CHAPTER 2 MY PAST

LILY’S POV

I stood beside Ayla’s bed and noticed how she was breathing with difficulty. The noise of the heart monitor was another way in which it was impossible not to be reminded of just how ill she was. I could barely feel her hand, which was so small and delicate but at the same time her grip felt fragile, as if she is a flower that can easily fade away. I cupped my hand and ran my fingers through the fine curve of her eyebrows, then looking at the curve of her eyelashes, the small button of her nose I felt my heart lapse.

Her face reminded me of him. Her father.

Isaac.My brother’s best friend, the man who had initially made me smile when he first called me ‘Rose. ’ I had to stop myself from thinking of him for some reason but images of him kept coming back into my mind. 

5 YEARS BACK

The first time he kissed me, how he snuck up behind me one night, while we were setting up breakfast in the kitchen he leaned forward and whispered softly, threateningly into my ear ‘You know this is wrong, Rose.’ It wasn’t enough, I craved more.

“Isaac,” I replied softly, lifting my eyes to meet him gently. My heart was racing as well as my breath because of the built-up anticipation. “What if I say I want to do all the wrong things with you?”

He laughed, softly, deeply, his eyes flashing with the lust and predatory impulse held in check. “If you cross this line, Rose, I won’t be able to hold back. I’ll have to punish you.” His voice was deep and dark, and his threat filled me with a strange desire that I could not comprehend.

“What if I want you to punish me?” I whispered, my mouth near his, my lips touching his as I said the last words.

He placed his hand at the back of my neck and ever so gently began to run his thumb along the back of my neck. ‘You don’t know what you are getting yourself into, sweetheart. I don’t know how much longer I can stay away from you. But if you continue to provoke me I will take what I desire.’

The first time he kissed me, how he secretly cornered me in the kitchen that night. His lips descended onto my lips roughly, his hands grabbing my hips to lift me up on the kitchen counter. My legs were around his waist and the man nibbling on my neck said, “You belong to me, Rose. Nobody else can touch you. ”

Those were our secret, some stolen touches and pinches, cuddles, and most of all the special and unique way he made me feel like there was no other girl for him in the entire world. He would come to me when people weren’t watching, and I would feel his hand slide between my thighs, I felt his fingers perform magic on me until I was moaning his name and holding on to him as if he were the only person in the world that could prevent me from breaking.

He would always tell me he couldn’t control his attraction towards me but meantime he would ask me to hide our secret relationship.

“We must not tell anyone,” he insisted, “because I was Henry’s little sister.”

 I was too young, only eighteen and he was thirty. He attempted not to come close, but the attraction was something he couldn’t resist. Every time he kissed me, it felt like I was the only woman in the entire world he desired. He treated me like a queen like I was the only woman who could bring out the beast in him.

But then I saw him with Susan. Realization hit me hard. 

How he grasped her, the tilt of his lips when he looked at her? It was how he had held me, how he smiled at me when he whispered sweet things to my face. I also feel the same way, my heart broke into pieces that day. Every word that was a whisper, every touch that was slipped felt like a lie and a mockery. I wasn’t special. I was just another girl he used and played with.

I needed to erase him out of my life, to numb the pain with the alcohol in me. I Went to the bar,  danced with the strangers, let them touch me, when their hands were around my waist, their lips almost touching mine. I didn’t care. I was just trying to fill the void that being dumped for cheating left me with anything other than the pain I was feeling.

It did not take long for Isaac to march into the crowd; his eyes red with anger as he dragged me off the dance floor. “What the hell are you doing, Rose?” He was angry still, but his hands were gentle as he pulled me, forcing me to look at him.

“Why do you care?” I angrily replied, my eyes barely able to focus through the alcohol-induced tears. “You are with her, are you not? Then why can’t I be with someone else?”

“Because you are mine,” he snapped, bringing his face close to mine. His eyes were dark, full of desire that I felt in my chest. That is why nobody can touch you but me. Do you understand?”

I stared at him, furious now. “Why? Why do you get to keep her and me?”

He didn’t answer me, just pulled me into his car. We didn’t speak during the ride to his house and the awkwardness was palpable. It wasn’t until the moment we were inside that he pushed me against the wall and kissed me roughly. I could feel his rage, his desperation in my mouth.

He growled the words against my lips, “Do you really think you can play with me, Rose?” His hands captured my wrists, keeping them above my head. “You want me to punish you? Fine. But remember, you asked for this”.

He dragged me to the bedroom, still staring at me as he fastened my hands to the bed handles. “Just tell me to stop,” he whispered, his hands sliding down to my arm, tickling me.

But I didn’t want him to stop I wanted him to claim me, to make me lose all sense and reason for being there but him. “I don’t want you to stop,” I murmured.

His eyes turned gentle for a brief moment, his thumb rubbing my lower lip gently. “You’re doing magic on me, Rose” Perhaps you can’t even begin to imagine how much I want you.” His voice was tense, full of the desire I felt inside myself.

And then he took me, all the rough, fast, desperate thrusting, the touch and kiss, the demand that left me teetering on the edge and then over it, calling out his name. He made me feel like I was the only thing that existed in this world, like I was everything he needed.

 The next morning, when I woke up I felt like I was glowing.

I wrapped myself in the sheet and stepped out of the bedroom, a smile on my face, only to see him and Susan in the living room. They were hugging, laughing about something, and the smile died on my lips.

It felt like I had been punched in the gut. Everything came crashing down around me. I wasn’t special. I was just a fool.

I turned around, my heart breaking all over again as I dressed quickly. Isaac’s voice called out to me as I headed for the door. “Rose, wait!”

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I stopped and looked at him, my eyes filled with tears. “I can’t do this anymore, Isaac. I’m done being your plaything. Stop this game.”

And with that, I walked out, leaving behind the city, my career, my dreams, and the man who had broken me.