Making my way to school, I took my time walking and I wasn’t in a rush to start my day, but I knew that I had to get through by taking on everything from my mom's business trip to the conversation I started with Elliot. Elliot was waiting at the front building as he said and we both walked together to our classroom. It was quiet between us, but I’m sure Elliot was being cautious around me or maybe he just wasn’t too sure what to say after our many discussions from yesterday. I still wasn’t feeling well enough to continue the conversation honestly, but I don’t think there was more to discuss besides the conversation of what my mom would do this weekend.
During lunch, I spent my time in the library and during gym class I kept myself distracted as I’m walking around the track until I had to go home. Elliot was occupied with his volleyball team and I glanced over at Luis who waved at me from the distance; which I waved back to be kind. Once I w
I waved at him as I watched him leave before going inside and as promised I took medicine then spent my time doing homework until I heard the door open seeing my mom come in. I watched her enter the house and I checked the time before turning back to her.“You’re home early again,” I said.“Yeah, just things are a little slow at work,” she said as she walks over at me to touch my face before leaning in to kiss my cheek. “Have you eaten yet?”“No,” I answered as I looked at her. “Are you just coming home early to check on me?”She turned to me as she was walking about to walk to the kitchen, “No, I’m not. I just had less work.”“Really?” I asked her. “I know Elliot told you about what happened at school…”“He did…” she said, glancing down before turning back to me. “You should have told me that it was bot
“Michael, I’m outside your house. Are you sure you don’t want to see me because I do...”I paused for a second before I slowly got up. “No, wait, stay there,” I said as I reached for my sweater and started making my way out of my room.“Michael?” My mom called.“I’ll be back,” I said as I stepped out the front door making my way to the front gate.Elliot was leaning against his car then started walking my way once he saw me and I had my arms wrapped around his waist after he reached out to me. I buried my face against his chest while he held me and I remember that earlier I didn’t want him to touch me, but now that he’s holding me, I just wanted to be under his arms. I guess being held like this was comforting me more than I thought it would and it wasn’t fair that I’ve been keeping a distance from people that care about me. I wondered to myself and thought why
“Come on.” He said as he grabbed his backpack from the ground.“I’m not walking today,” I said as I looked at the ground. “My dad is picking me up.”“He never picks you up.” He said, confused.“He messaged me during lunch saying that he got off early. I forgot to tell you.” I said.“Alright.” He said and began to make his way out of the classroom.I waited almost five minutes before heading outside again and I looked around as I made my way to the front of the school. I shouldn’t feel guilty that I lied, but I felt like Chris wouldn't have agreed to let Caesar join us or even wanted to talk with him if he joined us. I saw Caesar at the front of the school like I asked and waved at him once he saw me. We walked for a while and it was honestly a nice change talking with someone that has a few things in common and that kept our conversation going until it was time to g
“Come on. We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean.” He said as he pulled me close kissing my cheek from where he hit me. “I’m sorry.”I just didn’t know what to do or say as I stood there and I think I was shaking from the shock, but I think he must have mistaken me for feeling cold as he took off his jacket and put it over my shoulder so I could wear it. I watched him as I kept my mouth shut feeling uncertain if I wanted to say anything that could get him mad again and I couldn’t forgive him for his action or behavior.“Go home and put ice on your face. I’ll come back in the morning and we can walk to school tomorrow.” He said as he zips up the jacket that he put on me.He leaned over to kiss me and I couldn’t kiss him back, but it seemed like he didn’t mind my quiet reaction either. I quietly made my way inside my house right away and went straight to my room feeling like I&rsquo
By morning, I woke up early, starting to get myself ready before Elliot came by to pick me up and make sure that I put my phone on charge remembering that I was on the phone when I fell asleep. I made sure that I took another pill only because I did have a stuffy nose when I was getting dressed and I was hoping that I would be better by the end of the day. Once I got Elliot’s text I started making my way outside and when he parked he stepped out of the car to meet up with me. I was about to say something when he reached out to hug me holding me in his arms. It felt warm like how it felt from last night and I wrapped my arms around him hugging him back.“Morning,” I said.“Morning… Seems like you're looking better,” he said as he checks me out. “You looked really pale yesterday.”“I’m sorry,” I said, glancing down.“You were sick so don’t apologize,” he said as he led me t
“Hey… is it okay if I tell Luis about some things about me?”Elliot came to a stop and looked over at me. “About your past?” He asks.I nod my head as I try to explain. “No, not everything, but I want to be really good friends with him and I feel like I have to open up if I want that to happen.”“If you feel comfortable enough to tell him then that’s up to you, but you don’t need my permission about this and you honestly just need to be yourself if you want to make friends.” He said as he reached a hand out to put on my shoulders. “If you want to tell him then I’ll be proud of you because you're trying to be comfortable with yourself and share more. I know it was hard being open with me but if you take your time telling Luis or anyone else then it will work out fine for you.”I looked at him and reached out to wrap my arms around him. “Thank you,” I said
I looked down at the ground knowing that they are a different type of people then the ones I used to hang out with and they don’t seem reckless as the type of friends Chris hangs out with.“How about Luis?” Karen said as she nudged at Jennifer. “You would love that.”“Oh, no, I doubt he would come…” Jennifer said as she blushed.“Luis? That guy from the volleyball team too?” Brian asked. “He seems a bit weird.”“You hardly even know him,” Fernando tells Jennifer.“Luis is a really nice person. You just need to get to know him better.” I cut in. “He taught me to play volleyball and he really didn’t have to do that.”“See, if Michael says he’s a good person then you guys better give him a chance,” Jennifer said and glanced over giving me a soft smile.We continued walking as they changed the conversation a
I almost smiled as I turned to him and he looked back. “Also, Elliot is my boyfriend,’’ I added in.Luis’s face slowly changed to surprise as he turned to see Elliot on the court before turning to me, “What?” he said, surprised. “I didn’t think he was...”I shrugged my shoulders. “I was surprised too because I confessed knowing that he’s straight,” I tell him. “I wasn’t expecting a response and I didn’t think you’ll be more surprised by that news than what we just talked about.”“You confessed first?” He asked.I nodded as I pressed my lips together. “Yeah,” I said and glanced at him for a second feeling shy again. “Is it too much? I haven’t told anyone all this besides Elliot.”“It’s not like it’s too much… I mean, it is because you’ve obviously been traumatized by so many th
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked