Chapter 54

He dashed up the narrow road in rapid speed. His mind rioting and his heart pounding. The thought of losing her was extremely terrifying. He expelled a sigh of relief as the sight of her back in a distance caught his eyes. A sudden realization came upon him like a lightning. He thought he had accepted that he had to leave her alone and go on with his life, a life in which she had no share. And he thought he could do perfectly fine with that. But at the very moment he was realizing for the first time, he would only be able to do perfectly fine as long as she was within his reach. He never considered if she was really going.

She was strolling along the sidewalk leisurely, no signs of her being in a hurry. She looked around and stopped a few times to see through the shop window.

Following her in a relatively safe distance, Ashton battled his own conscience. What the blazes was he doing here? If she really left his town permanently, it was good for him. He would be free from a continuous disturbance. Within a month, he would be a husband of another woman. He couldn't entertain this kind of interest forever. To follow his heart like this would only feed his insane obsession. Sooner or later, this infatuation would lead to his downfall.

But he knew neither he or she would allow things to go that far. She was a respectable woman and he knew he couldn't have an illicit tryst with her. There would never be a romantic rendezvous between them. He just wanted to know, if she was leaving and he would never see her again for the rest of his life. He just needed to know.

Far off in the distant recesses of his mind, he knew if she was leaving indeed, he would track her down. The best option for him was to let her go by now, before he got any clue where she was going to.

Against all his conscience and good senses, he came after her in fast, long strides. It was a fight he knew he couldn't win.

Ava went into a small, exciting shop that sold women's stuffs. Through the window, she got a fascinating glimpse of bonnets, gloves, reticules, fans and other necessary items for women. She strolled around the shop in excitement and stopped in front of a stack of small handcrafted mirrors. She took a mirror and lifted it up to the level of her eyes, checking out her face and primping her hair. A reflection of someone behind her caught her eyes. Her heart jumped out of her chest and she turned around instantly.

She froze on the spot as if hypnotized. He was standing in the doorway, a few yards away from her. He didn't seem surprised. He returned her gaze and made his way into the shop.

"Again, quite a coincidence." he said.

Ava blinked.

"How could you be here? I mean... in this town..."

"I'm attending a house party in the neighboring town."

"Me too... I mean I'm escorting my friend... Dowager Countess Byrne. Do you know her?"

He perceived the information quickly, and replied in a casual tone.

"Very well. The dowager countess is your friend?"

"Quite so."

She felt the need to explain further.

"Actually her companion is on leave and she asked me to be a substitute. It's just temporary."

She wasn't leaving.

A tide of relief overtook him. It was absurdly exhilarating. Even as he knew that he couldn't touch her, he wanted her to be around. He never felt like this to a woman before. To care that much and expect nothing in return. What was this insane feeling that possessed him? Wildly illogical, unreasonable, irrational.

"Seems like we'll see each other quite often a week ahead. I'm quite sure the countess is attending the same event as I am. Lord Waldorf's house party?"

He had to fix his voice to hide the rough exaltation there.

"Certainly." She looked at him in astonishment.

"It's a strange coincidence, isn't it?"

"Absolutely."

From the second they met, he never strayed his eyes from hers as if he was mesmerized. Suddenly being aware of it, she turned her face, pretending to look around the shop.

"Um, are you looking for something in particular?"

"I'm looking for... a local souvenir."

She hesitated for a while, but finally said.

"This is women's shop."

"Of course. I'm looking for something... for my fiancée."

"Oh... sure."

Somehow the mention of his fiancée pricked her. An image of Lady Selene flashed in her mind, and for some reasons, it made her feel an uncomfortable tightness in her chest.

He moved toward her and she couldn't help her heart racing as he got near. She caught her breath when he stopped and stood so close, the tip of his boot touched the hem of her skirt. In the poor lit side of the room, his eyes sparkled as if they were made of precious stones. She never knew his eyes could hold a million stars until she looked at them this close.

She wasn't supposed to feel this, she wasn't supposed to hold onto this feeling. But she couldn't stop herself. Every look, every smile made her heart beat merrily and painfully all at once.

"These mirrors are beautiful. Can you help me choose one for her?"

She expelled a long breath furtively as he sidestepped her, moving to across the shelf. He stood at the opposite side of the shelf, casually checking some of the stuffs.

"I'm not sure I can choose something good enough for a lady like her."

She was fascinated by the long eyelashes casting a shadow on his cheeks as he cast his eyes down the stacks of mirrors. She took the chance to stare at him when he was scrutinizing an oval mirror.

"You have an exquisite taste."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

Most likely he referred to the dress she was wearing, again she explained.

"Actually these dress and everything I'm wearing are from the lady, I can't afford it."

"That suits you."

He glanced at her as he said that.

"Thank you."

She looked down instantly, pretended to check some of the stuffs again, suddenly feeling shy.

Oh my. What symptoms were these? Just a glance and a few words, and she blushed from head to toe. She didn't blush easily at men's compliments, and she wasn't a sheepish person at all. Also, that probably wasn't an honest compliment. Perhaps he was just being polite.

"Which one do you think the best?" he asked.

"It depends... Does she like something simple and sweet like this,"

She put out an oak frame mirror carved with flowers with a tiny sparrow perched on the side.

"...or something more elegant and classic like this one?"

She showed him a gold frame mirror carved with complicated Victorian ornaments.

"I don't know."

He replied after a moment's thinking, then moved to another shelf behind.

"How could you? She is your fiancée."

"I was betrothed to her even before I knew her name."

She was silent for a moment.

"So was I..."

"Do you know much about him?"

"No..."

Looking back at it, she knew nothing about Roger but his gambling habit. She didn't even know his favorite color.

"But I knew him well enough to know that he is not worth keeping."

A smile crossed his face, flashing his straight white teeth and that dimples, and she moved toward him as if hypnotized, following him unconsciously.

"What makes a man worth keeping, then?" he asked.

"What?"

She thought she had misheard him.

"You said you don't know much about your betrothed but you know well enough that he is not worth keeping."

He locked his eyes on hers as he continued.

"What kind of man you consider to be worth keeping?"

She was slightly taken aback by the unexpected question, but it seemed like he was waiting for her to answer.

"Well... He must be able to accept all of me, good and bad... He treats me as an equal... He doesn't look down upon me because of my... indecent status."

She halted instantly, suddenly recalled how he scorned her at every turn in the past. She was just about to turn away from this conversation when he moved toward her.

"What else?"

His eyes held hers captive. He looked straight into her eyes so intensely she couldn't look away.

"He shows up for me even when it's inconvenient... He is willing to put in the effort to be with me even when he knows it's going to be hard, and..."

Her words trailed off.

She must be insane, ranting about her romantic notions in front of him like this. But he was the one who asked her in the first place, and it seemed like he was really paying attention to what she said.

"And?"

"Forget it." She tore her gaze from him.

"And what?" he demanded.

"He is not afraid of taking risks and giving up something important or valuable for the sake of being together with me."

She stepped back as if she wanted to break the invisible bond. It bothered her. She tended to comply with his order whenever he talked to her in that authoritative manner.

"You must think I'm asking for too much."

She turned to the shelf and pretended to be busy choosing mirrors again, couldn't stand to meet his eyes.

"I think you really know your worth."

His response took her by surprise. Did he really think so?

"I believe someday you will find a man that you deserve."

It seemed that his answer moved her, because she looked up at him instantly, looking straight into his eyes. He had never been stared at this intense.

"I think I just found a perfect one." She said.

His heart skipped a beat at once and for the first time in his life words failed him. He forgot to breathe or blink, totally caught in dumb bewilderment.