Once we were done we moved to a large field to sit and Elaine was laying out pre-made meals that Andre promised that we’ll have. We went in circles grabbing what was appealing to us and discussed plans that everyone will be doing once we’re done here. Luis joined in the conversation as he discussed going to the park with friends while Genevieve wanted to take Elaine to the mall before it closes. Andre was already looking over the pictures while showing them to Luis. I glanced over at Lucas not really sharing his own plans for tonight and he caught my stare.“Did you have fun today?” He asked me and moved a little closer towards me.“Yeah, I did. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I had fun using the camera and going along with them.” I answered, shyly, as I looked down at my plate. “I wasn’t too sure how things were going to go, but you guys convinced me to give it a try.”“I know. I was telling them before coming here that they shouldn’t push you, but Andre is a walking diva an
We all started cleaning up before heading towards the parking lot and I went with Lucas to his car; Andre came with us as usual. During the drive, Andre finally explained more about his audition and that it will be a small part with a few lines. He says that having some lines is better than being put as a background character or a silent role. I tried to understand the difference and we talked about the different career paths that Genevieve studies. I listened curiously until we arrived at the outlet and realized that we were close to the pier that Elliot and I go to. For a moment I was a little upset that he couldn't be here.“Oh, before we go to the stores and I overspend, let me send you the payment for the pictures you took,” Andre said and pulling out his phone then looked up at me. “I’ll make a direct payment on my phone. It’s connected with your phone number right?”“Um, yeah,” I answered shyly as I took out my phone and waited for the alert when I saw the amount he sent me. “W
Early the next day, Mom and I headed to my dad’s house for brunch. I looked at the new shoes I decided to wear and felt a bit lighter than I have for some time now. There has been a lot that have happened the past few weeks that is been giving me a lot of thoughts and also to reflect on. Compared to the beginning of the year, many conversations have brought forth new thoughts and things that I never considered for my life. Maybe things haven’t been fully answered for me, but it’s making things easier and I think Lucas was also right with what he said yesterday. I don’t understand the things he says sometimes, but the thought of trying a bit more sounds different from how he explained it.I am tired of putting up this barrier around myself, making me want to take a few steps forward. Some changes in my life slowly have been happening and I’m not sure when it all started, but I’ve been able to enjoy myself and I am curious about what else could happen. I glanced out the window seeing th
Thinking over our conversation, I talked more about wanting to get myself a camera and she seemed enthused by this new path I’ve taken. We agreed to go another day once I had an idea of what sort of camera I would like to buy and I thought maybe I should hold off until I was done with my courses to make that choice. Maybe before the semester ends, I should learn a bit more so I can be prepared for the summer and know what to look forward to when I return for the fall. The past few days I spent with Luis in the library as we helped each other and the assignments seemed to grow. It wasn’t a problem, but I knew how busy we would be for the next few weeks and I thought over the invite we had planned for the weekend.On Thursday I went for my appointment to see Doctor Brown and we had to go over a few things because it seemed like she won’t be in the office for a while. It was an odd feeling that we would cut our session short and we haven’t decided on the length of time it will be. She ha
Since I wasn’t in a rush to head home, I let Fernando work on his car for a little longer and after about an hour we started making our way to my house. I wasn’t too sure about the clothes I had and I’ve never really dressed myself aside from prom or my dad’s wedding. I sat on my bed as I watched him look over my clothes hanging on in my closet and he pulled out a few selections of clothes. I could see him pondering over the red pants that I wore for the wedding and I wasn’t too sure if it was the type of place to wear such fancy bottoms. “Do clothes really matter?” I asked him, breaking the silence. He looked up at me and pondered for a second to answer. “No, not always. I mean, sometimes you do it to feel good about yourself or to please other people if you know a style they like. Sometimes people dress up to impress the person they like.”I thought about this and blushed remembering when Elliot wore suits for me. “I think I know what you mean.”Fernando laughed after seeing my ex
It was a short drive getting to the location that Andre picked for our outing and I couldn't help looking around as I tailed behind them. I walked beside Leo until we got in line and it took a couple of minutes for us to get inside after the doormen checked our ID. They put a band on Genevieve and Leo so they can identify them as over-age when ordering alcohol when we order. Andre led us to a table that fit us all and I looked around seeing the place crowded while electric music blasting. It reminds me a bit of those teens movie scenes that you would see, but I could only compare it to a movie since I’ve never gone out to a place like this before and I wasn’t too sure on what I would be expecting. For a while, we were debating on what to order since they wanted to get a few appetizers plates for all to share and I only agreed with anything they wanted since it seemed like they'd already been here before. I looked at my phone before a waiter came to our table and we began to put in o
I waited for him to leave before reaching for my phone to send a message to Elliot, wondering what he was doing, and I wished he was here with me. Maybe he would have helped calm this anxious feeling and wishing that he could tell me that it’s all in my head. I looked down at my phone waiting for a response, but I think he could still be at work and he wouldn’t reply for a while. When Lucas came back I put my phone away and we sat around for a while as I tried the drink that he ordered for me. It was nice watching everyone dancing and for a second I thought Andre was going to have me join him when he returned to the table reaching for my hand.“I haven’t had fun like this in such a long time,” He said, raising my arm a bit so he can spin and moved to sit down. “Then back to doing finals for the next few weeks and the filming.”“Don’t remind me about finals,” Lucas said as he hands Andre a drink and pulls off his jacket. “Hey, we need to do another round before they have more security
When arriving at the apartment, Lucas decided to go with me and wanting to make sure that I made it inside before heading home. I was about to trip over the stairs when Lucas held on to me and wrapped his arm around my waist, trying to help me. I didn’t think that I would get back like this and I almost wanted to laugh at my behavior. I wanted to have a good time and I thought joining in with them would help ease me. I tried to be quiet, not wanting to wake up the neighbors, and when approaching the door I accidentally dropped my keys. How did I become like this? I wasn't supposed to drink. I wasn't supposed to get drunk. I broke rules that were placed and I've never done that before.“I probably shouldn’t have had that last one.” I said picking up the keys and felt a little squeamish. Lucas laughed, “Oh come on, we had to do it to end the night and we need to do it again.”I smiled and nodded, “I’ll be there.” “We’re going to dance again and I’ll teach you a few moves,” Lucas said
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked