Chapter 58

Magnus had everything he could only wish for, anything he could never have. Magnus was the one who had her heart. Magnus was the man she truly loved. Magnus had a little more freedom to do what he really wanted. He had a father and a mother who loved him unconditionally, and his parents loved each other as well. He had a real family.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed his uncle was talking with his wife with a disapproving look. Despite the couple's relentless arguments every single day, somehow he knew, they couldn't live without each other. His uncle was a cold, calculating man, so it surprised him the first time he knew that his uncle didn't allow his wife to bear another child after her long, suffering hours of giving birth to Magnus. Aunt Cecily survived a dangerous loss of blood at the time and his uncle swore never to make her pregnant again. He wondered if he could have such a fortunate union with Selene.

It was funny how a person could value anything he didn't have, yet took for granted anything he had. He and his cousin were perfect examples. Magnus envied him for all his life, for things he considered simply a full responsibility, and he wanted what Magnus had already had, yet failed to properly appreciate.

He caught a glimpse of her rising to help the lady on her feet. As if she could feel his stare, she turned her head and met his eyes. She smiled faintly at him over her shoulders before leaving, and he felt twinged inside. Just hours ago he thought he would lose her forever and never see her again. And when he knew that she wasn't leaving, he couldn't remember when he had ever been that happy in years. Just a glimpse of her could bring every nerve in his body came to life, and he couldn't help thinking that the sight of Selene had never stirred an intense emotion like this. He would never understand how Magnus could totally comply with his order to separate from her, because if he were Magnus, he would never let her go no matter what.

*****

Long past midnight, after hours of unavailing attempt to get some sleep, Ava finally gave up and rolled stealthily out of the bed. She kept one eye on the lady as she moved quietly across the room and put on her silk robe. Through the window, she got a glimpse of the sea gleaming in the moonlight. She trod to the door and pushed the knob very carefully as to not making any sound and sneaked out.

She slipped out of the inn and crossed the empty road. The dark road was illuminated by the moon's pallid radiance, the cool wind blew through her hair. As she made her way down to the seashore, she was suffused with a wild excitement. The comforting rhythm of ebb and flow and the sea-scented breezes surrounding her.

Suddenly she caught sight of a dark shape in a short distance ahead. She held her ground instantly and peered at the lone figure. A man was standing in the dark. She prepared to turn around and run. The inn was only a few feet away across the street. The clouds rifted and a pale light found its way down the shore. Moonbeams cast over him, and she recognized him in an instant. She didn't understand why a series of coincidence continued to happen between them, but she knew she couldn't let it go further. She turned around, aiming to leave at once.

"It's dangerous for a woman to be out alone at this hour."

She stopped at once. Slowly she turned toward him. He was looking at her over his shoulder.

"Seems like these accidental meetings are becoming a habit."

She blushed. Did he imply any suspicion that she was stalking him all along?

"I'm sorry I've intruded your privacy. I thought no one was around."

"Do you always wake up this early?"

She didn't want to tell him she was wide awake all night reliving their moments together the afternoon before, so she offered up a small lie.

"No, I just happened to wake up some time ago and can't get back to sleep. What about you?"

"I haven't slept an hour, I have a lot on my mind."

He paused and his eyes retraced their path back to the shore.

"I can't stop thinking about Matthew."

"You can't sleep because of that?"

She stared at him with widening eyes. She wouldn't expect him to care so deeply about the child.

"Do you think he will come tomorrow?"

"Supposed to be. Why won't he?"

"Suddenly I got a bad feeling that I've lost him."

She considered the possibility.

"If he never comes, it means he wants to be free. Some people just don't want to come under someone else."

"I should have taken him with me rightaway."

She observed him with newfound curiosity.

"Will you feel the same way about another kid?"

"What do you mean?"

"There are so many children like him in the street. Will you do the same if it's not Matthew? Will you feel the same way to any other child like you feel about Matthew?"

When her question met with silence, she asked again carefully.

"He is somewhat special, isn't he? What makes you so bothered? Why do you care so much about him?"

He stared at somewhere in the end of the ocean, it seemed he was in deep thought.

"I don't know, it's just... he makes me feel more than just a deep sympathy for him. I feel moved."

She recalled how forlorn the child was in his skeleton face.

"Because he is so frail and vulnerable?"

"It's not his fragility that moved me. I feel drawn to him, not by pity, but by his strength..."

There was an unmistakable hint of admiration in his voice.

"He might look plainly vulnerable, but he has a stout spirit. He doesn't easily crack under pressure. He has persevered a tough life on his own. I stand in awe of him."

She felt like everytime they met, she discovered something new about him, and it never failed to amaze her.

"I never imagined I would ever heard something like that from you."

"What?"

"You, admiring a guttersnipe."

She anchored her attention on him.

"At first I thought you were just another heartless aristocrat who cared nothing but your personal interest."

Once it was said, she regretted it immediately.

"Sorry. I shouldn't say that."

Unexpectedly he responded softly.

"Tell me more."

When she fell silent in hesitation, he encouraged her.

"I want to know. All you think about me. The worst things."

"Really? You won't be angry?"

"I promise."

"I thought you were cold, arrogant, cruel, derisive and... you have a devil of a temper. Until I got the chance to know you and find out what you truly are."

"What did you find?"

"I found you're all that and more."

"I'm all that?"

He raised his brow as if irritated, but she caught a faint, helpless smile on the corner of his lips. Noticing that he was rather amused, she replied playfully.

"In every way possible."

His smile was contagious, she found herself smiling back at him. She walked toward him slowly, absentmindedly, as if charmed by the moonlight captured in his eyes. She stopped a step away from him.

"But I also found that you are virtuous, brave, dutiful, reliable and you are sensitive and caring... you are a true nobleman in every sense of the word."

It seemed like the moon cast its spell upon him too, because his eyes riveted on her face, not wasting a second to stray or blink.

"Would you like to know what I think of you?"

"I guess at first it was anything but nice."

"I thought you were an enchantress."

He had a way of saying it without making it sound terrible. Actually she was rather flattered.

"Whatever it means, I'm glad you've finally come to realize that you're quite mistaken."

"Not entirely."

His eyes beheld hers in a way that stole her breath.

"Because right now, you truly look like one."

A sudden alarm caught her in the vulnerable moment. She turned away immediately, her mind racing with a rising sense of panic. She had gone too far, again and again, she was flirting with danger. She startled with a gasp when he took hold of her hand and forced her to face him.

"Why are you suddenly leaving?

"I should never have been alone with you at this very moment."

She said, couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"If anyone sees us, your reputation will suffer and it might lead to a terrible scandal."

Being reminded of their differences once again, his fingers on her wrist loosened, and she pulled away from his grip. All traces of delight faded in the realization of the cold, absolute fact.

"I must leave now."

She turned around, averting her face from him.

"Wait. I have something to say to you."

She stopped walking with a sudden leap of heart. Yet she couldn't bring herself to face him. Her heart thudded against her ribs in the expectation of his words.

"I think you are a respectable woman in every way that matters. It's not just it being in the blood..."

A moment's silence before he continued.

"Forgive me for the way I treated you before. It was terribly wrong."

"I appreciate your apology."

It was all she could say. And she dashed across the stony land to the road. He watched until the last sight of her vanished beyond the inn's wall. He should be glad she withdrew before he could have said or done something that would humiliate them both in the morning, but all he could feel was an absurd feeling of loss.

He stared down the rolling waves crashing the rocky shore. The rhythmic sound was soothing before, but now somehow it had turned to an empty beat. Suddenly the ocean was lonely and dreary, and the sky above him darkened as a mass of drifting cloud swallowed up the moon. The last glint of moonbeam faded, leaving him with nothing but the whine of the ocean and darkness.