CHAPTER 4

Despite my loneliness, I still forced myself to prepare a dinner date when the night came, hoping that he'll celebrate with me on this special day.

After decorating the kitchen, I decided then to go upstairs to change my clothes. Somehow, I felt a little excitement as I look for a dress.

I chose a pinkish above the knee tube dress and carried it to the bathroom. I took a shower and fixed myself after. I put some more powder on my face and a little pigment of liptint on my lips before I moved quickly when I heard the engine of Valjerome's car.

I may feel so nervous, but I couldn't help to laugh, thinking that we still lasted this long despite the way he treated me.

I walked over to my window and watched him arrived. My remaining delight was erased instantly the moment he got out of his car with a woman hugging him. I bit my lip as they started kissing as if they were the only person around. I held my chest and tightly closed my eyes as my tears fell.

"H-Happy anniversary..." I whispered and hurriedly walk towards my bed.

I lied down and let my tears flowed. I cried over my pillow and silently asked myself why.

Why can't he love me back?

Why don’t he try loving me?

I remained in that situation until I decided to leave the room. I was walking silently on the hallway until I stopped at Valjerome's room. I smiled bitterly as I thought of the scene happening inside. Instead of staying in front of his door I continued walking until I made it downstairs. Even though the scattered staff didn't pay attention to me, I knew that their pity for me was there.

"Hija," there was sympathy in Manang's voice the moment she approached me.

I forced myself to smile. "Has he eaten?" I strained to stabilize my voice.

Manang shook her head slowly. "They immediately went to his room. He didn't even notice the surprise you prepared for him," she said. "Do you want me to call him and tell to go down?"

I shook my head quickly. "No. It was better that he didn't even see me because...I’ll still be embarrassed in the end," I sobbed.

Manang took a deep breath and then hugged me. "Just break up with him, dear," she whispered.

I slowly shook my head and bit my lower lip to suppress my tears.

I still can. I can still handle it.

I let go of Manang’s arms and smiled. "You can go to sleep. I'll take care of the kitchen. I'll just drink a little to make myself to bed.

She looked at me softly and caressed my face. "I am just here, hija."

I nodded slowly in understanding of what she said.

Like I said, I took care of cleaning the kitchen. I put the leftovers in the containers while I gave some of the foods to Valjerome’s men. After that I went to the mini bar counter of the house and poured myself a wine.

I started drinking as I let myself drowned on my own thoughts. I remembered the times we pretended to love each other in front of other people because that was the only memory, I could say, was happy throughout our togetherness. I was already on my third bottle of wine when I smelled Valjerome’s familiar scent. With my sleepy eyes, I turned to him as he sat in the high chair next to me.

"You should sleep. You've already drank a lot," he said coldly while staring at me.

I scoffed and laughed sarcastically. "As if you do care, Valjerome," I shook my head and then poured the wine into my glass.

"Enough, Jazzie," he said sternly while holding my hand to get the glass from me.

I stared at his hand and chuckled painfully. "Now you're holding me," I said in amazement and sadness before looking up at him.

My eyes began to tear up as I looked at his eyes. "Why? Why don't you just take me with you, Valjerome? Why do not have sex with me instead? I can also give you what they give you. I can fill your needs as a man so why not me?” I shouted resentfully and finally burst into tears.

He did not move from his position. He just let me cry and talk all by myself.

"I love you. I do love you! We are already married, but why do you have to treat me like this? Did I do something wrong to you? Have I sinned in order for you to punish me like this?" I tried to hit him in the chest but due to drunkenness, I just stoop low.

I cried hard to let him know my pain. He did not speak. Instead, he gently wrapped his hand around me in support.

"I'll bring you to your room," he said hoarsely as I felt him caressing my hair.

I didn't say a word and just quietly sobbed into his chest. We stayed like that for a few minutes until he carefully lifted me up. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes as he started walking.

"Can you stay with me for tonight?" I murmured, still not opening my eyes.

I no longer expected him to grant my request. I knew he'll object, but I still want to try.

He didn't answer my question until I felt him tucking me in my bed. I didn't even try to open my eyes and just hugged my pillow sideways. Waiting to cry again once he left the room.

I held my breath as the other side of my bed sank. I slowly open my eyes and looked around when he spoke immediately.

"Just sleep, Jazzie. Do not ever dare to look back," he said lazily with his bedroom voice.

I blinked a few times as I properly laid back to my position.

"Rest now, Jazzie, or else I'll leave this fvcking room," he warned.

I instantly closed my eyes. Despite of the pain and frustration I have felt, I still couldn’t help but rejoice in the little time he had given me.

"Goodnight, hubby..." I whispered unconsciously before I finally fell into dreaming.

The next morning I woke up with a throbbing head and a broken heart as I saw an empty space beside me.

Yeah, right. Everything will always be the same.