Seven

Exelle

Wearing a simple black dress, with an above knee length, and off shouldered cut above, I walk straight inside the restaurant were I then met his gazed.

A lopsided smile formed on my lips covered in matte lipstick.

He, whom I loved way back from the old days but never seen me as a woman and as a wife needed to be loved, is now staring at me with an awe. Wala pa man akong ginagawa, ramdam ko na agad ang iba't ibang matang nakatitig sa akin. Sam told me before that I could make a head turn and I guess she's right. And of course, it made me proud of myself. I'm really proud of myself dahil nakuha ko ang atensyon nang taong noon pa man ay ninanais kong mapasaakin ang atensyon.

Truth be told and it's true that I am head over heels sa asawa ko noon. But in the present day, it's way different.

I mentally laugh. A bitter one.

Bakit?

Kasi if I were my old self, attentions from strangers and a lot of people would be the cause of my death. I really hate attentions. I know. But I suddenly felt amazed on how good it is when it comes from someone you wanted the most, to suffer.

I waved at him but he didn't even respond to my gesture. He didn't even reacted that make me raised an eyebrow and look at him straight. Yet instead, he just kept an eye on me, kaya naman naglakad na ako papunta sa kanya.

"Mr. Alvez..." I called his attention kaya naman napakurap ito ng tuluyan at napatikhim siya ng makita niyang nasa harapan na niya ako.

He stand and moved a chair for me, then gestures me to sit. I thank him and watched him sit back on his chair. Patay malisya naman akong naupo sa upuan na ibinigay nito sa akin. Pero sa totoo lang, I wanna laugh so hard while seeing his expression in front of me.

Parang nung kailan lang noong seryoso siyang naghahamon sakin na aalamin niya na ako talaga ang asawa niya. He's actually trying that hard and threatened me that time. But seeing him now in front of me failed my expectations towards him.

"So, what's the meeting for?" I asked him.

Bumalik sa pagiging seryoso ang mukha nito kaya napangiti ako sa kanya. A smile that only an enemy of mine could receive. He's stiffened on his position like he's about to tell me he's giving up for some reason.

"Actually, it's a dinner." He answered.

So nagsayang lang ako ng oras para dito. I thought he called for a dinner meeting because of a proposal. He wanted to be a partner of EXiellene Royale and be a supplier. Yun ang sabi niya sakin.

"So, you're telling me that this isn't a dinner meeting? But a dinner date?" I ask him as I snicker.

He just shrugged and give a gesture to the waiter who was waiting not that far from our table. Umalis naman ito kaagad at pumasok sa isang pinto na siguro'y papunta sa kusina ng resto.

"I'm just kidding. I have my proposal here with me. But of course, before that, we should have our dinner first." He said with a smile.

I mentally rolled an eye.

I may sound like annoyed but the truth is, I am really annoyed with him. He even dared to smile in front of me na dati naman ay hindi niya kayang gawin sa akin. If I know naman, he's just using this business to had a dinner with me.

I'm not assuming na ganon ang gusto niyang mangyari pero ramdam ko na he's trying to caught me for some reason.

Maybe gusto niyang malaman na ako talaga si Xiellenna. Pero hindi ako tulad ng dati na tatanga-tanga. I won't let my guards down. It's either yun talaga ang intensyon niya o hindi.

"Well, we're wasting time. We should move on to your proposal while we wait for the food. We both know that we're both busy in our business, right Mr. Alvez?" I told him na nagpawala sa nakakairita niyang ngiti.

Actually, dati naman hindi ko talagang gusto na gantihan sila. But knowing that we were being played by this darn freaking thing called fate, I suddenly realized na nakakairita at nakakainis ang makita silang muli.

I told myself before that I'll never show myself in front of them and won't let them know that I am the old person they used to know from the past. But I can't even dare to keep my words lalo na nung malaman ko ang buong katotohanan sa mga pinaggagagawa nila nuon sa akin.

And take note Exelle, they lured you to hell and stab you from the back for a thousand times.

Revenge can either give me damn heartaches after doing it or a monster of conscience that would eat me alive as long as live. Pero hindi na yun ang iniisip ko.

I already planned doing it and now, there's no reason to back out.

.

"Since I've already approved it before and now we're finished with the contract signing, I guess I'll be having this dinner after all with you, Mr. Alvez." I told him before I took a sipped of wine on my wine glass.

"Thank you for spending your time with me, Ms. Kim. I'm really glad to work with EXiellene Royale, and especially with you." He said before flashing a reassuring smile in front of me.

Well, unfortunately, I don't really like to spend my time like this with him. So, more likely, I am lending my time to him. 

I really wanted to rolled an eye but I gather enough of myself para mapigilan ko ito. I actually felt bad about working with him but I guess it's also one of the way to get closer to him. Because the closer I am to my enemy, the easier it will be to take my step for a revenge.

I smile at him for a countless times just to make sure to make him fall for my trap. It's for the number 3 in my Revenge 101 note.

Sakto naman na dumating na ang mga pagkain at inilapag ito sa mesa namin.

"Let's eat?" He said na tinanguan ko lang bago ako magsimula sa pagkain ko.

I never even had a face to face dinner with Hans before. If I could still remember, a dinner with him will lead me to a torture. Ni minsan din ay hindi niya ako inaya nuon na kumain kasabay siya o kumain man lang sa labas. I knew that we were married by forced but it doesn't change the fact that we were married and its legal. And that forced marriage between the two of us, lead to our very complicated and a hell like living marriage life.

Well, for me it's hell. But because I'm a naive and an idiot to love my husband with all my heart, I didn't bother to call it living in a fiery hell. I'm a fuckin' martyr and now I realized how I hate myself for being weak.

"I heard you aren't married and been living alone all these years." He started talking na nagpagising sa aking pagmumuni muni.

"Yeah." Tipid na sagot ko sa kanyang sinabi, though its not a question and more likely a statement to begin with.

"You don't have a family? You're parents?" He asked me na nagpatigil saglit sa ginagawa ko sa pagkain ko.

My parents? My family?

They were long, long gone. They leave me to you remember?

I really wanted to tell him about it pero hindi ko sinabi dahil mahuhuli niya lang ako at hindi ako si tanga na gagawin yun.

"My parents were gone since I started college. Because of an accident." Yet, I thought it's not an accident. The weird feeling of being aware that it might not be an accident, really fears me.

Tumango lamang ito na para bang alam niya na ang tungkol dito.

"Car accident?" He ask me again.

Yes. A car accident. "No. It's a fire accident in Florida." Sagot ko sa kanya saka ko siya tipid na nginitian.

Mukha naman siyang hindi naniwala sa sinabi ko kaya naman umarte ako akong nalulungkot dahil sa nangyari. Bigla kasing kumunot ang noo nito na para bang naconfuse siya sa sinabi ko.

Of course I'm not a dumb to tell him that Mom and Dad died in a car accident. Kapag sinabi ko sa kanya na yun ang totoo, there's a big chance for him na maghinala siya sa akin.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have ask you." He apologized nang makita hindi ako nagbibiro.

I'm not joking about my parents accident. Because it really happened though I believed that it wasn't just an accident. I just change the situation from car accident to a fire accident in Florida.

"It's okay." Sabi ko lang sa kanya bago ko isubo ang isang hiwa ng karne sa aking bibig.

Nasa gitna kami ng pag-uusap ng bigla akong makaramdam ng pangangati sa lalamunan ko. Napahaplos ako bigla sa leeg ko while repeatedly massaging it. I also felt my temple na nagpawis and my hands began to shake. Para ding may kung anong bagay ang bumara sa lalamunan ko and I guess dahil sa kating nararamdaman ko sa loob nito.

Shit. No way.

I remember the last time this happened to me ay nuong nakakain ako ng pagkain na may olives. At tulad ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, ay tulad din ng naramdaman ko nuon.

Darn allergy.

"Are you okay?" Napatingin ako kay Hans na mukhang nag-aalala.

I don't even know if matutuwa ba ako sa kanya o paghihinalaan siya pero napatigil ako sa pag-iisip ng kung ano-ano nang bigla kong naramdaman ang panghihina ng katawan ko, dahilan para mabitawan ko ang hawak kong tinidor at mahulog ito sa plato ko. Nahagip rin ng kamay ko ang baso ng wine na nasa harapan ko causing a it to fell on the floor and break into pieces.

I can't feel anything all of the sudden. My sight went blurred, kaya wala sa sariling napatayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko but my legs went jelly and then I felt my body becomes heavier that cause me to lose my balance and ready to fall on the floor.

I can't understand anything from Hans na kanina pa nagsasalita. My sight were blurred but I could still see his face worrying.

Wala na rin akong naririnig na ibang ingay kahit alam kong maraming tao sa paligid namin. Everything becomes void. Everything becomes numb.

All I could hear was my heavy breath and all I could feel was  the fast beat of my heart.

And before I could even think about moving and tries to grab something para makatayo, but then I felt sleepy all of the sudden saka ako nilamon ng dilim.

***

"I-I.... I have an allergy with olives. I just cook all of these for your dinner." I told him pero ramdam ko pa rin ang nerbiyos dahil sa mga titig na ibinibigay niya sa akin.

I could feel my feet trembling on my stand. Para akong isang bata na takot na takot makagawa ng mali sa harapan ng kanyang magulang. Kahit na magsalita ng malaya ay hindi ko magawa dahil sa takot. I feel like worst than deaf being not able to talk.

"I don't fvckin' care if you have an allergies or what! All I want is ubusin mo ang lahat ng nakahain sa mesang yan! I already told you that I hate messing with money and cook too much food if it's all useless!" He yelled at me like I wasn't here in front of him. Na para bang malayo ako sa kanya at kailangan niya pang sumigaw para marinig ko siya.

"You useless bitch!" He yelled again but this time, his hands hit my face causing me to stumble on the floor. Hindi pa siya nakuntento at binigyan niya pa ako ng dalawang tadyak sa tagiliran ko causing me to cry in pain but my eyes and mouth refused to do a single sound.

Napakagat ako sa labi para maiwasan ko ang gumawa ng ingay sa paghikbi.

I didn't move on the floor. If this is my fate with my husband then I must accept this crazy thing called fate. I know, like what Sam always told me, I must be crazy and an idiot to believe in this crazy fate like hell. But I don't care. I love Hans and I'll do everything for him even if I have to die in his hands.

Such a dumb martyr. I know.

"Uupo ka lang dyan!? Fuck with this life! You're useless and everything less! Napakatanga mo talaga!" He started cursing me just like everyday that passed.

He really hates me, samantalang ako naman ay head over heels sa kanya.

"Tumayo ka na dyang hayop ka at kainin mo ang inihain mong mga b****a!" Galit na utos nito sa akin bago siya tuluyang mawala sa harapan ko.

Nang matiyak kong wala na siya, tuluyan nang umagos ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilang lumabas. Almost every hour in each day, I always feel helpless and all I could do is to cry helplessly.

Kaya naman kahit na masakit ang katawan ko, tumayo pa rin ako at iika ikang nagpunta sa dining table kung saan naroroon ang mga iniluto kong pagkain para sana sa asawa ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ayaw niyang kainin ngayon ang mga luto ko pero kahit gusto kong alamin, wala pa rin naman akong malalaman mula sa kanya.

I don't have my freedom in this house. In which, according to my friends, this house was like a real-life fiery pit of hell.

Napailing ako bago maupo sa upuan at harapin ang pagkain sa mesa.

Olives.

I have a serious allergy with this. If I just knew that hindi niya ito kakainin at sa akin niya ito ipapakain, sana hindi na lang ako naglagay ng olives sa pagkain na iniluto ko.

But I have no choice.

It's either I'll be in hell mamaya kapag hindi ko ito kinain or I'll be dead as hell kung kakainin ko ito. I have two choices yet it both has an ugly result in the end.

And I choose the second one.

I took a spoon of the rice and ate it together with the steak na mayroong sauce with olives. And as continue eating, maya't maya na ang pangangati ng lalamunan ko. Nanginginig na rin ang mga kamay ko at paunti-unti nang nawawalan ang hangin na pumapasok at lumalabas sa katawan ko.

This is suicide. And I knew it from the start.

***

Pawisan akong napaupo sa kinahihigaan ko and I took a grip of my cloth above my chest. I could feel the rapid beat of my heart and sounds like a stomping feet of horses on a race.

Hinahabol ang hininga rin akong napahawak sa sentido ko at saka ito hinilot.

Those damn memories were my freaking nightmares. And the more I took a step closer to those people who makes me suffer, the more vivid my memories and appears to be my nightmares everytime I fall asleep.

Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit lagi kong napapanaginipan ang mga iyon. I even thought I already forgot about those bad and dirty memories but the hell it wouldn't leave me alone.

"You're awake. I'm glad you're awake."

Napalingon ako sa pingmulan ng kung sino mang nagsalita and then I saw him standing firmly at the doorstep of the room.

"You're awake. I wish you didn't wake up anymore."

Umalingawngaw sa tainga ko ang malamig na boses niya kaya napatakip ako ng sarili kong mga tainga. His creepy voice that lingers inside my memories is too much to torture me. What more to see him standing face to face inside my dreams? It's all a freaking nightmare.

"Shit! Xiellenna, what's happening? Are you okay?" Suddenly ask me. His voice has a touch of worrying but I'll never fall for that trap.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng mga brasong pumulupot sa akin. At first I felt comfortable all of the sudden inside his arms, pero nang makilala ko ang amoy nito at makita ko siya ng harapan ng nilingon ko ang mukha nito, a sudden fear creep inside me kaya naman agad ko siyang naitulak palayo sa akin.

I knew it was him. It was Hans. Because his scent was still alive in my memories at hindi ko akalain na ganun pa rin ang amoy ng pabango nito. And I almost forget about it.

Nagtataka akong napatingin sa kanya kaya nagpalinga-linga ako and I checked the whole room. This room isn't mine.

"Nasa condo kita. Nawalan ka kasi ng malay kagabi sa resto and I thought you just only faint and lost your consciousness kaya dito na kita dinala. But when I saw that you couldn't breath properly and kept on sweating, I call my personal doctor to check on you. Sorry if I couldn't take you to the hospital." He started explaining to me what happened last night.

"I fainted last night? How and wh--" I started to ask him but then paused in the end when I remember why.

The olives in the food.

Nang matandaan ko ito, napatingin ako bigla kay Hans na ngayon ay nakatingin din sa akin. Seryoso na itong nakatingin sa mukha ko kaya bigla akong naputulan ng dila para magsalita. I just gave him a hint.

"You have an allergy with olives. Just as what I thought you have, Xiellenna." His cold voice started to creep again making my skin felt like electrified.

"I told you I'm not Xiellenna, Mr. Alvez." Matigas na sabi ko sa kanya pero nginitian niya lang ako.

I felt nervous after seeing him smile. After those horrible nightmares and waking up to escape from it, here I am in front of the person who gave me those nightmares. Kaya naman wala akong mahagilap na lakas para labanan siya ngayon.

"You can't fool me, wife." He said again and it sounds like he won in the game he started.

Of course mahuhuli niya ako, but it doesn't mean that I can't deny it.

"Mr. Alvez, I'm not your wife. And isn't it obvious and does it make sense that your wife isn't the only person in this world who has an allergy with olives. It's not like, she's the only one Mr. Alvez." I then started to came up with an excuse kaya matalim na titig ang isinukli ko sa nakakairita niyang mukha.

I do still feel the fear, but it doesn't mean that I can't fight back with his stares. I really hate him to the point na matabunan bigla kahit kokonti lang ang takot ko sa kanya. I can still feel the nightmares creeping inside my limbs and it weakens me, but I have to fight it back.

I need to.

"And anyways, I thank you for helping me last night. But I had to go." I told him and jump off the bed leaving him sitting on its edge.

Pero bago pa man ako makalabas ng kwarto, a hand suddenly grabbed me back inside. Hindi ko na ito napigilan dahil naramdama ko ang biglang paglapat ng likuran ko sa dingding ng kwarto.

Cornering me with his arms on the wall, napatitig lang ako sa mukha niya dahil sa gulat.

"What the hell! Let go of me!" I yelled at him dahil sa inis at gulat saka siya puwersahang itinulak pero mas nanaig ang lakas niya kaya nanatili pa rin kami sa posisyon namin.

"You can't go anywhere Xiellenna. I know it's you. I know that you're my fvckin' wife!" He yelled back at me kaya natigilan ako.

Para akong hinila bigla sa mga panahong sinisigawan niya ako. Kaya bigla akong nanghina. I felt weak when I remember him yelling at just like what he did kanina.

"I'm, I-I am not. I-I'm not your wife, Hans." Mahinang sagot ko lang sa kanya pero sa baba na ang tingin ko.

"You're my wife. And I can proved it to you." Matigas na sabi nito sa akin.

Pero nabigla ako ng bigla niyang ibaba ang damit ko dahilan para mahubaran ako, leaving only my garments as my cloth. I hugged myself trying to cover what I have to cover, but its still useless.

"W-what the hel--" natigilan ulit ako ng mas lumapit siya sa halos hubad kong katawan. Halos maglapat ang katawan namin and I could feel the cold wall on my bare skin at the back.

"You have this scar on your waist. The scar that I cause when I hurt you with a hot iron." He said whispering on the side of my head.

His breath was heavier but it can't be as heavier with mine before pero parang natigilan ako sa paghinga ng sabihin niya ito.

"I remember it all, Xiellenna."

No way. Am I being caught? No please.