MALIYAH POV
Pagkatapos ng graduation ko the following week nag start na akong mag trabaho, as admin assistant. I only work for four hours, then they let me review for five to six hours a day. Sa loob ng isang linggong pamamahinga ko sa bahay, inasikaso ang therapy ni Ate Maze, magaling na siya pero I just want to make sure lahat ay nakaayos. Sa susunod na pasukan mag enroll na ito.
May Mama, became an alcoholic. Laging wala ito sa bahay pag dating, lasing at nagwawala. Balak din ni Ate na buksan ang pwesto ni Mama sa palengke, ilang linggo na itong sarado. Balak nitong dalhin si Tonton doon at doon nalang alagaan. Since walang pasok si Merleah, kasama ito sa ate.
Si Papa, doon na rin tumitigil sa bukid. Uuwi lang ito sa bahay tuwing maisipan nito. Nalulungkot ako sa mga nangyari sa aming pamilya, alam kong darating ang araw ay maayos ko rin ito. My first week job was challenging from working and reviewing. Wala naman ako masyadong ginagawa kundi admin
MALIYAH POVToday is the last day of the board exam. I want to rest my body and mind from the stress, pressure, and exhaustion of my work, review, and exams.After the exam, Terry and Alexander will go to my exam center and will go back to Cavite together. Miss na miss ko na ang dalawang iyong halos tatlong buwan din kaming puro telepono lang nag kikita via video call, at text sa aming group chat sa messenger. Ang nakatutuwa, kapag hindi ako nag rereply alam na nila na wala ako load dahil nag titipid ako. Alam kong nauunawaan nila ang sitwasiyon ko.Naghihintay ako sa isang bench sa gilid ng aming exam center, may bubong yun kaya hindi masyadong, mainit, ngunit maalinsangan ang panahon. Dinig ko ang mga ingay ng sasakyan sa daan. Nag text narin ako kina Terry at Alexander na tapos na ako sa exam, balak nilang magliwaliw muna kami sa mall bago tuluyan umuwi. Nag babalak din silang dalawa , mag outing kami, after almost three months na hindi
MALIYAH POV As I looked at Alexander's eyes, I saw pity in them. I could hide my pain, but I was wrong. He hugged me. No words need to explain what happened. I don't know him the way I used to. I can't blame him, though. It was his right not to say anything after what I had done to him. It was my fault in the first place. Sino ako para masaktan at mag iinarte ngayon. Ngayon ko lang na-realized na may mga bagay na kailangan unawain. Na hindi lahat ng gusto ng puso mo makukuha mo. Hindi sa lahat ng oras sayo iikot ang mundo taong dating may gusto sayo. Darating ang panahon na, makakalimutan ka rin niya, at may ibang pupuno sa bagay na hindi mo kayang ibigay dati. At ito ang bunga ng mga naging pasya ko noon. Kailangan kong tanggapin yun. Hindi mapigilan ang luha sa mga mata ko. Kanina lang masaya ako. Ngayon, parang pinagsakluban na ako ng langit at lupa sa nakita ko. Pilitin ko man maging masaya ulit ka-plastikan naman yun. "Iinom nalang natin yan mamaya
MALIYAH POVI lost my first kiss on that day. After that, Clint is nowhere to be found. He never contacted me. Lalong gumulo ang mundo ko, hindi ko alam kong ano ang dapat kong maramdaman sa ginawa niya. For me that kiss was everything. Doon ko nasuri na malalim na ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Iyon na ba yung ganti niya sa akin, dahil tinanggihan ko siya. He turned his back on me and never utter any words just to clarify what was that kiss for?Paulit ulit na nagre-replay sa utak ko ang ganitong eksena, pati sa panaginip ko. Minsan, bigla nalang akong natutula dahil nag piplay na naman sa utak ko ang gabing iyon. Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili ko sa tuwing pumapasok ang tagpong iyon sa isip ko. Ngunit hindi ako pwedeng, magpadala sa kong anong nararamdaman ko na wala naman kasiguraduhan. He left just like that, just like what I did, but for me it was so painful. Masakit dahil gusto ng puso ko, kahit gusto kong sundin ang nararamdaman ko, hindi ko magawa dahil sa
MALIYAH POV It’s been two weeks since Doc Clyde visited me and offered me a job. I am still in denial, and I couldn’t believe it. A lot of things have been going on in the last few weeks. My Mama is slowly recovering from trauma and depression. But she still hates Ate Maze, trying to push her away. We visited her last weekend, and there was hate in her eyes. But no words came from her mouth. She was looking at her with pain and resentment. I pity Ate Maze because the way our Mama treated her. I wish nothing but our family to be happy, full of love and respect. Hanggang kelan ko kaya mararanasan ang ganitong problema sa aking pamilya. Hindi ako pwedeng sumuko, sa akin sila kumukuha ng lakas, at pag-asa. I know Ate Maze was unhappy, no matter how hard she try to please our Mama, but no avail. Madalas tinatanong ko ang sarili ko, bakit kailangan maranasan ni Mama ito? Bakit kailangan tratuhin niya na malaking kamalian si Ate. I know how traumatized what ha
MALIYAH POV As I wonder what happened a while ago, I'm alone now in my room. Still, I couldn't process everything after discovering that Clint's children were cutie little angels. How? Is he married? Confusion consumed me. Did he play with my feelings way back then? We met for almost one year based on the kid's age, one year and six months. Means that he knew he was already a father? Am I calculating the timeline and months correctly? Sumakit bigla ang ulo kakaisip sa mga nalaman ko. Maraming mga katanungan ang gumugulo sa isip ko, na hindi ko naman mabigyan ng sagot. Inikot ko ang mga mata ko sa kwarto na pinagamit ni Yaya Mameng sa akin. Hindi ko agad napansin kong gaano ka, kaganda, at kalapad ang kwartong tutuluyan ko mas malaki pa ata ito sa buong bahay namin. The wallpaper was light brown, fully carpeted with brown fur texture. There is a large sunset painting on the wall where the headboard was. The birds flying through it made it a perfect sunset. The
MALIYAH POV My palms are shaking. I saw rage and longing in his deep blue-green eyes. Maya maya naging malamlam iyon, ngunit agad ring nawala. Napalitan ng walang emosyong mga mata, at nagtagis ang mga bagang niyang nakatingin sa akin. “Wa—ter” malat na boses niyang sabi sa akin. Kumuha agad ako ng tubig, dahan-dahan kong inangat ang ulo niya, at inilapit sa bibig niya ang baso para makainom siya. Nang tumigil ito sa pag inom, inilapag ko ang bago sa side table, nakakalahati rin nito ang tubig. “Sir—Sir Clint, do you need anything else?” utal kung tanong sa, diretso kung tinitigan ang kanyang mga mata, sinalubong niya yun ngunit i
MALIYAH POV As I closed the door, tears fell from my eyes. All my bravery was gone. I could feel the excruciating pain in my chest. I punch where my heart is located just to ease the pain, to no avail. I wiped my tears and walked toward the exit. I saw Mang Danilo standing on the hood of the car. As I moved in his direction, he opened the door as soon as he saw me walking. I saw confusion in his eyes, and sadness was visible on his face. "May problema, Ms. Maliyah?" I felt his pity and concern. Walang akong maapuhap na sagot sa kanya. Kundi simpleng tango nalang. Hindi naman ito nagtanong pa ulit. Pero dinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya, ng pumasok na ito sa driver's seat. Ipinikit ko, ang mga mata ko. Para hindi na ulit tumulo ang mga luha ko ngunit kahit anong gawin ko, umalpas pa rin yun. As I wiped my tea
MALIYAH POVA month after that kissing scene, I felt a knife strike me in the chest; that kissing part was like a nightmare that kept on haunting me even in my dreams. Sir Clint was discharged weeks after he woke up. Our working relationship was worse than I thought. He made it complicated and difficult on my part. He was angry every time I was near, but he laughed and enjoyed it even though there was nothing to laugh about. Minsan iniisip ko, nasisiraan na ito dahil sa mga kinikilos niya. Gaya na lang ngayon. Masaya ito pero ang pinapanood naman niya ay action movie, para itong may tama sap ag iisip sa kinikilos niya. Nakatayo ako sa di kalayuan sa kanya kasi gusto niyang magpahinga. Hindi pa sana tapos ang dalawang oras na session namin. Nag rereklamo na agad itong pagod na. Their gym was fully equipped. Lahat ng kailangan mo andoon na.“Ms. Delos Santos, come over here.” Dinig kung utos ni sir Clint. Agad akong lumapit sa bandang gilid niya at tumingin sa mga mata niya. I hid my