CHAPTER 1

Dear Emily,

We sincerely thank you for taking the time to apply and meet with our team for the position of secretary. After careful consideration, we have decided to move forward with another candidate. We thank you for your interest in the company and we wish you the best of luck in your job search……

Emily Walker quickly hit the power button on her phone in annoyance, another rejection letter, and the fifth one this week if she was keeping track. Her mind became immediately clouded with the bills she had to pay and working part-time in her grandmother’s noodle shop, also cleaning toilets at a luxury hotel wasn’t going to cut it. She hated to remind herself of how her life had gone downhill since she had to quit her last job. She felt tears sting her eyes but she was determined not to let it fall.

“Emily” she heard her grandmother yell which snapped her out of her depressing thoughts, perspiration gathered at her forehead while popped back into the heat of the kitchen.

“How many people do we have out back” she asked and Emily stood frozen, she’d been distracted and wasn’t taking notes and it was no news that her grandmother had zero tolerance for slacking. 

“I’ll need to check,” she said quickly and rushing back outside before the woman had the chance to complain but in the process, her apron caught on the handle of the door causing her to spiral into a tray of glass cups and they all went spiraling unto the ground shattering into a million pieces with a few pieces clinging unto her hair and clothes. She could feel the sting of the glass in her hair but the silence in the kitchen was louder than the pain she felt

“Emily!” her grandmother yelled, throwing a plastic spoon that hit her square in the head. 

“I’m sorry, it was an accident Grandma. I’ll clean it up”

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it Emily, this is going off your paycheck”

“There’s nothing left, you keep cutting it for little mistakes I make” she retorted

“Then maybe your next paycheck, how about that and the next one if you keep running that mouth” her grandmother shot back in finality before turning back to the whistling pot and Emily fumed, her eyes rolling back in sadness that was slowly turning to anger.

“You know what Gran, I don’t need this,” she said as she took off her apron and slammed it on the counter

“Look at you running that mouth again, so what are you going to do? Quit? Run away just like your mother did….”

“Don’t….” Emily wanted to say but the woman beat her to it

“Don’t what? Mention your mother? That slimy whore that destroyed my son…..”

“She didn’t do anything, I didn’t do anything” Emily cried, letting the tears flow freely as she didn’t have any means to hold them back because her grandmother’s words felt like a spiral knife that stabbed at her chest, twisting and turning till there was nothing left to give but pain 

“She did everything, my son is dead because of her because she was a selfish bitch and she wanted more. If she’s such a good person where is she now, she abandoned you, didn’t she? You look so much like her I feel sick to my stomach”

Emily stayed quiet, allowing the words to soak through her skin, embedding themselves in her till it was all she could feel. Her vision blurred, her heart raced and she felt weak to her knees, she had never known love all her life and her grandmother was right. Her mother did abandon her for a better life, she was somewhere gallivanting in the streets of California in Gucci shorts and Prada bags and she wondered why she defended her. Her grandmother was right, her mother didn’t want her or maybe she didn’t know the full story.

“She killed my son, that selfish whore. Broke his heart so many times over till he was nothing and then abandoned you for me so don’t you defend her. Who knows, maybe you’re not even my granddaughter and she burdened me with the responsibility of raising you” 

Still, Emily stayed quiet as the words pierced her heart and there was no defence against everything she always believed to be true

“If you want to leave, you should. Get out I don’t want to see your face around here anymore, you’re just like her ungrateful and selfish” She felt her grandmother grab her by her arm and push her out the back door alongside her bag before slamming it on her face. 

Emily stood broken, her legs weak and unable to protest, even oblivious to her bleeding knees from the broken glass because it didn’t hurt as much as the pain in her chest from the reality of her grandmother’s words.

 She stepped out onto the streets of New York City of anyways unsure of her next step even though she had to be at her other job in less than two hours. The October sun shone brightly on her skin, lighting up areas that had been darkened by sadness but still, it didn’t change how she felt. The heat from the sun did nothing to warm her frozen heart while she walked aimlessly on the streets, going wherever the wind pushed her but she knew where her heart wanted to be, and who she wanted to talk to even though they would never be able to speak back to her. Instead, she walked to the park and flopped absentmindedly on a bench oblivious to a young man sitting next to her with a bouquet hanging lazily from his fingers

“Are you aware that you’re bleeding or is that a recent New York fashion” she heard a voice beside her although she wasn’t entirely sure she was the one being spoken to. When she turned, his eyes were fixed on hers though hidden behind sunglasses she wanted to assume he was speaking to her.

“What?” she raised a brow

“Your knees,” he said again and she looked down

“Oh” she simply said faking surprise at how she hadn’t noticed it earlier “Nothing to worry about,” she said hoping he wouldn’t say anything. They managed to sit in silence, while she watched people pass by mostly couples hand in hand, smiling or laughing at the other, faces glowing and showcasing genuine happiness while she felt like an impostor wallowing in self-pity at her inability to find love or even genuine happiness. The gravity of loneliness hit her suddenly and she had to fight internally to keep the tears locked in, to keep her face straight pensive, and not falter at the sight of a young mother kissing her daughter on the head.

“Ever been in love?” she heard the strange man speak and she turned to face him but he stared straight ahead, the flowers still dangling from his hands. When she stayed quiet he turned to look at her 

“Not much of a talker, no?”

“Sorry” she muttered and he sighed

“Take this, looks like you’ve had a shittier day than mine” he offered her the flowers he held, and when she refused to take them he dropped them on the bench beside her, looking relieved to get rid of them.

“Don’t fall in love, it’s a trap”

he said in a mere whisper and then he was gone.