Chapter 4: When She's Weak

School hours have ended and the students have already rushed their way home. It was almost six o'clock in the evening and Selah hadn't decided to drop home before going to Anna's place. She dislikes the idea of seeing her older brother who will probably beat her to death before she could come out again. The cold breeze brushes her skin and she sighs, she likes the cool atmosphere but she forgot to bring her hoodie jacket with her. "Now, I have no choice but to go home and change," she mumbled to herself.

She quietly walks down the street with an occupied mind. It's so unusual for her to act this way, these past few weeks, she noticed how she's becoming someone she wanted to forget and bury in the grave - her old self.

"Selah?"

It was too soon to realize that she passed by the subdivision's entrance. Selah turned her head to see the man who called her name, he was standing from the distance and he wears blue pajamas with messy hair on them. To Selah's eyes, he appears as someone who just got out of bed and goes to the neighborhood to continue his sleep. "Hayes?"

Selah seems surprised to see him with that kind of outfit. She wanted to laugh about it but thought that as she goes home, she might encounter Krouen along the way too.

"Why did you come home late? I thought you went with Anna," the guy asked and fixed his glasses. He awkwardly steps back, averting her gaze.

"I did something important so I have to go home late. You're going to Anna's house, right? I guess we'll see each other there." Selah sensed that the atmosphere was getting awkward, she doesn't want to make things worse so she had to let go of a sheepish smile and rushed her feet away from the guy named Hayes, Anna's dear cousin who lives within the subdivision as well.

When Selah got home, the light was off so she had to come inside tiptoeing through the living room. She thought no one was at home, until her brother, Krouen showed up. "You're late," are the first words that come from his mouth. "Why on earth are you late?" He questioned again, and Selah felt the shivers down her spine. She began to feel nervous.

"... I came by the park to chill," that's all she has to say. She doesn't want to get caught up again, beaten.

Calm down yourself, Selah. You don't need to talk back or anything, after all, he is your dumbass brother. Krouen waited for more of her words, he knows that being in a conversation with his little sister could be quarrelsome.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. Her brother shrugged off and passed by her direction, she smelled the ill-favored aroma of cigarettes from him and she nearly cussed inside her head. She is deeply aware that the only person who triggers her anger issues is her brother. However, she doesn't want to give in. She knows that it is wrong to quarrel with anyone, that is one of her biggest struggles.

Krouen unwillingly turned his back on her and headed upstairs, "Go prepare something to eat, I'm going to sleep."

"... Wait."

The man momentarily paused from walking and faced his little sister, his usual pettish looks were the first thing to greet Selah's sight. "What now?"

Selah lowered her head and began to twitch her lips, she knows that it will never work out. But she remembered what her friend, Anna told her. Trying out won't do any harm, she won't know unless she tries to.

"Will you hurry? You're wasting my time," Krouen asserted with a grumpy look.

Selah breathes in and swallows her pride so she could have the courage to ask him. "I was about to ask you if you could come with me to my friend's house tonight for a bible study."

A moment of silence evaded the surroundings. Selah began to play with the hem of her shirt with her fingers, knowing that Krouen would probably reject her. On the other hand, he couldn't believe that she would say such words to him. The first thing that came to his mind is: 'Do I look like a f**king diablo to her? Why would she invite me to such a nonsense event?'.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm being serious." Selah gulped and tried to speak directly to him, but it feels like something is blocking her throat. She could barely breathe.

Krouen smirks and playfully throws a question at her, "What do you think would be my answer?"

"I was just hoping you could come."

"Are you damn blind? Can't you see that I don't believe in such gods? Do you want me to slap that in your face?"

Annoyance. That's what could be heard in the tone of his voice. He simply hates it, he dislikes the thought of it. He wants to hurt Selah for asking a dumb question to him, but he knows he is too much. He doesn't care at all, whatever is making him satisfied, he does it. He always does it.

"I'm sorry." That's all that Selah could say right after Krouen shut her up. Seeing such reactions from him, she concluded that she made him really mad. But what confuses her the most are those raging eyes of him. It feels like she triggered something in him, and her fear kicks in. "I should've shut my mouth," she whispered to herself.

She could feel her knees trembling because of anxiety. She didn't know that his presence could give him so much fear like this. She badly wants to cage herself inside her room and sleep for the remaining hours 'till daybreak, but she must come over to Anna's place too.

6 o'clock in the evening, and Selah hasn't prepared herself any meal for dinner. She locked herself inside her room and stared at the ceilings all this time. She wanted to go outside but she couldn't lift her body, it seems that she is so drained. "I hate this feeling!" She rolled and wrapped herself with a blanket, and at any moment, she began to hurt herself.

━━━

"SELAH?"

Noises from outside her room and the following knocks awaken her. Selah hurriedly unwrapped herself and rushed her feet toward the doorway only to see Anna with a worried face. "Anna? What are you doing-" she paused with a surprised look upon soon realizing that she didn't attend their bible study.

"I'm so sorry!"

With mixed emotions, she shed tears. Anna gives her friend a tight hug, she sees little bruises on her face and hands and she is well aware that Selah got hurt again. "Hey, come on. I got you, it's not too late to come over to my place." She gently tapped Selah's back, she has been a good friend and she never failed to comfort her when she was at her worst.

"How did you get in? Krouen's at home," Selah muttered between her sobs.

"Silly, of course, he opened the door for me." Anna noticed that Selah looks so weary, and she wants to cheer her up by thinking of buying something to eat.

"How about we go and order some snacks? Let's have a sleepover at home right after our short bible study."

"But-"

"Enough with your worries, okay? You're strong, Selah. This is not you, you are far better than this, okay? Now, let's go."