping you. Kung nasaktan ka, iiyak mo, magalit ka and all, resent him, but hear his side first no matter what. Don’t pretend like it’s okay.”She’s right. Communicate and don’t run away like scaredy-cat.I run away.
Ang bilis lagi ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still in pain and was about to give-up. I felt like I experienced heart break all the time. But surprisingly though, I did what was necessary to move forward.Based sa experience, life would always hit you the hard way. Na parang feeling mo nalumpo ka not just physically but the whole aspect of your life? I do not want delays as much as possible kasi sayang sa oras, dahil sabi ko nga mabilis lang ang pagtakbo ng panahon. A day feels like just an hour, a month feels like a one or two weeks, and years now feels like few months. Ni hindi mo na nga mamalayan na magbabagong taon na naman o magbi-birthday ka.LEXUS: Sorry, can’t pick you up. Emergency meeting. I’ll send a cab instead. – a text from Lexus. Bihis na bihis na ako at naghihintay na lang ng text niya kung nasa labas na siya but this was the message I got from him.Nainis ako yes, but since he said it’s an emergency, I understand. Kasi minsan ganyan din ako, last minu
The thing about of your ex is that, no matter how you both broke-up, the fact that he or she still have this effect on you, even if it’s not in a romantic way, it is still an effect.“W-what?” I said stuttering because he’s really fuming mad right now.“What are you doing?” iritadong bungad niya. Nakadugtong ang makapal niyang kilay at naghihintay ng isasagot ko.“Uhh, wala naman akong ginagawa…nakaupo lang naman kanina...” I sad nervously not wanting to add much information.“Really? Just seating there?”“Oo, tapos kausap lang si ano…” tanging nasabi ko at hindi ko na nadugtungan pa. “Anyway, bakit ka umalis doon eh mukhang hindi pa naman tapos iyong palaro?” I tried to change the topic.“Because I am mad,” agap niya. “Anong pinag-usapan n’yong dalawa?” sunod na tanong niya.“Just about life...and some stuffs.” I said. Ni hindi ko nga ma-imagine na first lang naman naming magkita pero nakapag-converse kaagad ng mga ganoong ganap sa life namin which is very unusual. Kasi kapag hindi n
All I could hear inside the car is the sound of his fingers tapping. First of all, ayokong magsalita dahil wala naman akong sasabihing importante. Pangalawa, just like what I said – I’m too embarrassed about what I did. Third, for some reason - I felt like, isang mali iyong pagkikita namin kahit coincidence lang naman ang lahat.I don’t like where this thing is heading to. Especially now that he knows what happened while he was away.“Thank you,” I said pagkatapos ko siyang intayin na makababa. And I regret waiting for him to get out of the car dahil malamig niya akong tiningnan at parang kanina pa pinipigilang magsalita.Isang beses siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Nanatiling ganoon ang ekspresyon niya habang nakalagay sa dalawang bulsa ng kanyang pantalong ang kanyang mga kamay. His eyes were becoming darker as it was, seems like mad, and pissed – a combination of those emotions.“You’re unbelievable…” he uttered, much more pissed right now.“What do you mean?” I said, getting
At first, he was declining my kisses saying that I was just drunk and I didn’t know what I am doing, and that I will regret what will happen the next morning. But I never really cared about all the stuffs he said, I just focused myself in between my kisses to him.Despite him declining, I felt some of his responses, and I know he will never be able to resist my effect on him. He’ll never will.And at this moment. I just…wanted to feel him.I just wanted him to feel me. To fill, and make me whole. I don’t know if this is my desperate-self calling or I just want it for some reason, I just really don’t care anymore. I just want to own him this night.I stopped kissing him because I needed to breathe. And as I stopped, I saw his forehead creased and confused.“I just need air.” sabi ko sa kanya dahil alam ko na ang kinukunot ng noo nito.“Tss…” was all he could say. Lumayo siya sa akin, and for a moment I know there will be no kissing to happen. The distance he made was kind of a cue for
“Naiilang ka ba?” he suddenly asked me. Sina Kaila at Cha ay busy makipag-usap at magtawanan kina Nigel at Gian kaya hindi na nila napansin na kinausap ako ni Lexus.“Bakit mo naman natanong?” I asked back. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo niya at saka tuluyan nang itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. Grabe, namiss ko siya, namiss ko ‘yong law school life ko noon kasi study-budy talaga kaming dalawa sa Osiris.“You feel so awkward, lilipat na lang kami ng table kung hindi ka komportable.” He sincerely said. Seriously? He really thinks I am uncomfortable with him here? O ganoon ba ang sinasabi ng mga galaw ko?It’s just…it’s hard. I mean, we had a past. I know before we parted ways naging klaro na sa aming dalawa ang lahat. Our time talking about what happened isn’t ideal, it’s a small time but it catches a lot of gaps that it should be filled with before.Nahihiya akong sabihin sa kanya na after all ay kahit matino naman kaming nag-usap sa closure namin ay awkward p
On the way home after a long day. “My love, if you’re out there send me a sign.” I said.I am a mix of contradictions: sad and entirely unhappy, alone, mourning, tired, drained, unmotivated, loss of will, and a wife with no husband. I feel loved by so many and yet no longer by one in particular.I am a woman whose husband has died. He is not late nor lost. He hasn’t passed. He is absent but not erased. I catch a glimpse of him in the curve of her mother’s jaw and the lilt of his laugh in the recorded video. He inhabits my dream world, making star appearances. I know him so well that, like a favourite character in a book, I can imagine him into any situation. But now he’s gone, I don’t know how to make the star appear again.Conan left me, but our relationship outlives him. I am grateful for the independent self that was fostered in our marriage as I carve a lone way forward through this surreal new world —although altered, I too am not late, passed or lost. But this independence has a
“How are you?” Conan asked me after he wakes up. Tumulo agad ang luha ko dahil sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking him that question and not him, but for some reason I just couldn’t ask him. I just remained there, sitting while holding his hands.“You…scared me,” I said. I couldn’t stand watching him kaya tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya saka umiyak. My cries were silent with my hands on my mouth to prevent any sound to come-out. But it seems like, crying that way adds more pain in my heart.“I’m sorry…” was all he could say. And in a swift motion of mine, I walked towards him, and hugged him. The hug was the first time in my life that I felt no comfort, but only pain that in no time, he will leave this world with only memories of ours remain.The sad thing about life is that, one of your loved ones will eventually leave you. Bereavement as they say.I know that death is inevitable, it is a certainty of life that everyone will face. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag ikaw na iyong na
Marriage.It is something two people are committed to. Something more than physical touch, but more on growing into the years, and learns a lot of lessons in general.Growing up, many of us learned that true love involves princesses and guards, battles and happily ever after. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t always romantic as it is like how we seen in the movies. But love may be can cause pain, but never the fear.It was in a totally happy marriage, maybe an ideal one for some people. But marriage isn’t perfect, we sometimes argue about things, won’t dare to speak in each other, but we get back on to it and reflect what we did. Mayroon pa nga siyang special notebook kung saan isinusulat niya ang ilan sa mga sinasabi ko. He even makes me sign them so that the next time I clam I never said it, he can show me my own signed words. Ganoon siya.But nowadays are different, he looked sad – I could tell because I was sad too, and scared.“Are you like…going to be oka
The one we tried to console with sometimes are distorted and vague that we sometimes struggle to comprehend things. Sometimes, we often closed our minds to accept truths, and refuse to ask.“Why did you left me that day and said those hurtful words? Why did you left me when I needed you the most?” malungkot na tanong ko.His eyes widened. His lips also parted…maybe because he didn’t expect that it will be directly a tough question to begin. He looked dumbfounded, shocked, and looks like didn’t know how to speak, seems like he lost words. But I waited for him to process my question, but minutes had passed and all I could get is silence.I smiled sadly, even after everything, he couldn’t still tell me things right on hand. “Minahal mo ba talaga ako?” I said. Halos hindi ko maitago ang dala ng pait ng boses ko, masyadong transparent kung gaano ko paulit-ulit na tinatanong sa sarili ko kung mahal ba niya talaga ako.Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod. “I loved you…” mahinang sagot niya. He loo