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Chapter 75
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2021-08-06 12:34:01My mom had to stop by the front desk again before we could leave and I thought about everything that we talked about during our session. I thought about all that Dr. Brown said and I wondered about the word ‘high functioning anxiety’ and her explanation of the possible suicidal tendencies. We went to the pharmacy as my mom put in the order for the medication prescription and I walked around the store trying to distract myself while we waited. I came across a large three-section notebook and I reached out to grab it to take it with me. After some time, we finally left the store and while we sat in the car my mom was looking over the new medication that was prescribed: Benzodiazepines.
“I don’t think I’ve heard of this word before…” she mumbled.
I reached for my phone and googled the medicine. “It says it's to relax and ease chronic anxiety disorder… Side effects can be dizziness, headaches, and nausea.” I rea
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Elliot stayed for another hour after dinner as we sat in the living room with my mom as he told her about his volleyball game that’s coming up and the plan for the hang-out on Saturday. For a second, I could see the concern on her face as we talked about our plans and I had to reassure her. I feel like I’ve been using that excuse far too often that I’m not sure she’ll believe it anymore but she was more at ease knowing that Elliot will be there and I’m honestly fine if my mom has more trust with Elliot compared to me at this point. I’ve felt a bit more at ease with how I’ve been feeling and I’m trying not to be worried about anything else that could set me back.“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning,” Elliot said as I walked him to his car.“Let’s buy breakfast and pick up Luis on our way to school,” I suggested.Elliot raised an eyebrow, “You want to?”I nod, &ld
Last Updated : 2021-08-06Don't Touch Chapter 77
During the rest of the class period, the teacher had everyone group together to work on the project so I just sat with Jennifer and Karen while they worked together while I was on my own trying to catch up on the two-day missing work assignments. Elliot only stopped by when Jennifer had a question since he’s the student-aid and stuck around for a bit longer until he was called to another table. I watched him for a second before going back to my work and once class was over it felt like I was caught up with my assignments before turning in the work. Elliot had to stay behind so I went ahead to my next class and the rest of that period was a lot quieter because we were doing a lot of reading questionnaires as we prepared for a quiz on Friday. By lunch, I waited for Elliot at the usual spot by the library and we walked together to get in line; where we also ran into Brian. We all made our way to the table and I looked over at my meal as I still wasn’t so hungry after our br
Last Updated : 2021-08-13Don't Touch Chapter 78
Elliot grabbed his backpack before we started making our way outside and accidentally surprised the librarian as she was about to enter her office by the front desk when she spotted us. We left the empty parking lot, seeing that we left the school a lot later than planned, and I walked into my house after he dropped me off. My mom was already home cooking dinner, I guess she was serious when she said that she was going to change her work hours, and while she was busy I finished the rest of my homework for my other classes. We sat together once dinner was ready, spending the rest of the night talking about school and how everything was going before leaving my room to prepare myself to go to bed.I was using the notebook to mark every time I took my medicine, and I continued the same routine the next day, but I was by myself waiting for my mom to pick me up since Elliot’s game is at another school today. Saturday arrived, I was sitting in the living room writing on the no
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The restaurant was a bit crowded when we arrived so we had to wait to be called once a table was available and we did have a large group, but it took almost fifteen minutes for us to sit at a long table. The menu had a variety of platters to choose from and we each took turns ordering after some time as we looked over the menu. I slowly reached a hand to grab Elliot’s from under the table seeing everyone was distracted and slightly moved my chair a little closer to him as he gave me a small smile.“Okay, you guys, I say we have a bonfire next time we hand out,” Fernando said, calling everyone's attention.“That would be awesome! We can all go swimming, toast some marshmallows, and sit by the ocean.” Jennifer said, smiling at the idea.I’ve never gone to a bonfire, I wanted to say, but there were still many things that I’ve never done before like today for example.“We have to go early to make sure we have a
Last Updated : 2021-08-20Don't Touch Chapter 80
By morning, I was ready by the time Elliot came by to pick me up and we stopped to grab drinks before going to school. Elliot got himself an iced coffee while I got orange juice, our usual drinks, it was comforting being able to start our day like this. The entire ride to school, I pulled out my notebook as I pick a few of the pages reading them to Elliot and it’s been slightly embarrassing having to read out loud to him about the things that I have been thinking or feeling, but at the same time, he has always been understanding about the challenges I go through. This is the third time that I’ve read to him and I’m still debating on reading it to my mom, but I haven’t had the courage to and we sat in the car as I finished reading. I can see Elliot watching me after he parked and was cuddling his drink as he listened.“Can you read about Saturday?” he asked me.I glanced at him before looking away, “Right now?” I asked.
Last Updated : 2021-08-20Don't Touch Chapter 81
We ended the conversation there and I got out of the car ending the evening there then spent my time with my mom. The rest of the week went so fast until Thursday arrived and I had my appointment to see Dr. Brown. Mom was waiting for me once school was over and Luis was the one that walked me over since Elliot had to stay behind for practice. We made our way to the hospital and I still feel nervous just being in the building even though I know I was only going to see her for an hour. I made my way to her office after being called and noticed the room filled with a bit more plants compared to the last appointment.“Michael, how are you doing?” She asked as she saw me sitting at the same spot from the first visit.“Good,” I answered as I looked at her. “I’ve been doing better since last week.”“You do look better. Have you had any other episodes or anxiety attacks since?” Dr. Brown asked me.“No, n
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The game started with Elliot being on the court in a starting position and I watched quietly while everyone around me was cheering the team. Jennifer and Karen left for a while to buy snacks and a few drinks to share with everyone. A few times they kept cheering for Elliot that he looked over at us and by the end of the first match, our school was winning. I ate some chips that they brought and when the game ended everyone started leaving while I stayed behind waiting for Elliot. His team won and they grouped for a while as the coach gave them a speech until they could finally disperse.“Hey, where’s everyone?” He asked, noticing that I was alone.“They all left. I don’t think they had plans to hang out today.”“And what are you going to do?”“Nothing for tonight. Dad couldn’t visit today so I’m going to see him tomorrow and Sunday.” I tell him as we walk towards the parking lot.
Last Updated : 2021-08-28Don't Touch Chapter 83
I stayed in my room after I had gotten ready and spent my time watching videos on my phone until my mom called me when we were ready to leave the house. It was quiet between us during the car ride until we reached the beach and we walked towards the pier after we found parking.It wasn’t so difficult to spot Dad with Lily as they walked over to us and we all treated each other while I gave Lily a hug then we took our time walking around. The only ones talking were my mom and Lily while Dad didn’t have much to say in the conversation, and neither did I, but it wasn't like the silence was a bother. We stopped at the little shops before coming across the diner that I mentioned and we made our way inside to eat. They were looking over the menu, pondering, while I got my usual and they would ask me for recommendations since I invited them to this restaurant. We had a decent conversation over dinner and after we continued on exploring the pier until it was time for Dad
Last Updated : 2021-08-28
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Don't Touch Chapter 18 [4-4]
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [3-4]
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [2-4]
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [1-4]
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [3-3]
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [2-3]
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [1-3]
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [4-4]
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [3-4]
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked
