(Ashley)I grip my glass tighter, the amber liquid does nothing to calm me down, alongside Kendra's words.Judy must think I'm stupid, pretending to be shocked and angry about me sleeping with Raymond. She doesn't fool me, she can't pretend to be holier than thou when she's been manipulating and lying to Dean all this time.She has no right to blame this on me, she's a terrible mother.I thought she'd suck it up and get her head back in the game but clearly she isn't.She has been ridiculous about this whole thing, overreacting and refusing to see me, but I don't care. She's just as stupid, underestimating me.One thing is certain, with or without her help, Dean will be mine.He said he doesn't want me, that he'll never love me. I'm sure he doesn't mean that, his head is messed up right now, that bitch must've got him all confused again.But does it even matter?He'll be with me, he'll learn to love and accept me whether he likes it or not.I take a long sip from my glass, my mind rac
(Bella)I regretted my scathing words as soon as I entered my office.I still can't wrap my head around why I flared up, was it because he said I belonged to him?But he was only trying to help…Ugh!"That was totally uncalled for, Bella." My conscience pricked me, sometimes I just let my emotions have their way with me.I should've probably said thank you and walk away. Now, I feel like a piece of shit, the guilt was wrapped around me like a scratchy blanket, it has my heart in a fierce grip.I have to apologize for being a complete ingrate.I let out a deep sigh, and reached out to my laptop, wanting to get the guilt out of my system but it isn't working out so well.That's it.I sigh again, resting my back on my chair, my mind a whirlwind.I realize now that I've been pretty hard on Dean, I'm slowing turning into a woman I cannot recognize anymore.I've become this insensitive and unhappy woman, who always act without thinking, and that's not me!I'm still angry at Dean, but that d
(Dean)I look at Ethan and shrug. "No matter what, I love her Ethan, that hasn't changed," I say and sigh. "But every time I try to get close, she shuts me out, like she's already made up her mind." I say, downing the entire glass.Ethan gives me a sympathetic look and then runs a hand through his hair. "I think she's hurting, scared even. People build walls for a reason, it might just be her way of protecting herself," he straightens up and holds my gaze. "But she's letting you close to the twins, that's something. I suggest you give her more time, try to be friends again,"I bring down my glass, and tilt my head. "How is it that my friend, a veritable lecher, who knows little or nothing regarding women is suddenly a guru? Is there something I'm missing?" I joked, and raised my eyebrows playfully.Ethan flips me a bird. "I just did my research the best way I can, just in case someone I know needs it," he says. "So, no, thank you." He rolls his eyes and brings his glass to his mouth.
(Bella)I stood there, looking at Dean, who looked like he fell out of a freaking magazine.A little overdressed, yeah. But he's such an awesome sight to behold.And then, it hits me that I was visibly checking him out. I shouldn't.Christ, Bella, get a goddamn grip!I quickly pulled my gaze away, a little mortified that he caught me staring, and then I invited him in. I have never felt this awkward in my entire life.I walk him to the living room, and before he could sit, Javier and Jasmine came running up to him.Dean dropped the bag he was holding and crouched down, enveloping them in a warm hug.After a while, I figured I should get on it, before they bring up him being their stand in dad.My heart began to race, my insides kept twisting into a thousand little knots, my hands clammy as I think my words through.I forced a breath into my lungs and glanced at Dean, who in return gives me a reassuring nod."Hey, sweety." I began, stretching my lips into a trained smile as I waved the
(Bella)Air escaped me as if someone had stabbed my lungs with fork.Did I just ask Dean for friendship?I take a deep breath that seems to barely reach my lungs, but it doesn't stop my racing heart.I couldn't believe I said that aloud, but Dean's reaction seem to make it less nerve-wracking.I could see the excitement in his face, he was pretty much stoked, and barely a second away from wrapping me in his arms.A few days back, I was so sure that I wanted nothing to do with him, uhmm, I still don't anyways, it's just a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my kids.But one thing is sure, being friends with Dean screams potential danger, I couldn't be more wrong and I would be lying if I say it doesn't scare me, it does.And I'm not so sure how I'd cope with it, but I'll have to try.I truly hope I will.I forced more air into my lungs, tonight's going to be one hell of a long one.I walk into my room, hoping to soak away all these emotions and weird thoughts roaming in my head but just
(Bella)I never would have thought for a mere second that co-parenting with Dean would be this easy, he makes it seem so easy.We both shuffle between taking the kids and picking them up from school. At first, I tense a little at this, I knew it'd be a normal every day thing, and I trust Dean with the kids, I really do. Well, after a heartbeat later, I agreed.It's going to take a lot of getting used to but the excitement I saw on Javier and Jasmine's face the first day Dean came to take them to school warms my heart, it was worth it.It's been less than three weeks, and Dean has been super sweet, to the kids and he extends that to me as well, a painful reminder of what we once had.And whenever I watch him switch into his dad role effortlessly, I can't help but think about how our lives could've turned out, if any of these didn't happen. I'm not sure I talk about how good of a husband he was to me, he was an incredible husband and now he's turned out to be an amazing father.But now
(Bella)I still couldn't stop thinking about what Derrick said, perhaps I was slacking off, getting too comfortable around Dean.My head is just so messed up right now. It feels like Dean has plaqued my senses, and no matter how hard I try to turn off my thoughts, it keeps drifting back to him.I find everything he does intriguing, perhaps a little too much.But I can't let myself fall any deeper than I already am, and I also need to work through this feeling that has stirred up since we got close again, I can't let it linger on.It's quite risky, especially when I'm trying to protect myself from what it will all bring.That's it, I sigh.I need to guard my heart, by all means.******So, I try to keep my distance, only speak when spoken to, and I also tried not to get excited by Dean's presence.I avoid any awkward situations, I leave the room right when he walks in, and lastly I avoided eye contact.I wasn't unkind though, I just tried not to be too friendly, that way I might focus
(Dean)I shouldn't. But she closes her eyes, and my mouth is on hers. My tongue entered her with ease, tangling with hers.The thrill of our tongues meeting races through my body. I fist her hair and drag her in more, she opens her mouth to me, and I'm flooded with need.The taste of her, the feel of her, the need, it's intoxicating, overwhelming.My mouth opens, and the kiss grows more intense, her body melts into mine and for a moment everything ceased to exist, just us, just this.God, I've missed her, this. Why did l ever let her go?But just then, her eyes slowly opens, and she pulls away quickly, breaking the moment.She tensed and looked away, she bites her lower lips, as if realizing what we've done. I see something flicker through her eyes, leaving me all confused.Does she regret kissing me back?She stands up quickly, and grabs her car keys, her nervousness seeping from miles away. "You should have Doctor Raven come in the morning for a proper checkup,"Thrown off, I blink.
(Dean)I shouldn't. But she closes her eyes, and my mouth is on hers. My tongue entered her with ease, tangling with hers.The thrill of our tongues meeting races through my body. I fist her hair and drag her in more, she opens her mouth to me, and I'm flooded with need.The taste of her, the feel of her, the need, it's intoxicating, overwhelming.My mouth opens, and the kiss grows more intense, her body melts into mine and for a moment everything ceased to exist, just us, just this.God, I've missed her, this. Why did l ever let her go?But just then, her eyes slowly opens, and she pulls away quickly, breaking the moment.She tensed and looked away, she bites her lower lips, as if realizing what we've done. I see something flicker through her eyes, leaving me all confused.Does she regret kissing me back?She stands up quickly, and grabs her car keys, her nervousness seeping from miles away. "You should have Doctor Raven come in the morning for a proper checkup,"Thrown off, I blink.
(Bella)I still couldn't stop thinking about what Derrick said, perhaps I was slacking off, getting too comfortable around Dean.My head is just so messed up right now. It feels like Dean has plaqued my senses, and no matter how hard I try to turn off my thoughts, it keeps drifting back to him.I find everything he does intriguing, perhaps a little too much.But I can't let myself fall any deeper than I already am, and I also need to work through this feeling that has stirred up since we got close again, I can't let it linger on.It's quite risky, especially when I'm trying to protect myself from what it will all bring.That's it, I sigh.I need to guard my heart, by all means.******So, I try to keep my distance, only speak when spoken to, and I also tried not to get excited by Dean's presence.I avoid any awkward situations, I leave the room right when he walks in, and lastly I avoided eye contact.I wasn't unkind though, I just tried not to be too friendly, that way I might focus
(Bella)I never would have thought for a mere second that co-parenting with Dean would be this easy, he makes it seem so easy.We both shuffle between taking the kids and picking them up from school. At first, I tense a little at this, I knew it'd be a normal every day thing, and I trust Dean with the kids, I really do. Well, after a heartbeat later, I agreed.It's going to take a lot of getting used to but the excitement I saw on Javier and Jasmine's face the first day Dean came to take them to school warms my heart, it was worth it.It's been less than three weeks, and Dean has been super sweet, to the kids and he extends that to me as well, a painful reminder of what we once had.And whenever I watch him switch into his dad role effortlessly, I can't help but think about how our lives could've turned out, if any of these didn't happen. I'm not sure I talk about how good of a husband he was to me, he was an incredible husband and now he's turned out to be an amazing father.But now
(Bella)Air escaped me as if someone had stabbed my lungs with fork.Did I just ask Dean for friendship?I take a deep breath that seems to barely reach my lungs, but it doesn't stop my racing heart.I couldn't believe I said that aloud, but Dean's reaction seem to make it less nerve-wracking.I could see the excitement in his face, he was pretty much stoked, and barely a second away from wrapping me in his arms.A few days back, I was so sure that I wanted nothing to do with him, uhmm, I still don't anyways, it's just a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my kids.But one thing is sure, being friends with Dean screams potential danger, I couldn't be more wrong and I would be lying if I say it doesn't scare me, it does.And I'm not so sure how I'd cope with it, but I'll have to try.I truly hope I will.I forced more air into my lungs, tonight's going to be one hell of a long one.I walk into my room, hoping to soak away all these emotions and weird thoughts roaming in my head but just
(Bella)I stood there, looking at Dean, who looked like he fell out of a freaking magazine.A little overdressed, yeah. But he's such an awesome sight to behold.And then, it hits me that I was visibly checking him out. I shouldn't.Christ, Bella, get a goddamn grip!I quickly pulled my gaze away, a little mortified that he caught me staring, and then I invited him in. I have never felt this awkward in my entire life.I walk him to the living room, and before he could sit, Javier and Jasmine came running up to him.Dean dropped the bag he was holding and crouched down, enveloping them in a warm hug.After a while, I figured I should get on it, before they bring up him being their stand in dad.My heart began to race, my insides kept twisting into a thousand little knots, my hands clammy as I think my words through.I forced a breath into my lungs and glanced at Dean, who in return gives me a reassuring nod."Hey, sweety." I began, stretching my lips into a trained smile as I waved the
(Dean)I look at Ethan and shrug. "No matter what, I love her Ethan, that hasn't changed," I say and sigh. "But every time I try to get close, she shuts me out, like she's already made up her mind." I say, downing the entire glass.Ethan gives me a sympathetic look and then runs a hand through his hair. "I think she's hurting, scared even. People build walls for a reason, it might just be her way of protecting herself," he straightens up and holds my gaze. "But she's letting you close to the twins, that's something. I suggest you give her more time, try to be friends again,"I bring down my glass, and tilt my head. "How is it that my friend, a veritable lecher, who knows little or nothing regarding women is suddenly a guru? Is there something I'm missing?" I joked, and raised my eyebrows playfully.Ethan flips me a bird. "I just did my research the best way I can, just in case someone I know needs it," he says. "So, no, thank you." He rolls his eyes and brings his glass to his mouth.
(Bella)I regretted my scathing words as soon as I entered my office.I still can't wrap my head around why I flared up, was it because he said I belonged to him?But he was only trying to help…Ugh!"That was totally uncalled for, Bella." My conscience pricked me, sometimes I just let my emotions have their way with me.I should've probably said thank you and walk away. Now, I feel like a piece of shit, the guilt was wrapped around me like a scratchy blanket, it has my heart in a fierce grip.I have to apologize for being a complete ingrate.I let out a deep sigh, and reached out to my laptop, wanting to get the guilt out of my system but it isn't working out so well.That's it.I sigh again, resting my back on my chair, my mind a whirlwind.I realize now that I've been pretty hard on Dean, I'm slowing turning into a woman I cannot recognize anymore.I've become this insensitive and unhappy woman, who always act without thinking, and that's not me!I'm still angry at Dean, but that d
(Ashley)I grip my glass tighter, the amber liquid does nothing to calm me down, alongside Kendra's words.Judy must think I'm stupid, pretending to be shocked and angry about me sleeping with Raymond. She doesn't fool me, she can't pretend to be holier than thou when she's been manipulating and lying to Dean all this time.She has no right to blame this on me, she's a terrible mother.I thought she'd suck it up and get her head back in the game but clearly she isn't.She has been ridiculous about this whole thing, overreacting and refusing to see me, but I don't care. She's just as stupid, underestimating me.One thing is certain, with or without her help, Dean will be mine.He said he doesn't want me, that he'll never love me. I'm sure he doesn't mean that, his head is messed up right now, that bitch must've got him all confused again.But does it even matter?He'll be with me, he'll learn to love and accept me whether he likes it or not.I take a long sip from my glass, my mind rac
(Bella)I finally stepped out of the door, and I had never felt so relieved walking out of a restaurant.I just can't get over the sadness I saw in Dean's eyes as I declared there was no us. There had to be something wrong with me for feeling bad about nothing.I shouldn't, he made me feel worthless, he humiliated me and shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, I can't forget that.I shake off that weird feeling, reminding myself that what I had with Dean, needed to be over.I don't want to hurt myself more by giving in to what I feel for him. I had to literally force myself to sound mean, act like it or risk letting my real emotions show.Do I love Dean? I'd probably scream yes.But is love truly enough to sustain a marriage, a union?This isn't just about love, I can't trust Dean, and trust is everything.And as for him? He has no trust in me either, no faith.His mother knew to go after his insecurities, a few photos was all it took and he easily folded, he didn't even try to dis