CHAPTER SIX

The weather was that of a odd looking one today. A sunny afternoon also cool at the same time. The breeze blew through the windows of the classroom and I held onto my book to keep it from turning from the page I was.

A peaceful weather, a total illustration of Timi.

Timi, a distraction I had let get to me unconsciously. Raising my foot over the other, I made a decision. A decision I should have made sooner than later.

   I think I let myself get a carried away a little. 

Timi doesn't need a murderer in his life. In fact, no one needs a murderer in their lives.

Just go ahead and end your pathetic life.

   "Hey, Temi." I focused my gaze on Sarah who was standing in front of me, hands akimbo and a odd looking expression gracing her face.

"Hey, girl. How are you?"I wasn't in the mood to lie so I managed to give her a small but sincere smile. 

Sarah gave  me a large grin and leaned down to whisper in my ear, "I finally told tunji I'll date him. "

"It's a lie, swear." I said, disbelief in my tone and a wide grin beginning to spread on my face.

Tunji, a guy I barely talked to but had exchanged a few words with on several occasions had been asking Sarah out for as long as I could remember. I think he had even harbored his feelings for a long time before finally having the balls to express himself.

"So? what inspired you to accept?" I asked her in a fit of giggles.

Why am I giggling now? 

"I don't even know oo. I guess he just charmed his way into my heart." Her face had this lovestruck look on it and for a moment, I could say it represented love.

Love, something i could never get even if I wanted.

"By the way, I saw Timi on my way here."

Sarah added, seeming to snap out of reverie.

"So? why are you na telling me? I gave her one  of my cold glares because she just reminded me of something I wanted to stop thinking about.

"Ah, sorry oo." Sarah mumbled. She then turned to me gauging my mood and trying to figure me out.

"Are you okay?" She finally asked.

I put on a convincing face, smiled at her, and nodded my head in positive reassurance.

"Emergency assembly. Emergency assembly."

Mr Onko the civic teacher, known as the the principal's dog to the students ran into the classroom like he was being pursued by a hungry lion.

"Oh, God! this man is annoying." Sarah mumbled,  not even trying to hide her annoyance as the man's eyes zoned in on her.

     Then, like a star that commands all attention, Timi walked into the class, looking raking his eyes all over, looking like a lost person.

He definitely doesn't look lost. 

Finally, it seemed he found what or WHO he was looking for because he grinned widely at the person which to be precise was me. 

Oh God! He's such a fine specimen.

"Hey, Temi—he regarded me as he got to where  I was seated" "let me sit next to you." 

I raised a questioning brow at him and he seemed to understand as he explained,

"The principal asked all ss3's to gather in your class instead of going to the assembly hall."

"Okay," I replied simply.

"Temi look..." he started but I interrupted him before he could finish his sentence,

"See Timi,"  just focus on whatever you came to do here. 

"Okay." He said and had his seat beside me.

   Few minutes after the principal started his speech, I twisted my head and turned to look at Timi only to realize he already had his gaze on me, making me blink away and resisting the urge to cover my face with my hands.

And then, like a switch, my emotions changed and I got angry. Why do I have this reaction? I shouldn't be feeling this way with anyone especially not him.

Murderers don't get to feel this way.

     The principal finally took his leave after saying some shits about how hostel was compulsory for all ss3  students and that students should have started preparations for the upcoming exams.

   "So, Temi" Timi began and I didn't know if it was the frustration that had been weighing on my shoulders but I lost it.

"Oh for Christ's sake why can't you leave my life alone—?" I practically yelled

"Temi this, Temi that, must  you always breathe on my neck? You  know what?I'm sick and tired of you, always following and disturbing me around like a lost puppy.Don't you get the hint? I don't like you and I never will, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get the fuck over it."

I don't mean that, I really didn't.

He gazed at me, lost of words and then his  expression hardened. Looking at me with cold expression which had never been like that before, he replied,

"I'm sorry if you ever felt I was like a lost puppy who wouldn't leave you alone. I just taught you were special, cool and different from the other girls. I guess I was wrong." He said that and walked past me. But then he stopped,

"For 3 years, I pursued you, always trying to get your attention—"He looked embarrassed as he removed his gaze from mine for a second.

"Even if you wanted to reject me, it shouldn't have been this humiliating." He turned away and walked out of the class.

   I turned to look at my environment and I wasn't moved when I saw some girls, probably the We are fans of Timi geng, glaring at me, while some just stood, gaping at me and trying to understand why I would shun down the Almighty Timi.

"What?" Sarah practically yelled at them and that seemed to snap them out of the thunderbolt they were in and their brains which had gone on a journey began to function, because whispers flee by,

She's so mean,

Poor boy, I think he really liked her,

This should be a wake up call to Timi,

Bitch,

Omo this girl savage. 

I couldn't bear the insults, I just couldn't so I ran out of the class with Sarah hot on my heels.

What I did was right.What I did was right. I tried to convince myself as I felt a tear drop from my eyes.

But why does if  feel so wrong?

I have survived day three post Timi, the weekend had without anything meaningful happening and I could almost groan as today was also Monday. I had visited my therapist during the weekend and it had been a welcome distraction.

     I kept on thinking, If only I was normal. 

If only that morning I had just remained, content with staying home.If only I could turn back the hands of time, but the deed had been done and there was no one I could punch but myself.

     Friday had been a bad  day for me.Everyone had gone to being normal but that didn't stop me from receiving the look.

The same look I had once received 

    The first time Timi actually admitted to liking me was when we were in jss3. That day, Dana, the bitch of the class then had coerced everyone to join a game of truth or dare. As usual, me being the low-key one refused to take part resulting to being laughed at and called a prude.

     Timi, who at that time I hated very much had confidently answered TRUTH it got to his turn during the game. Dana, who at that time had a not so secret huge crush on Timi had gingerly asked him who he liked. For some reason, I was also eager to know. 

   "Temiloluwa." he had stated making me wonder if there was another Temi in the class. Everyone, including I were so stunned. Their gazed had turned to me and I could read ther initial thoughts of,how can he like her?

  He was handsome, carefree unlike me who was just so........Plain. 

  Ever since that time, Timi started to disturb me. I hated him still. Or at least I thought I did. 

    A particular day, while we were in senior secondary school one, he had ended up sitting next to me during one of our school meeting. 

   I don't know how, but we clicked. We talked about a lot of things and I was starting to look at him in a different light. But then, he said something.

Murderes are not allowed to live.

  Although, we were talking about a movie, those words hit me deeply. 

Is that how he would feel when he learns about me? 

    Those words rang in my head like a bell being rung continuously.I was still trying to heal the memories and that just seemed to happen?And so, i shut him out. For a session and the half I ignored him. 

   

   Adjusting myself on locker I had positioned myself on before going down my memory lane, I looked outside focusing my gaze on the sky.

  The cloud. Sometimes I wished I was like the sky. Far up, where no one could reach. A place where I wouldn't have to deal with pathetic people and the guilt I havebeen carrying for years. 

"Temi." Sarah's recognizable voice snapped me involuntarily out of my thoughts.

  "Sarah, how are you? " i questioned,

"I'm fine. Are you?" she replied giving me a concerned look. 

"Yes I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I gave her a reassuring smile.

   "Oh I don't know, maybe because you look like a mother who lost all her kids to a child eating monster". 

    And just like that, she managed to lift up my sullen mood. 

    "Oh! Sarah.you are a fool!" I let out in between chuckles.

     I think she knew she had succeeded in cheering me up because her shoulders sagged and she hit my head playfully.

     "Hello guys, The principal has passed an important information." Someone's voice resounded throughout the whole class.

It will not pass hostel. 

    "We are we are waiting for the remaining students to arrive."

   I cast a glance at the entrance of the class, just to see Timi set foot into the class, commanding the crowd like he always did. I stared at him till he swaggered past me without even sparing me a glance.

  He seemed cool and collected, not a single reaction or expression to know what he was thinking. His so called best friend, Kora abi what's her name cat walked after him.

   In all,  we were all to resume hostel the following week and to get the necessities needed for a boarding house.

  After the meeting, I tried walking up to Timi, and apologize but i stopped short. After all, I had been the one that asked him, no yelled at him to let me be.

   He got up from his seat  after giving a quick peck on the cheeks to Kora. It was so quick, I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't have my attention on him but I caught him cast a quick glance at me as he walked away.

Without thinking, it's I stood up and walked after him. Yes, I'm going to talk to him. Yes, I would do that. I was almost in front of him when I chickened out and swiftly passed passed beside him like I was going out of the class. 

God, this is harder than I expected.

    I came out of the class, and stood in the empty hallway, basking in the the breeze that flowed in an alignment. If I hadn't said all those things, I would only have to focus on my internal emotions. But now, I'm beginning to go crazy each morning, each passing day I remember what I said to him.

My life sucks. 

   I leaned against the railings, hands on top of the other as I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale. And suddenly, I felt another's present and the ever tempting cologne. I revolved my head, just a little bit and there he stood in all of his glory. He was all alone with not girl dangling in his arms or marking territories.

   He stood there, looking at me. His eyes so intent on me I had to straighten to my full form. He repositioned himself, resting his full weight on his right leg as he put his hands akimbo an expectant look breezing though his face. He is expectant?

   But for what?  My brain finally began functioning as I decided to use the situation as a good time to apologize. I took in a deep breath, raised my head but stopped short as I closed my gaze on him. I stood there, immobile like a fool, trying to remember what I had organized in my jumbled brain to voice out.

   And so, we stood there staring at each other. Only focus on one another as every other thing dwindled leaving only him and I in whatever trance I was in. We goggled at one another some more before a bizarre look traversed his face.

   He walked forward, slow steps calculated and collected his regard still intent on me. I grasped in my breath as he extended in front of me, only for him to brush past me the same way I had formerly done minutes.

Oh no he won’t do that.

   Frantic, I swiftly made a grab at his hand. I still don’t realize what came over me don't but I pulled him to me, not just pulled but I annexed our body and tugged him towards him, hugging him. HARD. 

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?