Chapter 51

"What are you doing here?" she asked in astonishment, totally forgot about the standard polite greetings. She thought she would never see him again.

"Waiting for you." he replied as he stopped a feet away from her.

Silly of her, the simple answer suddenly sounded so romantic.

"Why?" her breath caught in her chest.

"I want to give you this." He drew something from his pocket.

"Here, please take it."

She glanced at him, then at the tiny, beautifully wrapped box in his hand.

"What is it?"

"It's only a small gift, I want you to have it."

"I..." she hesitated.

"You said you didn't do it for money. I didn't mean it to be a transaction either. I just think you deserve it. Please don't turn me down this time."

He had been waiting for her in this place to give it, and she would only disappoint him if she rejected it. She took the gift and glanced at him.

"Thank you."

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he swallowed it back. She thought he looked as if he was uncertain what to say or do.

"Goodbye." he finally said, and he turned around and walked away. She was too stupefied, she could barely think of what to say. She stood still, watching him leave, still feeling like she was caught in a dream.

She stared at the empty place where he had been standing just a moment ago. She looked down at the little gift in her hand and suddenly she couldn't help to find out what was inside. She removed the paper covering the box and opened it.

Her heart stopped at the first sight of it. A beautiful oval snuff box shimmering under the sun inside the box. Too generous a gift, it was a luxury, made for ladies, for women who was fortunate to enjoy the finer things in life. She knew that this little thing cost a fortune. But not the fine beauty or the enormous generosity that astounded her. It was a strange coincidence his gift was precisely a thing she was enchanted by some days ago. She examined it thoroughly. It was exactly the snuff box in the fancy shop she admired. How could it be possible?

"You'll be surprised."

As if answering her question, an irritating voice inevitably floating through her brain.

"You don't have to say a word, but he knows just what you want. He will see that you have anything you wish."

Madam Nora's prophecy echoed in her mind again and again as she made her way home.

*****

She never saw him again thereafter. Three weeks had passed and everyday when she walked that path, she half expected she would see him on the other side of the bridge again. And everyday she crossed the empty bridge with a sinking heart.

Everytime she was alone, she would put out the gift from the place she hid it, and stared at it. Strangely, everytime she held it close to her, she felt as if he was near. Like she could feel his presence in the little gift. She wondered why he gave her such generous gift. At first, she felt suspicious, but after he didn't show up in a week, she started to believe that it was a sincere gift. And what a miraculous coincidence the gift was.

"I just think that you deserve it."

He said to her. Thinking about it, her heart moved. And she thought she really wanted to give him something in return.

One night when she was laying on her bed, she recalled their moments together and suddenly a thought slipped in her mind, something he once said to her.

"Somehow I know I will suffer my death in a painful and untimely way."

Her eyes opened abruptly in an uneasy feeling, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about it for some time. She sat up on the bed and started to pray. She felt a little better afterward, and as she rested her head on her pillow, she wondered why she cared about him that much. She had developed a feeling of empathy toward him. One day it just occurred to her a perfect gift for him. She drew out a wooden box from the cupboard, where she put in her precious belongings, and found what she was looking for. She thought she would give it to him.

Everyday she took the path to his place, and she stopped and turned back to the way home at the same exact point. She lost all her guts at the first sight of the rooftop of the cottage. He might not be there today, or if he was there, what if he didn't want her to come? What if he was annoyed rather than pleased to see her? What if he thought that she was ridiculous? What if he mistaken her intention as an attempt to seduce him? And a hundred more 'what if'. No matter how much she wanted to give it to him, she would never be able to brace herself to get in front of the studio door and knock.

One day when she was picking cauliflower in the market, she heard two women near hear talking.

"Ellie, why are you leaving so fast? Come with me and have some talk."

"I can't, I have to go now, I've got plenty to do. His Grace is going to see Reverend Will tomorrow in the morning and visit the church afterward."

Her heart leapt at the mention of his name, his title precisely, and the knowledge of where he would be tomorrow. Ava turned to see the woman and recognized her as the vicar's maid.

"Really? That's great!"

"That's a lot of work. Reverend asked me to rub and polish everything in the church until they shines like new. Got to go now, bye..."

Long after the woman disappeared from her sight, her words stayed in her mind. He would be there. There was a chance. The question was; would she take it or not.

*****

For all his life, Ashton never experienced the kind of disturbance he was facing right now. His wedding was only a month away and he couldn't purge himself of the images of her. He had done the right thing, to leave it forever be a sin he never committed, a mistake he never did. The hardest part was over, but soon he learned that actually it wasn't the farewell that hurt the most, but the knowledge that she was so near, but out of his reach. The fact that he could see her if he wanted to but he couldn't have her.

All his life, he had been leading a perfectly careful, appropriate life that granted him a flawless reputation, until by chance, he was tangled with her in an unexpected situation, and suddenly discovering that his soul, without his being conscious of it, had been ensnared by a wild, romantic, unfortunate infatuation.

He knew such a temporary thing was not to be entertained, especially when it had the potential to ruin the future. He knew attraction was not to be trusted. But as much as he knew about it, after weeks of restless nights, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He was in the grip of a helpless obsession he had no power to resist. He needed to seek for some serious help.

That was why this morning, in the midst of the week, after listening to some marriage advice from the vicar, he was sitting alone on the front bench in the empty church, staring at the huge crucifix in the center of the room before he closed his eyes, praying in silence God would help him and guide him through this. He wasn't a religious person but he did believe in God. He continued with The Lord's Prayer afterward. Somewhere in the deep, tranquil silence, he felt a sense of peace, as if his prayer was heard.

Ava stopped at the doorway, her heart burst with intense emotion at the sight of his back far ahead. At the very moment she realized just how much she yearned for a glimpse of him. Now that she was there with him, she wasn't sure what to do. She considered to walk in, sit somewhere and start to pray while pretending she hadn't noticed him. But there was nobody else in the church and it was impossible to pretend that she was unaware of his presence.

With a clear mind and a renewed spirit, Ashton got up and smoothed out his coat, then he turned around to leave. And immediately stopped dead in his tracks.

Holy Mother of God!